CSI: Prompts
by NorthPawRun
Summary: Story that will consist of C/S character focused one-shots based on your submitted prompts. First chapter contains information regarding how to submit prompt requests.
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hello everyone, hope everyone is doing well. As was discussed at the end of my most recent story, this next story is set up to be a collection of one-shots based on your prompt requests. One chapter per prompt, lengths will likely vary depending on each prompt. I will fulfill each request in the order they are received.**

 **A few requests for your prompt submissions:**

\- **Please keep the prompts C/S character focused. Whether the characters are in an established relationship, friends, enemies, whatever, does not matter. I just ask that the story be focused on the characters of Catherine and Sara.**

\- **No crossover requests please. You would all likely be disappointed in my knowledge of a lot of other fandoms – and the story would likely be a disaster.**

\- **If you want your prompt to be anonymous, PLEASE state that in your prompt – otherwise I will be giving you credit for the prompt idea.**

 **Alright, I think that's it, not too many requests – leaving this pretty open.**

 **To submit your prompt requests, either submit via a review of this story. Or, preferably, send them through a private message. The story will continue to be updated for as long as there are new prompt requests.**

 **Let me know if you have any questions.**

 **I look forward to hearing from you guys. Nervous to hopefully do your prompts justice.**

 **Take care.**


	2. Chapter 2

**AN:** **Hope everyone is doing well.** **So excited to have received so many amazing prompts already. I absolutely love reading your wonderful story ideas and can't wait to fulfill them. I only hope I do them justice! **

**The first two prompts I received were very similar - so hopefully you won't mind that I filled them together. As you'll notice I'm basically just copy/pasting your guys' entire prompt that I received at the beginning of the story so that others know what the prompt was - if you want the prompt or any part of it to be anonymous just remember to say it in the prompt or else I'm giving you credit where credit is due :)**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _PROMPT 1 = I'm a massive sucker for hurt/comfort- especially when Catherine is hurt and Sara is doing the comforting. So my prompt is that the girls just starting dating, it's all very new but going really well. But then something goes wrong with a case and Catherine gets hurt, preferably fairly seriously. I think it would be really interesting to read if it was was supposed to be Sara who got hurt (so either Catherine's saves Sara in someway or someone was angry at Sara so they hurt Catherine). Sara feels super guilty and pulls away (emotionally) although she stays and looks after Catherine. Catherine thinks Sara just doesn't want to be with her anymore and is pretty devastated and feeling vulnerable. Angst ensues, with some nice hurt/comfort after, and also a happy ending!_

 _-Submitted by Pricilla Grey_

 _PROMPT 2 = I noticed a review and checked it out, and it is almost word to word what I planned on asking. My only change was they weren't dating, but it brought them together. So, if you could do something along line of Catherine hurt etc, that'll be great._

 _-Submitted by Duvetsnuggler_

* * *

 **Prompt 1 &2**

They often say that just when you think you know someone, they will surprise you. Or, instead, perhaps you just never really knew them as well as you thought.

"You sure?" Catherine asks, sending Sara a slightly raised brow.

"Of course," the brunette answers without the slightest hint of hesitation.

Then, noting the silence that follows, she turns to look at Catherine over her shoulder.

"Why do I get the impression I've said something wrong?" she questions, voice slightly hesitant as she tucks her hands into the pockets of her dark jeans.

She and Catherine have been officially dating for about a two months now. And, according to Sara, things have been going great. Beyond great, really. In fact, Sara's pretty sure she hasn't been quite this happy in a very long time. While the jokes from the guys regarding how often she's smiling nowadays has been a bit annoying, she wouldn't trade it for anything. Not when she and Catherine finally took a chance on this, on one another, after what felt to Sara like ages of repressed feelings.

They'd been on multiple dates over the past months, each one bringing them closer, revealing more and more about each other, as they learn about who they each are outside of the job. While Sara could tell you everything about Catherine's work habits, right down to her favorite brand of pen, it's everything she's learning about the woman, not the CSI, that has her falling for the blonde. And falling hard.

Looking at Catherine's expression, Sara's heart beats faster, worried she's said something wrong, done something to offend this person who's begun to mean the world to her.

"No, you didn't say anything wrong," Catherine says, eyes still slightly furrowed. "Just something very unlike you."

The tight grip on her heart easing a bit, Sara laughs lightly.

"Don't act like I just suggested the Earth is flat, Willows."

Smiling, Catherine shrugs, linking her arm with her taller companion's as they make their way down the sidewalk, glancing in the windows of the small stores as they pass. Sara isn't typically one to initiate touches, and Catherine is more than happy to take it upon herself to breach the divide. While they've shared countless kisses, embraces, and even more than a few nights of intimacy, Sara often tends to keep a respectful distance between them when they're in public. The contact Catherine's just placed between their bodies is one she's been craving all evening.

"That perhaps would've been less shocking to hear you say, to be honest."

"Oh please," Sara groans. "I'm not _that_ bad."

"How many days," Catherine challenges, "in the last two years have you voluntarily taken a day off work?"

Sara pauses, steps faltering slightly.

Snorting, Catherine gently tugs the arm linked with hers.

"Exactly."

Conceding victory to the blonde, Sara simply shakes her head, deciding there's really no point in arguing. Catherine, her supervisor for part of the two years in question, knows exactly how many days Sara has taken off.

"Just because I don't take time off often-"

A cough breaks into Sara's statement.

Rolling her eyes, Sara continues, "Just because I don't take time off _ever_ , doesn't mean I'm not excited to take the day off on Saturday." Eyes shifting to her companion, she blushes slightly. "Not when I get to spend it with you."

Seeing the slight pink tinge to Sara's ears, Catherine smiles, hearing in Sara's voice that the stoic brunette is feeling the same things regarding their young relationship that Catherine is feeling herself.

When Catherine suggested taking the day off to spend it together, she was honestly nervous about Sara's reaction. The brunette's propensity to spend every moment she can at work is well known to everyone. There are very few things Sara cares more about than her job as a CSI. When Catherine suggested the idea, she was nervous about what Sara would say, or think. Worried it was too soon in their relationship to request such a thing from the workaholic brunette, too soon for Sara at least.

But, when she posed the question moments ago, Sara didn't look anything other than intrigued at the idea, smiling slightly as she promised to talk to Gil in the morning about taking Saturday off.

No argument, no hesitation.

Sara can be hard to read at times, but this time, what she _didn't_ say, told Catherine everything.

Deciding to stop teasing her beautiful date, Catherine instead leans her head along Sara's shoulder as they continue their gentle stroll, glad that the brunette is just as invested, and just as excited, about this relationship as she is.

"I'm looking forward to it, too," she tells Sara honestly. "This weekend can't come fast enough."

Leaning down, Sara places a gentle kiss along the blonde's lips, the kiss stealing Catherine's breath away like they always seem to do, especially this rare public display of affection from the brunette. Removing her arm from Catherine's to wrap it around her waist instead, Sara holds her close when they separate from the kiss.

In Sara's strong embrace, they continue along their way, not a care in the world regarding their destination.

* * *

It's two days later when the note comes. One day shy of the Saturday they'd both been anxiously awaiting, everything planned and ready.

At first, Sara disregards it, tossing it in with all the other messages Judy passed across the desk towards her on her way in.

But, it's not on the standard notepaper the lab uses. In fact, it's not really on paper at all.

Feeling the strange thickness that almost feels like cardboard, Sara pauses her steps as she unfolds it. As the words within start to take shape, her mind freezes, reading them at least four times before she can get her brain to comprehend them.

Immediately, she's simultaneously pulling out her phone and running back to Judy's desk.

"Who dropped this off?"

Startled, Judy looks up, wide eyes taking in the sight and sound of Sara Sidle raising her voice. Something she's never heard from the quiet CSI.

"Who dropped this off?!" Sara repeats, voice even louder, even more desperate.

"I, uh, I'm not sure," Judy stutters, hands starting to shake as she shuffles through the visitor log. "It was already here when I came back to my desk...I…I don't think they signed…"

Hearing enough, Sara slams her hand on the desk in frustration. The phone in her other hand still ringing, she paces back and forth, kicking the desk absently with each unanswered ring.

 _"_ _You've reached the voicemail of CSI Catherine Willows, please leave a –"_

Growling, Sara hangs up, typing out a frantic text instead.

 _Catherine, call me when you get this. 911._

Her next desperate call is to Brass.

Almost expecting another voicemail, she's slightly taken off guard when he picks up almost at the first ring.

"Brass?" Sara gets out before he can say anything. "Are you with Catherine?"

"Sara…"

"Are you with her?!" Sara presses, needing him to understand the urgency of this moment.

"Sara, I need you to calm down…"

"Jim, listen to me!" Sara cuts in, breathing shallow and tight. "She's in danger, you need to stay with her until I get there! Do not let her out of your sight!"

There's a silence on the other line, one that seems horribly out of place after what Sara just said. Pausing, the brunette has her keys half way out of her jeans pocket.

"Jim? Did you hear me?!"

There's a pause, then the sound of the most even keeled person Sara's ever met clearing emotion from his throat.

"Sara, I'm with Catherine, but we're…we're at Desert Palms."

The world fades, Jim's voice, his words, echoing through Sara's brain, her body struggling to interpret them.

"What?" Sara gets out. "What do you mean…"

"There was an incident at our scene, Sara," Brass says quietly, gently. He, out of anyone, knows just how much Catherine means to the young brunette. Has _meant_ to her for quite some time now. While they may have just started dating, Brass knows damn well just how strong, and for how long, the feelings between the two have been there.

"Jim…please…"

"She's alive, Sara," he gets in. "They rushed her here just moments ago."

Sara isn't sure if the world suddenly went monochromatic, or if she's lost the ability to see anything other than a hazy grey, everything becoming blurry and out of focus.

"What…what happened…?"

"There was someone at the scene, he…he had a gun."

Just like the world lost all its color, it seems to lose all its sound – nothing but a baseline ringing in Sara's ears.

"Sara?"

Nothing but silence fills the call in response.

"Sara, you need to wait there. I'm coming to get you, you shouldn't be driving right n-"

With a swift motion, Sara ends the call, fingers replacing her phone with her keys. Numbly, she drops the thick note on Judy's desk, the secretary still staring at her with wide eyes.

"Page Nick. This needs to be printed and processed immediately."

Without another word, she numbly strides out of the room, pushing her way through glass doors to make her way to her car.

Left staring at the note on her desk, Judy takes in the dark black writing.

 _CSI Sidle,_

 _You took everything from me on this date exactly one year ago. The only person I loved, dead because you hesitated to take a madman off the streets until the evidence was "strong enough" to get a conviction. Well, you got your conviction, but not before my wife lost her life as the price._

 _This year, I want you to know what it feels like to lose someone you so dearly care about._

 _Have you talked to CSI Willows lately?_

 _Sincerely yours,_

 _T.N._

* * *

"Where is she?!"

"Sara," Jim says evenly, standing to meet the angry strides of the brunette. Catching her by the shoulders, he draws her to a stop. "You need to calm down."

"Like hell I do!" Sara gets out, breathing rapid as she glances around, futilely looking for answers in those hurrying through the bustling ED.

"Sara-"

"Please, Jim," Sara cuts him off, her voice quieter, pleading. "Please just tell me where she is."

"She's still in surgery, Sara," he gets out, trying to hold Sara steady as he can feel her shaking beneath his grip. "They should be updating us shortly."

"Where…where was…"

Swallowing, Sara seems like the words are about to make her physically ill. Having a good idea of what she's trying to ask, Jim runs one arm along Sara's shoulder in a soothing gesture.

"She was shot in the chest, left side."

Clenching her eyes shut, Sara feels the world around her starting to tip, everything feeling like its spinning.

"He was aiming for her heart…to kill her…"

"He?" Brass questions, picking up on Sara's wording.

"He went straight for her heart…"

"Sara." Maintaining his firm grip, Jim shakes Sara slightly, trying to keep her with him, keep her from slipping any further into shock than she likely already is. "Tell me what you know."

"Ted Newman," Sara gets out, voice strained. "He's your shooter."

"Ted Newman?" Jim questions, running the name through his memory. "The husband in the Rachel Newman case?"

Sara nods, her face pale as her shaking continues under the captain's hands.

"He sent a note, it's with Nick."

Running this through his mind, it takes Brass only about a minute to see where this is headed. Where these puzzle pieces fit.

"He sent it to you?" he questions, his stomach clenching as he sees Sara's tight nod.

"Hey," he calls out, watching Sara's ghostly pallor. "You listen to me, Sara. Whatever the hell that madman said to you, this is not your fault. Rachel's death was not your fault either."

Seeing Sara not even registering his words, Brass internally curses.

The Rachel Newman case is one that he knows for a fact haunted Sara. _Still_ haunts Sara. While she lobbied for the police to move in on their suspect, there wasn't really much she could do without the DA's support. And, for the DA to get behind an arrest, he needed more evidence. More evidence that Sara simply did not have, not until Rachel Newman was gunned down outside her residence.

He knows it's a case that kept her up at night, repeating everything over and over in her head, obsessing over whether there was _anything_ , any shred of evidence that she overlooked that could've gotten an arrest before Rachel lost her life. While he knows she came up empty each time, he also knows that it didn't stop the guilt Sara carried with her from that case.

Now, to have it all thrust back in her face, to have the victim's husband declaring his own blame on Sara, it's like a nightmare brought to life.

"This is _not_ your fault," Brass gets out, voice firm and tight. "None of it. You hear me, Sidle?"

Sara tightens her jaw, her eyes dark as she steps out of his grip.

"I need…" she works her hands into fists, fingers clenching tightly together. "I need a moment."

Moving away, Sara gives the doors to the ER one long, tortured look before disappearing into the restroom.

* * *

This isn't real.

This isn't real.

Wasn't it just this morning that Catherine greeted her at her car with a cup of her favorite coffee? The two of them sharing some private moments before work? Enjoying each other's company, holding hands, exchanging gentle kisses, catching up with one another right up until the last possible moment before assignments?

It had become a ritual the last couple weeks, the two of them trying to catch each other as often as possible between shifts, seemingly unable to keep their distance ever since they started dating.

It had become Sara's favorite parts of her day.

Swallowing, Sara fights the bile rising back up in her throat, already having deposited the contents of her stomach in the toilet behind her.

"Fuck," she gets out, gripping the sink as her knuckles turn white. "Fuck, fuck, fuck."

She and Catherine had just started their relationship, after years of what felt like torture – working side by side trying to hide their feelings. Feelings that developed over time, slowly building to an indescribably strong crescendo. And, when they both finally admitted them, during a night of perhaps too much wine, it was a fundamental and pivotal shift in both their lives. It felt like, finally, things were right. Things were how they were meant to be.

Were how they'd each waited for them to be for far too long.

Felt like Sara finally found her other half, the person who made the world make sense, made the world beautiful.

And now, Sara may have lost her.

Because of her own ineptitude.

"Fuck!" Sara yells out, fist angrily punching the pale pink tile in front of her.

Clenching her hands into her hair, she registers the tears falling down her face as she does nothing to stop them.

* * *

"You okay?" Jim asks carefully, watching a somber and pale Sara walk towards him.

Ignoring the question, Sara glances at the hallway.

"Any updates?" she asks, voice low and hard to read.

"Not yet."

Placing herself into a seat a few away, Sara simply stares at the wall ahead of her, leg absently tapping up and down.

"Hey…" Jim calls quietly, reaching across to place a gentle hand along her knee.

Tensing, Sara tightens her jaw. "Don't. Please."

Reading Sara's body language, Jim's heart clenches tightly in his chest. He wants to be there for the young CSI, one he sees more as family than a colleague. But, he knows her well enough to know that comfort isn't really something Sara's ever accepted well. In fact, she's a lot like him in many ways.

So, instead, he simply sits beside her in silence, not trying to placate her with empty words or promises that he isn't sure he can even keep anyway.

* * *

When the doctor emerges from the glass doors about two hours later, he carries a long face and an exhausted expression.

Standing, Jim, Sara, and Gil each approach, the rest of their colleagues hanging respectfully back.

"She's alive," the doctor states, tone sober.

Sara absently wonders how the hell such a phrase came to be the mantra of this day. How simple survival is such a tenuous, fragile thing. That one moment you have it, spending your morning sipping coffee with the person you care about, and the next your very existence is in question.

"We managed to remove the bullet, repair most of the internal damage. There was a break to the overlying rib, which has been reset. The biggest issue was the amount of blood loss and the involvement of the major vessels coming out of the heart. I think we've repaired and stabilized the best we could. Now we just need to wait and see if our work holds."

There's silence as the doctor's words are registered, taken into ears desperate to understand, to know what the situation is and where it is headed.

"Is she going to be alright?" Jim asks the words hovering in everyone's minds.

"If she makes it through the next couple days with no dissections or vessel ruptures, I'd say she has a chance at a full recovery in time."

Swallowing tightly, Sara steps back, having heard what her biggest question was answered. There's a chance. A chance for survival, but also a chance for life threatening complications to arise in the next few days.

Either way, it's a long road, and one that Catherine should never have even been on.

 _It should've been me._

Forcing the thought down to the deep places inside of her, where her other dark thoughts and repressed feelings reside, Sara knows now isn't the time. She'll have plenty of time to address those thoughts in the coming weeks.

If Catherine makes it that far.

* * *

Catherine does, in fact, make it that far.

The first few nights are the worst, Sara looking helplessly on as Catherine lies prone in the hospital bed, more wires and tubes than she can count connected to her pale body. She holds her hand, talks to her, holds her. All the while Catherine lies motionless, struggling to survive.

While the torture of Catherine's prone, unresponsiveness was hard enough, a new torture began when she woke up. At least when she was unconscious, Sara could convince herself that Catherine wasn't in pain. When she woke up, however, struggling to breathe and anguished tears streaking down her face, Sara could no longer maintain that delusion.

Instead, she was forced to watch a woman she cared about struggling to breathe, to lay comfortably, to move at all, without excruciating pain. Watching the strong, brave woman she fell in love with fighting to hold back tears at the anguish she was experiencing nearly undid the brunette.

She's never felt so useless, so inadequate, as she did during those days – unable to do anything more than hold Catherine's hand and try to offer her any shred of comfort and support.

But, handholding and sentiments of comfort and support aren't much when you're dealing with a fucking gunshot.

No, they really aren't much at all, Sara supposes.

* * *

The day they released her, Catherine has never been so grateful for the hospital wheelchair as she was in that moment. She's always heard about people giving the nurses grief, insisting they can walk on their own, but she for one felt like that wheelchair was damn near a gift from God. Because, really, she's never felt so weak.

While the pain has somewhat lessened due to a rather extensive repertoire of pain meds, the weakness isn't something that could be medicated away. She felt like she'd just run a marathon, carrying 100 elephants.

As Sara helped her into the car, all she could think about was whether it was a punishable crime to steal that damn wheelchair. And, if so, just how much the penalty was. Because, honestly, the price was probably worth it.

As they arrived back at her house, she was wondering how in the hell she'd be able to lower her pride enough to admit to Sara that she couldn't make it up the drive on her own. But, she shouldn't have worried.

After helping her out of her seat, Sara didn't say a single word, simply reaching down and gently picking Catherine up, carrying her bridal style up the drive and into the house. Placing her gently on her bed, she got her situated, drawing up the covers and laying down gently beside her, hand softly running through her hair until Catherine finally succumbed to an exhausted sleep.

Now, four weeks after surgery, and two weeks after being discharged from the hospital, it's still exhausting to do much more than walk up the stairs.

She's not sure why she chose now to convince Sara to finally let her shower alone.

In fact, she's actually sort of regretting it.

"Shit," Catherine curses, gripping the counter as her ribs ache in protest to her current position. She never appreciated the simply ability to put on a shirt until that luxury was taken from her.

"You okay?" she hears a hesitant, slightly nervous question from the other side of the bathroom door.

Raising a brow, she slowly pushes said door open. Only to see a concerned Sara sitting on the floor directly beside it.

"Seriously?" she questions, taking in her girlfriend's location.

Sara looks only slightly embarrassed, concerned eyes roaming over Catherine. Then, noting her predicament, she gestures.

"May I?"

The question is gentle, reverent. And, it's one of the many things Catherine has come to love about Sara in the past weeks. Sara's been there with her, through everything. From the moment she woke up from anesthesia, terrified and in pain. Sara was right there, holding her hand and calming her through it.

Jim had to literally drag the younger CSI from Catherine's room over the next days, taking her away to shower and eat, the brunette finding her way back to Catherine's bedside barely an hour later each time. Every moment she could spare from work, taking as many days off as possible, Sara was there by her side. She held her while the doctor gave them updates, held her hand during the painful exams and dressing changes, soothed her with kisses along her hairline when the pain became almost too much to handle before the medications could kick in.

She's been there for all of it. Never overbearing, never pushy. Simply soothing, calming, and strong. Now that she's farther in her healing, she's been letting Catherine set her own limits, her own pace for her recovery – and then supporting her for every step along the way of it.

She's not sure she can ever express her gratitude to the brunette adequately enough.

"Please," Catherine finally answers, shaking her head at her half-dressed state.

Smiling slightly, Sara gets to her feet and gently takes hold of the shirt. Carefully, she draws it through Catherine's other arm, working slowly until Catherine hisses.

"Sorry," Sara murmurs gently, immediately stilling her motions, placing a gentle kiss below Catherine's collarbone, along the previously broken ribs and the gunshot scar that resides beneath the thin material of the shirt. The same scar that Sara's spent many nights redressing while it was still healing, applying disinfectant and clean bandages, then lotions and creams when it had healed to help reduce the residual scarring and pain.

"You ready?" she asks gently, leaning back to search Catherine's eyes.

Nodding, Catherine steadies herself for the final motions of getting her arm into the shirt. Slowly, gently, Sara finally has her arm fully through the sleeve.

"That okay?"

"Yes, much better," Catherine answers, letting out a relieved sigh, glad to have that part over with. "Thanks."

"Anytime."

Clearing her throat, Sara takes a step back.

"I made some dinner if you're up to eating?"

Catherine's appetite has been a bit hit or miss with all the pain medications she's been on. Now that the doses are slowly starting to reduce, her appetite is thankfully starting to increase.

"Yeah, I think I can go for something small."

Nodding, Sara holds out her arm, not saying anything else as Catherine takes it, walking slowly with Sara as the brunette helps her down the stairs.

Getting situated at the table, Sara serves them both what looks like a stir-fry with lots of fresh vegetables. Catherine never knew Sara could even cook until the blonde found herself requiring the tall woman all but be her personal chef – both of them hating the idea of weeks of takeout and Sara insisting she didn't mind.

"This looks great, Sara, thank you."

Nodding, Sara squeezes Catherine's hand lightly before picking up her own fork.

"You have a shift tonight?" Catherine asks, knowing Sara, who had vacation days to spare before all this, has been maxing out her time off to be here with her as much as she can.

"Yeah, I do," Sara says apologetically. "But I should be able to get out on time as long as nothing big comes up."

"Don't worry about me, Sara. Don't feel like you have to rush back."

Sara shakes her head, "Of course I'm going to worry about you. You were shot in the chest."

"Over a month ago. Sure I'm still having some troubles, such as damn shirts with annoyingly awkwardly placed sleeves, but I'm doing much better. Thanks in large part to you. You deserve some time away from nurse duty, Sar."

Shaking her head, Sara doesn't comment, simply taking a small bite of her own food.

"I want you here," Catherine says evenly, wanting to be sure Sara doesn't take what she's saying the wrong way. "I enjoy you being here, very much so. I just don't want you to feel obligated. You should be able to sleep in your own bed and be at your own place for some decent rest sometimes."

Sara and hers relationship was strong, but still early, when all this happened. She doesn't want Sara feeling obligated to take care of her just because they're dating. Sara still has a life of her own, one which is still separate from Catherine's. They are dating, yes, and their relationship is serious, yes, but they aren't married or partners. She isn't Sara's responsibility – and she doesn't want the noble brunette feeling obligated.

"It's fine," Sara dismisses. "You're still in a lot of pain, and I want to be here to help."

Looking up, she fixes Catherine with a look, "I care about you, Catherine. Please, let me be here for you."

Knowing she isn't going to win this argument, Catherine simply reaches across the table, taking Sara's free hand in hers.

"Thank you."

The sentiment isn't enough, but for now, it will have to do.

* * *

"You okay?" Sara asks, eyes narrowed in a grimace as she watches the blonde's struggled breaths.

"Better," Catherine offers, trying to steady her breathing, pain coursing through her ribs at the sudden movements she just put them through.

"Slow breaths," Sara helps coach her, hand rubbing soothingly along her back. "In and out. Match yours with mine."

Placing Catherine's hand along her chest, Sara breaths in and out slowly, carefully.

It takes a few minutes, but Catherine finally seems to have her breaths matched with Sara's, the worst of the wave of pain behind her. Still hurts like a bitch, though.

"You want to talk about it?"

Catherine contemplates the question, the open door Sara's offered.

Just yesterday at dinner she was trying to convince the brunette to go home and get some decent rest. Now, tonight, she's very glad her stubborn girlfriend didn't listen.

"I don't know what happened," Catherine offers. "Probably a nightmare making me move around, I just woke up in a lot of pain. Couldn't catch my breath."

"You want me to take you to get checked out at Desert Palms?" Sara offers, nervous eyes glancing over the still trebling form of her girlfriend. "You look a little pale."

"No, no," the assurance is quick. "I'm okay, I just moved the wrong way is all."

"You're sure?"

Nodding, Catherine leans back, feeling Sara's strong arms wrap around her for support.

"Just need to wait for the pills to kick in, then I'll be better."

Holding her gently, Sara lets out a breath, fingers softly moving along Catherine's arm.

"I hate seeing you like this," Sara gets out, voice quiet in the dark room. "I hate that you're still in pain."

Bringing her own hand up to rest it on Sara's thigh, the blonde feels the tension there. "I know, but I'm doing much better. While these moments suck, they're nowhere near what they used to be, and definitely less frequent. I'm going to be just fine, honey."

Sara doesn't answer, her hand simply continuing its gentle path along Catherine's skin, her other arm holding the blonde protectively.

* * *

It takes another week and a half for the worst of the pain to finally subside. Now, there's a dull ache in its place, frustrating and bothersome, but nothing like the searing agony that used to be there.

It's like the joint that aches on a stormy day, or the arthritis that acts up on a blustery winter morning. Annoying, but more than able to be coped with. Especially when compared to what she's already overcome.

Looking around the house, Catherine absently checks the couch, noting it empty. Sometimes when Sara comes in late she'll stay on the couch, not wanting to disturb Catherine's sleep. It's courteous, especially when Catherine's couch is a good foot shorter than its tall occupant.

But, this morning, the couch is empty. In fact, so is the rest of the house.

Furrowing her brows, Catherine wonders if perhaps she got her days mixed up, that Sara is on shift.

But, she notes Sara's keys still along the counter.

So, that leaves one place.

Heading outside, she finds the brunette sitting along one of the back patio chairs, looking out into the yard, feet perched on the lower rung of the railing.

Closing the door behind her, Catherine carefully sets herself into the chair next to her.

"You okay?" Sara asks. "Need anything?"

Shaking her head, Catherine can't help but smile. "Nope, I'm good. Do _you_ need anything?"

Looking over, the puzzled look she gets nearly makes her snort.

"I'm good," Sara simply responds.

"Of course you are."

Smiling slightly, Sara reaches over, taking Catherine's hand in hers.

Lacing their fingers together, she looks back out towards the yard.

"I hear you're due to start back in the lab for desk duty in a few days."

When Gil told her she could return to work, even if she's not allowed out in the field yet, Catherine nearly screamed in relief. While she's one to enjoy some time off here and there, a forced medical leave for nearly two months has been much more than she bargained for. And almost more than she could bare.

Quite frankly, she was starting to go insane.

"I am, thank God."

Sara smiles, "Now you sound like the workaholic."

Leaning in, Sara places a tender kiss along Catherine's lips, running a gentle hand down her face.

"It's going to be nice having you back," she says between kisses. "The boys club was getting unbearable."

Laughing, Catherine taps Sara's nose with hers.

"Is that all I am to you?" she smiles at the brunette. "Just another female to help even out the numbers?"

Sara shakes her head seriously. "Not just another female. The hottest female."

Catherine groans, watching Sara's smirk grow as the brunette leans in for another kiss.

* * *

It's just when Catherine feels she is getting her life back when she begins to wonder if it actually hasn't been crumbling around her without her notice.

She's been back at work for two weeks and her recovery has been steady, the blonde getting back into her stride and regular daily routines. She feels like she's about a week out from being allowed back out into the field. While some pain is still present at rare times, it's a mere shadow of its former self. Something Catherine can definitely handle, and finally handle without the need for prescription meds. While they did a wonderful job of dulling the pain, they also dulled pretty much everything else as well.

Almost in direct contrast to her increasing recovery, things with Sara have started to become…off. Not particularly descriptive, but it's the best way Catherine can put what's happening into words.

Sara's still at her place, pitching in and helping with household duties, offering continued support that Catherine is grateful for. But, as her recovery has increased, the time the brunette is around has decreased. While Catherine would consider this a good thing, the brunette finally taking time to care for herself, that's not at all what has happened. Instead of spending the time away from Catherine to care for herself, she's still at Catherine's place – just off in a separate room or seemingly off in her own world. It's like the brunette is in some weird limbo where she's still present at Catherine's place physically, wary to leave the blonde alone, but she's not quite present emotionally.

Sara's still nearby so she can be of assistance when Catherine needs it, immediately at her side at the first sign of pain or fatigue, but now that Catherine's doing better, those moments are few and far between. Perhaps that's why now she's able to notice the ways that Sara's been pulling away.

Just the other night, she woke to find Sara sitting out on the back porch, middle of the pitch black night, alone. Just sitting there, staring off into the night sky.

When she approached, Sara offered her a welcoming smile, but it didn't even come close to reaching her normally expressive hazel eyes. As she took Sara's hand and sat with her, there was a stiffness there that was never present before. Thinking the brunette perhaps had a rough shift at work, she let it go.

But, now, this is the third night she's found Sara alone on the porch.

And, this time, she's going to get answers.

* * *

Looking up at the sound of footsteps, Sara glances over to see Catherine approaching. Cursing herself for perhaps disturbing her, Sara sits straighter in her chair.

"Did I wake you?"

She knows Catherine is better, but still healing. She needs all the rest she can get, helping her body get back to its full strength as quickly and smoothly as possible.

Catherine shakes her head, "No, you didn't quite manage to wake me with your loud thinking and raucous contemplation. Noisy as those activities usually are."

Sara smiles, but despite her best efforts, it's slight.

"What's going on, Sar?"

At this, the serious tone clear to read in Catherine's voice, the brunette stiffens further. She isn't ready for this conversation, this confrontation. Not even close.

"Nothing," she offers. "Just couldn't sleep."

"Haven't been able to sleep for a while, it seems. Unless you're making the porch your new bed."

Sara's at a loss, not knowing what to say or do to make this moment stop happening.

"I'm sorry."

"For what?" Catherine pushes, sitting in the chair beside her.

Sara doesn't respond, eyes focused anywhere but on the person next to her.

"Hey," Catherine calls, reaching out to place her hand on Sara's arm.

When Sara flinches, they both are at a loss for words.

"Now I know there's something wrong," Catherine gets out, voice a pained whisper.

Sara definitely isn't the most physical person she's ever met, but she's never shied away from Catherine's touch. Not once. And she's certainly never flinched.

"I…" Sara shakes her head, swallowing tightly. "I'm sorry."

Heart hammering, she knows she needs to get out of this moment, quickly. Her buried emotions, ones she's spent the last month relegating down into the deepest parts of her, are threatening to surface. And, she can't afford to let that happen. Not now. Not ever.

"Stop apologizing, sweetheart, and tell me what's going on with you."

Straightening up and drawing up all the strength within her, Sara looks over, finally meeting Catherine's gaze.

"Nothing, just having a bit of an off week. I'm fine." She works hard to keep her eyes in place. "I promise."

Seeing Catherine struggling to believe her, Sara forces her hand out, taking the blonde's in hers.

Holding it, they stay in silence, watching the stars that are seeming to have more to say to each other than they do.

* * *

The next day work brings a welcome distraction. Well, for some problems. For others, it brings them to the forefront.

After enduring a long lecture from Gil regarding just what tasks she was and was not allowed to perform at crime scenes, she's been given the green light to go out into the field again. Granted, the list of activities she's allowed to do, take photos, is much shorter than the list of things she's not allowed to do, which is pretty much everything else.

But, hell, she'll take it.

As she steps out of the lab and towards her Tahoe, she's downright eager. By the time she reaches her scene, however, her positive emotions are a bit more subdued. In fact, it seems she's swung clear through from the positive to the negative, turned from eager to panicked.

She'll be out in the open for the first time since someone nearly took her life.

She didn't even see the suspect, who she now knows is Ted Newman, at the scene last time. She was simply lifting prints, then, the next thing she knew she was on the ground, indescribable pain exploding from her chest.

She honestly thought she was going to die.

While he's now behind bars, apprehended not even an hour after the shooting, the feeling of almost dying is one that's damn near impossible to shed.

Hands shaking, she opens the door of her Tahoe, stepping out on unsteady legs. Camera ready, she waits for the moment when _she_ feels ready. Safe.

Just as she's realizing that moment may never come, a hand slips into hers.

"You can do this."

The soft, gentle tone is one she'd recognize anywhere.

Despite their tense night last night, here Sara is, at her side, a strong and steady source of endless support.

Lacing their fingers together, Sara holds tight.

"You're okay," she comforts. "You got this."

She doesn't push, doesn't pressure, simply waits with Catherine until the blonde's breaths even out, until her heart stops hammering in her chest.

When Catherine gives a nod, Sara looks at her to confirm.

"You ready?" she asks gently.

"I am," Catherine responds, anxious to get past this, move forward with her life and not let the actions of a madman dictate her emotions. She won't give him the power to make her job, which she loves beyond words, anything but the haven it's always been to her.

"You're the strongest person I know," Sara offers quietly, giving Catherine's hand a kiss before letting it go.

Together, they make their way to the scene, pausing at the door of the house as Catherine turns to Sara, finally fully registering her presence.

"Wait, Sara, what are you doing here? I thought Gil assigned Nick to meet me after he finishes his scene?"

Sara nods slightly, "Nick's on his way, but I thought you'd appreciate some company for this part before he gets here. I didn't want you to have to enter your first scene back alone."

It's perhaps in this moment, that Catherine realizes just how blessed she is to have found someone like Sara. To be _with_ someone like Sara.

It's beyond anything she ever could have hoped for, could have dreamed was possible.

"Thank you," she offers sincerely, hoping Sara can read her emotions to know just how much this meant to her, how inadequate those words are.

Reaching out, Sara simply runs a hand along Catherine's arm softly, the barest hint of a gentle smile gracing her lips.

Then, turning, they both note the sound of an approaching car engine.

"That's my cue," Sara says quietly, taking a step back as they both watch Nick's SUV pulling up to the scene.

* * *

When Catherine returns home that evening, she's hoping that the interaction between her and Sara will continue. That whatever storm seemed to pass between them last night was a one off. A fluke.

But, when Sara texts later to let Catherine know that the brunette is working late for the first time since Catherine got shot, she knows that it isn't.

That it's there, that the storm isn't over.

No, the storm is simply brewing and gathering energy.

* * *

"Cath, we can't do this, not here."

Smiling, Catherine continues her motions, always getting a small rise out of how prude her otherwise brazen girlfriend can be at times.

"There's no one around, babe," Catherine offers, letting her kiss linger along Sara's lips.

It's been almost a full two days since she's last seen Sara, between work and Sara running home to shower and check on her apartment. Now, they're enjoying a morning cup of coffee in the backyard after a long shift, and Catherine wants nothing more than to enjoy more of the person she's sharing it with.

She's hoping to finish what they start out here in the bedroom just a short distance away.

When Sara stiffens under her, pulling slightly back, Catherine pauses.

"I got cleared hon, the doctors said this is fine…that we can…you know…again."

Now look who's being prude, a grown adult hesitating to say 'have sex.'

Shaking her head internally at herself, Catherine watches Sara's hand where it lightly draws itself up and down along the skin of her shoulder. Seeing that the dark featured woman's expression looks worlds away, Catherine draws Sara's chin up so that their eyes meet.

"Honey?"

Seeming to snap out of her haze, Sara clears her throat.

"Sorry. I…just…" the younger woman tries to gather her bearings. "Maybe just…not tonight?"

It's a question, a request, that has Catherine's heart clenching uncomfortably in her chest, her body and mind taking in the words, the message behind them.

Maybe she was naïve, but Catherine had imagined their first time after months of forced abstinence being exciting, eager, passionate. She imagined Sara being just as impatient as she is to become intimate again, to resume every aspect of their beautiful relationship after their forced physical separation.

But, instead, Sara looks like she can't even meet Catherine's eyes. Like she can't even look at her.

"Oh…yeah," Catherine nods, trying to sound unaffected. "Okay, yeah, that's fine. If that's what you want."

Sara's jaw is tight, "I'm going to head in and get a refill."

Sara's voice is quiet. And her coffee is already still mostly full.

* * *

It's been a week, and things have not gotten better. In fact, they've gotten worse.

So much so, that Catherine is starting to wonder if, now that she's essentially recovered, if Sara is finally showing her true feelings towards this relationship, towards her.

Was this all too much for the brunette? Did this make her realize that Catherine wasn't the one? Was she just too polite and selfless to say anything while Catherine was recovering? Sticking around to help Catherine get through everything, to not breakup with her or leave while she was incapable of caring for herself?

But, now that she's better, maybe Sara's sense of obligation is no longer there. The guilt of leaving her while she's in pain or injured no longer keeping her in place.

All Catherine knows is that Sara, who was always there, caring and doting during her recovery, can now barely meet her eyes. It's almost like she's a different person entirely. A person who, instead of being head over heels for the blonde, can barely stand to be in her presence.

It's heart wrenching, it's nerve-wracking, and it's making Catherine wonder if she perhaps escaped losing her life just to lose it another way months later.

"We need to talk."

Sara pulls back slightly, watching the ground as Catherine steps away from the half-assed kiss they were engaged in.

"What about?" Sara questions, eyes studying the pavement as they hover near their cars at the end of shift.

"Us."

Sara's eyes finally lift, meeting Catherine's in a gaze that's mostly unreadable.

"Us?"

"Yes, Sara, us," Catherine holds firm.

She isn't going to back down from this. She's been obsessing every day for the past week about what she could've done, what could've changed between her and Sara, to cause Sara's heart to no longer be in this relationship that she'd thought was going so well.

"When?"

Catherine pulls her keys from her pocket.

"Now. My place."

She doesn't leave room for argument, walking away as the brunette remains standing silently behind.

* * *

"Tell me what's going on," Catherine half requests and half demands the moment Sara walks through the front door, the younger CSI tossing her keys on the nearby end table.

"Catherine…"

Sara looks tired, exhausted really. Like she's been losing just as much sleep as Catherine has these past days, perhaps plagued by her own dark thoughts.

"Are you…" Catherine struggles. "Do you want to break up with me?"

At this, Sara's eyes, previously on the carpet, jerk up to hers.

Eyes wide, she furrows her dark brows, "What?"

"Do you want to break up with me, Sara?" Catherine repeats, some of her confidence and bravado leaving her, the crack in her voice revealing the vulnerability that's beneath.

"How can you…how can you ask me that?" Sara's surprise, her shock, is clear.

"How can I not?!" Catherine counters, losing some of her control over her emotions. "You've barely been present these past weeks!"

"I've been here-"

"Emotionally, Sara," Catherine interrupts. "You haven't been present emotionally. You're here physically, but it's like your mind is miles away."

"I haven't-"

"You have," a second interruption.

Catherine isn't going to let Sara argue this point, deny something that's clear to them both. "You barely let me touch you, you stare off into the distance when we're in the same room together, when you're not busy making an excuse to leave the room that is." A pause. "Sara, even now, you can barely look at me."

Closing her eyes, Sara's breath is shaky when she lets it out.

She no longer contends, there are no rebuttals or counter arguments. And, that's probably harder right now for Catherine to take.

Sara doesn't look like she's going to put up a fight - she looks like she's about to toss in a white flag.

"If you want to break up with me, Sara," Catherine struggles to get out, her own voice quiet, subdued. "Then just do it. I'm better now, you don't have to feel obligated to stick around anymore."

Sara swallows, her body stiffening as if she's been slapped, as if she's struggling to fight bile rising in her throat.

"It's not…" Sara tries, nearly choking on the words. "I just…I need some time, Catherine."

Her eyes are again back on the floor.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

When Sara walked out the other night, Catherine honestly wasn't sure if she'd ever come back. If they were even in a relationship anymore. Sara had done a brilliant job of avoiding her at work, always finding a way to be somewhere else, anywhere else, than were Catherine was.

She honestly had no idea where they stood, what to expect or anticipate regarding their relationship.

But, what she definitely _didn't_ expect, was to find Sara sitting on her porch two nights later, a bottle of red wine in her hands.

A half empty bottle.

"Sara?"

Catherine carefully ascends the wooden steps, leaving ample distance between them as she sits.

Sara remains silent, and the blonde waits her out. She knows Sara well enough to know she can't rush this, can't try to force the skittish brunette into talking or Sara will close herself off again. It's something she'd learned early on regarding Sara's coping mechanisms – first as her colleague, then as her friend, and lastly as her girlfriend. It's best to let Sara come to you.

"You were right," Sara gets out just when Catherine wonders if the brunette would ever speak, voice low and words slightly hoarse with emotion and alcohol. "I can barely look at you."

The sting of the words is fast and harsh, Catherine's breath robbed from her lungs.

"I look at you and I'm disgusted, I'm angry."

Sara's words look like they're choking the young CSI as much as the blonde receiving them.

"Right," Catherine gets out after anguishing moments of silence, trying to ignore the tears gathering on her lashes in frustration. Sara's words are harsh, harmful, and she refuses to let show just how deeply they've hurt her until she's alone.

Never give the person who breaks your heart the power of seeing the pieces fall.

Pushing herself up, Catherine stands on shaky legs.

Hand on the knob, she's walking out on this broken, shattered relationship, when Sara's voice cuts into the night.

"I'm disgusted and angry at _myself_ , Catherine." The emotion in the brunette's voice is making the words shaky, but they're as clear as the night sky above them. "Not you."

Pausing, the words take time to register, to be heard, understood, believed.

Turning, Catherine watches Sara's back and slumped shoulders, watches the brunette take another long drink from the bottle in her hand.

"Sara."

It's not a question, it's just a name. But it holds everything Catherine is asking, what she is desperate to understand.

"I…he…," Sara shakes her head, dark hair falling across her collapsed shoulders. "This was all my fault."

Everything is quiet.

"He hurt you, he nearly _killed_ you, because of me. Because I couldn't...because I was too stupid to figure out…"

Sara's choked words cut off, the bottle in Sara's hand shaking as she brings it to her lips, nearly finishing the wine within.

The moment hangs silent and heavy between them, neither of them able to find the words to fill it.

Reaching forward instead, Catherine takes the bottle from Sara's shaking hand, placing it above the brunette on the porch railing, out of reach.

Sara hardly drinks, and when she does, it hits her hard. Catherine's not about to have Sara inebriate herself to the point that she can't continue this conversation – the brunette's previous words already slightly slurred. They need to be able to discuss this.

And God, Catherine groans internally, how did she not see this coming.

When Brass told her the motive behind the shooting, who the shooter was, the message he'd sent Sara, all of it, Catherine had feared something like this. Sara, who blames herself for every single shortcoming on the job, every single case that doesn't get a conviction, every single victim who doesn't get justice, is haunted by so many things she perceives as failures. Beating herself up for more things in life than Catherine can count. Everything, big and small, always residing heavily on the brunette's shoulders all the time Catherine's known her.

She worried that something like this, something like the shooting, would send the self-punishing brunette into a tailspin.

But, instead, Sara was okay. She took care of Catherine, never missing a step or faltering in all the time while Catherine recovered. She never once let on to the deep guilt and anger that she was apparently struggling with. All that time.

While Catherine was afraid that once her recovery was essentially on its way to complete that Sara had stopped loving her, it was actually nothing of the sort. Sara didn't stop loving her. Sara started hating herself.

Or, perhaps, Sara finally let the hatred show.

"Sara."

The brunette's head is bowed, her features dark.

"Honey," Catherine lowers herself down beside her. "Look at me."

When she still doesn't comply, Catherine shakes her head. Shakes her head at the person who only seems to see the negative in herself, always obsessing over every perceived mistake, ineptitude. The person who doesn't recognize the brilliance, the beauty, the purity that's there instead.

"You are not responsible for what happened, Sara."

As the silence continues, Catherine reaches out, firmly turning Sara's jaw so that the younger woman is facing her. It may be harsh, but she needs Sara to hear this. To hear her.

"What happened to me was _not_ your fault." The words are tight, stern. "Do you understand me?"

Sara's own tone is just as tight.

"Of course it's my fault. I couldn't stop that young woman from being killed - if I had then this never would have happened. He knew I was responsible for her death, and he took it out on you."

"You were _not_ responsible for Rachel Newman's death, Sara! It was a lack of evidence. Something we've all unfortunately had to lose victims over. Cases that couldn't be solved until someone else had to pay the price." Catherine says. "That doesn't make you a bad CSI. And that certainly doesn't make you responsible."

Sara's eyes remain dark, the brunette nearly crushed under the guilt displayed across her features.

"You can't do this to yourself, honey."

Sara stiffens, taking a shallow breath as she turns her head harshly out of Catherine's grip.

"Sara, stop. Please stop doing this to yourself!"

Suddenly, before Catherine can react, Sara's on her feet. The sound of glass shattering is only seconds behind as the wine bottle is hurled at the tree just feet from the house, exploding into the grass.

"I got you shot! I almost got you killed!" Sara's head is in her hands, her whole body shaking. "I almost lost you, and it was entirely my fault! How can you not see that?!"

Seeing the utter devastation revealed in Sara's actions, the normally stoic brunette literally being torn apart before her own eyes, Catherine feels her heart tightening so sharply she wonders how it hasn't shattered like the glass now glistening around them.

 _How the hell did she not see this_ , she asks herself furiously for the second time instead.

All this anger, all this self-hatred, how did Catherine possibly miss this all these weeks?

Catherine is on her feet, tentatively stepping into Sara's space. Reaching out, she places her hands on the brunette's shoulders, holding firm when Sara tenses.

"I don't blame you, Sara," she whispers out. "Never did I blame you. Not for one second."

"Everything you went through," Sara says quietly, voice anguished. "All that pain, all that agony, was because of-"

"Him, Sara. It was because of _him_. He pulled the trigger, not you."

"I may as well have."

Letting the night go back to silence, Catherine watches the darkness playing across Sara's features, feels the grief literally shaking the brunette to her core.

She knows she needs to figure out a way to reach her, to get through to this self-sacrificing woman before she loses her for good. Before they lose themselves and everything their relationship had come to mean to them both.

"If it were you, would you feel this way?"

The question hangs in the air, vague enough for Sara's expression to finally register something other than anger and grief. The slight hint of confusion filtering through, like ink slowly bleeding into water.

"If the situation were reversed, if the Newman case was mine and you were the one who got shot, would you feel this way? Would you feel that it was my fault?"

There's a silence, then Sara's eyes narrow.

"That's not the point."

"Answer the question, Sara."

More silence continues.

"If you wouldn't blame me, Sara, then you need to trust that I don't blame you. That the reason I don't blame you is because it purely and simply _isn't_ your fault."

Sara swallows hard, struggling against Catherine's words.

"I love you, Sara." At this, the brunette's eyes lift, fixing on Catherine with a hazel gaze that holds so much. "I know we've just recently started dating, and maybe it's too soon to tell you this, but I've loved you for a while, Sara. So please…"

Catherine is now the one struggling with her own words, choking down the emotions pouring through her.

"Please don't let that man, who already took so much from me, take you away from me as well," Catherine pleads. "Please, don't let his hate destroy the person that I love. Destroy us."

It's this moment, this silence, that's the hardest to bear. This silence is the final one, the point at which decisions are made and choices are fulfilled. The point at which Catherine learns whether she's finally done paying the price of this madman's actions.

She can only hope that Sara is strong enough, brave enough, selfless enough to let Catherine's words reach her. To let herself be forgiven for crimes that aren't hers.

It's so quiet that Catherine almost misses it, but when Sara's voice fills the night, tears catching in the moonlight and silently dripping from the brunette's face, the older woman hears them.

"I'm sorry."

Within moments, Catherine closes the distance between them, taking the taller woman in her arms.

Their tears mix in the night, their arms struggling to support their trembling bodies, holding each other as they grasp tightly for dear life.

"I'm so sorry," Sara whispers, her words pressed against Catherine's shoulder. "I'm so sorry, for all of this."

She knows the tone in Sara's voice, can read her apology for what it is. Sara's giving in, willing to step outside of herself to honor Catherine's request. To not let that man destroy them and the beautiful relationship they'd started to build together. And, for that, the blonde is eternally grateful. She knows Sara will continue to struggle with this guilt for a while to come, but now Catherine knows what she's dealing with, what to look out for so she can finally help Sara through it.

"Shh," Catherine soothes, holding her strong girlfriend close. "I just wish you would've told me how you were feeling, Sar. All this time you were struggling with this, torturing yourself. I wish you would've talked to me _._ "

Holding each other in the moonlight, their hands clasped tightly to each other's bodies, they remain that way. Clenching to each other, to their relationship that they came so close to losing in more ways than one.

It could be minutes, hours, seconds later when Catherine hears her girlfriend's words filter through the night, all sense of time lost as she simply clutches to the brunette she was so scared she'd lost.

Words that still hold emotions that it will take time to sort through, to move on from, but words that hold a promise that they will get there – together.

"I love you, too, Catherine."

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks so much for all the kind responses after the first prompts - glad that you guys enjoyed the story and seem to be enjoying this prompt thing overall. I've personally definitely been enjoying reading all your great ideas and trying to fill them adequately :)**

 **For those who asked about submitting multiple prompts - yes, absolutely, go for it. I may fill your first one and then move on to some other people's before going back to your other ones just to try to even things out. But yes, submit as many ideas as you'd like.**

 **Just a heads up, I will be traveling for the next two weeks for a much awaited (not to mention needed) vacation, so the next prompt may not be filled as quickly since I'm not sure how much internet access or writing time I will have. But, promise to get it out as soon as I have the time to do it right.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt 3: I would love to read a story where Cath and Sara are in a relationship for quite some time and Cath is seeing some signs that Sara is cheating on her . They have a huge fight at some point and after a while the truth comes out that of course Sara never cheated . And they have hot make up sex afterwards._

 _-Submitted by katvrah_

* * *

 **Prompt 3**

She observes. Everything. And she's damn good at it, too.

Any trace of dishonesty, any hint of deception, she's got you made. There's rarely a detail that escapes her notice, rarely a secret you can keep hidden in her presence. You can try to swindle, to sway, to deceive, but you may as well keep your energy –or save it for someone who isn't Catherine Willows.

After all, it's what she's both trained and paid to do.

It's not always roses, however, when those stellar observation skills carry over into her personal life. It's not like a switch she can turn off, stop, or pause. It's always there, her brain constantly in CSI mode, whether she wants it to be or not.

It's perhaps what allowed her to notice the first subtle clues.

The underlying hint of a different perfume. The increasing numbers of late nights at the lab. The slow decline of private time together. The way Sara now steps out of a room when she answers the phone. The password protection that's now on said phone.

The hints are there, slowly creeping towards her like the dusk crawling in after a sunny day, casting long shadows over the previously shining brilliance.

It's one of the few times Catherine wishes her observation skills weren't as stellar – not when they're all pointing towards a truth that she doesn't want to believe. Almost _can't_ believe.

Sara Sidle cheating on her?

There was a time, perhaps prior to the evidence to the contrary, that she'd have considered herself nuts for even contemplating it. But, after Eddie, she's learned that it's an unfortunate reality that we really don't know the people around us at all. Not even the people sharing our beds.

Perhaps _especially_ not the people sharing our beds.

But, Sara had always been more than a bedmate, more than a simple lover. Sara is, without a question, her soulmate. She's a best friend, a companion, a confidant, all in one. She's been Catherine's partner for nearly two years now, and her dedication to the blonde has never wavered. Not once.

In all honesty, Sara's been the perfect lover in so many ways. Attentive, caring, protecting, supporting. All of the things Eddie _wasn't_ _ **.**_ Which is what makes it so difficult for the blonde to suspect the things she currently is about the brunette. Sara and Eddie couldn't be more different, and she has a hard time believing they'd share any similarity, let alone the similarity of unfaithfulness.

But, it's clues she's seen before on dozens of cases, where the unsuspecting wife or husband can't believe their partner would do such a thing. Living in denial until some devastatingly horrible crime reveals their partner's infidelity. Adding insult to an already anguishing injury.

She never thought she'd be in this situation, but she refuses to put herself in _that_ situation. Not where she's blind to the reality she's living in. To the reality of exactly who it is she's living _with_.

If this is her reality, she's going to know about it, and she's damn well going to do something about it.

Which is why, tonight, she's done playing games. Done pretending like she hasn't witnessed the clues around her. Done trying to wish it all away.

Tonight, she's going to turn on the lights in the henhouse to see if there's truly a fox inside.

* * *

"Holy shit," the brunette curses as she steps into their shared home, hand pressing against her chest as she closes the front door. "I thought you'd be in bed."

"Sorry to startle you," Catherine answers, reaching over to turn on the light beside her, casting the room into brightness.

"What're you doing up?" Sara questions in concern as she pulls off her sweater to reveal the t-shirt underneath. "Grissom didn't make you pull another double, did he?"

"No." Catherine stands, moving towards Sara as the brunette places her gun and badge in the safe hidden in the closet before closing the door.

Perhaps hearing the strangeness to the older woman's tone, the uncharacteristic single word answer, Sara turns, raising a brow as she assesses Catherine. Then the room around them. Then back to Catherine again.

"What's going on?"

Catherine may be good at observations, on picking up on when things aren't right.

But so is Sara.

"We need to talk."

"About?" Sara's voice is tight, hard to read. But, she's definitely on guard, shoulders tightening as her arms cross against her chest.

"I think you know."

Eyes narrowing, Sara's expression now matches the tightness in her tone. "Pretty sure I don't."

"You worked late again tonight."

Confused, Sara quirks her head to the side, the motion one Catherine's always found endearing. But not tonight.

"Yeah," Sara says, eyes still narrowed. "Got a lead on my gallery theft case, went to check it out with Brass."

The brunette's explanation is simple, direct, believable, the brunette's expression without a single hint of deceitfulness. But, Catherine knows better than to let a cover define a book.

"And if I called him, he'd verify?" Catherine asks sternly.

The challenge hangs in the air between them, harsh and heavy. Eyes going from narrow to dark, Sara takes a slight step back, as if Catherine has struck her.

"Excuse me?"

Catherine knows she can't back down. She's already stepped foot down this road, already opened this door – now she has to deal with whatever demons come out of it.

"You heard me, Sara."

Swallowing, Sara looks like she's fighting with herself, fighting to keep her composure, her calm.

"Are you really asking me this?" Sara's voice harbors a mixture of hurt, disbelief, and definitely some anger. "Are you really suggesting what I think you're suggesting?"

Sara isn't a fool, she understands what Catherine's question represents. The bigger picture behind it. Catherine isn't just wondering whether she was truly working late, she's asking a much darker, more sinister question.

A question that has Sara's expression angrier than Catherine can ever remember seeing it.

"Answer the question, Sara."

Pulling her phone from her jeans, Sara tosses it angrily in the direction of the blonde, careful not to hit her, but the phone thudding down on the coffee table that's between them.

"Call him."

Their eyes bore into each other's, glares matched across the short but seemingly endless distance between them. When Catherine doesn't move, Sara takes a slight step forward.

"If you don't trust me, than fucking call him, Catherine."

When Catherine pulls her own phone from her pocket to do just that, Sara's expression transitions from anger to something the older CSI doesn't even recognize.

"Jim? Hey, it's Cath. I was just hoping to catch Sara tonight before I have to get up for shift, but she's not answering her phone. Is she with you by any chance?"

Catherine listens to the response, Sara's hazel gaze burning into her the entire time.

"Okay, great." Another pause, "Yeah, thanks."

Hanging up, Catherine places her phone numbly back into her pocket.

Her eyes, when they lift back up to Sara's, burn just as sharply.

"Brass said he hasn't seen you all shift."

The silence between them grows to something almost physically painful.

"Care to amend your earlier statement?" Catherine shakes her head in anger, breaking into the silence when she can no longer take it. "Or perhaps you'd like some time to come up with another lie?"

Taking a step back, Sara's hands clench into fists, so tight they are nearly white in color.

"Fuck you, Catherine."

"No," Catherine counters, voice raising for the first time, losing her own composure. "Fuck _you_ if you think I'm going to sit here while you cheat on me, out doing God knows what with God knows who!"

Their words are harsh, laden with emotions and frustration, built up anger from weeks of questioning her lover's activities. Now, catching her in a red-handed lie, Catherine can't seem to keep herself at bay.

All her suspicions, her horrible suspicions, coming true right before her very eyes.

"I can't believe that you'd…that you'd even _think_ I would…" Sara's voice trails off, the brunette looking like she can't even bare to say the words aloud.

"No, no," Catherine shakes her head, stepping closer so that she and Sara are mere inches apart. "You don't get to do that. Play the victim here. Not when you just lied right to my face!"

"I can't," Sara shakes her head, raising her hands up beside her, "I can't do this with you. I'm not going to stand here and listen to you question whether or not I'm cheating on you, not when we've been together for two years, two amazing years. I won't stand here while you destroy it all."

"Me?!" Catherine yells, her voice breaking through the charged air, her finger jabbing angrily into Sara's chest. "I'm not the one who's lying! The one who even now refuses to answer the question!"

"Because you're asking me if I _cheated_ , Catherine!" Sara yells back, voice finally losing it's fragile grip on censorship and becoming just as heated. "I shouldn't _have_ to answer!"

"Well you do," Catherine counters harshly. "The different perfumes on you, the late nights you claim to be working, the secretive phone calls, the password protection now on your phone. You expect me to just ignore it?!"

Sara looks like she's been slapped. "You tried to go through my phone?"

Hand grabbing into the material of Sara's shirt, Catherine's anger reaches new heights, "That's not the point, Sara!"

It's with a tight jaw, clenched teeth, that Sara's own voice is released, her low tone nearly a growl. "Get your hands off me."

When Catherine doesn't move, keeping her grip just as firm, Sara shakes her head, pushing back against the blonde until she's free. Stumbling back, she gains her balance as she grabs her phone from the table.

"I'm not doing this with you. Not now, not ever. I'm done."

Catherine snorts darkly, "Oh, right. So you cheat on me, then _you_ decide to break up with _me._ That's rich, Sara. Really fucking rich!"

Shaking her head, Sara retrieves her gun and badge, her sweater lying forgotten on the back of the couch.

With one last look over her shoulder, hazel gaze burning into Catherine's blues, Sara steps out the door.

Slamming it behind her, the silence that follows is the hardest to listen to.

* * *

How did they get to this point?

When did she go from suspecting to accusing? When did they go from 'I love you's to 'fuck you's?

Had this all really been brewing for so long that it literally exploded at the first cracks? There was no buildup, no significant time before their 'discussion' all went to complete shit. Remembering Sara's last words, Catherine isn't even sure whether they're currently together or not.

How could they go from having a relationship to having nothing but anger so quickly?

She and Sara have had fights during their time together - two years as a couple is a long time to expect not to fight at all. No, they've fought, but never like this. Catherine in a fight knows that she can be passionate, angry. Even perhaps jump to conclusions or accusations before they're due. She can be harsh in her words, reacting with emotion before she can censor it. Sara, however, seemed to represent the voice of reason. Never losing her cool, always riding out the storm and logically approaching their disagreements. Always willing to listen, acknowledge, and address Catherine's concerns. Always willing to respectfully voice her own.

This fight wasn't like them. Not at all. Both reacting with such anger, malice, it felt like two completely different people. Catherine can't think of the last time she heard Sara swear, let alone _at_ _her_. Likewise, Sara's never quite raised her voice at the blonde, and certainly not in the angered manner she just did. She's most definitely never witnessed the brunette walk out on an argument, walk out on them.

The empty house around her for the remainder of the night feels like a mausoleum, silent witness to the destruction of everything Catherine had once thought to be true.

* * *

It's in moments like these that Catherine regrets her promotion. The fact that she essentially equals Gil in both title and responsibilities. After all, it's what has her finding herself staring at the assignment slips in her hand, wondering whether what she's about to do is an abuse of power. Or perhaps just bad taste.

"Nick, you and Greg have a scene up in Glenn Oak, apparent B and E."

The slip slides smoothly across the conference table to the Texan's waiting hands.

"Grissom is finishing up on his murder suicide."

Another slip down.

Then, she reaches the one that is the fly in the ointment. The one that should be assigned to two CSIs.

Instead, she hears the words leaving her mouth before she can second guess them.

"Sidle, solo out in Mesa."

It's a crap assignment, sending a CSI that far out into the middle of nowhere solo. Desert scenes are rough, remote, and exhausting. It's professional courtesy to double up on CSIs whenever possible.

But, the only other available CSI right now is herself. And, it's petty and selfish, but she can't muster the ability to commit spending that much interrupted alone time with the younger CSI. Not after last night.

Without a word, Sara pulls the slip from the table, dark eyes glancing it over as she crumples it into a ball after memorizing the address.

There's no exchange, no acknowledgement, just silence.

Tossing it in the trash, Sara's long legs stride out of the room before Catherine can contemplate the curious mix of guilt and relief pressing through her.

It's the first transgression of many that week. Instead of learning from her first shit assignment, it's like the allowance of one makes the allowance of others simpler. Easier.

You've opened the flood gates, so why not watch the water rush through?

* * *

It's after the second week that the victim of her actions finally meets with her. And, even then, it's simply by chance.

Sara never fought any of the assignments, never _fought_ at all really. Not for fair treatment at work. Not for their relationship. Not for _them_. It's perhaps one of the things that's been hardest for Catherine to swallow during this process.

Entering the locker room, she approaches her locker, for the first time hating its proximity to the brunette's.

"Hey," she offers, knowing they can't pretend not to see one another, not when there's merely two tiny metal boxes separating them.

Sara shakes her head, not responding, simply pulling off her shirt and tossing it angrily in her bag. Grabbing a clean one from the shelf, she pulls it over her head.

"So you're ignoring me now?"

Turning, Sara has her shirt halfway down her torso as she pauses her actions.

"Seriously?" she questions. "You're going to do this now?"

Catherine can see the exhaustion weighing on the younger woman's features, likely the same exhaustion that's reflected in her own. She herself hasn't been sleeping well, occupying their bed alone, the once comforting space a glaring reminder of the person that's missing from it.

"So you're just going to keep avoiding this, avoiding me?" Catherine questions.

"You've got to be kidding me," Sara mutters, dragging her shirt the rest of the way into place, pulling her badge from her hip and tossing it into her locker. "You accuse me of cheating, and you wonder why I don't want to talk to you."

"You've never denied it," Catherine counters angrily. "You just keep playing the victim, all offended that I've brought it up. Never once have you actually answered the question."

"Because I shouldn't have to!" Sara's angered response echoes off the mostly metallic room.

Swallowing down her emotions, the brunette slams her locker shut, banging her fist into the cold door.

"I shouldn't have to," she gets out again, this time much quieter, this time the underlying anger is replaced by hurt.

Eyes lifting to Catherine's, the brunette shakes her head, dark hair falling across her shoulder.

"We're nothing if we don't have trust, Catherine." Sara takes a deep breath, eyes still boring into the blonde's. "If you don't trust me there's no point to this relationship. To us."

"Then give me a reason to trust you, Sara," Catherine's own response is nearly begging. Wanting nothing more than for this nightmare to end. To turn into anything than it currently is. She's open to explanations, desperate for them, really. Desperate for Sara to explain this all away, to prove there's no truth to any of it. This is one situation where she's praying to God that she's wrong instead of right. "Tell me where you were the other night, tell me what you've been doing, why you've been lying to me. Tell me _anything_ to show me you're not cheating."

Sara swallows, taking a slight step back, placing further distance between them.

"Sara."

Shaking her head, Sara's head is lowered slightly before her eyes raise back up.

"I can't." Her words are so quiet only the echoing in the room allows them to meet Catherine's ears. "I'm sorry."

Frustrated, eyes boring over the stubborn women in front of her, Catherine cannot for the life of her understand why Sara refuses to fight. Fight Catherine's accusations, fight for understanding, fight for _them_.

Unless of course it's for the simple reason that Catherine's right.

"Then I can't trust you." The words burn along Catherine's tongue. " _I'm_ sorry."

There's a long moment, then Sara tightens her jaw, taking another step back before she turns around completely, walking out the door and what feels like out of their relationship.

For the second time.

* * *

About a week of silence, avoidance, and cold shoulders follows. Neither woman is able or willing to cross the divide between them, both still harboring their personal frustrations, silently cursing the other from their separate shores.

However, it's a slow Thursday when Catherine gets a call that sets the final act into motion.

Hearing the voice on the other line, she hesitates, not quite believing what she's hearing.

" _Do you have it on?"_

Snapping back to the caller, Catherine grabs the remote off her desk.

"What channel did you say?"

" _Five, or any of them really. It's on them all."_

Turning to their local news station, Catherine's eyes squint as she takes in the façade of the city's courthouse. It's a building she's more than intimately familiar with, providing herself as an expert witness to what is now hundreds of cases. Suspects both freed and imprisoned from verdicts issued from those very walls.

Seeing the tagline across the bottom of the screen, Catherine is immediately aware of the reason for the call.

"When did this happen?"

" _Our office got notice about ten minutes ago. But what I want to know is why_ _your_ _office didn't notify us first."_

"Because our office didn't know," Catherine mutters, eyes roaming over the scrolling words reiterating the breaking news being voiced by the reporter.

" _This is a problem, Miss Willows."_

Catherine isn't so sure. It's definitely a political nightmare, sure. Logistically and literally, this is going to create some waves, ruffle some feathers. But, as she's reading the words across her screen, she's also pretty sure a very glaring wrong has perhaps just been made right.

One that's haunted all of them for ages.

"I'm on my way down there now," Catherine answers neutrally instead.

* * *

"Were you going to say anything?"

It took Catherine the better part of an hour to find her, searching through the crowds, the various news anchors hosting interviews, pushing her way through crowded steps until finally ending up at the last place she expected to find anyone – let alone the focus of her search.

Not even glancing up, Sara remains leaning along the juror box in the now abandoned courtroom. She must have circled back around in here to avoid the crowds when everyone rushed out after the shocking order from the judge.

With everyone fighting for quotes and interviews along the courthouse steps, it feels like not a single soul remains back in the courtrooms themselves. Perhaps why Sara had the brilliant idea of circling back around to the one place no one would think to look.

"I couldn't."

"You could've told me, Sara."

Letting out a long breath, Sara shakes her head, eyes studying the polished wooden benches lined out in rows before her.

"You're currently my acting supervisor, if you'd known and things went south…," Sara's voice grows hard. "I wouldn't do that to you. Put you in that position."

"So instead of telling me you were reopening the Morrison case, perhaps one of the most contended cases in Vegas history, you let me think you were cheating on me."

Sara's expression is hard to read when she answers, "I never thought your mind would go there, that you'd even think it. Guess I was wrong."

"Can you blame me?" Catherine asks honestly, moving so that she's leaning against the railing next to her stoic companion. "Can you honestly blame me for thinking it when you've been so absent these past months? Then when you _lied_ about where you were?"

"I was here," Sara says tightly. "Building this case with the DA. Who, by the way, is definitely not my type - you know, being a straight, senior citizen aged woman and all."

"Sara."

Her breathing shaky, Sara lets out a long, exhausted sigh.

"No, I can't blame you," she says quietly a few moments later. "I just…it just hurt to hear you say it, ask it."

"I love you, Sara," Catherine supplies, her voice filling with the emotions of this moment. "I was so scared that I was losing you. That I'd already lost you – to someone else."

"I was naive," Sara answers in turn. "I thought it was obvious how head over heels I am with you." Her eyes tentatively lift to the blonde's. "You're my world, Catherine. And I mistakenly thought you knew that."

Shaking her head, Sara appears to look almost ashamed.

"I guess I didn't do a good of job showing you what you mean to me than I thought. To hear you question my fidelity to you…" Sara's voice darkens slightly. "There's nothing in this world that could take me from you, Catherine. Nowhere in the world I'd rather be than by your side. I'm sorry that I didn't do a good enough job of showing it."

Heart clenching, Catherine bows her head, reaching out a shaky hand to take Sara's own.

"Please don't apologize to me," she gets out, voice strained. "Not after what I accused you of. It's me that should be sorry, Sara."

There's a long period of silence, both parties trying to organize their thoughts, their feelings. Finally, Catherine feels Sara lace her fingers through hers.

"Maybe next time we can communicate better," she suggests with a slight smile ghosting her lips, the first one Catherine's seen in weeks. "Both of us."

Bringing their joined hands to her lips, Catherine kisses along Sara's knuckles in agreement and promise.

"God," the blonde breathes out, "I'm so glad you were off playing Russian roulette with your career instead of cheating on me."

Laughing at the break in tension, Sara smiles. "Me too. But only because it worked out and the DA ruled in our favor. Otherwise…"

Snorting, Catherine pushes gently along Sara's shoulder. Both of them taking in the other, eyes roaming over features they know so well, yet have felt like strangers for the last weeks.

"I've missed you."

The blonde's words are quiet, reverent, almost like a confession whispered along the aisles of a deserted church instead of a deserted courtroom.

Leaning in, Catherine places her lips against Sara's, having missed this woman she loves so dearly.

How could she have questioned her fidelity, her loyalty? Sara is perhaps the most loyal and moral person she's ever met. Even now, working on her own time to gather additional evidence in a case they'd all turned their backs on as a lost cause. They knew their suspect was guilty, but lacked the evidence to prove it. The case was dropped before ever making it to a ruling. And, almost immediately, the murders continued. A taunt, a direct attack on the inadequacies of the Vegas crime lab.

When the murders trailed off again, Dennis Morrison having made his point and no longer tempting fate, they knew they'd lost him. He'd murdered nearly a dozen Vegas residents, and not a single one was going to get justice.

Or so they'd thought.

Leave it to Sara Sidle, the most dedicated CSI she's ever met, to work on her own time to try to find answers everyone else had missed. To apparently be successful enough to force the case to trial, nearly a year later.

Finally, they have a shot at getting justice.

Catherine never should have questioned this woman, who is dedicated beyond description to nearly everything and everyone in her life. Catherine at the very top of that list.

"I've missed you, too," Sara answers, her kiss evidence of her words. Running her hand down the side of Catherine's face, Sara places her lips gently along the blonde's with the barest hint of contact. "So much."

Moving from her position beside brunette, Catherine moves so that she's standing in front of the taller woman instead. Maneuvering between her companion's legs, she steps forward, placing their bodies flush as Sara's lower back presses into the wooden juror box railing behind her.

"Cath…" Sara mumbles, her lips already back on the blonde's, her hands holding Catherine tightly.

"Shhh," Catherine moans into the kiss, reveling in the feel of her lover's tongue against hers. At the reunion of their mouths, their bodies, all of it yearning for the other after their heated separation.

Now, there's an entirely different heat passing between them.

"We're…public…oh God…" Sara's words hitch along with her breath as Catherine's mouth meets against the pulse point at her neck.

"Just relax," Catherine offers breathily, her own words tight as she registers the feeling of Sara's hands moving distinctly lower across her body. "No one…no one's in…here…"

When she reaches around the brunette's back to pull her blouse from her fitted black pants, the brunette startles, drawing up to her full height.

"Cath…" she warns, tone husky. "I'm not…I'm not going to be able to stop…if you keep…"

"Who said anything about stopping?" Catherine poses, eyebrow raised as she pushes Sara back against the railing behind her.

"Fuck," Sara growls out.

Smirking, Catherine pulls the remainder of Sara's shirt swiftly from her pants, "That's precisely my plan."

However, knowing where they are and the consequences of someone walking in, and knowing it's not a chance either of them should be willing to take, Catherine develops a compromise. Grabbing Sara's blouse in her fist, she all but drags the younger woman behind her as she pushes through the solid wooden door directly to their right.

* * *

It's the juror's deliberation room, and it's just private enough for Catherine to feel confident in the risk. Slamming the ornate oak door behind them, she doesn't even bother turning on the lights, utilizing the glow of the evening sun filtering through the windows.

Pushing Sara back into the conference table, the brunette absently kicks out at the chairs beside them, clearing them away.

Then, without pause, Sara pushes out, reversing their positions in nearly seconds.

"We…we should…probably…talk," Sara offers, even as her hands are making quick work of the buttons along Catherine's own blouse.

"We will," the blond promises, groaning as Sara bares her skin to the cool room air, pushing her blouse from her shoulders. "But definitely not now."

Then, pulling back, she meets hazel eyes.

They've been through a lot in the last weeks, experienced challenges and strains to their relationship like never before. It shouldn't be dismissed, ignored. She has no plans to do so, but right now all she wants to do is enjoy having Sara here, back in her life. Where she always should have been. However, she can't dismiss the brunette's feelings – she's an equal part of this relationship and if she has reservations or wants to discuss things first, then Catherine needs to be willing to do that.

Eyes watching each other, Sara's lips slowly pull into a smile.

A smile that says everything.

"Plenty of time for talking later," the brunette concludes.

Leaning in, it's not even seconds later that Sara's deft hands are running up along her bare back, stopping at her bra to make quick work of the clasp as her lips are placing heated kisses along her neck.

Feeling her hips lifted slightly as Sara places her atop the table, the blond groans in pleasure as Sara's hands run up her sides. Grabbing the brunette by her belt, she pulls her forward, placing her directly between her legs, the contact between their bodies firm and heated.

"You're overdressed," Catherine gets out, all but ripping Sara's shirt from her torso, pushing it off tan shoulders as it joins hers along the floor. Taking in the flat, toned stomach before her, she lavishes it with kisses while her hands continue the path downward.

Unbuckling the clasp, Catherine has Sara's belt pulled swiftly from her pants, fingers already working the zipper down.

As she pushes Sara's the fitted black material down the brunette's prominent hip bones, she feels her own pants following a similar fate under Sara's deft fingers.

It's not long before there are two matching piles of clothes along the dated carpeting.

Pressing forward, Catherine's back is nearly flat on the table as Sara holds her hip tightly with one hand and traces along her sensitive breasts with the other. The gasp is out of her mouth before she can stop it.

"Sar…please…"

Knowing what her companion wants, Sara smiles into their kiss, her hand teasing over her breasts, torso, then along the skin of her thighs, fingers trailing lightly along the burning skin beneath, moving ever so slowly towards their destination.

"God…Sara..please…I need…"

Sara's mouth lowers to her neck, placing a light bite there as her hand travels in a now direct path up her thigh, only pausing when she reaches the throbbing area between Catherine's legs.

It's only a moment more before Catherine feels her finally enter her, elegant fingers reaching her most sensitive areas and staying there. Desperate to increase the friction between their bodies, Catherine grabs Sara's hip, thrusting the brunette's hips forward into hers, forcing Sara's hand deeper.

Rocking against the taller woman's body, Sara matches her movements expertly, both of them moving in complete sync, bodies existing as one. The heat, the friction, the firm contact as they push against each other in unison, they all build towards a quaking crescendo, the world fading to nothing as Catherine feels her shaking body nearing the edge.

Then, just as she's about to topple over it, Sara's fingers curl inside her, sending her freefalling into a climax so strong she has to bite into the other woman's shoulder to smother her screams.

"Holy fuck…" her words are a shaking mess, much like her body, clinging to the brunette for stability as she feels Sara pull gently out of her.

"Believe we just did," Sara says quietly with a smile, her lips gently pressing against Catherine's chest, collar bones, neck.

Smirking, Sara brings her lips up to the blonde's. "Unless you need further proof?"

Smiling, Catherine shakes her head at her lover, "I'm about to get it, Sidle. When I return the favor."

The only thing Catherine loves more than when Sara sends her to oblivion is when she gets to do the same for the brunette.

Controlled, quiet, stoic, the brunette is usually the one taking charge in the bedroom. And Catherine loves to let her. However, there are times, much like now, when she also wants to have a turn in the driver seat.

After everything they've been through these past weeks, she wants to show Sara just how much she loves her, trusts her, cherishes her. She wants Sara to feel how good she makes Catherine feel.

Before Sara can protest, she has their positions reversed, Sara's back thudding into the wooden table as the chairs on the other end shake with the contact.

Leaning forward, Sara's back is pressed firm into the hard surface, the brunette stiffening as Catherine pushes her shoulders down.

"Do you trust me?"

Eyes meet, assessing, searching, exposing.

"Always."

Hearing Sara's affirmation, Catherine keeps one arm firmly on the younger woman's chest, keeping her tightly in place as her other hand traces patterns along the toned stomach exposed below her.

Feeling Sara's breathing hitch, her eyes closing as her head pushes back against the table, she feels Sara's hands grip the wooden table edge near their joined hips.

"Relax, honey."

Breathing still hitched, Sara's hands work tightly against the table as Catherine lowers her own hand, moving in a firm line towards the prone woman's center.

"I got you," Catherine soothes, lips near Sara's ear, lavishing kisses along her neck. "You're safe."

When she enters the brunette, Catherine feels Sara's whole body tighten around her, the skin beneath her shivering.

Catherine's fingers move quickly, deftly, and she feels Sara growing tighter. Just as she makes her final, deep thrust, she sends Sara into climax, feeling the younger woman shuddering beneath her.

"You're so beautiful," Catherine whispers, lips in Sara's hair, fingers trailing over heated, glistening skin. Taking in the sight of her lover slowly regaining her senses, she can't help but smile.

Their sweaty, heated bodies catching their communal breaths as they remain prone against the bare wooden surface below them, sunlight catching on their bare skin.

"Shit," Sara gets out, voice so husky and low that Catherine nearly loses her composure all over again.

Lips meeting Sara's, she traces her cheek with her thumb.

"I love you so much."

Deepening the kiss, Sara moves a hand from the table to rest along Catherine's lower back.

"Love you, too," she responds quietly, reverently. "Always."

It's a confession and a promise all in one. It's words that represent even more to the couple after the strains they've just lived through, and barely made it out the other side of.

It's words that Catherine vows to spend the rest of her life using, and hoping she gets to spend the rest of her life hearing.

"Let's not fight again," Sara poses. "At least not for a while?"

Smiling, Catherine expresses her agreement with a kiss. "Agreed."

Pulling back, Sara's lips pull into a small smile of her own. "Though, if this is what the makeup sex is like...it may be worth it…"

Groaning, Catherine smacks Sara's chest lightly, "Heaven help me, Sidle. Don't you dare get any ideas."

Smiling with a light laugh, Sara kisses Catherine gently until they separate for air, both simply watching the other with open gazes.

Backing up slightly, Catherine removes her arm from the brunette's chest, allowing her to sit up.

"Perhaps we should put on some clothes before some poor bailiff finds himself an eyeful."

Sara snorts at the thought, "Probably wise."

Grabbing their clothing, they dress quickly, quietly, both still lost in the bliss of each other.

When they exit the room, they quietly make their way back into the still empty courtroom, slightly red faced as they acknowledge what they just did – and where they just did it. Reaching the door and taking a deep breath before they run into the reporters likely still stalking the courthouse outside, Catherine pauses when Sara's hand brushes against hers.

"Cath."

Turning, she sees Sara gesture to her face.

"You have some…"

Reaching up, Catherine registered her slightly smeared lipstick, wiping at her lips until she's more presentable.

"Better?"

"Yup, much," Sara answers as she pulls the door open, walking with the blonde through the marble hall to the front door. "Except for your sex hair."

The doors open and immediately Sara is swarmed by reporters, everyone's eyes lighting up at the sight of the elusive brunette they've been circling to interview ever since the judge's ruling.

Glancing behind her, Sara meets Catherine's blushing expression, sending the older woman a soft, gentle smile.

It's been a long time since she's seen the brunette this happy, this carefree. It's a beautiful sight, and it's almost enough for her to forgive the sex hair comment.

Almost.

Smiling herself, she watches Sara focus on the reporter in front of her, expression returning to that of the focused CSI that Catherine respects, cherishes, and loves so much.

And, who she knows loves her back just as fiercely.

Not to mention exclusively.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks as always for your guys' continued positive responses and support - you are wonderful.**

 **Just got back from vacation and used my jet lag to my advantage - rather be writing than sleeping most days anyway ;) Especially when you guys are giving me such interesting and intriguing prompts to work with - love receiving all your ideas. Hope you guys are enjoying this all as well.**

 **Everyone take care and enjoy.**

* * *

Prompt 4: _I stumbled upon a ff with Sara and Catherine and that is how i got interested in the characters. As such i do not know much about the cast of characters or their backgrounds as depicted in the show. For example i do not know if previous lovers were ever featured for either of our ladies but i would like to read a story of where an old girlfriend of Sara's comes back into the picture. But i want Sara and Catherine to already be in a loving committed relationship together as they parent Lindsay who should be young. Maybe Lindsay could be between 5 and 7 years old. This old girlfriend just refuses to accept that Sara is in a loving committed relationship with Catherine and does all sorts of thinks to make her 'love' for Sara known. She also is a person of influence somehow and tries to cause trouble for Catherine on her job. She also tries to show Sara all what her life could be like if she would come back to her. I do not want to woman to be any psycho type of person, she has to be well educated, good looking, rich, well liked, well respected, she has to have everything going for her. This way it would show that Sara really would give up everything for Catherine. If this old lover was some psycho crazed person then saying no to her would be easy. Oh yeah, Sara has to have really cared about her in the past and was genuinely heartbroken when the woman ended their relationship. The end of the story is Sara and Catherine together forever._

 _-Submitted by Aidyl James_

* * *

 **PROMPT 4**

Winter was always her favorite.

It's not something she advertised, society tending to look at a person funny when they love the season that produces subzero wind-chills, piles of snow, black ice, and days that are more darkness than sunlight. But, there was always something in the blustery, chilled weather that appealed to her. The stillness, the silence of the world when it was covered in fresh, white snow. The gentle falling of the flakes upon the trees. The peaceful, almost ethereal glow that seemed to fill the sky with unique shades of amber and violet. The way the world seemed less crowded, less hustled. Like everything and everyone were somehow suspended in time, frozen in a place of tranquility.

All of it. She simply loved all of it.

Growing up in the bay area of California, she never really got to experience winters like that – weather always relatively temperate, winter bringing rain rather than snow. Hot summer heat within the city, foggy chills closer to the bay, those she got to experience in her area of California. But never winters.

Not until she moved across the country to attend Harvard.

Harvard ended up bringing a lot of firsts into her life. It's where she met her first love, where she first discovered a world existed beyond her own, one full of kindred spirits who wanted to know everything there was to learn about everything, just like herself. She was in a place of knowledge and education – where people respected her for her intellect instead of mocking her. No one there poked fun at her for always having her nose in a book, instead eagerly recommending to her their own favorite works.

It was a place that felt more like a home to her than her own family in California. At Harvard she was no longer an outcast, no longer shadowed by her family and their reputation, no longer alone in a world she didn't understand. At Harvard she finally felt what it meant to belong somewhere.

And, her favorite season brought more than just the joys of snow and tranquility. It also brought holiday trips to her girlfriend's family's house. A humble and quaint place up in the more secluded suburbs of Boston. What the house lacked in square footage it made up for in land. Acres of forest hills with paths for walking, hiking, reading. It was quiet, secluded. Always fresh with knee deep crystalline snow and miles of peace and quiet.

As much as the location drew her in, the people there did so even more. At her own household she was used to aloofness on a good day, anger and hostility on a bad one. That's what her family was composed of. But, these people, her girlfriend's family, they showed her a different type of family, woven together with strings of love and acceptance instead of hatred and violence. They greeted her with open arms and hearts, no questions asked. And, as the years passed from their freshman to their senior year, that relationship only grew. Sara would never admit it aloud at the time, but she considered her girlfriend's parents more her family than her own. And, she knew in her heart that they cared for her just the same.

It's perhaps why their breakup devastated Sara in more ways than one. Not only did she lose the person she loved with all her heart, she also lost the only people she ever truly considered her family. All of them, gone. And, for reasons she never really understood.

Her girlfriend, Maddison Westmore, was everything to Sara. She was kind, understanding, funny, adventurous. She was also stubborn enough to work through Sara's walls, chipping away at them one by one until Sara finally let the remaining ones down. It's perhaps why now she's extra guarded with her heart and everything else stowed safely behind those same, resurrected walls. Maddison got through, and it damn near killed her when everything was torn apart. She wasn't about to make that mistake twice.

It was nearly a week before graduation, both of them anxiously awaiting their walks across their respective stages – Sara in the school of science and Maddison in that of law. They were both graduating near the top of their classes, more letters after their names than they knew what to do with. It was probably the proudest moment of Sara's life – graduating with honors alongside the person that she loved. It's something she never would have dreamed possible – not for someone like her.

That week, however, just days before graduation, quickly turned from the highlight of her life to one of her lowest points. It was late when Maddison knocked on her door, both of them sharing a house but trying to keep separate rooms for some abstract attempt at old fashioned values. But, it was more of a failure than a success, the two of them simply switching back and forth regarding whose bed they would share together. Nights were simply too long to spend separated when they could be wrapped safely in the other's arms.

As soon as she looked up at Maddie in her doorway, she knew something was wrong. Very wrong. The girl looked paler than usual, her sunkissed blonde hair exhibiting more color than her skin. Maddie was never one to lose her composure, always the optimistic, smiling, hopeful one of the two. It was rare to see her without a gentle, knowing smile – quick to laugh while Sara was more guarded, open to the world while Sara was wary.

But, this time, Maddie was the one looking like she was about to attend a funeral. Immediately, Sara was at her side, questioning softly what was wrong. It was then, from her new position, that Sara saw the suitcases in the living room.

All of them, lined up, and filled.

She'd stared, silent and in shock, not knowing how to comprehend the image. The moment.

When Maddie kissed her, long and deep, she could taste the salt of her girlfriend's tears – the taste like that of nails being driven into a coffin.

Maddie, for perhaps the first time in her life, was short on words. And, Sara was nearly too far in shock to register many of them anyway.

What she did register, was that Maddie was leaving after the graduation ceremony that weekend. That she was telling Sara that they were over – that the next stages of their respective lives did not include each other. Maddison's tears continued into sobs, the blonde looking like she herself was falling to a million pieces with each breath. But, she remained focused in her mission, never once faltering on her intent.

The only word Sara could utter herself was a simple 'why?'

In the sobs and heartbreak that followed, Sara tried to focus on the answer. They were about to embark into two separate worlds, Maddie argued, she herself heading to Brown to get her doctorate law degree, with Sara headed across the country to Berkeley to obtain her own in physics. They'd been dreading the long distance relationship they'd be facing, knowing it would be difficult being so far away when they practically lived at each other's sides, but never once did Sara believe it would destroy them before it even started.

She was willing to make the effort, to give their relationship a chance, but evidently Maddie was not. There were strangled sentiments of Maddie not wanting to hold Sara back, her wanting to give both of them the ability to focus on their degrees, for them each to have room to develop without the long distance pressure of maintaining a relationship, etc etc etc.

All Sara heard was goodbye.

When graduation day came that weekend, it was with a heavy heart that she accepted her diploma, walking across the stage to cheers from people she probably didn't even know. The one person she wanted there wasn't, and that's all that mattered.

As soon as she stepped foot in the parking lot, she practically ripped off her gown, tossing the regal maroon garment into the tailgate of her SUV without a care of where it landed. Getting in the driver seat, the graduation cap was similarly tossed behind her, her long brown hair shaken back out into its natural waves. One long, deep breath and Sara placed the key in the ignition.

Less than ten minutes since her graduation and Sara was on the road towards a destination she hadn't yet picked. All she knew was that she could no longer stay here. A place that was the only home she ever knew, and a person that was the only person she ever truly loved.

Rolling the windows down, she placed her sunglasses atop her face, breathing in the late spring air as she headed away from the shattered pieces of her life.

* * *

"Remind me never to give her ice cream again."

Catherine laughs at the exhausted brunette who plops down ungracefully on the grass next to her. Rolling onto her back, Sara places an arm over her eyes to shield it from the brightness of the afternoon sun.

"I tried to warn you," Catherine points out. "Seven year olds and sugary ice cream rarely works out."

Snorting, Sara shakes her head, "Apparently."

Watching Lindsey as she continues to chase a very flustered butterfly around the playground, not a moment later the butterfly learns its only safe escape is up, floating above the outstretched hand of a very boisterous little blonde girl. It only takes Lindsey about another thirty seconds to find her next victim.

"Hopefully she'll run all her energy off before it's bedtime."

Groaning, Sara can't even imagine the consequences if that doesn't end up being the case.

Removing her arm from her eyes, she can't help the smile that graces her face as she watches Lindsey run around, giggles trailing after her. It's impossible not to love this little girl to the end of the Earth, even if she is at times a bit exhausting.

"Thanks for stealing me away from work," the brunette offers. "I'm glad I got to spend some time with you and Linds."

"Of course," Catherine responds. She knows Sara can sometimes overwork herself at the lab, getting engrossed in cases to the point she forgets that she needs to take a break every once in a while. And, she knows just how much Sara loves hanging out with Lindsey, especially these sorts of afternoons at their favorite park.

As much as Sara jokes about Lindsey being exhausting, the brunette just spent the last hour teaching their daughter how to kick a soccer ball around – the two of them playing keep away as they ran around in dizzying circles, laughing almost as much as they were running.

Now, laying down and catching her breath, Sara watches Lindsey with such pride and joy evident on her features. Any anxiety Catherine had regarding Sara co-parenting Lindsey were absolved nearly the moment she first witnessed the two of them together. Now, years later, it's like Sara was in the picture all along – Lindsey simply seeing Sara as her other mother and Sara simply seeing Lindsey as her own.

They're a family, and one that Catherine cannot feel more blessed to be a part of.

"Well, I'll be damned."

Head jerking to the unexpected voice behind her, Catherine eyes the women currently backlit by the sun.

She's professionally dressed, making her a bit out of place in the casual park setting. Her outfit is sensible yet stylish, a fitted skirt that hugs her lean frame along with a blouse that has just enough buttons opened to be feminine but tasteful.

"Can I help you?" Catherine questions, wondering who exactly this woman is any why exactly she's blocking her sun.

But, before the woman can answer, she feels Sara stand up beside her. Following suit, she watches as her partner tightens her jaw, her whole body stiffening as the color seems to drain from her face. Immediately, Catherine's expression turns from friendly to guarded. Whoever this woman is, she's having a definite negative affect on Sara – and, that's enough for Catherine's own hackles to rise immediately.

"Well I sure as hell didn't see this coming."

Sara's hands clench, the brunette ignoring the woman's words, instead taking what almost appears to be a threatening step forward.

"What are you doing here?" she gets out, the younger CSI's voice uncharacteristically harsh. If Catherine didn't know this was an unhappy reunion before, she certainly does now.

"I'm here on work, actually," the woman answers. "To see Miss Willows. Never thought I'd run into the two of you here…together."

Catherine now is so confused she doesn't even know where to start.

"I'm sorry," she makes her presence known. "But who the hell are you?"

Finally moving her eyes from Sara, the woman focuses on the blonde in front of her.

"I'm Maddison Westmore, the attorney taking over the Atlong case." Reaching out, she hands Catherine a thick brown envelope. "Consider yourself served, Miss Willows."

"Served?" Catherine questions darkly. "You can't be serious."

"Unfortunately I am," Maddison responds. "No hard feelings, just tidying up some aspects of the case now that I've had a chance to review it for my client."

"Benjamin Atlong is a serial killer who slaughtered almost a dozen people," Catherine gets out, quickly losing her temper.

"See, now that's the exact thing that got you into trouble in the first place, CSI Willows. Slander like that has a serious impact on someone such as Mr. Atlong."

"Because he was in politics?" Catherine scoffs. "I don't give a shit the position he once held, he's a murderer – and we both know it."

Maddison simply gives a knowing smile, taking a step back as she raises her empty hands in the air.

"I'm not in a place to judge. We'd perhaps be wise to leave that to the _actual_ judge, yes?"

Without another word, Maddison turns her eyes back to Sara, her dark brown gaze taking in the brunette. Then, with a small smile, she shakes her head.

"You look good, Sara," she says. "Really good."

Stiffening, Sara takes another step forward, angling herself between Maddison and Catherine. The move is protective, pointed, and everyone present can read the intentions behind it.

"I think you should go," Sara's voice is tight. "Now."

"What, no warm welcome?" Maddison questions, eyes almost playful. She always did get a certain sense of satisfaction at riling the otherwise stoic brunette. But, back then, it was for entirely different reasons. "You didn't miss me at all over these past years?"

Sara's jaw tightens, so much so that Catherine reaches out a steadying hand, placing it gently along the small of Sara's back.

"You two know each other how exactly?" Catherine questions tightly, hating to see Sara this upset and wanting to know what in God's name is going on.

"Sara never mentioned me?" Maddison asks, one brow raising as she seems surprised, almost hurt.

"Not once," Catherine answers evenly.

"Wow," Maddison mutters. "That's…well, I guess that's what I should expect from Sara. Never one to share much, right?" Maddison's eyes bore into Sara's. "Apparently not even willing to tell you about the fiancé she once had."

Immediately, Sara's taken another step forward, placing herself directly in front of the blonde attorney.

"You need to leave. Now."

The warning is all but growled, the tone low and dangerous.

Just then, perhaps noting the tense standoff occurring around her, a gentle pull on Sara's leg brings them all looking downward.

"Mommy?" Lindsey asks, expression scared as she all but hides behind Sara's leg, glancing around to peak at the strange woman standing in front of them. "Who is that?"

Sara places a protective hand on Lindsey's shoulder, holding her close.

"That's someone who was just leaving."

Knowing she's at the end of the road, Maddison finally takes a step back, once again looking Sara up and down. But, this time, her gaze includes Lindsey.

"Just when I thought I'd seen everything," she mutters, clearly taken by surprise. "Never in a thousand years would I have pictured this."

Shaking her head, she gives them all one last glance before turning on her heel and making her way back across the grass towards her car.

* * *

"I'm going to put Lindsey down, then you and I are going to talk."

Sara hasn't said a word since their encounter in the park, and it's quite honestly starting to drive Catherine nuts. She knows they can't exactly discuss it in front of Lindsey anyway, so she's been patient.

But, when she finishes tucking her daughter in, she is immediately back down in their living room where she last left the brunette.

"Coffee?" she asks, taking in Sara's bowed head, slumped shoulders.

"Please," Sara looks up slightly at Catherine before she once again turns away.

Sighing, Catherine gives her private lover a few more minutes of solitude as she prepares their drinks, adding just the right amounts of cream and sugar. When she returns and hands Sara's mug out to her, she watches the younger woman taking heavy swallows.

"We need to talk about this, Sara," Catherine says, almost hesitantly.

She does a good job of maintaining a respectful understanding with the brunette – rarely forcing Sara to talk about things until the brunette is ready and willing to do so herself. It's a method that's worked well for them, both of them needing to be in a place of openness and calm before they address certain topics. Sara often takes longer to feel ready for the heart to heart discussions than Catherine, but she does always get there if given the time and space.

But, this can't wait. Especially if Maddison is about to be the defense attorney in the Atlong case. She's about to become a very prevalent player in Catherine's work life, and she refuses to be caught off-guard again.

"You're not going to open it?" Sara tries, pointing to the envelope laying untouched on their couch.

"Don't need to," Catherine waves the package off dismissively. "It's bogus anyway. She knows that as well as I do."

Raising a brow, Sara doesn't look so convinced.

"It's a tactic of stalling when a new attorney takes a case or an old one needs to find more evidence or witnesses to work in their favor. You sue for something nearly impossible to prove like slander or libel, the courts are obligated to investigate. They can never convict, but you've granted yourself enough time to get your case together."

Catherine shrugs, "It's clever, I've only seen it successfully done a few times in my career. She's smart, knows her way around obscure legal statutes, I'll give her that."

Rubbing her temples with her free hand, Sara lets out a sigh. Remaining the picture of brooding silence, Sara stays quiet long after Catherine's words.

"I'm sorry, honey, but we need to talk about this," Catherine steps slightly forward, placing herself closer to the edgy woman. "You had a _fiancé_ , and I didn't even know about it. That's not something we should be keeping from one another, don't you think?"

Sara shakes her head, her eyes on the dark liquid in her mug. "I didn't…she wasn't…"

Catherine's heart hurts at the strained tone to Sara's voice, the paleness to her skin. She knows the brunette is struggling with this all, and she hates having to push her like this.

"You two weren't engaged?" she questions. "She was lying?"

While she barely knows Maddison, it didn't seem to Catherine like the woman was making things up. Didn't really seem the type to do so.

"No…sort of."

Sighing, Sara lets out a shaky breath, trying to steady herself enough to have this conversation. Maddison isn't someone she's thought about in ages. Intentionally so. The woman damn near crushed her heart, took her to a place of darkness even her own family had failed to take her. She'd pushed her down into the deepest recesses of her mind and soul, forcing her to stay there so she would have enough strength to move past it. Move past _her._

And, it took years, but finally she did. Her heart still has scars, many, but they'd finally ceased being open, bleeding wounds. Scars she could handle. She'd been given enough over her lifetime.

"I never proposed."

Catherine gives Sara an encouraging look, moving just slightly closer. "But you were going to?"

Nodding, Sara looks even paler. "She must have found the ring…that's probably why she broke it off…I was going to propose graduation night…"

Reaching over, Catherine places a gentle, calming hand on Sara's arm. She knew Sara had been hurt in the past, knew it the moment they'd gotten together as a couple. It was obvious that someone had broken the brunette's heart, shattered it really, and that Sara had struggled for many years to put it back together. The brunette had more walls than Catherine could count, and she knew someone in Sara's past had likely helped put them there. When Sara shared with Catherine the past she'd endured at the hands of her family, she'd assumed they were the culprits.

They were culprits indeed, but now Catherine knows there were additional culprits as well. It hurts her own heart to discover this additional piece to Sara's already challenging past. If she didn't dislike Maddison before…

"What happened?" Catherine prompts gently, fingers working calming circles along Sara's arm.

Sara swallows, "We were together since our freshman year at Harvard. A week before graduation she broke up with me. Gave me some lame excuses about not wanting a long distance relationship, not wanting to put either of us through that." Sara takes a deep breath, steadying herself. "I thought we were okay, hell I was about to _propose_ , and then she just…she just threw it all away."

"And you never spoke since?" Catherine questions, suspecting she already has the answer.

"Never," Sara answers. "I left right after graduation. Didn't look back."

Catherine lets out a breath, picturing a heartbroken Sara taking off after what should've been one of the happiest days of her life. No family to return to, a girlfriend that just broke up with her when she was on the verge of making her her fiancé. Her heart breaks for that younger Sara, as well as for the older Sara she knows still carries the burdens of those events.

"She was an idiot," Catherine gets out, her own voice tight.

At the blonde's words, Sara finally looks up, matching their gazes.

"She was an absolute idiot, Sara Sidle."

Leaning in, she places a gentle kiss along Sara's lips before pulling the taller woman to her, holding her close like she's wanted to all evening. Feeling Sara hesitantly return the gesture with her free arm, Catherine curses Maddison Westmore and every other sorry soul who ever hurt the strong woman in her arms.

* * *

"I see you're taking the court order seriously."

Glancing up, Catherine barely gives the woman leaning in her door frame any notice.

"I'm taking it as seriously as it deserves to be taken. Which is not at all."

Maddison steps further into the conference room, heels clicking along the cold tiles.

"The order may be a stalling tactic, as you're more than smart enough to have figured out, but the honoring of the courts investigation isn't."

Catherine knows she's right. That, while the order itself is unlikely to lead to any sort of real problem, not abiding by the courts order to remain hands off while the investigation proceeds is a different story. That transgression is easy to prove, and easy to use to a defense's advantage.

"Then you'll be happy to know this evidence is involving a different case of mine," Catherine matches their gazes. "Which means _you're_ the one violating a dozen laws being in here."

Smiling slightly, Maddison takes a step back.

"Touche," she offers with an almost respectful nod. "Though I'm not here on official business."

"No?" Catherine questions, trying to sound bored, though her body is tense.

"Came by to see if Sara wanted to grab lunch, actually," she states.

Catherine snorts, "Yeah, good luck with that one."

Maddison only smiles, "She already said yes, Catherine. I was on my way to my car when I spotted you in here, just wanted to say hello." Then, turning in the doorway, she offers over her shoulder. "You want to join us?"

Eyes blazing, Catherine sets her jaw tightly, "Not in the slightest."

Laughing, Maddison gives her a nod, "I'll give Sara your regards then."

Disappearing down the hall, Catherine can't help the curses that leave her mouth as she throws her pen against the doorway Maddison embodied only seconds before.

* * *

"You need to leave Catherine alone," Sara threatens the moment she steps out of the car into the parking lot. "Showing up at the lab, serving her with papers, whatever the hell else you're planning, you need to stop."

"I'm just working my case, Sara," Maddison counters evenly. "Nothing more."

"That's bullshit and you know it."

"Perhaps we can fight about this over the lunch you agreed to?" Maddison asks, gesturing to the cafe they're currently having their standoff in front of.

"I only agreed so I could tell you in private to back the fuck off from Catherine." With one last glare, Sara proceeds through the doorway, not bothering to hold the door open for the woman behind her.

Placing their orders in the buffet style line and grabbing their respective items, Maddison glances at Sara's hands as they pick a table at which to sit to eat. "Only coffee?"

Sara lowers her long frame into her chair, careful to keep it a fair distance away from the table and the person across from her.

"Not very hungry for some reason."

Sighing, Maddison starts into her own salad, "Come on, Sar, stop acting like I'm some devil woman conjured up from hell to haunt you."

"Aren't you?" Sara challenges. "And don't call me that."

Swallowing her food, Maddison shakes her head. "We were best friends, _Sara_. We were together for four years, four beautiful years. Don't throw that all away."

"Me?" Sara chokes out, barely able to keep her voice down. " _You're_ the one who threw it all away!"

Losing some of her carefree façade, Maddison grows quiet. "I made a mistake, Sara. I knew it then, and I sure as hell know it now."

Snorting, Sara shakes her head. "Yeah?" she crosses her arms over her chest. "Well that's lovely, Maddison. But it's about ten years too late for that particular realization."

Turning her head to the side, Maddison studies the woman before her, all the ways she's changed, all the ways she's still the same.

"Is it?"

The question hangs between them, lingering and heavy.

"I'm with Catherine," Sara answers into the stillness. "I'm with Catherine and we're _happy_ together. So yes, it's much too late."

"Are you?" Maddison asks, her tone quiet, caring.

Finally, the Maddison that Sara fell in love with all those years ago – the one who's caring, sensitive, compassionate - is showing herself. Not the Maddison who seems to try to pass herself off as arrogant, manipulative. It's likely a façade the attorney has had to adopt in her line of work, but it isn't the person she really is underneath. Sara knows this, and it makes moments like these, faced with the _true_ Maddison, all the harder to handle.

Sara can handle encounters with the fake Maddison, that one is easy to hate. This one, the one who served as her best friend and the only family she'd ever had for so long? This one is another challenge entirely.

"Yes," Sara answers, eyes meeting with Maddison's. "I'm happy."

"You know that's all I ever wanted for you, right?" the blonde asks, eyes downcast as she pushes her own food away. "I had a shitty way of showing it, I know. I honestly thought I was doing the right thing at the time. Giving us time apart to know it's what we really wanted – but, instead I lost you forever. Through all of it though, Sara, I really just wanted nothing but the best in life for you."

Sighing, she takes a deep breath. "If that's you being with Catherine…then…then I'll leave Vegas when this case if over. Go back home to Boston like I was never here."

Taking in the words from the person across from her, Sara lets out a breath, some of her own defensiveness leaving her.

"You don't sound very convinced in that statement."

Maddison shrugs, "I mean what I said," she says genuinely. "I'm just not quite convinced _you_ mean what _you_ said."

"You're not convinced I'm happy with Catherine?" Sara questions, eyes narrowing.

"I think you're happy with Catherine."

Sara eyes the woman across from her.

"But…" the brunette leads, knowing there's more Maddison isn't saying.

"But I don't think you're as happy with her as you would be with me."

* * *

"How was your lunch?"

Sara couldn't look more haggard if she tried, pushing her hands into her dark jeans pockets as she enters the room, leaning against the side counter.

"Weird."

Smiling slightly, Catherine looks up from her work.

"You want to talk about it?" she offers, placing down her pen.

"Not really."

Nodding, she leans back in her chair. Taking in the younger woman's appearance, she gets to her feet.

"Come on," she takes Sara by the arm, turning the young CSI around.

"Where are we going?" Sara protests, but not quite able to put much effort into it.

"You need to eat something."

"I just came back from lunch…"

Turning, Catherine slows her steps enough to send Sara a knowing glare.

Sighing, Sara gives up, knowing Catherine can always see right through her anyway.

"Sit."

Placing herself down in a chair along the break room table, Sara watches as Catherine rummages through the cupboards. Coming up mostly empty, she eventually tosses an apple and a granola bar down on the table.

"Eat."

"Aren't these Nick's?"

"Eat them, Sidle."

Deciding it's in her best interest to comply, Sara smiles slightly as she gives in, taking generous bites of the food in front of her. When was the last time she actually ate something?

"Want any?" she offers, holding out half the granola bar.

Catherine only glares.

"Right, okay then…" Sara quickly finishes the remaining portions.

Reaching out into the resulting silence, she takes Catherine's hand in hers, lacing their fingers together. Moving her thumb along the soft skin below, Sara lets out a long breath.

"You know I love you, right?" she questions, words quiet in the empty room around them.

Smiling, Catherine sits down next to the brunette, joining her at the table.

"Of course I know, sweetheart." Tightening the hold of their hands, Catherine watches the woman she feels like the luckiest person in the world to get to call her own.

* * *

It takes nearly a full week before Catherine gets word from the court that the charges against her have been dropped and that the case is able to resume.

The blonde has taken that week to solidify her own case for the prosecution and the DA. It's rare for her to be so dedicated to one side in a case, her job being to remain neutral as a CSI. Simply presenting the evidence and allowing the courts to do the judging. But, this case is special.

This case is a former conviction that is now up for appeal. Benjamin Atlong was by far one of the most vicious and violent criminals she's ever had the displeasure of encountering. The scenes from the case gave her nightmares for months, each agonizing murder making her more and more frustrated until they finally got the break they needed to place charges. She knows this man is guilty, just as Maddison Weston does. There's no way in hell she's going to let this monster go free on some appeal.

But, to be sure that doesn't happen, she needs to be at the top of her game. You can bet your house that while Maddison was catching up on the details of the case, Catherine was doing the same while also catching up on her competition.

Maddison Weston is clearly one of the rising stars in the legal world. She's risen through the ladders faster than any female attorney before her, and that has Catherine proud despite their obvious contentions. The young attorney practices full time in Boston, but does freelance work as well for clients who are willing and able to pay enough for her services. A couple headline cases under her belt, and Maddison Weston is close to becoming a household name. Just needs about one more major win, and she'll be one of the top attorneys this nation has ever seen.

Catherine refuses to let this case be that stepping stone.

There's ample information out there about Maddison, Catherine's search more than easy enough to complete. It makes her wonder if Sara ever looked her up, was ever curious to know that become of the person she once loved enough to propose to.

Gathering her papers, she glances at her watch as she prepares to turn everything she's come up with on the case over to the court.

* * *

"Mother and father miss you."

The tightening of a fist and the clenching of a jaw are the only response.

"They talk about you all the time, especially over the holidays." Maddison moves closer. "Always telling me I made the biggest mistake of my life letting you go."

"What do you want?"

The question is more like a growl, the anger clear to read beneath the words.

"Just to talk."

"We already talked. I have nothing more to say to you, Maddison."

"You don't miss them, miss me, miss us? Not even a little bit?"

Tossing down her pen, Sara straightens up, arms crossing over her chest as she stands at her full height.

"I'm not doing this with you. Not now, not ever."

"Think of the life, the family, that you had. All of that's still there, waiting for you back in Boston." Maddison's eyes roam over the hazel ones in front of her. "Don't tell me you actually like it here in this blazing hell-fire desert. Tourists and crowds on every corner, flashing lights and gaudy displays of the sins of humanity pulsing away endlessly every hour of the day and night. It's a blazing hot den of sin, casinos, and chaos."

Maddison takes another step closer.

"The Sara that I knew loved the calm, quiet, seclusion of nature. Spent her days hiking in lush forests, swimming in crystal rivers, reading her books in the thick meadows outside campus, loved exploring the fresh snows of winter."

Maddison takes a final, slow step, placing her mere inches from the young CSI.

"The Sara I know would hate this place."

They remain frozen, almost suspended in place as Sara returns Maddison's gaze, expression something Maddison can't quite interpret.

Then, finally, the brunette takes a step back, gathering her casefile into her arms.

"You don't know me, Maddison. Not back then, and certainly not the person I am now." She narrows her eyes darkly, voice low. "Don't you dare presume you know the first fucking thing about me, let alone and what I do or don't like."

Then, stepping away, she strides out of the room without a single glance back.

* * *

"She's good with her."

Catherine looks up, taking in Maddison as she approaches to stop at her side. They both face forward, watching as Sara lifts Lindsey to her shoulders so that they can both work at trying the strings dangling from the roof of the SUV.

"You seem surprised."

Maddison doesn't comment, both of them watching Sara making sure the tree is securely attached to the roof. It's hard to believe, the heat of the summer still lingering in the warm temperatures, that they're just a month away from Christmas. Sara had taken Lindsey out Christmas tree hunting this afternoon as Lindsey is on the first part of their holiday break at school. Sara had brought Lindsey by the lab so that she could say hello to Catherine on her lunch break as well as give the little girl the opportunity to show her mother the tree they picked out. The pride on Lindsey's face when she proclaimed she'd picked it out herself was more than enough to light up Catherine's entire holiday season.

Sara also used it as an opportunity to make sure they'd attached the tree securely enough for it to make the final leg of the trip home. Neither she nor Catherine were interested in traumatizing their daughter by having their beloved Christmas tree fly off the roof and get run over by surrounding traffic.

"The interview is about to start," Maddison offers instead of answering, both of them waiting for Benjamin Atlong to be transferred into the interrogation room.

It's one of the final steps before court, and the one Catherine hates the most. Both sides barely speak, neither wanting to tip their hands to the other, but needing to formally meet before the appeal case starts in the courts. Maddison currently looks about as thrilled as she is – perhaps the only thing they've agreed upon so far.

"Why do you keep commenting about Sara and Lindsey? Like you're surprised?" Catherine pushes, remembering their first encounter in the park.

Maddison remains quiet, expression torn. In the last few days, the attorney has remained steadfast and stern regarding the case, but she's seemed to mellow her personality a bit when it comes to interacting with Catherine. They've had to meet a few times prior to this, and each time Maddison has let more and more of her façade drop, occasionally even smiling and joking with the CSI. It's what's finally allowed her to see glimpses of the woman Sara fell in love with, finally understand why Sara was devastated when their relationship ended. Catherine understands professional facades, especially when working as a woman in a male dominated field, and she's glad to finally get to see brief glances at the woman beneath it. See the woman that Sara saw so much in.

"You can tell me," Catherine gives permission, seeing Maddison's hesitance.

Taking a deep breath, Maddison continues to watch Sara and Lindsey as they laugh at a branch of the tree that stubbornly pokes back out every time they try to tuck it down.

"She never wanted children," she gets out, voice merely a whisper. "It was one thing we'd talked about at length, and one thing we always agreed upon."

Swallowing, Maddison lowers her head, "I'm sorry."

Without another word, she steps away, giving Catherine her privacy to take in the answer.

* * *

"You alright?" Sara asks, glancing up from her place on the floor as she picks up the last of the puzzle pieces still scattered about.

All night, Catherine has been quiet. Sara knows she's dealing with the Atlong case at work, so hasn't pushed. But, when the blonde seemed hesitant to participate in the puzzle she was building with Lindsey, Sara knew something was wrong. And that it most likely had nothing to do with work.

"I'm okay," Catherine replies, not quite knowing how to answer.

She doesn't want to lie to Sara, not when they've always been honest with one another about issues concerning their relationship. But, she doesn't know how to approach this particular issue.

She doesn't want to question Sara's relationship with Lindsey, not when she's seen firsthand the unwavering and deep love the two have for one another. It isn't a ruse, Sara isn't pretending, and to even suggest it would be devastatingly insulting. She doesn't know how to ask Sara what changed, or when it changed – when she decided children were something she wanted.

Or, perhaps, did it never change? Did she simply accept Lindsey because she came as a package deal with Catherine? Would Sara have preferred Lindsey not have been in the picture?

It's horrible thoughts, but ones that've been going through her mind all night.

"Catherine."

Seeing the emotions along the blonde's face, Sara puts the puzzle neatly away before setting herself along the edge of the couch next to Catherine. Studying the older woman's features, she brushes a gentle hand through the blonde's hair.

"I'm here if you want to talk," she offers quietly, leaning in to place a soft kiss to Catherine's lips.

Pulling away, she gives Catherine privacy, unconsciously mirroring Maddison's actions just hours before.

* * *

"Did you say something to Catherine?" Sara questions, stepping near the attorney's makeshift desk in the state department building.

"I'm sorry?" Maddison questions, looking up at her unexpected guest.

"Did you say something to her?" Sara asks again. "She's been…off…ever since your interview with Atlong the other day."

Maddison shakes her head, "I think you need to talk to Catherine."

Leaning forward, Sara places her hands along the edge of the desktop. "If you said something to her…or did something to her…"

Seeing the uncharacteristically angry look in Sara's normally stoic eyes, Maddison stands, taking Sara by the arm and moving the two of them outside.

"We're not doing this here, in the office, my place of work."

Getting them to the more private space outside the back door, Maddison is just stepping off the last step when Sara pulls roughly away.

"Don't touch me."

Letting out a sigh, Maddison turns to fully face the brunette.

"I'm not here to hurt you, Sara. And, I know now that includes Catherine."

Sara snorts angrily, raising her brows, "Oh, so now you believe that I'm happy here with her? That I love her?"

"Like I said before," Maddison responds calmly. "I know you love her."

"But just not as much as I'd love you?" Sara bites.

Maddison doesn't answer – she doesn't need to.

"I stopped loving you the moment you walked out on me, Maddison."

The words are poignant, harsh, but honest.

Maddison is quiet, her head lowered before she raises it back up.

"I think love is something that follows the first law of thermodynamics."

Raising a brow at the reference, Sara's eyes narrow, "Never created nor destroyed?"

Maddison nods with a small smile, "Only changes form."

Sara's fists clench the same time her shoulders lower slightly, like she wants to remain angry but is losing the energy to do so.

"Maybe it changed form – turning from love to hate. Maybe it changed form, moving from me to someone else entirely. I don't know, Sara," Maddison breathes out. "All I know is that the love we shared isn't something that simply goes away."

Sara's eyes shift, turning to the side of the building, moving towards something, anything, other than the person in front of her.

"Everything I've ever dreamed about has come true," Madison says into the empty space between them. "Top attorney in the state of Massachusetts, one of the top ten attorneys in the nation. Represent the best of the best, and get paid as such. All the cars and houses I could ever want, my family well taken care of in their own place in Boston. All the time and money I need to travel to all those places we dreamed about going. It's all there, Sara."

Maddison takes a hesitant step closer.

"Except for you."

When she reaches out, taking Sara's clenched fist gently in her hand, this time the brunette doesn't pull away. Both of them locked there, frozen, trying to register the energy running between their connected bodies.

"It's all yours if you want it. We can finally begin the life together we should've had all those years ago."

The silence between them is charged, both of them silent and still.

"I'm still in love with you, Sara."

The whispered words break the silence between them, both registering them loud and clear.

"And, I think there's a part of you that's still in love with me, too."

Head lowering, dark hair falling across her face, Sara lets out a long, shaking breath.

Then, she pulls back, removing her hand from the blonde's.

Without a word she pushes through the glass doors behind them and out of sight.

* * *

"Please tell me I have nothing to worry about."

The words greet Sara the moment she enters the lab, hand lifted to knock on Catherine's doorway when the blonde beats her to it.

Entering the office and shutting the door behind her with a sigh, Sara enters the now private space.

"I didn't read it," Catherine says, tone hard to read as she passes the folded note across the wooden surface of her desk, a single white rose attached. "It was taped to your locker this morning. I took it down before one of the guys got hold of it."

"Thanks," Sara mutters, voice heavy as she takes the paper in her hand.

Neither she nor Catherine need to open it to know exactly who it's from.

"So, again," Catherine states, eyes on Sara's. "Tell me I have nothing to worry about."

Shaking her head, Sara's eyes are dark, exhausted, "How can you even ask me that?"

Catherine herself lets out a disbelieving laugh. "How can I not? Your ex-fiancé comes rolling into town, all guns blazing. The woman's one of the smartest people I've ever met, witty, sharp. Powerful and loaded with more money than we'd make in our entire careers combined. Unhindered by children or other responsibilities. Not to mention she's gorgeous. So, you tell me how I'm not supposed to be worried."

Sara's response is quick, sharp.

"People need to stop assuming things about me."

Registering the darkness in Sara's tone, the blonde narrows her eyes, taking a closer look at the brunette. Sara looks exhausted, haggard, like she hasn't eaten or slept in days. Which, Catherine suspects the younger woman hasn't. But, Sara also looks angry, eyes matching the darkness in her tone.

"Hey," she calls, voice softening. "What just happened?"

Standing, Catherine moves around her desk to stand before Sara, her hand cautiously reaching out to take Sara's. When the brunette pulls away, her stomach clenches.

"People think I give a shit about that crap?" Sara gets out tightly, her hands giving away a subtle shake as she clenches them. "Do either of you even know me at all?"

"Hey," Catherine calls out, "stop."

Reaching out, she takes Sara by the arm, this time not letting go when the brunette tries to pull away.

"Stop, honey," she gets out, holding tightly to the woman she cares about more than anything in this world. The same woman who appears more shaken and upset than she can remember seeing her in a very long time. "Relax, Sar."

Sara's body is stiff, her eyes averted, her arm trembling beneath Catherine's touch.

"Babe, talk to me. Please."

Sara's breathing is shaky, like she's barely keeping herself together. Catherine knows that it takes a lot to push Sara to this point, to make her this angry and out of sorts.

"Sara," Catherine runs her free hand down Sara's face towards her jaw, touch light. "Please, sweetheart, tell me what's going on in that head of yours."

Sara's jaw is tight, the blonde feeling the muscles working together under her fingers.

"I…" Sara swallows, turning her head away from Catherine's touch. "I just need space. From all of it."

"Please don't do this," Catherine nearly begs. "Don't push me away. Not now, not like this."

Eyes searching Sara's, she shakes her head.

"I'm afraid, Sara," Catherine confesses. "I'm afraid I'm losing you, have already _been_ losing you. I'm afraid that if you walk out that door right now that I won't ever get you back."

The confession is raw, honest, and it's Catherine's final cards laid out in front of them on the table. Everything bared, open. Her deepest fears revealed. Fears she knows she's been holding in the second Maddison Westmore walked back into Sara's life.

Sara doesn't say anything for a long time, each moment ticking by in anguishing clicks of the clock.

"She doesn't get to do this."

The words, when finally spoken, are stern.

"Sara?"

"She doesn't get to show up and tear my life apart. For the second time."

Sara's eyes raise to Catherine's, the hazel gaze blazing with a thousand emotions Catherine can't name.

"She nearly destroyed me when she walked out on our relationship. I thought I'd never get past the heartbreak, the destruction of everything I'd loved. She was my only family, my best friend, my first love, all of it. And she left."

Sara's hands continue clenching and unclenching, the muscles in her arm twitching beneath Catherine's grip.

"It was one of the worst days of my life."

Eyes searching the blonde's, Sara shakes her head.

"Until it became the best day of my life."

Eyes narrowing, Catherine watches the brunette, slowly shaking her own head. "I don't understand, Sar…"

"If she hadn't left, we probably would have gotten married. Still be together now, living our lives somewhere."

Catherine's eyes narrowing in confusion, she still doesn't understand.

"If she hadn't left, I never would've had the chance to meet _you_ , Catherine."

Sara's jaw tightens, her eyes remaining stern.

"I loved her, part of me will probably always still love her. But," Sara shakes her head. "Not like this. I've never felt love like this before. The love _we_ have."

Breathing shaky, Sara lets out a long breath.

"You're the one I want, Catherine. It's you. Always was, and always will be, you."

Her head shaking tightly, Sara lowers her eyes towards the back wall. The blonde can easily see the tension radiating through her, pulsing between their bodies.

"How can you…how can you doubt my love for you or Lindsey?" Sara questions honestly, her own cards finally laid down. Her own hurt revealed. "How can you entertain for even a second the thought of me leaving you or her?"

"Eddie."

The answer is simple, quick. And it's blunt. She can see in Sara's flinch just how blunt it was.

"We've been walked out on before, by a person who we thought loved us. I'm sorry, but my mind and heart can't forget that as easily as I'd like."

Reaching out, Catherine takes Sara's jaw gently, turning her gaze to meet her own.

"I know you're not Eddie, Sara. That you'd never intentionally hurt us like that. But, he spent the year before he left telling me how worthless I was, how burdensome me and Lindsey were. Maddison told me you never wanted children and I…"

Catherine takes a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions at bay.

"It made me wonder and fear whether you'd ever had the same thoughts as he did. If you ever felt like Lindsey was too much, if all of this wasn't what you truly wanted. But, unlike Eddie, that you were just too polite and kind to say something." She watches the brunette closely. "It's not your fault, Sara," Catherine assures her. "You never gave me a single reason to doubt you or your intentions. But, that voice of Eddie's inside my head, him turning his back on us when something better came along, it still haunts me. Made me terrified that it was just about to happen again. Especially when someone like Maddison literally has the world to offer you."

Sara swallows tightly, her expression dark.

"If he wasn't already dead," Sara gets out, the emotion in her own voice weighing down the words. "I'm sorry, I know he was your husband and Lindsey's father…but…the way he treated you…"

"I know," Catherine assures, smiling slightly at Sara's protective nature. "I know, honey."

Leaning forward, Catherine moves her hand gripping Sara's arm to place it with her other along Sara's jaw, cupping her face in her hands.

"I love you so much, Sar," Catherine offers, watching the darkest of the emotions slowly draining from Sara's body. "You're always going to be the one I chose and fight for as well."

Leaning in, Sara places her lips along the blonde's, the gesture gentle, like they're trying to get reacquainted with the feel of the other.

"Nothing matters to me," Sara whispers out when they separate for air. "Not money, possessions, status, any of it. Only you and Linds. As long as I have you both…" Sara swallows against the emotions in her throat. "Then I already have the world."

* * *

"And it is the decision of this court and the state of Nevada, that the appeal of Mr. Atlong's case be _denied_. The court is also ordering that no further appeal requests be granted. This verdict is final and binding, Mr. Atlong is therefore ordered returned to Nevada state prison to carry out the rest of his life sentence. All are adjourned."

The verdict is swift and emotionless, the judge declaring it along with a final bang of his gavel, the court erupting in murmurs and mixed cries of emotion as the judge leaves for his chambers.

The blonde isn't hard to find, sitting in the back, away from the pomp and circumstance.

Sitting down beside her, their hands meet and join.

"Congratulations," Sara offers, smile warm as they watch the chaos around them. "Great work."

Smiling, Catherine lets out a relieved breath, elated to have this particular nightmare behind her – and behind bars. This time for good.

"I didn't really do anything," she says. "Just let the evidence speak for itself."

Sara squeezes her hand, knowing better than that. Kissing Catherine's knuckles, she simply smiles, "I'm proud of you."

Once the majority of the fray is over, they both stand, making their way out of the courtroom.

"Miss Willows."

Stopping in the doorway, they turn, greeted by the attorney currently avoiding the cameras waiting outside.

They stand in silence for a moment before Maddison steps forward and extends her hand to the older CSI.

"Congratulations," she offers sincerely.

"Thanks," Catherine states, taking the offered hand for a firm shake.

"The judge made the right decision," Maddison says knowingly as she takes her hand back, lifting up her briefcase.

Then, looking over at Sara, she smiles slightly, nodding her head.

"I think a lot of people made the right decision."

Then, giving one last glance between them both, eyeing their still interlocked hands with a small smile, she takes a step back, heading towards the door.

"Take care of yourself, Sara," she requests softly, knowing that Sara will always be a special person to her, one that she will always hold in her heart and want only the best for. But, a person she finally accepts has moved on in her life, building a future for herself that Maddison knows in her heart is as wonderful as the brunette deserves. Then, eyes shifting towards Catherine and back to the brunette, she adds, "And take care of your beautiful family."

Sara nods, her own gaze finally free of its anger and darkness.

"Always."

Watching as Maddison nods, giving a genuine smile, the attorney places her hand briefly on Sara's shoulder before leaving to face the world waiting outside. Her walking out marking the end of the case, and the end of her time in Vegas, in their lives.

Letting out a long breath, Catherine tightens her grip on the hand of the beautiful woman beside her.

"Ready to go?" she asks.

"More than you know," Sara responds, letting out a deep breath of her own. "Let's go home."

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks as always for those that review and comment - it's really nice hearing your feedback and support, definitely appreciated.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt 5: Sara is secretly dating Sofia (or another girl) and Catherine finds out by accident, and is hurt that Sara never told her, since they've become good friends lately and Catherine wasn't even sure Sara was gay. Sara and her gf (preferably Sofia) break up and Catherine helps her through it._

 _-Submitted by Foxfire01_

* * *

 **PROMPT 5**

"Are you going?"

Sara laughs lightly, handing Catherine's order over to the blonde.

"Do we have a choice?"

Settling into a table closest to the windows, the older woman considers the question, then lightly laughs herself.

"Probably not."

"I hate these events," the brunette mutters, taking a sip of her freshly brewed coffee, pulling back slightly at the still scalding temperature. "As if we have nothing better to do than schmooze with a bunch of bureaucrats who don't know the first thing about what we actually do."

"Oh come on now, Sidle, it's not _that_ bad."

Noting the look the younger CSI gives her in return, Catherine smiles.

"Alright, fine, it's pretty awful," she concedes. "But, it's important for the lab. One of the only ways we can legally raise money. The donations from this event can either make or break us for another year."

"Yeah, yeah," Sara mutters, chancing another sip of her much needed coffee. "I promise I'll put on my best 'please give us money so we can help prevent serial killers from murdering you and everyone you love' face."

Snorting, the blonde shakes her head, "You may want to revisit your approach, though I'd imagine it would be quite successful."

Simply smiling back, Sara watches the patrons moving around them.

"This is a nice place," she comments, enjoying the low key atmosphere and artistic influences adorning the décor.

"Thought I'd take the burden of picking a place off your shoulders this morning," Catherine responds, glad her coffee companion likes her chosen destination. "I went here once with a friend of mine who was in town. Haven't thought about it in years, glad to see it was still around."

Sara nods, "Me too."

All those years ago, drinking coffee here with her close friend, she never would have thought she'd be returning one day with Sara Sidle. Back then, her relationship with the brunette was vastly different than it is today. In fact, they've only just recently finally gotten their relationship to this point. She and Sara have worked together almost five years now, the vast majority of that time spent at each other's throats.

Ever since she moved to Vegas, Catherine has never been able to see eye to eye with the brunette across from her. The guys on the team seemed to develop into almost immediate friends, and shortly thereafter, family. Sara was always that one relative who's around, but you never really talk to. And, when you do, nothing good comes out of it – just a whole hell of a lot of fighting.

After a particularly bad spat, one involving many words Catherine believes they'd both wished they could take back, Catherine all but ordered the younger CSI to step out of the office with her. They needed to talk, and they couldn't do it there. Ending up blindly at some diner nearby, they cared less about the location than the very fact they were, for the first time, somewhere other than the lab alone together. For the first time somewhere they could throw their workplace facades out the window and meet simply as two human beings.

Catherine remembers that night well, reminiscing with a small smile. Sara barely said a word all night, wouldn't even meet Catherine's eyes. But, she listened. And that's all Catherine could've really asked for anyway. Catherine had put all her cards on the table that night, even stepping outside herself to muster the ability to apologize to the brunette. To take responsibility and accountability for her role in their destructive relationship. To express her desires for it to, for both their sakes, finally end.

She didn't get much from Sara that night besides the quiet woman's complete silence, but that was a step in and of itself. Neither of them walking out, storming off. That alone for them was progress. As sad a reality as it was.

She was nearly shocked right out of her chair when, just over a week later, the brunette nervously asked her if she wanted to grab coffee after shift. Eagerly, Catherine agreed, taking the extended olive branch with a more than willing hand.

That second night away from the lab they'd finally _both_ talked, not only laying both their cards on the table, but the whole entire deck. There were apologies, explanations, questions, overdue sentiments. All of it was there, laid bare. It's perhaps the first time Catherine realized just how much in common she had with the brunette – how in a lot of ways they were struggling with the same things, the same reservations and frustrations regarding the other.

And, she was grateful that one of the similarities they shared was a desire to finally bury the hatchet. To step out of the familiarity of bickering and tension between them to something better, something productive, something positive.

The change was almost instantaneous, their relationship turning from negativity to something tentatively wary. Then, eventually, developing to something akin to friendship. Both of them finally beyond the pettiness, the personal attacks and resentments. When they disagreed they did so like any other member of the team, hearing each other out and not raising voices or defenses. If one got particularly upset or frustrated, they would simply walk away. Cool off and return when they were ready to revisit the topic. They developed into one hell of a team, working together almost seamlessly, finally using their respective intellects and instincts to develop a solve rate that was unprecedented.

Smiling at the thought, Catherine remembers well the look on the guys' faces when she and Sara started to work with one another instead of against each other. They were a force to be reckoned with, and those around her didn't quite know what to do with the change. They at least seem to have finally accepted it wasn't some phase or temporary truce, seeing Catherine and Sara finally joining the rest of the team in their mutual respect of one another– and now even friendship.

Catherine's only regret was the time it took them to get there. Get here. Five years. Five wasted years.

Sara is now someone she'd consider one of her closest friends, certainly her closest ally on the team. The guys are great, she loves them dearly, but it's different than what she has with Sara. She's learned the brunette is someone, when on your side, defends you and supports you to the very end and with a ferocity that's unrivaled. She's there, whenever Catherine needs her, defending, protecting, uplifting. She feels comfortable with the brunette in ways she's never experienced in her professional life, moving from a place of wariness and suspicion to a place of complete trust.

She'd trust Sara with her life. Hell, she already does every day in the field. She can't fathom all the wasted years they spent fighting this, fighting themselves.

All Catherine can say is she's so damn glad they're finally here, no matter how long it took.

"Cath?"

Sara's question draws the blonde's eyes up, meeting the concern in the hazel ones in front of her.

"You okay?" Sara asks. "You sort of zoned out a bit there."

"Sorry," Catherine apologizes, reaching out to take a sip of her coffee. "I'm fine. Was just thinking."

"About?"

"Us, actually," Catherine answers honestly. She cherishes the honesty she has in her relationship with Sara, and she refuses to start being elusive now.

"Us?" Sara looks a little nervous, eying the blonde with slightly worried eyes.

"Relax, Sidle," she smiles, reaching out to squeeze Sara's arm lightly. "I'm thinking about how glad I am that you and I finally got our acts together. How I wish we'd had this friendship five years ago, hadn't wasted all that time."

Sara takes this in, her own expression a bit harder to read. Sara's always been honest with her, but she's never exactly been as open or transparent as the blonde. It takes Catherine a bit longer, and a bit more effort, to figure out the brunette's feelings sometimes.

"I'm glad, too," Sara eventually states, giving Catherine her eyes and letting her see the honesty there. "Very glad."

Giving Sara's arm one last squeeze, she draws back, moving on to happier topics than their tumultuous past.

"So, tell me about what you're planning to wear to this exciting gala of ours."

Sara shakes her head, sending the blonde a playful glare. "God, no, I draw the line at discussions regarding outfits and how we're doing our hair."

Laughing, Catherine smiles at her friend. "Fine."

Then, a moment later, she quirks her head to the side in serious contemplation. "Shoes?"

Groaning, Sara lays her head back onto the booth behind her, rolling her eyes.

Snorting, Catherine takes a small sip of her coffee, watching the brunette with a smile.

* * *

"Hey," the older CSI greets as she pokes her head into the break room where Sara appears to be reviewing the notes on one of her cases. "I'm about to head out. I'm seeing you later tonight, right?"

While she knows Sara wouldn't completely ditch the lab gala, especially since it's essentially mandatory attendance, she feels the need to confirm that the elusive woman won't somehow find a way out of it.

"Yup," Sara sounds less than thrilled. "I'll be there."

"Good, you better," Catherine warns playfully. "Speaking of, did you want a ride? We can go to this horrid event together if you want, make it a bit more tolerable?"

Sara looks up, appearing just a bit surprised at the offer. There are rare moments, like this one, when Sara seems almost caught off guard regarding their friendship. They've been close for a while now, but there are rare moments, glimpses really, when Sara reveals just a hint of surprise or uncertainty – almost like she's expecting the last months to have been some sort of joke or allusion.

The moments are growing fewer and farther between, and the blonde can only hope that sometime soon they disappear altogether.

"Thanks," Sara clears her throat, smoothing over her expression. "But I may need to head out a bit early, so I'll just take myself."

"You sure?" Catherine offers.

"Yeah," Sara nods with a small smile, "Thanks though, really."

"Sure, anytime." With a small wave, Catherine sends her friend a smile of her own. "See you tonight, Sar."

* * *

"Holy shit."

Spinning, the brunette startles slightly at the voice behind her.

Taking in the woman from head to toe, this time from the front, Catherine shakes her head.

"Holy shit," she repeats, eyes wide. "You clean up well, Sidle. Like, _very_ well."

Blushing, Sara seems more than a little uncomfortable with the attention.

"Thanks," she mumbles.

Glancing one more time over Sara's form fitting black dress, the cut of the material highlighting her slim, elegant physique perfectly, the tanned, tone skin it reveals, the gentle curl of Sara's dark hair as it falls over her bare shoulders. It's perfect, all of it. Right down to the damn shoes.

"You may want to avoid Greg," Catherine suggests with a knowing smile. "I think you'd short circuit that brain of his."

Smiling slightly, Sara shakes her head at Catherine's compliments.

"If you think I'd break him," she states, "then you probably should look in a mirror." Getting more serious, she sends Catherine a gentle smile. "You look beautiful, Cath."

Catherine smiles back, appreciating the genuine compliment. "Thanks."

Noticing her companion's empty hands, she gestures to the bar behind them. "Drink?"

Sara nods eagerly, "Yes, good God. Please."

* * *

The night goes by only mildly painfully, if not a bit slowly.

Catherine, who considers herself a social person, is finding herself more than a bit tuckered out after an evening of schmoozing and conversing with people she's supposed to be impressing. It's annoying, and exhausting. She can only imagine how her somewhat less social butterfly team members must be feeling.

Speaking of, she looks around the thinning crowd, eyes searching for one particular brunette. Sara had been true to word, making the rounds tonight like a champ, even spending time with people Catherine knows the brunette has less than pleasant feelings towards. Sara may be stubborn, but the younger CSI is dedicated to her work, to this lab. She'd do anything it takes to keep it successfully running, keep their work here safe and free of financial pressures.

Not seeing her friend, Catherine figures she may have already left. Taking that as her own cue, she heads to the side room to grab her jacket and purse.

Breathing out a long sigh of relief as she enters out into the cool night air, she grabs her keys. There's nothing more she wants than to get home to a warm bath and soft bed.

Rounding the row of cars towards her own, she stops short at a muffled thud a few cars further up the row.

Glancing over, her eyes take in the area, seemingly vacant. But, there's a couple cars parked there, including one she recognizes as Sara's SUV. Brows furrowing in concern, she carefully steps slightly closer.

Hearing another thud this time followed by a groan, she quickens her pace.

"Sara?"

Rounding the corner of Sara's Jeep, she stops dead in her tracks at the sight before her.

There, pushed up against the driver's door of her Jeep, is Sara herself. But, the person doing the pushing is doing so with anything but harmful intentions. In fact, both parties look like they're definitely in a lot more pleasure than pain.

Watching their heated kiss continue, hands clenching and groping while mouths engage in their own explorations, Catherine slowly backs up.

Her movement, however, is perfectly timed with the couple's slight separation for much needed air, both gasping for breath as their mouths remain millimeters apart.

Eyes fluttering open, it takes Sara mere seconds to immediately jerk her head to the side, spotting the intruder in her peripheral vision.

Immediately, the brunette tenses, body stiffening as her eyes widen.

"Catherine?"

"Shit," Catherine curses. "I'm sorry, I heard something over here by your car…wanted to be sure you were okay..."She takes a deep breath, trying to make herself seem less shaken than she is. "I didn't mean to interrupt anything."

Sara looks like she wants to disappear into the bowels of the parking lot below her feet, face reddening and body tense.

"It's okay," she offers, voice tight and nervous. "We were just…uh…"

Catherine nods, knowing exactly what the two were just doing, and the familiarity of their actions letting Catherine know this isn't the first time they're doing it either. Far from it.

"Right," Catherine gets out. "Well, sorry again. I'll leave you two to it."

Eyeing the couple one last time, hands and bodies frozen in place against each other, she takes a final step back.

"See you in the morning, Sara," she states tightly. Then, turning to her silent companion, she nods. "Sofia."

Sofia returns the nod, looking like she also wants nothing more than to disappear. "Catherine."

Without another word, the CSI makes her exit, wishing like hell she could take back the last two minutes of this night. For more reasons than one.

* * *

The next day brings the first time that Catherine has cancelled one of their coffee dates. Telling Sara that she has to stay late for a case she's working.

Sara can read the excuse as clear as anyone, remaining quiet as she simply nods, not having the words to say to confront the clear lie. All day she's been nervous around Catherine, not saying much, even quieter than usual.

The older CSI expected that, expected the awkwardness they now find themselves in after their uncomfortable encounter last night. But, what she didn't expect, was for Sara to refuse to accept Catherine's excuse and avoidance.

When she finally arrives home, nearly two hours after the end of shift, she finds the very person she'd been trying to avoid all day sitting on her porch.

"Sara?" she questions with narrowed eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"We need to talk."

Pulling herself to a stand, Sara keeps a respectful distance.

"Please."

Catherine laughs tightly, "Oh, _now_ you want to talk?"

Sara doesn't rise to the bait, eyes remaining fixed on Catherine's. She refuses to bite back, to engage in their old ways of handling things. They'd moved past that, and Sara stands firmly in place, refusing to go backwards in their relationship.

Perhaps recognizing the situation as well, Catherine sighs, letting out a long breath. She doesn't want to fight either – doesn't want to lose the progress the two of them have made.

"Come on," she unlocks the front door. "It's freezing out here."

* * *

As they enter the house, Catherine quickly tosses her coat to the side, moving to make themselves some drinks.

"Coffee or wine?"

Sara smiles slightly, shaking her head. "You have anything stronger?" she half jokes.

Without a word, Catherine reaches into the top cabinet, pulling down a bottle of what looks like scotch. Gesturing to it, Sara considers the offer briefly before nodding, her shoulders dropping just a bit lower as she seems to lose her fight against her own resolve.

"You sure?" Catherine asks, seeing the internal struggle the brunette is battling.

"Yes," Sara answers. "I think I'm going to need it."

Needing to hear no more, the blonde pours Sara a glass, amber liquid filling the tumbler. Reaching out, she hands it over.

As Sara takes it, there's one last pause before she takes a long swallow, eyes closing as the burning liquid makes its way down her throat.

Pouring herself her own glass, Catherine leads the way to the living room couch. Sitting, she waits for Sara to follow.

It takes Sara about three more swallows before the brunette finally speaks.

"I'm sorry."

The apology is quiet, sincere, almost pained.

"What are you sorry for?" Catherine asks, needing to hear Sara's answer. She knows what she herself is upset about, and wants to hear Sara's own angle first.

Luckily, Sara's angle is her own.

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

Of everything that Catherine witnessed last night, that was the one that bothered her the most.

"I thought we were friends, Sara," Catherine gets out, her own voice heavy with the hurt it harbors.

"We are," Sara assures immediately, her eyes heavy as she lifts them to Catherine's. "We are."

"Then why didn't you say something?" the blonde shakes her head. "Why would you go so far as to lie to me about not wanting to go to the gala together instead of just telling the truth that you were already going with Sofia?"

Sara is quiet, causing Catherine to push further.

"Did you think I'd be mad? Do you think I'd judge your relationship with Sofia?"

Sara shakes her head, "No. I just…"

Frustrated, Sara takes another swallow of her drink, eyes closing as she tries to find the words.

"I'm just not good at sharing things like that. I don't like talking about myself all that much, sharing what's happening in my life, I don't know."

Catherine waits until Sara's eyes are open again before she narrows her own.

"This isn't some small thing to keep to yourself," she gets out, her own emotions heavy. "I had no idea that you were even gay, Sara."

Stiffening, Sara's eyes are downcast, her fingers tight against the glass held within them.

"I had to find out my close friend was gay by walking in on her making out with her girlfriend," Catherine states quietly, the hurt evident in her voice. "I'd hoped you and I were closer than that."

The room falls to silence for a long time, neither of them knowing quite what to say, quite where to go from here.

"I'm sorry," Sara offers finally, not knowing what else she could say to the woman she clearly hurt. "I was wrong, and I know that."

"Do you trust me, Sara?" Catherine asks, getting to the bottom of the issue they're currently dancing around. The foundation underneath all of this.

Sara's eyes lift to Catherine's, narrowing slightly.

"Of course," she answers.

Studying the younger woman in front of her, Catherine searches her eyes.

"But you still question this new relationship between us, this friendship."

The question isn't a question. It's a statement, one they both know holds its own truths.

Sara's guarded in almost every aspect of her life, they both know this. For her not to be wary of _this_ , the newfound relationship between her and a woman she fought with for nearly five years, it would be unrealistic. It's a reality they both need to accept, to acknowledge.

"I'm sorry," Sara offers for what feels like the thousandth time tonight. "I do trust you, Cath. I do. I just…"

"I understand," Catherine says softly. And she does. She suspects Sara's had a lot of trust issues in her life, long before she ever even met the blonde. This wasn't something that came about because of Catherine. No, she's just the one having to deal with the fallout of other people's actions against the woman before her.

"I'm not going anywhere," Catherine assures with a long breath out, placing a hand along the tense woman's leg, feeling the fear and anxiety that lays beneath. "It takes as long as it takes. But, in the meantime, you can't keep these sorts of huge things from me, Sar. Please."

Sara is quiet, the stoic woman looking like she's struggling against the emotions of this moment. Slowly, carefully, she places a hand over Catherine's where it still rests along her thigh. The action is response enough, giving Catherine all the gratitude the brunette can't find the words to adequately express.

Squeezing their hands together, Catherine smiles softly.

"Now, tell me all about this hot clandestine relationship you apparently have going on with our friend Detective Curtis."

Sara's eyes move up to Catherine's giving her hand a return squeeze before she allows the change in topic, the lifting of some of the emotions from the moment.

"We've been together for about a year now."

Catherine nearly chokes, her eyes wide. "Seriously?"

Nodding, Sara watches her own drink. "Seriously."

"Holy shit," Catherine breathes out. "You're damn good at keeping secrets, woman. I had no clue."

Smiling slightly, Sara shakes her head. "Well, it's not exactly something we advertise, for obvious reasons."

"Because you're two women? Or because you work together?"

Sara shrugs, "Both."

"You know I don't care about that first concern of yours, right?" Catherine asks, needing to be sure. "I'm pretty sure I recall telling you about my own escapades with more than a few women in my day?"

Sara smiles, letting out a soft laugh. "Yeah, I seem to recall a few of those stories."

"Good," Catherine smiles back, needing Sara to know she doesn't judge her relationship with Sofia, her sexuality, any of it. Not even the slightest. And not just because she herself is bisexual. Simply because love is love, and to view any relationship between two people any other way is simply absurd.

"I'm really happy for you, Sar," Catherine expresses, wanting nothing more than the private woman next to her to be happy. And, if what she walked in on last night was any indication, the relationship she has with Sofia definitely makes her happy.

Sara smiles slightly, downing the rest of her drink. "Thank you, Catherine." Her eyes lift back up to the blonde's, showing that she's not just thankful for her comment, but for so much more.

Reading the message loud and clear, Catherine squeezes the hand still in hers.

"Now come on, I'm getting the bed in the guest room set up for you," she says with no room for argument. "You can barely keep your eyes open, and I'm sure that scotch isn't going to help matters any in a few minutes."

Brow raising, Sara looks up. "You sure?"

"Not taking no for an answer," Catherine responds. "I already confiscated your keys."

Eying the kitchen counter in surprise, Sara notes that indeed, her keys seem to be MIA.

"Sneaky."

Smiling, Catherine stands, pulling Sara up with her.

"You aren't the only one with a few secrets up her sleeve," Catherine winks playfully, letting the rest of the tension pass from between them. "Now come on, before you pass out on me."

Smiling, Sara complies, letting herself be led towards the room, and the bed, she hates to admit she desperately needs.

* * *

"We're okay?" Sara asks her the next morning over coffee and toast at Catherine's kitchen table.

"We're okay," Catherine assures with a smile. "You're a damn pain in the ass sometimes, but we're okay."

Snorting, Sara downs the rest of her coffee. "Takes one to know one I guess."

Winking at Catherine, she rises to place their empty plates and mugs in the sink, quickly doing the dishes before the blonde can argue about her being a guest in her house or some other nonsense.

Glancing down at her phone as she finishes, Sara lets out a sigh.

"I should go," she moves to retrieve her keys where they've been returned to the counter. "Sofia is probably wondering where I've been."

"Then you should go," Catherine agrees.

Lingering slightly in the doorway, Sara hesitates a moment, fingers tugging at the metal keys in her hand, before she seems to come to some internal decision. Then, leaning forward, she pulls Catherine into a hug.

Sara's grip is gentle, tentative, and it only takes the blonde seconds to return it. Sara isn't really the hugging type, and she can count on one hand the times they've shared the gesture – even with their newfound friendship. Tightening her own grip, Catherine holds Sara close, beyond grateful for this moment – for the other woman's decision to offer it.

"Thanks for everything," Sara offers quietly.

"Always, Sar," she takes a deep breath, trying to keep her emotions steady. "After all, that's what friends are for."

* * *

In the next weeks, Catherine is glad to see her relationship with Sara returning to normal, the two moving past their hiccup regarding Sara's relationship with Sofia. Or, more aptly, her decision to keep it from Catherine.

They've resumed their after shift coffee dates, moving forward and past the events.

While she and Sara have seemed to return to each other's good graces, the blonde has noticed Sara has however seemed a bit more on edge lately than she has been. When Catherine comments about it, Sara waves off the older woman's concerns.

But, when Sofia suddenly appears at the police line of one of their scenes and pulls the brunette aside, Catherine's unease grows. Sofia isn't one to bring personal issues to the workplace, and neither is Sara. When Sofia again shows up nearly a week later, this time towards the end of shift asking to speak with Sara privately, her unease grows to downright worried.

That night, Sara's late to their coffee date. And, when she does arrive, her thoughts are clearly miles away.

Catherine doesn't comment, simply getting their drinks and sitting with Sara for as long as the brunette needs.

"I..I think Sofia and I are breaking up."

The words, when they're finally spoken, are almost dead and emotionless. They're stated like someone reciting the weather forecast, not discussing the topic they represent.

"What?" Catherine questions, her own tone laden with shock and disbelief.

When silence greets her, she pushes her drink aside to focus her gaze on the woman whose own gaze is burning a hole in the wooden tabletop.

"Sara, honey?"

Sara's clearly still in shock herself, her body language spacey and unfocused, like she's in a daze.

"She told me tonight," Sara states, voice the same eerily emotionless tone.

"What?" Catherine repeats, shaking her head with wide eyes. "Why?"

Sara's own eyes narrow, her hands tightening along the edge of the table.

"She thinks there's another woman."

If Catherine's eyes were wide before, they're about ready to fall from her head now.

"She…" the blonde shakes her head incredulously, "she thinks you're cheating on her with another woman?"

Sara doesn't answer, her answer in the silence itself.

"Are you?" Catherine asks tentatively, trying to be neutral.

Sara doesn't seem at all like the cheating type, but after Eddie she knows better than to completely trust anyone when it comes to fidelity.

Sara's eyes finally meet Catherine's, the brunette's expression finally registering an emotion as she looks at Catherine with what can best be described as anger.

"You're asking me if I cheated on Sofia?"

"Sorry," Catherine has the wherewithal to look guilty, shifting uncomfortably in her seat at Sara's dark tone. "I just…I didn't think you did…I just…"

"I didn't cheat on her," Sara bites out, interrupting. "I would never cheat. Not on her or anyone else. Ever."

"Okay," Catherine raises her hands, nodding and acknowledging her error in voicing the question. "I'm sorry. I know you wouldn't do something like that, Sara."

"Well," Sara gets out darkly. "I guess that makes me fifty fifty so far."

"Why in the world would Sofia think you cheated?" Catherine asks, wanting to know why in the hell the other fifty percent in this situation is having doubts.

Of all the people she knows, Sara Sidle would probably be the least likely person to ever cheat on anyone. The girl is loyal, beyond description.

"She says I've been…distracted…lately. Claiming I don't talk to her or…initiate…other things…with her anymore."

Sara's cheeks blush lightly, the brunette clearing her throat.

"She thinks our chemistry has been off, that my heart isn't in it anymore."

"Is she right?" Catherine poses the question gently, voice caring.

People fall out of love sometimes. Hell, the blonde has been a participant in more than a handful of those situations herself. Doesn't mean there was something terrible or tragic that happened, like infidelity, just means that people sometimes grow apart. Feelings change.

"I've been busy with work," Sara states, shaking her head. "This serial case I'm on with Nick, not to mention the triples Gil has me pulling almost weekly. I just-"

"Is she right?" Catherine cuts in gently.

Sara's eyes lower, her body stiffening.

"I don't know."

Catherine raises a brow, "You don't know?"

"I'm happy with her," Sara says sincerely. "Really, really happy."

Then, lowering her eyes even further, Sara's voice grows heavy, burdened. Regretful.

"I just don't know if our happiness is the same as love anymore."

Hearing the strain in Sara's tone, Catherine can no longer stand the separation between them, reaching out to take Sara's hand in hers.

"Oh, Sara," she breathes out. "I'm so sorry, honey."

She knows what it's like to be in a relationship that you're happy in, but has lost its spark. Has turned from passion and desire to contentment and stagnation. One that is no longer moving forward, progressing. Instead standing still.

Those, perhaps, are the hardest to leave. You're content, you love the person you're with, but you're not _in love_ with them. Not anymore.

It's almost easier if someone actually does cheat. It's a horrid thought, but in that situation you know the relationship's over, that it needs to end. When it's something like this, it places you in a terrible limbo – you're happy, but not as happy as you want to be. You're content, but not excited or passionate about the person you're with.

Most people simply accept it as it is, staying in the relationship because it's safe. It's reliable.

But, it's not the type of happiness either party deserves. It's not the type of love that Sofia or Sara deserve. They both deserve someone who makes them smile every time they see them, makes their heart beat faster, makes their palms sweaty and they're breathing catch. They deserve a love that inspires them, sustains them, encourages them, warms them.

They deserve more than a relationship that's convenient or safe. They deserve so much more.

"How long have you felt this way?"

The question is careful, respectful. It's a hunch, and one that Catherine can feel confirmed by Sara's free hand as it rises to rub her temples.

"Shit, Sara," Catherine breathes out.

"I thought it would get better," she gets out. "We'd gone through a rough patch a couple months back, but had worked things out. I thought everything was okay again. That _we_ were okay. I just…I guess somewhere along the way my feelings changed. I kept waiting for them to come back, to be what they were when we started dating."

"Feelings change sometimes," Catherine tries to comfort the woman across from her. "That's not your fault or something you should feel guilty about. You gave it a chance, you stuck it out. But you shouldn't have to pretend to feel something you're not or pretend to be happy if you're not."

"She…she's such an amazing person, Catherine…our relationship is one of the most amazing things in my life right now. I'm…" Sara struggles on the words. "I'm not ready to lose her."

"You love her, Sara," Catherine gently pushes. "But are you _in love_ with her?"

The answer doesn't come quickly, Sara's eyes heavy with emotion.

"The fact that you're hesitating, Sar," Catherine whispers out, holding the brunette's hand tighter, "tells me you already know the answer."

Sara's hand shakes as she brings it tighter to her temples, her eyes shielded.

"I hate this," the choked words force their way out. "I fucking hate this."

"Come on," Catherine calls, throwing some money on the table. "We're getting out of here."

Sara hesitates but doesn't have the strength to put up much of a fight as the blonde practically drags her up from the booth and out of the café.

* * *

Catherine had thought this was a good idea at the time, she really, really did. But, now, watching Sara's vacant expression she's not so sure.

"Sar? Hon?"

Sara's been spaced out like this for nearly the last ten minutes. It's unnerving, and more than a little bit concerning.

"Sara."

"She sent me flowers on my birthday."

The comment seems so random, so out of place, that Catherine wonders if the silence was actually _less_ concerning.

"That's how she asked me out," Sara states after a few moments, eyes still vacantly staring at the cup in her hands. She's barely touched it, so Catherine knows it's not the generous amount of whiskey in the Irish coffee that's doing the talking. "We'd been working a serial murder case for nearly a month. I had no idea she liked me…like that. It took me about a week to finally figure out who the flowers were from – when I did and asked her why she sent them…she asked me out."

Catherine listens to Sara as she speaks, sharing aspects of her relationship with Sofia that she was completely oblivious about. All that time, a _year_ , and Catherine had no idea of the romantic relationship developing right in front of her nose. Some CSI she is.

"This is going to crush her, both of us."

Catherine looks up at this particular comment, watching Sara continue to watch her coffee.

"Do you love her, Sara?" Catherine asks softly, gently. She knows how hard this situation is for the brunette, and she's going to tread lightly. "Are you in love with her the same now as you were that day?"

Reaching out, she places her hand atop Sara's shoulder, holding her as she delivers her next, harder sentiment.

"If you don't love her, Sara. If you're not _in love_ with her, then you need to let her go. She deserves that from you."

Sara doesn't respond, but Catherine knows she heard her, knows from her expression that the young woman already knew this particular truth. But, hearing it stated aloud, she seems to perhaps finally accept it.

"I need to talk to Sofia."

Swallowing tightly, Sara places her mug on the bar, tossing down some money as she pushes herself to a stand.

"Now?" Catherine questions carefully. "You sure you're okay to drive?"

Sara barely touched her coffee, so Catherine isn't worried about the alcohol. No, she's more concerned with Sara's zombie-like expression she's been demonstrating all night, her vacant eyes that seem eons away. Sara's clearly been in a whole other world tonight, preoccupied with thoughts regarding her relationship and whether it's about to end.

"I'm okay." Sara's assurance is quick, almost too quick.

"Sara."

"I'm okay," Sara finally lifts her eyes to her companion's. "I promise."

It's one of the first times Catherine's seen Sara's eyes since they arrived at the bar, and the devastation there, the internal turmoil, it has Catherine's heart breaking.

"Please text me when you get to where you're going?" Catherine pleads with concern.

Contemplating the request for a few moments, Sara nods.

"Be safe, Sar."

Watching the brunette leave, Catherine can only breathe out a tense sigh, hoping for the best for her close friend and colleague.

* * *

It's about forty minutes later when Catherine finally gets the text she's been anxiously pacing back and forth her house waiting for.

 _Sidle (11:52pm): Made it to Sofia's. See you in the morning. And, thanks, Catherine._

The text is short, simple, but it brings relief to Catherine's nervousness. She knows this night isn't going to be a pleasant one for Sara nor Sofia, but she's hoping perhaps closure will finally be possible once they have everything out in the open.

* * *

Sometimes Catherine wonders if Sara wasn't a CIA agent or undercover cop in a former life. She's bizarrely good at putting up a front, at masking so much behind her small smiles and stoic facades.

The guys are oblivious, joking around during morning assignments like most other shifts, Nick even laughing with Sara about something they caught Greg doing the other day.

It's only when everyone leaves that the brunette finally drops her walls, shoulders slumping as the lets out an exhausted breath.

"It's done," she says, voice quiet and resigned.

Catherine knows exactly what she's referring to, so there's no request for clarification. Instead, she stands, making her way towards the younger CSI.

"I'm so sorry, Sara."

Sara's head lowers, sinking under the weight of everything she's battling with inside.

"Had to be done."

Eyes moving briefly to the blonde's, Sara meets their gazes for a brief moment before exiting the room to start her shift.

It's about an hour past the end of shift before Catherine catches up with Sara, both having been sent out on solos. And, as luck would have it, Catherine's solo involved the assignment of Sofia Curtis on the scene instead of Brass. Which, Catherine was grateful for, glad that Sara ended up with Jim and not her ex.

If Sofia's mood was any indicator, she's struggling with the recent events as much as Sara.

"You have tomorrow off, right?" Catherine asks as greeting, stepping into the small lab.

Sara glances up, "Yeah. Why?"

"You have plans tonight?"

Sara now looks even more wary. "Not exactly…"

"Well, that's good. Because I may or may not have acquired a large supply of ice cream and really crappy movies that I may or may not need help consuming."

"You plan to eat the movies?"

Catherine shakes her head with an eye roll, "Asshole."

Sara smiles slightly, it's barely there and a ghost of the usual Sidle grin, but it's there.

"You don't have to do this, Cath," Sara says seriously, voice quiet and sincere. "I'll be okay on my own. Not the first time I've gotten my heart broken."

"I know," Catherine assures the younger woman. "You're one of the strongest people I know, Sara. But breakups still suck. And, really, I'm doing it more for the ice cream than I am for you."

Snorting, Sara shakes her head. "Asshole," she mutters.

Smiling, Catherine reaches out, placing her hand on the brunette's shoulder.

"We have a deal or not?" Catherine questions. "These movies are really bad, Sar. Please don't make me suffer through them alone."

"You sure know how to frame an argument," Sara states sarcastically, placing the evidence in front of her neatly away. "But I'm in."

"Excellent!" Catherine claps her hands together.

Getting everything wrapped up, the head out towards the parking lot, Sara turning towards the blonde as they reach their respective cars.

"Cath."

Turning, Catherine notes Sara's serious expression, her hesitant voice.

"I, uh, I just wanted to thank you," she says quietly. "For everything."

Sara shuffles her feet, anxious hands toying with her keys.

"Part of the reason I was hesitant to let you in, to trust you, is because of this." Her eyes are lifted to the blonde's. "You see me. Through my walls and my guards to what I'm feeling under it. You always seem to know what I need and when I need it. I've never really…"

Sara trails off, trying to get her voice clear of the emotions clouding it.

"I've never really had someone in my life the way you are now, someone there when the pieces all fell apart. It terrified me. But, I was an idiot," she says quietly. "Because I clearly had nothing to worry about."

Clearing her throat, Sara offers a small smile, "Thank you for everything, Catherine. Honestly."

Smiling, Catherine pulls her friend in for a hug, holding the guarded woman tightly in her arms.

"Like I said, Sar," she whispers out. "That's what friends are for, right?"

Sara's body returns the hug, long arms returning the tight hold. "Yeah, I'm finally starting to get that."

Smiling, Catherine pulls back just enough to catch Sara's eyes.

"Now, come on, those terrible movies aren't going to watch themselves."

Laughing, Sara shakes her head, pulling fully out of the hug so she can get into her car.

"Not sure I can refrain myself from speeding I'm so excited."

"You better believe it, Sidle," Catherine jokes back. "You better damn believe it."

* * *

Three movies and two pints of ice cream later, both women are barely awake, the combination of sugar crashes and terrible comedy doing them in.

Reaching above her, Catherine blindly grabs at the blanket laid along the top of the couch. Dragging it over their bodies, Sara mumbles something incoherent as Catherine pushes them both down into a laying position. The warmth of the blanket and their close proximity being the last nudge into complete exhaustion, their eyes fluttering closed nearly in unison.

Catherine's very glad she made sure neither of them have work in the morning.

"Night, Sar," she gets out, voice sounding more of a slur than a statement.

But, Sara comprehends, a whisper of a "Night" returning back to the blonde.

Never, in Catherine's wildest dreams, would she have pictured this, the two of them, in this position together. Her helping Sara through a breakup, spending the evening together watching crappy movies and binging on ice cream.

It's something friends do, best friends.

It may have been a road lined with mistakes, regrets, and errors, but it's a road that eventually got them here.

And here is a damn beautiful place to be, Catherine concludes.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	6. Chapter 6

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Sorry for the longer delay for this latest prompt - this one ended up being a bit longer in length and I did not have quite as much time to write these past weekends as I usually do. Love receiving all your amazing prompts - thanks for submitting, will keep trying to do them justice. Thanks as always for all your guys' kind reviews and comments, you really have no idea how much they mean.**

 **Just a quick note on this one, I apologize that I did not realize this prompt and the one prior were from the same person until after I wrote it (some prompts are being submitted via reviews and some via private messages) - going forward I will do a better job of spacing out people's prompts so everyone's is gotten to before I go back for those that submitted multiples. Keep the prompts coming, by all means, absolutely no limit on how many you can submit - I just have to make sure I pay attention on my end to keep proceeding in the order they were received, but without duplicates until everyone's had a chance to have one written.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt 6:_ _Sara was married to a woman and they adopted a little girl together. They divorced and the ex-wife won't let Sara see their daughter any longer because of the family history of abuse. Catherine finds out by accident and vows to help Sara get her child back from the ex-wife._

 _\- Submitted by Foxfire01_

* * *

 **PROMPT 6**

She wasn't the one saving.

No, she was the one who was saved.

The day they walked into that orphanage, Sara Sidle was amidst one of the deepest struggles of her life.

Family.

No word could have been more complicated for the young CSI. The one she had as a child, the one she wanted to create as an adult. Were they contradictory? Complimentary? Were they a clash of mountains, pushing and grinding against one another violently? Or, was all that pressure and violence simply a method of creating diamonds?

All Sara knew, looking around her that day at the building threatening to crumble around them, screaming children and hopeless wails coloring the air, was that she could do better than _this_ place. That she _had_ to do better than this place.

Wide, humbled eyes taking in the rooms of overflowing children, children who watched a world give up on them time and time again, Sara wandered in silence. She wasn't going to give up on them, and to do that, she couldn't give up on herself.

Taking a deep, shaky breath, she made it to the last room, this one blissfully empty, out of the frays of chaos she just traversed. Leaning hands on a rusty, chipping window frame, her body sagged under the weight of this place, this reality. Sara bowed her head, dark hair serving to separate this world from her own for just a minute. It was only a minute, the briefest transfer of time, but it was all she needed.

Turning with renewed determination, it was then, in that moment, that she met her. The person who would become the pride and joy of her life. The person who, without a doubt, saved Sara in more ways than one.

The wide, bright green eyes, seemingly so out of place in the dingy ruins around them. The small, tiny arms and legs, the unruly curls of auburn hair. The quiet silence that told Sara this small child was also seeking refuge in this room. Time passed in that same silence, neither one of them breaking it. Instead, Sara simply joined this small child, lowering herself down along the wall to rest against the dirt, rocks, and other unidentifiable debris littering the cold cement floor.

It's there that her wife found her nearly an hour later. And, it's there that they both found their daughter.

* * *

"Be good for your mom, yeah?" Sara raises a brow, watching her daughter closely.

"Are you sure I can't just stay with you?" the quiet voice responds, her eyes downcast as she adds some red to the coloring book page in front of her.

"We talked about this, honey," Sara breathes out, sitting herself down on the ground next to her daughter. "It's your other mom's turn to have you for the weekend, okay? She loves her weekends with you."

"No she doesn't."

"Hey," Sara shakes her head, "you know that isn't true. She just gets busy with work, alright? Doesn't mean for one second she doesn't love you or love spending time with you. Okay?"

When only the sound of crayons on paper responds, Sara reaches out, gently tilting her daughter's chin upwards until her beautiful, green eyes are on her own.

"Okay?"

Watching her with more awareness than any eight year old should have, her daughter finally nods.

"Good," Sara ruffles the girl's hair, laughing as she watches the barely contained curls lose all hope for tameness.

Her daughter laughs as well, giggles filing the park as she tries to swat Sara's hand away. It's in moments like this, nearly four years since they adopted her, that Sara can't believe she ever had a life without this beautiful little girl in it.

Placing a kiss along those same unruly curls, Sara draws her daughter up onto her lap, holding her closely as she watches her finish her picture that is beginning to take shape.

"I love you, Olivia," she whispers out into the gentle summer breeze, not expecting a response from the girl now poking her tongue out from her lips in concentration as she adds bright streaks of blue across the paper.

But, she gets one. One that never ceases to make her heart threaten to explode in her chest every time she hears it.

"Love you too, mom."

* * *

"Hey, Olivia, why don't you finish grabbing your things while I talk to your mom real quick, okay?"

Olivia's eyes immediately shoot to Sara's, the small girl standing stiffly.

"It's okay, Liv," Sara assures her with a smile. "Do as she asks. I'll be waiting right here for you when you're done."

The hesitation her daughter gives makes Sara's heart want to break. Sending her a gentle nod, Olivia finally seems reassured enough to leave the room, heading towards her bedroom to collect her things.

"We need to talk," her ex-wife immediately states the second they're alone.

"Apparently," Sara breathes out with an exhausted sigh. This is the last thing she wants to deal with right now. A long day at work, and all Sara wants to do is get home so she can enjoy a nice, relaxing evening with her daughter that she's missed beyond words.

"Don't act like that," her ex shakes her head. "Don't try to always make me the bad guy in everything."

Closing her eyes and trying desperately to center herself, Sara smooths the expression on her face as she opens them. "What do you want to talk about, Alex?"

"Olivia mentioned something about her going camping with you?"

Rolling her eyes, Sara immediately learns the cause for this particular conversation.

"Yeah, and?"

"And she's eight, Sara!" Alex points out angrily, but careful to keep her voice down.

"So?"

"So she's a _child_ , and you want to take her out into the middle of the wilderness with snakes and scorpions and god knows what else?!"

"We're going to a campground with cabins and running water, Alex. The scorpions and snakes aren't much of a concern until I take her tent camping. You know, maybe when she's nine?"

Hands on her hips, Alex looks anything but amused. "Don't be an asshole, Sara. For once, please, will you take something seriously?"

"I take everything regarding the safety of my daughter seriously," Sara counters, her face immediately dropping any hint of a smile. "Don't you dare accuse me of not taking her wellbeing seriously."

Perhaps registering the low anger underlying Sara's tone, Alex holds her hands up. She knows she was being unfair, and she knows Sara won't let something like that slide.

"Okay, fine," Alex lets out. "But I think it at least warranted a conversation, Sara. I'm her mother, too."

Trying to calm her emotions down, Sara finally lets out a breath, electing to concede slightly on this specific request.

"Fine," she compromises, swallowing tightly as she tries to keep her tone neutral.

She and Alex didn't have the smoothest of breakups a year ago when they realized things just weren't working out. But, the one thing they always agreed on was their daughter – that she, and her needs, always came first. And, what Olivia _doesn't_ need, is her two mothers arguing.

"I'll talk to you about things like this in the future before I do them," Sara offers.

"Thank you," Alex offers in return, taking a deep breath. "I hope you have a good time when you go. And please, Sara, be careful."

Matching their gazes, Sara nods. While she has no reservations about taking her daughter camping, having gone hundreds of times herself and knowing more than anyone what is safe for her daughter and what isn't, she knows that Alex's concern is coming from a good place.

"I will," Sara promises.

Then, looking over Alex's shoulder, she immediately loses her stern expression, face moving into a gentle smile instead.

"You ready, kiddo?"

Olivia nods, carefully pulling her backpack over her shoulder and moving to Sara's side.

Taking her daughter's hand, Sara gives it a reassuring squeeze.

"Let's go home."

* * *

"What's got you so smiley?" Catherine questions with an amused smile of her own as she enters the break room.

"Hmm?" Sara asks, looking up and noticing the blond standing by the counter.

Noting Sara's surprise at her sudden presence, Catherine laughs, pouring herself a cup of coffee. On second thought, she pours another.

Handing it over to the brunette, she leans her hip on the table near her colleague.

"You look like you might need this," she smiles, watching the brunette take an appreciative sip. "Now, tell me what's got you in here grinning like someone just gave you a first edition of the Hobbit."

Sara snorts, nearly choking on the hot beverage.

"Hey," she scoffs. "I'm not _that_ much of a nerd."

Catherine only fixes her with a pointed look.

Cheeks coloring slightly, Sara hides behind her coffee as she takes another sip.

"Now that we agree on that point, are you going to tell me what's got you so happy or not?"

Putting her coffee down, Sara leans slightly back in her chair. She and Catherine have gotten much closer over the past year or so, to the point where Sara now considers them quite good friends. It's a nice relief from what they used to be to each other.

"I'm taking Olivia to Painted Sands this weekend for a camping trip."

Raising a brow, Catherine smiles at Sara's expression. The normally guarded and stoic woman having an excited glint in her eyes that Catherine loves seeing. It's a good look on the normally broody brunette.

"Sounds like fun," Catherine says. "I'm sure she's excited."

"She is," Sara agrees. "I can't tell you how glad I am that she seems to enjoy the outdoors even more than I do."

"Hard to picture anyone liking them more than you, Jane Goodall."

Laughing, Sara shakes her head. "This conversation has not been good for my ego."

"Oh come on," Catherine smiles widely, "it's a compliment. I don't personally understand the fascination with the great outdoors that includes bugs and heat and grossness, but I totally envy it."

"Someday I'm going to convince you to come with me," Sara vows with a nod. "And then you'll understand it."

Watching her younger colleague, Catherine studies the hazel gaze in front of her. One that holds so much behind it, things that Catherine can't yet entirely decipher, but knows that she wants to.

"You have yourself a deal, Sidle."

* * *

"And then we saw frogs down by the river, the same one with the ducks! And they played in the water and we could feed them and everything! We could even go swimming in the evenings, after dinner but before the marshmallows!"

Sara smiles from her place against the counter, wondering if she's ever heard her daughter speak this much at one time.

"Marshmallows?!" Catherine asks excitedly, eyes wide. "Now I'm jealous! Did you know that I _love_ marshmallows?"

"You do?" Olivia's eyes light up.

"I do," Catherine confirms. "Though I've never had them roasted over a real campfire before."

"You haven't?" Olivia asks, horrified. "But they're the best that way!"

"I'll have to try it someday then," Catherine nods seriously. "You've convinced me."

Giggling, Olivia smiles as Sara finally pushes herself away from the counter.

"Alright, Liv, I think it's time for us to head home and shower. We've bothered poor Catherine enough."

"Never a bother," Catherine immediately corrects, warm eyes looking over at Sara before they return to her daughter's. "I love seeing you guys, glad you stopped by the lab on your way home."

"Wanted to switch out the Tahoe," Sara explains.

While their SUV's are intended mainly for work purposes, they do have a certain amount of liberty regarding using them for personal use. Catherine knows she herself has borrowed the vehicle when she needs more cargo space than her small compact car can allow.

"Well, it was great seeing both of you," Catherine offers, lifting her eyes between the two. "Hopefully I can hear more stories about your camping trip sometime soon?"

Olivia eagerly nods which inspires a small smirk from Sara.

"You may regret that," she says quietly.

"Never," Catherine counters, eyes bright she watches Sara pick Olivia up and place her atop her shoulders. "Never."

* * *

"You really think the killer tried to stage the B and E?" Catherine asks the next morning, happy that she got paired with Sara for today's shift. It's been awhile since they've gotten to work a case together, and she's more than excited to get to spend time with the brilliant young woman.

"I see a lot of things lying around that, if I were here to rob someone, I'd have been sure I grabbed."

"Maybe he could only take so much?" Catherine poses. "Grabbed the most valuable things first? Had to leave the rest?"

"I don't know," Sara states, slowly turning in a circle as she takes in the living room of the house, eyes scanning the environment around her. "Something about it just feels off."

Catherine nods, eyes landing on the glass around their feet.

"Say, for example, the window that was broken from the _inside_?"

Sara's eyes shift to the blonde's, then to the glass scattered along the carpet, glistening in the early morning light.

"You knew from the moment we walked in that this was staged, didn't you?" Sara shakes her head.

Smiling, the older CSI pats Sara along the back of her CSI vest, "Yes. But I'm glad we're on the same page, young Jedi."

Sara snorts, "Now look who the nerd is."

While Sara's one of the brightest CSIs she's ever had the honor of working with, Catherine is still a supervisor at heart. And, that means she likes to try to stump and challenge her younger colleagues whenever she can. But, as Sara exemplified just moments before, the brunette is usually already steps ahead of her, or, at least right alongside her.

Before Catherine can retort, a sharp ringing fills the air.

Looking down, Sara pulls her phone from her jeans, glancing at the screen before furrowing her brows slightly. Sending the call to voicemail and tucking it back in her pocket, she picks up her camera from around her neck, stooping down to start taking photos.

It's not a minute later that another series of rings fills the air.

Standing, Sara removes her phone, eyes narrowed as she again glances at the screen, this time hesitating.

"You can answer it," Catherine offers.

"It's personal, we're at work."

As her phone goes silent, only to start ringing a third time moments later, Catherine points to the device.

"Answer it," she now orders. "No one repeat dials like that unless it's important."

Sara swipes her finger across the screen, answering the call as she mouths an "I'm sorry" to Catherine.

Sara is probably one of the most professional CSIs Catherine knows, the brunette never mixing work with personal issues. In fact, it took Catherine the better part of a year to even figure out Sara had a daughter, the private woman giving hardly anything away about her life outside of work.

"I'm at work, Alex. Can this wait?"

Catherine tries not to listen in on the conversation, busying herself with her own photos of her side of the room. But, if she's honest, she's curious about the phone call, hoping that everything is okay.

"What?" Sara questions, shaking her head as she moves farther into the room, trying to gain any amount of privacy she can. "What are you talking about?"

A few moments go by before Sara shakes her head again. "Alex, you're not making any sense. What does our divorce lawyer have to do with anything and why do we need to discuss this while I'm at work?"

Swallowing tightly, Catherine's heart sinks. She knows the mess she went through with Eddie during their own divorce, and she'd hoped Sara had avoided that when she'd split with her wife. Sara had always given every indication that, while her split with her wife hadn't been pleasant, it had at least been amicable. Both of them figuring out a way to work together for the sake of their daughter, which is something she and Eddie had never been able to do.

"What do you mean…why would you…?"

Sara's voice has gone from confused to something almost resembling fearful. Immediately, Catherine stands up, eyeing her coworker carefully.

"We need to talk about this," Sara gets in, eyes widening as her face pales significantly. "I'm off shift at three, I'll head straight to your place."

A pause, then Sara's eyes widen even further.

"You can't do this…you can't just –"

Pulling her phone from her ear, Sara stares at the device.

"She hung up…" she gets out, talking to herself with disbelief in her voice. "She fucking hung up…"

Then, a moment later, Sara's phone rings again. This time, it's a different number judging from Sara's expression.

"Sidle."

Sara listens, her features pale and stark.

"She just told me. When did she file this?"

Then, her voice lowers, hands shaking as she forces out the words.

"She can't do this. This isn't legal."

Then, more silence before Sara's voice lowers to the darkest tone Catherine's ever heard the stoic woman use.

"I'm not letting her do this," she promises the person on the other line, who Catherine suspects is the lawyer she reference just moments before. "I'll be dead before I let her do this."

This time, Sara's the one to abruptly end the call.

It's moments, long, painfully tense moments, before Catherine finds her voice.

"Sara?" she questions cautiously, watching Sara startle as if she'd forgotten the blonde was in the room. "What happened?"

She knows better than to ask Sara if she's okay.

"I need to…"

Sara's words are choked off, the brunette swallowing as she takes shaky steps backwards.

"I need to get some air…I…"

"Sara," Catherine tries to reach out to the shaking woman, but Sara's already dodged her and is gone before she can stop her.

* * *

Quickly securing her camera, Catherine is only steps behind as she pushes through the door, taking the front steps two at a time as she searches for the brunette. Seeing her approaching their Tahoe, Catherine increases her pace.

But, instead of getting in the vehicle, Sara instead moves around behind it.

Then, Catherine hears one sharp thud that is quickly followed by another.

"Sara!" she yells, turning the corner and grabbing the brunette around the waist before she can get in a third.

Pulling her back, she separates Sara from the SUV, feeling the force at which Sara is struggling to get away from her.

"Sara! Stop!" Catherine commands. "Now!"

Dragging the younger woman, Catherine thanks her lucky stars that while Sara is significantly taller, she's also thin, evening out the playing field.

"Sidle!" Catherine finally yells, resorting to Sara's last name to remind the brunette of where she is, of what she's currently doing at an active crime scene. To be honest, Catherine could care less about those things, caring much more about the wellbeing of the young CSI in her arms, but Sara does care.

Sure enough, Sara's struggles start to slow, leaving instead a trembling, shaking form that looks more devastated than angered. But, the anger is still there, Catherine knows, recognizing the darkness in her colleague's gaze.

"I'm sorry," Sara's voice is quiet, shaky. "I shouldn't have…here…"

"Stop," Catherine cuts off the apology before it can fully start. "Tell me what's going on. What just happened back there?"

Sara shakes her head, eyes almost dazed as she shakes under the strain of her emotions.

"Not here, I can't," Sara gets out, voice sounding foreign. "We need to get back."

"There's no way in hell I'm letting you back in there, Sara," Catherine vows sternly, leaving no room for argument. "You need to deal with whatever just happened."

"Catherine," Sara tries, eyes shooting up to the blond.

Catherine can see the struggle there, the desperation for her to get out of here and deal with whatever that phone call was about, mixed with her duty as a CSI and hesitance to be anything but the professional she always is regarding her work.

Moving her grip from Sara's torso to her hips, Catherine holds the other woman gently, electing to take the decision from her.

"Sidle," Catherine shakes her head firmly at Sara's expression. "It's an order, not a suggestion."

Swallowing, Sara sets her jaw tightly, tensing up as she takes a step back, Catherine's hands falling away. Grabbing the keys from her pocket, Sara pulls open the door of the Tahoe.

"Sara," Catherine calls, waiting for the younger woman to meet her eyes. "Take care of yourself. Call me later to let me know you're okay?"

Sara hesitates, eventually nodding silently before shutting the door and pulling away.

* * *

Catherine doesn't hear from her at all the entire day, nor evening, nor night as the moon is now rising higher in the sky. Pacing back and forth along her living room, Catherine isn't sure she's ever been this worried before. At least not about Sara, who always seems to be the picture of calm, collected, and in control – no matter the situation. The younger CSI has a way of convincing you, no matter what's going on in her life, that she's okay, that she can handle it. And, she always has.

But, the Sara she witnessed today, hitting their Tahoe with such rage and devastation, that's a version of Sara she's never seen before. And, hopes she never has to see again. There's something about seeing Sara Sidle, the picture of composure, losing it like that that makes chills run up Catherine's spine.

Something isn't right, something is _very_ not right, for Sara to have acted like that. And, that thought is what has Catherine pacing back and forth across her own home when she should be sleeping.

Trying Sara's phone for the third time, she listens as this time the call goes straight to voicemail – meaning the brunette's phone is either off or out of range.

Sighing, Catherine has half a mind to drive to Sara's house, to see if she's there so she can see with her own two eyes that her friend is okay. But, while the two of them have grown closer, Sara is still very private. And, to do such a thing, would surely be a violation of the younger woman's personal life.

Groaning, Catherine drops herself down onto her couch, knowing sleep isn't in the cards for her tonight.

* * *

"Sara."

Halting to a shocked stop, Catherine does a double take. Never, in a thousand years, did she imagine this being the sight that greeted her at the start of shift. Sara Sidle, sitting at the breakroom table, looking through the file in front of her as she waits for the rest of the team to file in for assignments as if nothing in the world was wrong or the least bit out of the ordinary.

Sara swallows tightly, the only indicator so far that this is anything other than just an another morning at the office.

"Catherine."

The greeting isn't cold, but it isn't warm either. It's actually just…empty. The tone, the expression, it's all vacant. Like Sara's a million miles away right now, existing, but not really present.

"Are you okay?" Catherine asks immediately, keeping her voice low to not attract any unwanted ears.

"I'm fine."

Another vacant, emotionless response. Sara isn't fine, the blonde finally knowing Sara well enough to be able to read through her façade, at least this time.

"Sara."

"I'm fine," Sara cuts in, this time her tone holding a lower edge to it. Still neutral, still void of feeling, but definitely darker than before.

"Don't do this, Sar," Catherine asks, her own voice pleading with her younger colleague. "Don't shut me out after I spent all night worrying about you."

Sara swallows again, pushing her still full coffee away from her.

"I'm sorry that you were worried," her response is tight. "But everything is fine. Please, drop it."

Shaking her head, Catherine closes her eyes, wondering how in the world, _why_ in the world, Sara insists on keeping her walls up at all times. Why she can't, just for once, admit that something's wrong, that something is going on with her. Why she always needs to play solo vigilante, never accepting a hand or a willing ear when it's offered.

As Grissom and the guys file in around her, laughing about something they're discussing, Catherine straightens up in frustration. She knows the moment is over, any chance of getting through to Sara will have to wait.

* * *

"Sara Sidle?"

Catherine turns as she arrives back in the lab from her scene, eyeing the man in what looks like a very expensive suit standing behind her near the front desk.

"No," Catherine responds, eyeing the man suspiciously, taking in the brown envelope in his hands. "Can I help you?"

"I need to see Sara Sidle."

"Can I pass along a message?" Catherine inquires, brow raised. "She's still out in the field on a case."

"I'll wait."

And, with that, the man promptly sits, back straight and eyes forward as he keeps his gaze angled towards the door.

Gaze narrowed, Catherine looks him over one last time before proceeding further into the lab to switch to the case from yesterday she and Sara are still working on amongst their other scenes.

* * *

It's a while before Sara finally arrives back at the lab to join her, moving up to the layout table slightly out of breath, eyes roaming over the progress Catherine has already made.

"Sorry," she offers. "My other scene took a lot longer than I'd hoped."

"It's fine," Catherine knows just how overworked they all are, spreading their time across multiple open cases simultaneously. "You're here now, so I'll fill you in on my progress and we can pick up together from there?"

Sara's jaw is tight, perhaps still frustrated with herself and her lack of ability to have assisted on this process so far. But, she eventually nods, letting out a long breath as she leans her hip against the table.

"Hey, I almost forgot, did that guy ever find you?" Catherine asks suddenly, remembering the guy that looked like he stepped out of a shaving commercial that's been waiting in their lobby.

"Guy?" Sara questions. "What guy?"

"The dude in the pricey suit that's been glaring holes in our front door waiting for you?"

Sara's brows furrow. "I came in the back."

Catherine smiles slightly at the irony. "Well, he's probably still there. Looked like he was in it for the long haul until he found you."

Sara stiffens, back pulling up straight as she works her jaw tightly.

"I'll be right back," she states.

"Take your time."

* * *

When Sara does return, Catherine now knows for a fact that something is very, very wrong. While Sara wasn't looking her best before, she now looks like a downright ghost.

She's pale, eyes glassy and vacant, hands clenched together so tightly they're shaking.

"Sar?"

"Don't." Sara's response is immediate, stern. "Tell me what you've done so far on the case."

Eyeing her colleague, Catherine wants nothing more than to contradict her request, to insist Sara talk to her, tell her what's going on. But, she can't. If Sara isn't willing to open up to her, there's nothing she can do to force the issue. Letting out a long breath, she resists the urge to reach out, to take her shaking hand, to do _any_ of the things she so desperately wants to do.

Instead, she swallows tightly, trying to focus her own emotions.

"The first piece of trace that came back was on the glass from the window…"

* * *

It's nearly two hours later before Catherine is heading into the locker room, finally done with shift and making as much progress as she possibly can on all her open cases. Sara headed out a few minutes prior, for once not staying to work overtime.

Trying to calm her worry regarding the younger woman and whatever it is that's going on with her, Catherine gets everything she needs out of her locker. It's when she passes Sara's that she notices the door is slightly ajar. It's like something is jamming it from closing fully.

Looking down, she sees the culprit. The same, ominous brown envelope she'd seen in that man's hands this morning.

Reaching down, she tries to poke the envelope back inside so the metal door can fully latch closed, keeping everything safely inside for her colleague. But, instead, the envelope shifts, sending papers sliding out before she can stop them.

"Shit," Catherine curses, grabbing the closest few as they slide across the smooth cement flooring, more papers soon sliding out after. "Shit, shit, shit."

Grabbing them up as quickly as she can, she goes to shove them back into the slit in the locker door, only to find the door fully closed now that the envelope's contents are no longer obstructing it.

"Fuck."

Letting out a tight breath, Catherine realizes her only option is to try to slide the pages through the air slits in the metal door. Grabbing as many as she can, she starts folding and sliding them through, careful to not damage any in the process.

Turning, she grabs some of the last pages remaining across the cold flooring, the ones that slid out first.

Picking them up and brushing them off, her eyes fall on what is the unmistakable legal seal of the state of Nevada. Eyes narrowing, they're moving down the page before she can stop them. There, in her hands, is a formal lawsuit filed against one Sara Laurence Sidle.

A formal lawsuit trying to take away custody of her daughter.

"Holy fuck," Catherine gets out, her own features going pale as she takes in the gravity of the item in her hands. "Sara, my God."

* * *

"Open this door, now!"

There's still no answer, Catherine glancing back at Sara's car in the driveway to confirm to herself that it's there, that Sara's here.

"Sidle!"

Another minute of nothing.

"Sara Sidle!"

"Fuck, Catherine," a voice from behind her makes her jerk around. "I have neighbors."

"Sara," the blonde breathes out. "Thank God."

Before she can think twice about it, censor it, her arms are around the younger CSI. The hold is tight, desperate. It's a hold that reveals just how worried Catherine has been, both before and even more so after she learned the truth about Sara's situation.

"Cath?" Sara questions, her arms hesitantly coming around to return the gesture. "I was out for a run. What's going on?"

Holding on tightly, Catherine grips one last time along Sara's shoulders before she finally pulls back.

"Why didn't you tell me?" she questions, voice revealing the confusion, the concern, the emotions behind it.

"Tell you what?" Sara questions, eyes narrowed as she takes a step back to give them more space between their bodies.

"That Alex is suing for sole custody of Olivia."

There, in an instant, Catherine sees the impact of her words – the stiffening to Sara's body, the flinch in her frame.

"What are you…how did…" Sara's voice is shaky, her expression dark as she takes yet another step backwards.

"It's a complicated turn of events," Catherine mumbles, not sure she can really explain the mishap in the locker room. "But I saw the papers you were served with today."

Sara looks like she's been slapped, or blindsided, or both. "You had no right…"

"I didn't do it on purpose," Catherine cuts in, hands up in the air in surrender. "I swear to you. It was completely by accident."

Breathing out, Catherine can hear the shakiness of the brunette's breaths, the tightly controlled anger in her body language. It's not often that Catherine sees Sara this way, and it's disconcerting to say the least.

"I'm sorry, Sara, I really am," Catherine states sincerely. "But, God, you should have told me."

Taking a step closer to counter the ones the brunette previously put between them, Catherine shakes her head.

"What were you planning to do, Sara?" she questions. "Deal with this all on your own? Try to fight this all by yourself?"

Sara laughs darkly, running a hand through hair made unruly from sweat and wind.

"What other choice do I have, Catherine?" she retorts darkly.

"Oh, I don't know," Catherine scoffs herself, feeling the frustration in her own emotions starting to rise to the surface. "Maybe talk to the person who's been asking you all day what's wrong? Maybe answer her honestly so she can help you?"

The dark shake of the head that follows has Catherine's emotions deepening. "You can't help this, Catherine. No one can."

"So, what?" the blonde takes yet another step closer. "You're just going to give up? Let that woman take your daughter from you?"

"She…" Sara tightens her hands into fists. "There's a lot you don't know about the situation, Catherine. So don't come here acting like I'm giving up or any bullshit like that. You don't know the first thing about what's going on."

"Then tell me!" Catherine practically yells. "Then tell me, fucking _talk_ to me, Sara!"

Taking a moment to catch her breath, to calm the thundering of her heart, Catherine tries to calm her tone.

"Let me help you, Sara, please." Catherine nearly begs. "That girl, your _daughter_ , adores you more than anything else on this planet. You can't let something like this come between you, Sara. Not now, not ever. That girl needs you. She needs her _mom_."

"Did you read the whole thing?"

The question catches Catherine off guard, sounding so out of place in this current moment.

"The whole lawsuit?" Catherine questions. "No, I only saw the first page, stopped reading once I realized what it was."

"Then you don't know what you're talking about," Sara gets out, tone as dark as her expression. "You don't know the first thing about what my daughter needs or doesn't need in her life."

Catherine's heart jerks in her chest at the expression now marring Sara's face, the self-loathing and hatred the younger woman has directed towards herself. At everything Sara appears to be fighting against, internally and externally - even now, her legs nearly trembling under the weight of what Catherine imagines was a run meant to exhaust her until she could no longer stand to think about the demons battling within her.

"What did she say?" Catherine gets out, voice now nearly a whisper into the dark night around them. "What is she claiming as the grounds for denying you custody?"

There, right there, is the heart of this matter – Catherine can see it hanging between them, see it in the shadows of Sara's eyes, see it in the slump of her shoulders.

"What did she say, Sara?"

It's a long series of minutes before either of them move, speak, do anything other than breathe.

"She claimed endangerment, that I pose a threat to the health and safety of our daughter."

It's even longer moments before Catherine can find her voice. Of all charges, of all claims, this is one she never fathomed hearing Sara utter. Not Sara Sidle, the most selfless, loyal, and self-sacrificing woman she knows. Sara would jump through fire for anyone in her life, most of all her daughter.

"Is she crazy?" Catherine gets out. "How in the world can she even claim such a thing against you?"

Sara's eyes are dark, angry, and almost guilty as they rise to Catherine's.

"There's a lot you don't know about me, Catherine."

Feeling the tension in the air around them, the moment suddenly suffocating, heavy with emotions, with everything not being said.

"Maybe," Catherine agrees, the first to admit there's a lot about Sara she doesn't know. More than a lot. "But I know _you_ , the person that you are, and the person that you are to your daughter and those that you love."

Sara's jaw tightens, stiffening against the words as she steps back.

"No," Catherine matches her step, not allowing her out of this moment. "You're going to listen to me, Sidle. There's not a damn thing you could tell me about you that would change my mind about whether you deserve to parent that little girl. Change my mind that you are one of the best goddamn parent's I've ever witnessed and that that little girl is so damn lucky to have you."

Reaching out, Catherine captures Sara's jaw in her hand.

"Not a damn thing. Do you hear me?"

Sara doesn't respond, eyes on Catherine's before they lower slightly.

"Good. Now, we're going to go inside, you're going to get cleaned up, and then we're going to talk, and you're going to tell me everything," Catherine orders. "You're going to tell me everything I need to know to help you get your daughter back."

* * *

When Sara comes out of the bathroom, the mud and sweat previously marring her features is gone, but, in its place is a tension and a devastation that nearly breaks Catherine's heart.

"Here," Catherine calls, handing over a water and a plate of cut up fruit and peanut butter. "Hope you don't mind I raided your fridge. You looked like you could use something to eat."

Sara doesn't comment, sitting down on the chair across from Catherine at her kitchen table.

"Thanks," she simply says quietly a moment later, playing with a slice of apple as her expression looks worlds away.

"I'm sorry," the blonde offers, her own tone quiet as well. When Sara's eyes lift up to meet hers, she explains. "I'm sorry that you're going through this. I'm sorry that we have to do this, that I have to ask you these sorts of questions and pry into your life like this. But, please, Sara, let me help you and your daughter."

Sara doesn't comment, body language revealing her resignation to this moment, her defeat regarding her current situation.

"I'm willing to do anything to get Olivia back," she simply says quietly a few moments later, putting the apple back down on the plate untouched. "Let's get this over with."

Not wasting time and grasping the concession she's just been given, Catherine takes full advantage.

"What is the basis of Alex's claim against Olivia being safe with you?"

She's knows this is the heart of the matter, the main issue they need to address and work through if they're going to be successful in fighting this. But, it's the issue that also looks like it's destroying the woman across from her.

"She claims my past poses a danger to Liv. That it makes me unfit to parent."

"Your past?" Catherine questions, not imaging what could be in Sara's past other than things like academic accolades from the top universities in the country and perfect qualification scores on her forensics accreditation. Sara's always struck her as one of those people who spent much of her youth submerged in academia - she graduated top of her class from Harvard, for crying out loud. Clearly having dedicated herself to her studies, Catherine can't imagine how Sara's past would have allowed much room for anything else, let alone anything negative.

"I was in the foster system," Sara's voice interrupts Catherine's thoughts, the younger woman looking like she's trying to get through this by getting it over with, as quickly and emotionlessly as possible.

"You were…what?" Catherine's mind can't catch up with what she's just heard, can't hide the surprise, the disbelief that comes out of her mouth before she can censor it. "Since when?"

Sara's eyes lift to hers, brow raised.

"Right, no, don't answer that, stupid question," Catherine gets out, cheeks coloring lightly in embarrassment. "I just…I had no idea, Sara."

Sara's eyes lower back down to the table, watching the water bottle held between her hands.

"Why does she think that's relevant?" Catherine poses after she's collected herself enough to continue, to get over the shock of the revelation to question it further. "Why does that matter regarding Olivia?"

"I was in the foster system because I was from an abusive household," Sara forges forward, jaw tight as she again pushes through the words, keeping her emotions buried. "My mother was, _is_ , mentally ill. My father was abusive, and so was she. I was placed into foster care when I was thirteen, after my mother…after my mother murdered my father."

If Catherine thought the silence before was unsettling, this time it's downright deafening. How in the hell did she know nothing about this, know _nothing_ about Sara's past. These revelations aren't small details, these revelations are enormous. They're things she should've known about the woman she works so closely with day to day, the woman she considers a friend.

She had absolutely no idea. About any of this.

"Sara…I'm so sorry…"

"Don't," Sara cuts her off immediately, shaking her head. "I'm not telling you this for your pity. I'm telling you because you need to know the situation you're walking into."

Catherine's heart is breaking, wanting nothing more than to reach out to the woman across from her who looks like she's all but drowning under the weight of this all, but refuses to even admit she's wet. All her life, Sara's probably been fighting against this, against her past, burying it down and trying to move forward. Now, it's been shoved in her face, for the harshest and cruelest of reasons. Meant to destroy perhaps the only family Sara's ever truly had.

It makes Catherine sick to her stomach.

"She thinks your past is grounds for sole custody?" Catherine gets out, trying to honor Sara's wish to focus on the matter at hand, not at the heart wrenching revelations she's just placed between them.

"She thinks I pose a threat to Olivia and her safety," Sara confirms. "She freaked out when I took Olivia camping. I think it triggered fears she's had all along about me being alone with her. She realized that, now that we're divorced, there are going to be a lot of times when I'm alone with her."

"She can't seriously think you'd ever hurt Olivia," Catherine gets out, voice strained at just the thought.

Sara's eyes lift to Catherine's, the truth there on display. "She does."

And, Catherine sees in Sara's gaze a much more disturbing revelation. The revelation that Sara, at least a small part of her, share's Alex's fears.

"No," Catherine bites out. "Don't you dare allow that woman to make you question yourself," Catherine states sternly. "She's an idiot, Sara, who clearly doesn't know you at all if she doubts that girls' safety around you. You'd die before you ever let anything happen to a single hair on her head."

Sara's swallow is tight, the emotions she's holding back for the first time barely bleeding through as her eyes grow heavy.

"You listen to me, Sidle," Catherine demands, reaching out and taking Sara's hands tightly in hers. "That girl is so blessed to have you as her mother. With you, she is so loved, so cherished, and so _safe_. You'd do anything to protect her. She has absolutely nothing to fear from you."

Sara's breathing is shallow, her hands trembling within Catherine's grasp.

"Don't you dare question yourself, Sara, not now – not ever. Your past does not define you, it does not predict your behavior or any part of the person that you are. You are one of the kindest, gentlest, selfless people I know. Do not let this make you doubt yourself."

The words Sara responds with are tight when they're voiced, barely audible.

"I've already always doubted myself," she confesses. "Long before this, when I debated whether I should even allow myself to adopt her. Adopt anyone. What if I…"

"You're not your parents, Sara," Catherine bites out. "What happened to you does not turn you into that, or them. You're your own person. A person that happens to be the best parent that I know. I person that I'd trust my _own_ daughter to be alone with, for infinite amounts of time."

Catherine squeezes Sara's hands tightly, "Don't let her do this. Don't let her make you question yourself or your relationship with that beautiful little girl we both know you love more than anything else on this planet."

Sara swallows, eyes finally pulling away as she tries to keep herself from falling apart.

"I can't lose her, Catherine. For right or for wrong, I can't lose her."

"Oh, honey," the blonde breathes out at the choked confession, the words sounding like they're tearing Sara apart from the inside out. "We won't let that happen."

Leaning in, Catherine draws Sara's hands towards her, placing a gentle kiss along the knuckles still bearing wounds from the moment Sara first heard of this news.

"We're getting you your daughter back, Sara. I promise."

* * *

It takes Catherine nearly a week to formulate her plan. A week of torturous digging further into both Sara's and Alex's pasts, the brunette looking like she's losing a little bit more of her soul each passing day.

Alex has been harsh in this process, not evening allowing Sara to see Olivia while the charges are pending their upcoming court date at the end of the month. Sara's been struggling, day after day losing more of her spark, more of that light that Catherine had come to love in her eyes.

Sara's determined to fight for her daughter, not for one second giving up – but Catherine can see the sacrifices she's making to do so. The lack of sleep, lack of food, lack of caring about herself when all Sara can focus on is her daughter. It's amazing to Catherine that anyone could doubt for even a second that this woman would ever put anything above the wellbeing of that little girl – currently nearly destroying herself until she sees Olivia safely back in her arms.

"Sar," Catherine calls gently, drawing Sara's gaze up to hers. "We're here."

Sara looks around her, like she hadn't noticed the SUV had stopped. Then, seeing the scene in front of them, she takes a deep breath, sending Catherine a small nod. Trying to reassure the woman that she's okay, that this scene will get nothing but the CSI's best.

Catherine has no doubts, knowing Sara will sacrifice all she has for her daughter, as well as for all the sons and daughters they find as their victims – at this scene and all the others she works. She's never given anything less.

Reaching out, Catherine lays her hand along Sara's shoulder, wishing there was more she could say, more she could do.

Swallowing, Sara takes a deep breath, centering herself before she pulls on the door handle, exiting the car.

* * *

It's not until the end of shift that Catherine has a chance to really talk to the brunette about anything other than their case – both having been running back and forth from different locations in the lab to make as much progress during shift as possible.

"You have a minute?" Catherine asks tentatively, poking her head around the corner of the locker room where Sara is currently pulling on her jacket.

"Of course," she offers, closing her locker door as she places her keys in her pocket.

"I think I may have a plan for the case," Catherine poses. "Your case."

Sara's brows twitch slightly, her expression carefully controlled as Catherine can see her struggling to not get her hopes up.

"Yeah?"

"Yes," Catherine affirms. "But it's going to take a little while to explain. Do you think we could maybe head to your place or somewhere to chat?"

Sara nods, glancing over at the blonde, "My place is fine. Now?"

"Now."

* * *

"Want anything to drink?" Sara offers as they step inside, taking off their coats.

"Maybe just some coffee?" Catherine requests, declining anything stronger. This case is too important for her mind to be anything but as sharp as possible.

Sara apparently agrees, returning to the living room a few minutes later with two steaming cups of coffee. Settling herself on the opposite end of the couch, Sara remains quiet, waiting for Catherine to start when she's ready. But, her tapping fingers along the ceramic edge of her mug gives away her anxiety, her desperation for there to be some, any hope regarding getting her daughter back.

Reading the heavy emotions burdening the hazel gaze beside her, Catherine reaches out her free hand, giving Sara's thigh a gentle squeeze before she begins.

"Did you and Alex have any sort of legal arrangements drawn up in the divorce regarding custody of Olivia?"

Sara nods, eyes watching her steaming coffee. "We declared joint custody as part of the stipulations in the divorce."

"Joint, as in even fifty fifty?" Catherine pushes. "Switching off weeks, weekends?"

"Yes."

"Any limits or restrictions in the arrangement?"

Sara furrows her brows, not quite seeing where this is going, but happy to answer any questions Catherine needs if the blonde does indeed have an idea she's running with.

"The usual," Sara responds, thinking back to the paperwork drawn up by their lawyers what seems like ages ago. "No out of state travel, no restricting of time or changes in schedule without permission from both parties, no absences from school or enrollment in activities without permission from both parties, no medical treatment decisions without permission from both parties..."

Sara looks up, watching Catherine's expression to see if the blonde needs her to keep going. Catherine's smile instead tells her she just heard everything she needed to.

"Cath?"

"She's suing you on grounds of endangerment, claiming your past makes you unfit to care for Olivia. But, one of her main arguments is your 'reckless' decision to violate your agreement and take Olivia camping without her permission - endangering her safety."

"Which is a lie," Sara supplies darkly. "She agreed to the camping when we discussed it."

"I figured," Catherine waves it off dismissively. "But, her claim actually works in your favor here."

"What are you saying, Catherine?"

"I'm saying your ex-wife is a fitness buff. Maybe even more than you, Sidle."

Sara's brows only further narrow, eyes searching the older CSI's.

"She tracks her fitness activities. Obsessively," Catherine states with a near eye roll. She'll never understand people wanting to document each and every thing they do – for what seems like the sole purpose of impressing others. "She posts them to an online workout enthusiast web group she belongs to."

"And?"

Catherine smiles, "And, on at least two of the weekends she's had Olivia she's posted from out of state locations."

Sara's eyes widen slightly, catching on to Catherine's angle.

"And the locations were determined by…"

Catherine nods. "You guessed it, GPS satellites. She couldn't fib them even if she wanted to." Looking over, she watches Sara's expression carefully. "And, even if the GPS locations didn't give her away, she references the locations in her own words during her posts. 'Enjoyed a beautiful morning stroll along the valley forge, went for a nice dip in the lap pool at this gorgeous spa resort, blah blah blah."

Catherine shrugs with a smile, "It's a shame the Arizona border is so close to Vegas, isn't it? You can cross right over it without even thinking about it if you're not careful."

Sara smiles slightly, her mouth letting out just the ghost of grin. She's much too jaded, much too nervous regarding the stakes to believe this is close to over.

"Can't prove Olivia was with her."

Catherine's smile only widens.

"The only thing your ex-wife loves more than fitness, is taking selfies of her and Olivia on her phone."

* * *

"There's no grounds for a case." Catherine watches the lawyers arguing from opposite ends of the shining wooden conference table. Both standing, trying to exert their dominance over the other. "You can't sue my client for something your client is guilty of herself."

"Doesn't take away the endangerment charges."

"You can't seriously think you can charge my client with something as ridiculous as predicted behavior. Suing her for the _possibility_ she may commit a crime that she hasn't yet committed, nor given any indication she would commit. Pretty sure you may as well turn in your license if you try arguing that in court."

Sara's lawyer throws the file down on the table with a sound thud.

"So stop wasting everyone's time and settle this now, out of court."

There's a moment, Alex's lawyer turning to confer with his client regarding their next move. Catherine doesn't pay attention, instead turning her focus on the woman sitting at the table next to her. The woman who hasn't taken her eyes off the little girl sitting across the table from them next to Alex.

"You okay?" Catherine whispers, reaching out to take Sara's hand in hers, simply holding it.

The feeling is relatively new for them, but not unwelcome. It's almost as if it's a piece to a puzzle that's always been there, always had its place, but just needed someone to put it there.

Sara doesn't respond right away, her eyes on Olivia's, trying to communicate with the girl who's watching Sara just as intensely, her wide eyes frightened. During the meeting, Olivia has inched her chair progressively further from Alex, trying to, inch by inch, make her way towards the other end of the table to Sara. She knows she's not allowed, but it's not stopping her from trying.

Sara, for her part, has kept her focus on her daughter, sending her reassurance through her expression, through her smiles, that everything will be okay. That they'll have everything worked out in no time.

Interlacing her fingers through the brunette's, Catherine simply holds on - this time with absolutely no intention of letting go.

"I'll be okay," Sara offers quietly a few moments later, when Catherine had no longer expected to receive an answer. "When all this is over and I have my daughter back. Then, I'll be okay."

* * *

When the arrangements are finally made, the settlements drawn up and agreed upon by all parties, Catherine can only let out a silent prayer of relief.

"I suppose this was your doing?"

The voice stops them, Sara turning with a darkness to her expression that makes Catherine's own breathing catch.

"Excuse me?" Sara questions, but Alex's gaze is still on Catherine.

"I suppose you're the one to thank for interfering in Sara and I's personal business?"

"Just doing what was the right thing to do."

"You don't know the first thing about this family, you had no right to interfere in any of this."

"No," Catherine takes a step forward, making sure Olivia is out of earshot. "You, Alex, are the one who doesn't know the first thing about your family. Otherwise, you'd know Sara better than to accuse her of the myriad of vile things that were in that lawsuit. You'd know she's one of the kindest, gentlest, and trustworthy people this planet has to offer. You'd know that the relationship Sara shares with your daughter is one of the most beautiful mother daughter relationships in existence. You'd know that Olivia is nothing but blessed to have Sara Sidle in her life to help raise her, to help guide her and protect her – the same way Sara's always protected everyone in her life. You'd know there's no way in hell Sara would let herself, or anyone else, ever lay a hand on that beautiful daughter of hers."

Another step closer and she's practically in Alex's face.

"You're lucky Sara's forgiving and allowed you to maintain joint custody after this stunt. If it had been me…"

The inference is clear, the anger nearly dripping off Catherine's words.

The stare down lasts for another few moments, Alex eventually shaking her head and backing off, moving to take Olivia's hand where she stands waiting by the door.

"Mommy?" Olivia asks.

Alex looks down, "Yes?"

But, it's clear that Olivia wasn't talking to her.

Moving forward, Sara eyes her lawyer hesitantly for a second, gaze questioning. Seeing his nod of permission, Sara doesn't waste another second, practically running to Olivia and dropping on her knee before her. Olivia is in her arms, face buried in the young CSI's shoulder as Sara wraps her arms securely around her little girl.

"You're okay," Sara gets out, voice shaking under the strain of having wanted to hold her, hug her, be with her, every day this past week while this case has been playing out. "You're okay, Liv. Everything is okay."

"I thought…they were going to take me away…from you…"

"I know, sweetheart, I know," Sara breathes out, eyes clenched tightly against the emotion welling in them. "But no one's going to take you away from me. Not now, not ever. I'd never let them."

Pulling back slightly, Sara moves so that Olivia can see her face.

"What did I tell you when we adopted you?"

Olivia sniffles, lip trembling as she clings desperately to Sara's sweater. "That you were my forever home."

Sara nods, placing a tearful kiss into her daughter's hair. "Forever means forever."

"Promise?"

Sara nods, pulling her daughter against her. "Always."

* * *

"You doing okay?" Catherine asks quietly, walking slowly with Sara out of their lawyer's office as they watch Olivia get in the car with Alex for the remainder of their weekend together, their respective lawyers having pulled out a few moments before.

Sara nods, eyes still red with emotion as she watches her daughter get buckled in. Her eyes never leaving her, not once, until she and Olivia exchange waves as her ex-wife's car drives out of sight.

"Honey?" Catherine poses gently a few minutes later when Sara remains staring off blankly into the night, watching where the car disappeared from view.

"It's over," Sara gets out, voice heavy. "It's really over."

Catherine nods, "It's over, Sara."

Taking a deep breath, Sara turns her eyes towards Catherine, the hazel gaze still heavy with emotion.

"Why did you do this?" Sara asks, voice quiet. "Why did you do this for me?"

Catherine smiles, "Because it was the right thing to do, Sara. Because you're the best mother imaginable to that little girl, and nothing should ever come between the two of you and the love you share for one another."

Sara takes this in, eyes watching the woman before her closely.

"There's more to it than that."

Catherine lets her smile grow a bit wider at the woman before her, the one who seems to always read her in ways no one else ever has.

"There is," she confirms, expression growing a bit nervous as she watches Sara continue to study her. "And I'm suspecting you may have already figured out what it is."

Sara's expression is serious, hard to read, the brunette simply standing still before she finally nods slightly.

"I think I may have."

Then, a pause as Sara steps hesitantly closer.

"Tell me if I'm wrong," she whispers.

Then, without another moment of hesitation, she places her lips gently against the blonde's. The reaction is immediate, Catherine's arms coming around to pull Sara closer, deepening the connection between them as she kisses back fervently.

It's raw, honest emotion - nothing held back, nothing hidden.

When they finally pull back to catch their breaths, Catherine watches the woman before her, the one she's slowly fallen for, bit by bit, day by day. She can't point a finger to when exactly it happened, only that somewhere along the line it happened. And, it's been damn hard keeping it to herself all this time.

"You're not wrong," she confirms for the brunette standing in front of her, mouth morphing into a small smile as she can't help let out a gentle laugh. "Not wrong at all."

Sara nods, her own mouth giving away a hint of a smile. "Good."

Then, after a moment, "What do we do?" she poses, voice so quiet it's almost a whisper. "About this?"

Catherine reaches out, taking the brunette's hand in her own.

"We go slow," she states. "You just got your family back, so you focus on that for now." Squeezing the hand in hers, Catherine smiles, "I'm not going anywhere, Sara."

It's a promise, a vow. Sara needs to focus on her family, on her daughter, right now. But, this door between them has finally been opened, and the blonde is beyond relieved that they both seem interested in keeping it open, walking through it, and seeing where it leads.

And maybe, just maybe, someday it will lead to a family that includes each other.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks as always for those reading, reviewing, and/or sending prompts. You guys never cease to amaze.**

 **Had a question a while back that I don't think I addressed yet regarding whether I would accept AU prompts (** **aka Catherine and/or Sara outside of their usual CSI roles/world).** **Yes, AU prompts can definitely be a bit tricky but are okay with me. Only prompts I ask not to receive are crossovers - everything else should be just fine.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt 7:_ _This could be longer than a one shot but here it goes. Catherine and Sara finally stop going at each other and become friends. They spend so much time together, joke around and know each other so well that the rumor mill starts flying. Catherine and Sara were oblivious of their true feelings until everyone started talking. Can they start something amazing out of these rumors? Think maybe similar to the song Something To Talk About by Bonnie Raitt._

 _-Submitted by Nascar3L_

* * *

 **"Something To Talk About"**

Ooh, ooh, ooh,  
People are talkin', talkin' 'bout people,  
I hear them whisper, you won't believe it.  
They think we're lovers kept under cover,  
I just ignore it but they keep sayin' we...  
Laugh just a little too loud,  
Stand just a little too close,  
We stare just a little too long.  
Maybe they're seein', somethin' we don't darlin'.

Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about  
(Somethin' to talk about)  
Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about  
(Somethin' to talk about)  
Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about  
How about love?

I feel so foolish, I never noticed  
You act so nervous, could you be fallin' for me?  
It took the rumor to make me wonder,  
Now I'm convinced that I'm goin' under.  
Thinkin' 'bout you every day,  
Dreamin' 'bout you every night.  
I'm hopin' that you feel the same way,  
Now that we know it, let's really show it darlin'.

Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about  
(Somethin' to talk about)  
A little mystery to figure out  
(Somethin' to talk about)  
Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about  
How about love?

Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about babe,  
A little mystery to figure out.  
Let's give 'em somethin' to talk about,  
How about love? Ooh...  
Listen to 'em baby  
(Somethin' to talk about)  
A little mystery won't hurt 'em  
(Somethin' to talk about)  
Let's give 'em somethin' to talk  
How about our love, love, love, love  
Whoowhoo mmmm hey oohh whoowhoo  
About love, love, love, love  
How about they talk about it? uh huh  
Talk about love...

\- Bonnie Raitt

* * *

 **Prompt 7**

A clearing throat finally draws Catherine's attention, moving her focus from the woman in front of her to the sound.

And to the rest of the team now apparently joining them.

Raising a brow, Catherine glances around the room, wondering just when they all arrived.

"Morning, guys," she offers, noting the guys' eyes all fixed on her, matching smirks starting to grace their mouths.

"Morning, Catherine," Nick finally replies, his smirk only widening as he moves his gaze between Catherine and her companion. "Sara."

Sara's own expression looks more confused than anything else, the brunette simply offering a quick "morning" in return before she moves her gaze from them to the file in front of her. Now that the guys arrived, Grissom should only be steps behind to finally get started with their assignments.

"You guys…having a good chat?" Nick questions, eyes sparkling with amusement as he and Greg take seats across from the women, Warrick moving to make himself a coffee.

Catherine's eyes narrow, warry of Nick's teasing tone, not to mention unusual question. "Yes, we were actually."

"I'm sure you were," Nick supplies, drawing a laugh from Greg.

Sara's brows furrow along with Catherine's, both women now more seriously eying the guys across from them. Before either party can comment, however, Grissom walks in – effectively ending the moment.

As assignments are handed out, Catherine turns to Sara as they gather their things and file out of the room before the others.

"The guys were acting really weird, right?" she questions, nervous that perhaps she was reading too much into things.

"Definitely," Sara affirms, validating Catherine's thoughts.

They both watch the guys leave, heading off to start on their own assignments. Grabbing her paper with a sigh, Catherine shrugs with a shake of her head.

"Men," she grumbles. "So confusing."

Hearing Sara's snort behind her, they part ways to start their day.

* * *

"Hey, Cath," Greg pokes his head around the doorway to her office near the end of their shift. "The team is thinking of heading out for some breakfast. You up for it?"

Eying the paperwork in front of her, Catherine sighs. She should probably pass, get a head start on the piles splayed across her desk, but after a hard shift there's nothing she wants more than to grab some coffee and food. The paperwork will still be here next shift.

"Sure," she agrees with a smile. "I'm in."

"Great," Greg's return smile is genuine. "Have you seen Sara?"

"Nope," Catherine responds, eyes already moving back down to the form she's currently working on getting completed – she may make the rest of the paperwork wait, but she can at least get this one completed before heading out.

"Really?" Greg's tone sounds surprised, but his expression is neutral again by the time Catherine looks back up at him. "No worries, I'll uh, I'll track her down so we can invite her."

Narrowing her eyes suspiciously, Catherine nods. "Good idea. Now, leave me in peace so I can get out of here."

Nodding, Greg gives her a thumbs up with a wide grin. "Aye aye, captain."

Rolling her eyes, Catherine can't help the smile on her own lips as she finishes her work.

* * *

When she arrives at the diner, she's relieved that she isn't the last one to get there. The form took a bit longer than expected to complete, thanks to about a thousand redundant inquiries, and she hated the idea of the team here waiting on her to order.

"You guys been here long?" she questions, taking a seat on the empty side of the booth.

"Nope," Greg says, "just a few minutes."

"Take your time," Nick offers politely, gesturing to the menu Catherine picks up. "Plus, we're still waiting on Sara."

"Oh, good," Catherine smiles as her eyes roam over the items displayed before her, missing the looks the guys exchange on the other side of the table.

It's only a few minutes later when the bell above the door jingles, the team glancing up to see Sara walking swiftly towards them.

"Hey, guys," she greets. "I'm so sorry, I got held up at the lab. Grissom wanted updates, apparently on everything."

"No problem," Warrick states politely, simply passing her a menu with a smile.

"Yeah," Catherine agrees, reaching out to squeeze Sara's arm as the brunette gets situated in the seat next to her. "We're just glad you could join us."

And, she truthfully is. It's been about six months since she and Sara finally got their acts together, finally stopped all their petty bickering, fighting, arguing. Instead, they, for the first time, finally got to know the other person. And, as they did, they uncovered more similarities between them than they ever had differences. Sara's now one of her closest friends, and she couldn't imagine being on this team, doing this trying job, without her.

Sara smiles back, nodding slightly before returning her focus on the menu.

"Me too."

Not a second later, Sara's pager goes off, the brunette glancing down at it with a groan. "You've got to be kidding me."

Glancing at the screen, she pulls out her phone.

"This should just take a second," she winces. "So sorry, you guys."

"Stop apologizing," Catherine states with a smile, watching as Sara hurries out to take care of whatever came up on one of her cases.

The waitress arrives mere seconds later, eying the CSIs with her pen ready.

"You all set to order?"

Nick glances around uncertainly, "Actually, our friend stepped out for a minute, do you mind coming back in a few?"

"No need," Catherine interrupts just as the waitress is about to give them some more time. "I'll order for her."

Three sets of brows simultaneously rise at her comment.

Not noticing their looks, she simply places her own order, followed by Sara's. "Coffee, black with one sugar. Veggie omelet with only two eggs, no peppers, and light on the cheese. And please make sure the green peppers aren't in the omelet," Catherine stresses. "She's too polite to complain, which means she'll eat them, and then she'll be all twitchy and queasy for the rest of the day."

The waitress simply raises a thin brow, "No peppers. Noted."

Then, she takes the rest of the team's orders, disappearing moments later just as Sara steps back up to the table.

"You guys order?" she questions, sitting back down.

"Yeah," Nick answers, eyes still slightly wide as he moves his gaze between the two women across from him. "But don't worry, Cath ordered for you."

"Oh," Sara smiles, turning to the blonde woman next to her. "Thanks."

When the women turn back towards the guys across the booth from them, they aren't sure what to make of their faces that appear to be colored with shock.

"What?" Sara questions, narrowing her hazel gaze in suspicion.

"Nothing," Greg is the first to find his voice, shaking his head as his expression morphs from shock to a satisfied smirk. "Nothing at all."

Watching the young lab tech suspiciously, Catherine crosses her arms over her chest.

"You guys have been acting weird lately, what in the hell is going on?"

The guys simply smile, watching the pair across from them in amusement.

* * *

"You going to the fall festival thing at Nick's this weekend?" Sara asks in greeting as she tosses her stuff into her locker about a week later, finally at the end of their very long shift.

"Not sure," Catherine answers, gathering her own things. "Are you?"

Sara shrugs, "I'm not on call for once. Could be nice. I was promised there would be lots of hard cider."

"Hard cider?" Catherine scrunches her nose. "What happened to good old beer?"

Smirking, Sara sends the older CSI a look, "Relax. There will also be plenty of beer. But finally also some other options for those of us who aren't beer fanatics."

"I'll never understand your kind," Catherine jokes.

"Mutual."

Laughing, the two woman turn to leave just as Greg enters. Eying the laughing woman, Greg's smile expands to a smirk.

"Ladies."

"Greg," Sara poses, watching the young CSI as he approaches his own locker.

Simply shaking her head, Sara and Catherine complete their exit from the locker room.

"I swear, I feel like the guys are always smirking with these smug looks on their faces every time we're in a room with them," Sara mutters quietly as they make their way to their cars. "I feel like they're up to something."

"Same," Catherine agrees, having noticed a similar pattern that has yet to cease. "I just wish I knew what it was. Makes me nervous not knowing what's going on in those brains of theirs."

"Well, perhaps this weekend we'll get some time to figure it out," Sara poses. "Text me if you plan to go? I can pick you up."

"Deal," Catherine smiles, the two parting ways for the night.

About two hours later, as Sara is settling into bed with her latest book when her phone vibrates on the nightstand beside her. Reaching over, she glances at the glowing screen.

 _Willows (6:03am): Let's do this. Operation WTF is wrong with our colleagues is a go. Pick me up Saturday at eight?_

Sara smiles at the text, fingers typing out a quick reply.

 _Sidle (6:04am): I'll be there._

* * *

"Looking good," Catherine compliments when Sara's car arrives in her drive to pick her up.

The brunette has chosen a nice fall look that's carried out with dusty grey colored tight jeans, a deep v-neck t-shirt, a dark maroon plaid flannel draped over her thin frame. Her hair is in loose, natural waves, falling just below her shoulders, streaks of highlights from the final summer days still glistening amongst the darker hues.

"Same to you," Sara offers, noting the blonde's choice of a fitted jeans, heels, and a cream colored sweater, hair tied casually in a wavy pony tail. Catherine looks comfortable, relaxed, and it's a great look on the woman.

"Ready?" Sara offers, palming her keys as she gestures to the car.

"Ready."

* * *

"Sara! Catherine!" Nick greets, the enthusiasm coloring his voice hinting at the more than a few alcoholic beverages the Texan has had prior to their arrival. "You guys made it!"

Giving each of the women big hugs, they smile as they pull away.

"Wouldn't miss it for the world," Catherine offers, sharing with Sara a knowing look over his shoulder.

"Come on," he gestures eagerly, "drinks are in the back, food is in the kitchen. Help yourselves!"

Moving further into the party, the two note the amount of food, alcohol, and people filling the house. It's tastefully decorated, autumn vibes present from the food choices to the beverages, even some spiced candles filling the air with scents of the season.

"Remind you of home?" Sara asks, noting Catherine's pleased expression.

"Montana?" Catherine questions, not having thought of her childhood home in ages. "Yeah, I suppose it does."

Smiling, Sara places a supportive hand on Catherine's shoulder before reaching out to grab some drinks from the cooler under the counter.

"A gross beer for you," she says knowingly. "And a delicious hard cider for me."

Grunting in disagreement, Catherine takes the offered bottle, nodding her thanks as Sara opens it for her before handing it over.

"Well," Catherine sighs after taking a long drink. "I guess it's time to get this party started."

* * *

It's not long before one drink turns into two, then three, then a few more. Even Sara, normally rather reserved, even outside of work, seems to have more than a few drinks in her, her smiles coming slightly easier, her expression a bit more relaxed.

As the number of drinks have increased, so has the number of people at the party. What was already a large number of people has turned into quite a crowded event, the volume of all their voices, as well as the now steadily thumping music, rising to a level that has Catherine raising her voice and leaning in towards the brunette's ear for the younger woman to be able to hear her.

As she talks with Sara, she notices two pairs of eyes watching her, glinting with mischief as they take in her close proximity to Sara, eying the hand Catherine has placed on the brunette's arm for balance. Eyes narrowing, she moves even closer to her younger coworker, moving her mouth even closer to the woman's ear, watching the gazes grow exponentially more engaged at the movement.

"Well," Catherine gets out to Sara. "I think I may have figured out what's got the guys acting all weird."

"Yeah?" Sara asks curiously, the close proximity seemingly ignored by the younger woman as she takes a few more sips from the bottle in her hands.

"I think they're under the false impression that we are a couple."

Immediately, Sara chokes on the liquid, coughing as she tries to redirect the fluid out of her lungs and back into its proper place.

"Jesus," she mutters as she gasps for air, coughs trying to get the last remnants of fluid from her lungs. "What the hell, Catherine?"

Raising a brow, Catherine merely shrugs, patting Sara's back as the brunette lets out the last of her coughs.

"Wish I were kidding, Sara. But I'm not."

Seeing her coworker's serious expression, she follows the blonde's gaze to the gaze of Nick and Greg, both still eying them with smirks on their faces from across the crowded living room.

"You can't seriously think that they believe we're…"

Catherine's smile only widens, "Follow my lead, Sidle. See for yourself."

Without further warning, Catherine runs her hand higher up Sara's arm, coming to stop along her neck. Gently toying with the soft curls of brunette hair located there, she watches Sara as the younger CSI watches their colleagues.

Leaning in, Catherine places her lips dangerously close to Sara's.

"Believe me now?" she questions, a playful smirk of her own gracing her lips.

Sara for her part tenses, body suddenly stiffening as she drops her gaze from the guys, clearly having seen all that she needed to.

"How the hell did they even dream up this shit?" Sara questions, jaw tight as she moves to swallow what looks like a large majority of the alcohol in her hand. Closing her eyes briefly, she seems to compose herself, features still stiff, but much more stoic when she opens them again. "They must be out of their damn minds to think that we, of all people in the office, are together."

"Hey now," Catherine scoffs. "Don't act like the idea of being a couple with me is the most repulsive thing you've heard, Sidle."

Sara narrows her eyes, giving Catherine a sideways glance, "That's not what I meant and you know it."

Catherine smiles, always enjoying the rare occasions she can make her normally in control colleague a little off balance.

Clearing her throat, Sara refocuses herself, "I can't wait to go over there and wipe that smirk off their faces. Crush this little male fantasy of theirs."

"Hold on now," Catherine states, taking Sara's arm before the brunette can move to the other side of the room and confront the still smiling guys. "I think we can have a bit of fun with this."

"A bit of fun?"

Eyes moving up to the hazel ones next to her, Catherine smiles, "Yeah. What better way to teach them a lesson than to play with their minds a bit? Make them think they're actually onto something before we call them out on their bullshit."

Sara gestures towards the guys who are still staring them down with matching smirks. "I think they already believe they're onto something."

"I think they suspect," Catherine agrees. "But I think they suspect we're at the beginning stages of whatever they think this is. The smirks when we touch, when we smile at each other, when we get each other coffee. All very PG." Catherine eyes her coworker carefully, gauging her reaction. "I think they'd have a stroke if they learned they were correct, but had drastically underestimated the true nature of our relationship. That they'd only touched the tip of the iceberg."

Sara's eyebrow raises, her body stiffening just enough for Catherine to notice. "And how exactly do we do that?"

The blonde smiles, "We give them something a little more R rated."

* * *

"This is a bad idea," Sara mumbles, eyes glancing around them anxiously as they move to a much less crowded hallway off the main room. "A very, very bad idea."

Squeezing the hand in hers, Catherine navigates them smoothly through the crowd and into the hallway, stopping about three fourths of the way down the dimly lit space.

"We only do this if we're both comfortable," Catherine says seriously, eager to carry out her plan, but not at Sara's expense. "We stop right now if we're not both on board."

Sara's eyes search Catherine's before they look away, "You're sure about this? That _you_ want to do this?"

Catherine almost laughs, "Do what? Be closer to a ridiculously gorgeous, sensitive, strong woman such as yourself? Yeah, pretty sure I can force myself to suffer through, Sara."

Blushing slightly, Sara shakes her head, "Alright, stop, point taken." Taking a deep breath, she eyes the woman before her, seeing the guys having moved casually closer to the center of the room so they can sneak curious glances down the hallway from where they're standing. "So, how do we do this?"

"Just follow my lead," Catherine smiles.

Without further ado, the blonde has stepped closer, moving until Sara's back connects with the solid wall behind her. Jaw tightening, the brunette watches as Catherine's hands rise, one hand placing itself tightly along her hip while the other moves higher, running up her body until it finds its home at the base of her neck. Then, before she has time to react, the blonde is leaning in, lips connecting with hers.

The reaction is immediate, like something triggering deep inside, and the brunette responds with fervor. Her own hands raise, grasping the back of Catherine's blouse as she pulls the woman closer, smiling slightly into the kiss as she feels Catherine's breathing catch faintly in surprise at the contact now between them.

 _Alright Sidle, challenge accepted,_ the blonde thinks to herself.

Pushing her hips harder into Sara's, she has the younger woman's body pinned firmly into the wall behind her in a matter of seconds. Mouth reacquainting with the brunette's, she feels Sara's body tense as her tongue grazes the younger woman's bottom lip. She waits for permission, never wanting to step further than the brunette is comfortable. It's a few moments later when Sara's mouth finally opens to hers.

The kiss deepens, tongues dueling with one another as hands search to find purchase, gripping in hair, on shirts, grasping at one another as their breathing grows shallow, gasps filling the air with every small separation of their mouths.

Without thinking, Catherine's knee presses against Sara's, pushing until the younger woman's legs are forced apart. The blonde pushes forward, stopping only when her thigh connects solidly with Sara's center. Immediately, the brunette's body jerks at the contact, the feeling of Catherine pressing against a very sensitive, very _intimate_ location.

"Sorry. You okay?" Catherine asks, holding her position, voice a whisper near Sara's ear, breathing coming in shallow gasps. "I didn't mean…"

Sara's response is tight, strained. "It's fine."

"You sure? I can move." Catherine questions, still careful not to push Sara farther than she's willing to go.

"I'm sure."

Sara's gaze is on hers, eyes dark as she watches the blonde. Then, the brunette leans forward, Catherine's leg remaining in place as the contact between them only intensifies. Sara's mouth is on her neck before Catherine can question the brunette any further.

The moan that escapes Catherine's mouth at the feel of Sara's tongue running along her collarbone is not one she's proud of. But, it's out before she can censor it, and Sara, bless her, gives no indication she even heard it.

Instead, the brunette simply moves her ministrations further upward until she's biting lightly at a very sensitive spot located behind the blonde's ear. Catherine's knees feel like jelly, griping to Sara's shirt for some semblance of balance. Then, just as she's struggling to keep her next moan in her throat, Sara's body swiftly pivots, Catherine's back thumping into the wall behind her before she knows what's happened.

Effectively having reversed their positions, Sara pulls back slightly, watching Catherine with darkened eyes.

She leans in, placing her lips mere millimeters from Catherine's, teasing the blonde's mouth with her own. Then, just as Catherine is leaning forward to make contact, Sara pulls back slightly with a smile.

Hand trailing up Catherine's thigh, Sara simply watches the blonde as she eventually settles her grip on the older woman's sides, Catherine's breaths low and shallow. Moving in, she finally reconnects her mouth with Catherine's, the kiss immediately heated and intense. Catherine never realized her own hands pressing along Sara's lower back, pushing the brunette's hips into her own to increase the friction between them, not until Sara pulls back with another smile on her lips.

Before Catherine can catch her own breath, move, think, do anything to get her incoherent mind together, Sara is backing away. Giving Catherine one last smile, she turns, leaving the hallway, and the very flustered blonde still in it.

Watching Sara, she sees the brunette grab a fresh cider off the table, strolling past the guys as if they're not even there.

"Holy shit," Catherine breathes in and out, trying desperately to get herself back under control.

Pulling her body back up to her full height, she straightens her sweater, running shaking hands along her jeans.

Finally getting her legs under her, she strides out of the hallway with confidence. Glancing over, she sees two very, very flushed faces standing frozen in the middle of the room. She smirks, taking in the slack jaws, the reddened cheeks, the absolute shock painted across their features. Moving closer to them, Catherine eyes them with a smirk.

"Gentlemen."

Greg simply sputters, nearly choking on his own tongue as he tries to close his jaw. Nick, blushing fiercely, can't seem to meet the blonde's gaze.

"Cath..hey…"

"Great party, Nick," the blonde smiles. "Hope you boys enjoy your evening."

She watches them both, neither one seeming capable of forming a coherent response. Smirking, Catherine leaves them standing there, shocked and wide eyed, simply walking further into the crowd to enjoy the rest of her own evening.

 _Mission accomplished._

* * *

Mingling with members of the party she hasn't seen in a while, it's over an hour before Catherine finally catches sight of Sara. The brunette has apparently adopted the opposite plan, sitting solo in the yard outside, quite a distance from the small fire crackling in the firepit, the small crowd around it laughing and drinking.

Excusing herself from her current conversation, Catherine's eyes narrow in thought as she slowly approaches the woman, slipping through the darkness unseen.

"Nick does own chairs, you know."

Startling slightly, Sara seems to stiffen, eyes taking in the blonde briefly before returning to the trees around them.

"The ground is fine."

Her answer isn't rude, but it isn't quite friendly either. It's definitely more…stiff…than usual.

"You okay?" Catherine chances, always a bit wary to ask the brunette this particular question, the brunette always fervently denying any sign of duress in all the time Catherine's known her.

Apparently, this time is no different.

"I'm fine," Sara assures, taking a slow sip of the bottle previously held in the shadows, the glass now glistening in the amber light from the distant fire.

"You sure?" Catherine presses, not knowing quite what's going on with the young woman.

The last time she saw her, Sara was playfully smirking at the guys, sauntering off from their hallway rondaevues as if she didn't have a single care in the world. This woman sitting here now, drinking alone in the darkness, is a completely different person.

"I'm sure."

Raising a brow, Catherine simply nods, gesturing to the alcohol in Sara's hand.

"I guess I'll leave you two to it, then."

Without another word, she backs off, leaving Sara in the solitude the younger woman seems to prefer.

* * *

"Hey, Cath, you ready to go?"

The question makes Catherine turn in surprise, her coat hanging along her arm.

"I, uh, I came with Sara, actually," Catherine supplies to her friend. "Thanks, though."

"Actually," Warrick hesitates slightly, rubbing his hand along his arm. "Sara asked me to give you a lift home. She'd been drinking and didn't feel comfortable driving you back."

"But she drove herself?" Catherine questions darkly, hating nothing more in this world than intoxicated driving. She's had to process more than enough scenes to witness firsthand the devastation they leave behind – for all parties involved.

"Not sure," Warrick states honestly, "she was gone before I could really get much conversation in."

"I'm sure," Catherine can picture Sara dodging Warrick the same way the young woman dodged her earlier. "You sure _you're_ okay to drive?" she asks.

"Yeah," he immediately nods, pulling out his keys. "I'm on call tonight, actually. So haven't had anything."

"Right," Catherine lets out a sigh, trying not to get upset with Sara Sidle and her characteristically stubborn, elusive behavior. "Let's go, then."

The ride is mostly in silence, just over a mile left to go when Warrick finally speaks.

"Don't mean to pry, but I sense there may be some trouble in paradise?" he poses gently.

"Sara and I?" Catherine asks, needing confirmation of the unspoken meaning behind his words.

Her friend simply nods, keeping his attention on the road.

"We aren't…" Catherine starts, not wanting to carry out any sort of charade with her close friend. Nick and Greg are different; lying to Warrick feels somehow wrong. But, she isn't really in the mood to go there either way. "I'm not sure what's going on with her, to be honest," Catherine states genuinely instead, leaving the rest of the complication out of it.

"Sara's a hard nut to crack," Warrick says evenly. "There's always lot going on in that head of hers it seems, most of which she elects not to share."

Catherine snorts, "That's an understatement."

"Nothing wrong with keeping your cards close to the vest," Warrick's tone is neutral. "My girl and I are a lot alike in that way."

Catherine smiles, knowing Warrick and Sara have developed one of the closest relationships on the team, despite their rocky beginnings. They both are quiet by nature, keeping a wide berth of any of the lab drama going on around them, both focused solely on their jobs and their victims. They have a mutual respect and understanding of the other, recognizing and upholding each's privacy and personal space. It's perhaps what's allowed them to grow close.

"For some reason it drives me less crazy when it comes from you," Catherine says sincerely, a slight smile gracing her lips. "Much more annoying when it's Sidle."

Warrick laughs lightly at this, "Just talk to her, Catherine."

"Wish it were that simple," Catherine sighs, glancing out the window as her house comes into view. "She's not exactly forthcoming when I try."

"Then perhaps you need to change tactics?" Warrick suggests, pulling the car to a stop in her drive. "Or not take no for an answer?"

Catherine considers this, unlocking her belt. "Maybe. But, if I do, then you're to blame if we end up tearing each other apart."

"You've changed," Warrick counters in disagreement, shaking his head. "Both of you. Your relationship with her isn't like it used to be, Cath."

"Warrick," Catherine lets out a sigh, not able to carry out any sort of charade regarding her and Sara's 'relationship.' "We're not together. Not a couple. Just good friends."

"I know."

The answer is immediate, sincere.

Looking over in surprise, Warrick simply shrugs.

"I love my boys, but they can be idiots sometimes. I know you and Sara aren't a thing."

"You did?" she asks in genuine surprise. "But you never said anything."

"Thought I'd let the guys have their fun," he states, face morphing into a smile. "Then I'd sit back and watch as you and Sara gave them hell for it when you figured it out."

Catherine laughs at her friend's plan, his own plotting that saw right through everyone involved. "I think we gave them strokes tonight."

Warrick laughs as well, imagining what must have went down, before the mood in the car returns to being serious.

"Talk to her, Catherine," he says quietly. "Don't let her push you away. Not this time."

Taking a deep breath, the blonde nods, giving her close friend's hand a squeeze as she opens her door, heading out into the dark night.

* * *

It's against Catherine's better judgement, but she decides to confront Sara at work. After all, it's not like she and Sara are likely to be seeing each other outside of the office any time soon, not with the way things between them are currently going.

"Can you help me with something?" the blonde leans around the doorway of Sara's current lab.

"Uh," Sara hesitates slightly, the request unexpected. "Sure."

Storing everything properly away, Sara tosses her gloves in the trash on her way out, following behind the blonde until they come to a stop in Grissom's office.

Seeing the empty room, Sara's expression becomes even more confused when Catherine closes the door.

"Catherine?" she poses, looking around warily.

"Grissom's out on a case, I needed somewhere private."

"For what, exactly?"

The question is fair, but the tone holds a slight edge of warning to it.

"I think you know for what."

"I thought this request was related to a case," Sara mutters tightly. "Since it's clearly not, I need to get back to work."

"You need to stop acting like an ass and let me have a conversation with you."

When Sara turns, the gaze that meets the blonde's is a whole lot darker.

"Excuse me?"

"You heard me." Catherine knows this isn't perhaps the politest of tactics, but she's committed now. No choice but to see it through. "Stop avoiding me and this conversation we need to have."

"I wasn't aware we needed to have any conversation," Sara states tightly, arms crossing over her chest defensively.

"Are you mad at me?" Catherine poses directly. "Did I do something to upset you?"

Sara's brows furrow slightly, "What?"

"You've been avoiding me, Sara. At the party you left without me, barely spoke to me the rest of the night. Then at work you can hardly look at me."

Moving just slightly closer, Catherine shakes her head.

"Tell me what's going on."

Sara's head lowers, dark gaze on the ground as she shakes it. "Nothing's going on. I didn't take you home because I'd been drinking more than planned."

"Yet you drove yourself?"

Sara's eyes immediately snap up, tone angry. "Of course not. You know I would never drive intoxicated."

"Then what?"

"I walked," Sara says, tone quieter this time.

"The entire way?" Catherine questions in disbelief. "That's what, five miles at least?"

"Something like that," Sara states.

"So you walked for well over an hour just to avoid me." The older CSI states. "And now I want to know why."

Sara's body language is hard to read, but it's definitely defensive, nervous.

"I needed time to think."

"About?" Catherine pushes.

"Why?" Sara snaps, jaw working tightly against itself. "Why does this matter?"

"Because I'm worried you're avoiding me because of what we did at the party, Sara. And it scares me to think that I overstepped, that I pushed you into something that you clearly weren't okay with."

Sara seems taken aback by the blonde's directness, her honesty, taking a deep breath as she gets her own emotions reeled in towards something calmer.

"I said I was fine with it when you asked at Nick's, and I meant it. You didn't force me into anything, Catherine."

"Then what?" Catherine asks, desperate to get to the bottom of this. To get some, any, sort of hint at what's going on with this woman that's harder to read than hieroglyphics. "Please, Sara."

For a moment, just a moment, Catherine can see the brunette's resolve cracking. See her hesitation, her desire to give a struggling Catherine what she wants. But, as fast as it's there, it's gone.

"I'm sorry," Sara supplies, tone heavy with what almost sounds like guilt. "But I can't talk about this. Not here. Not now."

"Then when?" Catherine knows her coworker. If left to her own devices she'll avoid this, and any other topic that gets remotely personal, until the end of days. "When will I be deemed worthy to finally get the answers I believe I deserve, Sara?"

"I'm not doing this to hurt you," Sara counters, tone tight with restrained emotion. "Quite the opposite."

"Just talk to me!" Catherine finally loses her own resolve, her own patience. "Stop holding this secrecy over my head, stop avoiding me because you can't deal with whatever the hell is going on with you, and just let me in!"

"I'm sorry," Sara whispers, voice so quiet it's a harsh contradiction to Catherine's own.

Reaching behind her, she pulls open the closed door and exits.

* * *

Sara must have quit, become invisible, or moved out of the state. Those are the only explanations, Catherine concludes. She hasn't seen Sara in over a week. Even at morning assignments, Sara is always conveniently absent, always 'out at a scene' or 'following a time sensitive lead.'

The girl is damn good at avoidance, and it's honestly driving Catherine nuts. All she wants is Sara to talk to her, to let her in on whatever this issue is between them.

Catherine would never have done what she did at the party if this was going to be the result. Sara can lie to herself and to both of them that the party has nothing to do with the younger CSI's current behavior, but Catherine definitely knows better.

The blonde herself has been struggling with the events of that day. Struggling with how her body reacted to someone she'd only ever seen as a friend. How ever since that kiss, she's been trying not to acknowledge the fact that she desires more, trying not to panic at how her heart rate increases whenever her mind thinks of the brunette. Somehow, something in Catherine shifted that day, her feelings towards Sara morphing from friendship into something else entirely. Something much more nerve wracking and scary, something much more serious.

And, the cherry on the top of this very anxiety provoking cake, is that Catherine doesn't even have her best friend to discuss those issues with.

No, her best friend is currently avoiding her, doing everything she can to keep them separate.

The one person that always made Catherine feel safe, secure, cared about, is now the person turning her world completely upside down.

* * *

It's late.

Like, pitch black, woken from a deep sleep, dead of night, type of late.

Hearing the gentle tapping noise at her door a second time, Catherine is pulled fully from sleep, her heart rate increasing as she reaches into her bedside table. Removing her gun, she carefully takes off the safety, silently crossing her wooden flooring towards the front door.

Who the hell comes visiting at three fucking am?

Serial killers and psychopaths, that's who.

Taking a deep breath, Catherine curses the fact that she doesn't have a peep hole in her door – resolving to get one as soon as possible, assuming she doesn't get hacked into tiny pieces in about ten seconds.

Hand on the knob, she takes one final breath in before pulling the door open swiftly, gun at the ready.

The person she finds standing there immediately takes notice of the weapon, slowly raising their hands and taking a slight step back.

"Sara?"

"I'm sorry to come by so late," Sara states, voice slightly nervous, hesitant. Quiet. "I didn't mean to scare you."

"Why are you here?" Catherine asks, still trying to adjust to who her late night visitor is. The same person avoiding her at all cost at work is now present at her door, having sought the blonde out at three am. But, she needs to know the exact reason for this visit before she can react. If something's wrong, she needs to know and not push Sara away, mad as she is at the younger woman. "Are you alright?"

"I'm fine," Sara assures, though she looks like she hasn't slept much during her week long avoidance. Some sick part of Catherine is made happy by that fact, to know at least some part of Sara was struggling like she was these past days.

"Then why are you here?" Catherine presses, her tone much more angry now that she knows Sara is at least physically okay.

"Can we…" Sara hesitantly starts before stopping. Then, she gestures down towards the gun still held tightly in Catherine's hand. "Do you mind maybe putting that down?"

"Making you nervous?" Catherine asks, not lowering the weapon. Not yet.

"Catherine."

Watching the woman standing before her, shoulders slumped, hazel gaze having a hard time meeting Catherine's, the blonde finally relents, lowering her weapon slightly.

"I should leave you out here all night," Catherine tells her sternly. "Leave you in the dark just like you did to me all week."

"Yes," Sara agrees quietly. "You should."

Catherine stares at Sara, taking everything in before finally shaking her head in defeat, "Fuck you, Sara Sidle," she mutters tightly, opening her door wider to let the younger woman in. "Such a pain in my ass."

The barest ghost of a smile twitches at Sara's lips before her expression falls back into its serious expression. Silently entering the house, Catherine closes the door behind them with a click.

* * *

"I'm sorry I woke you," Sara apologizes, eyes roaming over Catherine's pajama shorts and tank top. "I should've waited until tomorrow…"

"But you didn't," Catherine interrupts. "You're here. You already woke me. So the least you can do is stop avoiding everything for once and start talking to me about why the hell you showed up at my door at three am."

Sara's nervous. It seemed like a good idea at the time, desperate to get this off her chest, feeling like she couldn't wait another moment or she'd rip apart from the inside with everything she'd been repressing deep inside. But here, now, faced with the blonde in Catherine's own house, it's disconcerting, and more than a little intimidating. Especially when she knows just how mad the older CSI must be with her.

"I'm sorry I've been avoiding you-"

"Sara."

Catherine's warning is loud and clear.

Taking a deep breath, Sara gathers herself the best she can, and dives into the deep.

"I've been avoiding you because of what happened at Nick's. I'm sorry I lied to you about that."

This revelation isn't exactly a surprise to Catherine, having figured this out pretty easily on her own. But, she's glad to finally have the truth out in the open, to see Sara finally stop lying to her and putting this issue out on the table so they can finally address it.

It's the only way they're going to move past it.

"You should've told me you were uncomfortable with it, Sara," Catherine shakes her head. "Before, or at least after. You shouldn't have hid from this, from me."

Sara shakes her head, "I didn't say I was uncomfortable with it, Catherine."

Catherine lets out an exhausted breath. "That's bullshit, Sara. Don't come here and just start lying to me again. You avoided me for over a week because of what happened. You weren't comfortable with it, or with me."

Closing her eyes, Sara swallows tightly, knowing she has to get this out, has to say what's on her mind. She didn't come here at this obscene hour, wake the blonde up from much needed sleep, only to chicken out now. She won't do that to the older woman who more than deserves her honesty.

Deserved it days ago.

"I wasn't uncomfortable with what happened, Catherine," Sara restates. "It wasn't something you forced me to do against my will, something I regretted or didn't want to partake in. What I was uncomfortable about was…"

Sara steels herself, closing her eyes and lowering her head in shame.

"What I was uncomfortable about was how much I wanted what happened. When you kissed me," Sara blushes, shaking her head, "it was like all I could see was you, all I wanted was you. I found myself wishing that we weren't just playing a fake role, weren't just carrying out a ploy to rile the guys. I wished that everything between us in that hallway was genuine, true, and I wished that it could last forever. So, no, Catherine, what I was uncomfortable with was the fact that _I_ took advantage of _you._ "

Never in a thousand, million, billion years, would Catherine have imagined that this is what Sara Sidle would say to her. Even now, mouth hanging slightly open, her brain keeps replaying the words in her head, over and over, trying to register them.

"You…what…?"

Catherine's voice is barely a whisper, her eyes wide as words fail her, comprehension fails her.

"I'm so sorry, Catherine."

Sara's choked apology, the regret and shame coloring the younger woman's tone, grounds Catherine slightly, her eyes focusing on the bowed head in front of her, Sara's eyes still closed in disgrace.

How could she have been so blind to this, to this woman, her feelings, her everything, all these days since it happened. How did she have no idea that Sara felt this way, all this time?

"Sara."

It's the only word Catherine can get out, her mind firing a thousand thoughts, a thousand feelings, through her.

"I shouldn't have let it go as far as it did at the party, shouldn't have continued it when I realized how I felt," Sara gets out. "But to stop it, to say something, would've…"

Sara trails off, and Catherine knows what she's saying without needing to hear the words. "To say something would've revealed your secret to me," she supplies for the younger woman.

"I'm so sorry," Sara apologizes yet again, head still low as her voice is dark. "I was out of line, inappropriate. I took advantage of you, of the situation. I should've stopped it immediately, even if that meant you found out how I felt. I was selfish and dishonest."

"Sara."

Catherine steps forward, moving closer to the crumpled form in front of her.

"Look at me."

Sara doesn't respond, eyes opened, but aiming at the floor, head remaining lowered.

"You should've talked to me, Sara. About your feelings. All this time since the party…you just what?" Catherine shakes her head. "Pushed it down? Ignored it?"

"Of course," Sara responds tightly. "You're my superior, Catherine. You are…were…my friend. It's wrong, inappropriate."

"I _was_ your friend?" Catherine asks, immediately picking up on the brunette's corrected wording.

"I understand if this changes things for you, Catherine," Sara offers as explanation. "If I make you uncomfortable and you don't want to go back to the way things were."

How could she, how could _they_ , have been so dense all this time. How the hell did the _guys_ , the idiotic guys, catch on to this before they did. They were right, all this time, they were fucking right.

"I don't want to go back to the way things were," Catherine breathes out, watching Sara's shoulders tighten at the statement.

"I understand," the younger woman gets out, taking a step back as she pulls the keys from her pocket. "I can see myself out."

"Stop."

Sara's made it to the door when she hears Catherine's command, hand pausing over the knob.

"I wasn't finished, Sara."

Stiffening, Sara turns, giving Catherine the respect of facing her while the blonde gets whatever else she has on her chest out in the open. Sara spoke her peace regarding the situation, Catherine deserves the same respect – no matter how painful it may be to hear.

Straightening her shoulders, she takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the coming words.

"I don't want to go back to the way things were, Sara," Catherine says, the words hitting like daggers into the younger woman's already scarring heart. "Because I want more than that."

It takes a moment, a long, silent moment, before Sara registers the words, looking up at Catherine and meeting her eyes for the first time.

"What?" she asks in confusion.

"You heard me, I want more than what we had, more than friendship. I want what we started to have, Sara." Catherine lets out a long breath, moving slightly closer to the younger woman standing in her house. "You weren't the only person affected by that kiss, Sidle. Perhaps if you'd just talked to me, instead of avoiding me, you would've known that."

"What are you saying, Catherine?" Sara asks, brows furrowed as she tries to take in what's being said to her. Tries to believe it, accept it.

"I'm saying that kiss opened my eyes, made me feel things about my friend that I shouldn't be feeling about a friend." Catherine smiles slightly. "It made me see you, see _us_ , and how blind we've been. How blind _I've_ been."

Sara's expression is uncertain, like she's still trying to register the blonde's words, to accept this truth the older woman is proclaiming. To adjust to this completely different outcome than she'd expected, prepared for.

"Are you just saying this…because you don't want to hurt my feelings…,"Sara trails off, shaking her head.

Moving closer, Catherine gently cups Sara's face in her hands. Then, leaning in, she joins their lips. The kiss is tender, cautious, reverent – everything their first kiss wasn't. And yet, somehow, that makes it all the more passionate.

"Does this feel like I'm making this up?" Catherine asks in a whisper when they finally pull apart, her hands coming to rest carefully on Sara's shoulders.

Sara blushes slightly, eyes acknowledging her concession without having to voice it.

"How did we…how did this…" she pauses instead, not sure how to word what she's trying to ask. Wanting to know how they both could've been so blind, so unaware of what was brewing between them.

"For the first time in my life," Catherine laughs, the last of the tension seeming to dissipate between them. "I'm going to have to admit that those idiot boys of ours were right. They picked up on this way before we did."

"Oh God," Sara groans, realizing the truth in Catherine's statement, eying the woman with a slightly disturbed expression. "But we don't, you know, have to admit that to them or anything, right?"

Laughing harder, Catherine shakes her head. "Of course not. They think we've been together for a while now, thanks to Nick's party. I'm not inclined to correct them unless you are."

Snorting, Sara shakes her head, "No way."

Getting serious, Sara picks up on the blonde's wording, "So, what, now we're together? Isn't that sort of…fast?"

"We've apparently had feelings for each other that we were both too blind to recognize all this time. If it's alright with you, I'd like to stop wasting any more time, and finally see where this goes."

Smiling slightly, Sara nods, "I think I'd like that, too."

* * *

Morning brings a satisfied exhaustion unlike anything Sara's ever felt before. It's like everything in her has been stripped bare, laid open and vulnerable. Exorcized from the deep, censored parts of herself. The very thought would normally terrify her, but, instead, she simply feels freed.

"Any regrets about not taking things slow?" she hears asked in voice still husky from sleep.

The brunette smiles softly in reply, the gesture somewhat muffled by a pillow, and more than a few blankets. Her fatigued arms reach out, pushing the bedding aside, a long stretch drawing a moan from her throat. Turning over, she's greeted by perhaps the most beautiful sight she's ever seen.

Catherine is barely awake herself, blonde hair tousled, glistening in the morning sunlight filtering through the bedroom window, one arm perched under her head while the other is draped across Sara's hip.

Smiling, Sara turns fully over so that she's facing the woman beside her, using her own free hand to run it through Catherine's untamed locks, leaning in and kissing the blonde softly.

"No regrets," she whispers against their joined lips. "No regrets at all."

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	8. Chapter 8

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks as always to those following these little mini stories and leaving such kind words of support - means a lot.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt = "an established relationship scenario where focus is on Cath's issues more than Sara's - eg her history of addiction and how it affects her today, or her history of feeling valued more for her looks than her brains and how that might cause her to approach a relationship, etc."_

 _-Submitted by rafestark_

* * *

 **Prompt 8**

The pull, the temptation, has never been as strong as it is in this moment.

At least not for years.

It's so sudden, so unexpected, that it literally steals the breath from her lungs, forcing her to a knee. She can feel it overpowering her, in the shaking of her hands, the sweat prickling along her brow.

Why this? Why now?

Gritting her teeth, she forces herself to a stand, abandoning her collection kit, her camera, all of it. She knows this feeling, this pull, this dark sirens call. To give in, even a millimeter, would be to surrender fully. To give everything up, all the years of hard work, of success, of moving past this part of her life.

It's something she's not willing to chance, not even for a second.

She needs to leave, put space between her and this demon before the demon wins. Now.

Turning, she both curses and appreciates the fact that she's been paired with Sara today. The brunette is an endless source of understanding, of support. But, she's also the person she has the hardest time keeping things from, every hidden part of her always feeling exposed under the brunette's piercing hazel gaze. Normally it's comforting, like exorcising all the dark secrets, sweeping all the shadows out of your hidden spaces, setting them free and relishing in the airy lightness that replaces them. The brunette's presence, supporting and uplifting the entire way through.

But today, delving into this particular shadow, perhaps the darkest Catherine possesses, feels more overwhelming than comforting.

So, instead, she elects not to shine the light there at all. Shadows may be frightening, but not nearly as scary as the monsters hiding there.

"Sara," she calls, watching as Sara raises her head from where she's lifting a print in the kitchen. "I need you to finish collecting what I started in the living room. I got a call from Linds I need to take."

Sara's brows immediately furrow in concern, "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, yeah," Catherine immediately reassures her partner, feeling bad for the worried expression still gracing the younger woman's features. "Just something about some paperwork she needs for one of her classes."

Sara watches her, eyes studying her, before the brunette finally nods, "Okay."

"Thanks," Catherine offers, stepping out of the house before she loses her composure at having to lie to the woman she loves more than anything on this planet. At letting this demon have that victory, its long forgotten power over her feeling like it's been renewed during its absence.

Now, full force and threatening to make her crumble beneath it.

* * *

"You want to talk to me?"

The question is quiet, careful, gentle. It's Sara, in more ways than one.

"Talk to you about what?" Catherine asks, tossing her keys on the counter as she makes her way to the couch where the brunette is currently reading a book.

Settling herself down, she lets out a breath as Sara instinctively wraps her arms around the blonde, holding her close as Catherine lays her head on the younger woman's shoulder. The television is on with the volume turned off, neither of them paying attention to the flickering scenes traveling across the screen.

"I think you know what."

Sara doesn't push, leaving the silence between them when Catherine declines to answer. Instead, she holds the blonde tighter, running her hand gently up and down Catherine's arm as she lets out a sigh, resuming reading her book with the other.

Closing her eyes, Catherine relishes the warm body next to hers, the one that reminds her of who she is, where she is. Grounds her to this moment, to this life she's built, helping her forget the one she left behind.

But, as the strong body beside her offers comfort, it also reminds Catherine of her own weaknesses today at their scene. Weaknesses that she'd thought she'd long since buried. It was hell to get through the first time, and if she has to do that all over again, rebury these phantoms apparently still haunting her, she's not sure she'll be able. The first time nearly killed her, she's damn sure she doesn't have it within her to go through that again.

But, she also can't imagine the alternative . She can't imagine letting those phantoms tear through her, tear through her life, the way they did all those years ago. They'd not only destroy her, but everything that she loves.

Including this woman beside her.

"I'm going to go take a shower," Catherine gets out, lifting herself away from the brunette before the younger woman can feel the shaking in her limbs.

Walking away, she doesn't look back, not wanting to see the concern in Sara's gaze as she watches her leave the room.

* * *

"Please talk to me, Catherine."

The request, this time around, is much heavier. The tone less gentle, more worried, more desperate.

"You've been avoiding me, avoiding this, all week," her partner states, watching the blonde as she changes, getting ready for bed. "I've tried to be patient, but I'm worried. I'm worried about you."

"I'm fine," Catherine supplies, the words sounding empty even to her own ears. "Everything's fine."

Sara's jaw tightens, the younger woman watching her as she climbs into bed. The space between their bodies is minimal, but it feels like the width of an ocean, miles of unspoken, cold, muddy waters separating them.

Catherine wants nothing more than to get in a boat and traverse them, reach across the divide and reconnect their bodies, to give this woman she loves something, anything, but doesn't know how. How to start, how to end. How to navigate the middle. Any of it.

So, instead, she simply rolls away, reaching out and turning off the light, throwing the room into a darkness that mirrors the distance between them.

* * *

It's two days before Catherine sees Sara again, the younger CSI getting pulled in to help out on a double.

Catherine was ashamed to admit it, but the night away from the brunette was actually one that came as a slight relief. One night to not have to see the hurt in the younger woman's eyes, see the concern hidden beneath the hues of green and brown. One night she didn't have to hear the tense breathing coming from the other side of the bed when they turn in, letting her know she likely isn't the only one who's not going to get much sleep that night.

The absence was hard in its own right, but definitely not as hard as being faced with the evidence of her current actions and the consequences its having on not only her, but also on her and Sara's relationship.

When Catherine does see Sara again, however, it's not how she expected it to happen. Not in her wildest dreams.

"You paged?" she states as she steps into the room Sara's set up as a headquarters for their case. Immediately, she draws up short when she sees just what specifically the younger woman has set up.

Clenching her jaw, Catherine straightens to her full height, her heels giving her the rare luxury of almost matching the taller woman's stature. Almost.

"What is this?" she gets out, tone short and blunt.

Sara stands tall as well, squaring her shoulders as she faces the blonde from across the table.

"Thought we could process this portion together."

Eyes darting between the items on the table and the woman she loves, Catherine doesn't know whether to feel more betrayed, hurt, or angry.

"What in the hell are you trying to do?" Catherine asks. "Why would you…"

Sara's eyes watch the blonde's, body moving slowly to come around to the same side of the table as the older CSI.

"I can't stand watching you avoid this any longer, Cath," Sara says quietly, respectfully. "You need to talk to me, need to stop shutting me out and pretending like everything's okay."

"So this is your solution?" Catherine gets out, her own tone heated, loud. "This is what you do?!"

Reaching around, Sara closes the door to the room, making sure this conversation remains private. When she turns back to the blonde, she's met with an angry finger inches from her face.

"How dare you, Sara?" Catherine seethes. "You of all people. How can you do something like this?"

Sara shakes her head, not backing down or away, leaving Catherine's finger to remain where it is.

"We need to talk," she doesn't relent. "This isn't the first, or the last, time you're going to process cocaine at a scene. I thought you'd rather this conversation be between us, that this situation be resolved between us, before it comes up again with one of the other members of this team."

Moving even closer to the blonde, Catherine's finger is now practically touching her skin.

"If I'm wrong, then say the word," she offers. "I'll let you sort this out with Grissom or Nick or whoever the CSI is on your next drug case."

Eyes challenging, Sara's hazel gaze doesn't move from Catherine's own intense blue.

"You can be pissed at me all you want, but I care far too much about you Catherine to let you self-destruct because you're too stubborn to ask for help."

"You care?" Catherine laughs darkly. "Then you have a damn fucked up way of showing it, Sidle."

Not flinching under the harsh words, the use of her last name, Sara simply remains firm, steady. Waiting out the anger in the woman before her, knowing it has to pass before they can accomplish anything.

Seeing her partner isn't going anywhere anytime soon, Catherine debates leaving, walking out on this hell, this intervention, this whatever the fuck it is.

But, she knows deep down that Sara's right. This issue came up on this case, and she's lucky it was with the brunette. As much as she wants to slap the woman right now for pulling something like this, she understands that Sara's trying to give her the chance to deal with this now, before it involves other people. To get past this, the two of them, together. Privately.

But, it's still painful.

"Talk to me, honey," Sara pleads softly, voice merely a whisper, but Catherine makes out every word loud and clear. "Please. I'm so worried about you."

Finally lowering her hand, Catherine shakes her head, letting out a long breath.

"I'm not sure I'd know where to start, to be honest."

"Anywhere," Sara supplies quietly, gently, watching the woman she loves with concern. "As long as you just start."

Shaking her head slightly, Catherine feels the last of her anger leaving her, replaced with exhaustion, anxiety, a whole host of other emotions rushing in to take the spot.

"Why this case?" Sara asks after a few minutes of silence, giving Catherine a place to start. She knows this isn't the first case Catherine's had to process involving cocaine, not by a long shot. But, Sara's never known the woman she loves to have ever reacted like this.

"I don't know," Catherine gets out, shoulders slumping slightly as she leans her hip against the table beside them. "But I guess that's the thing about addiction. It never really goes away. It's just, dormant, until something triggers it. It's always been hard processing it on scenes, but I've never had this much trouble. I've never felt my body respond like it did on this case."

"Did you, do you, want to use again?" Sara asks gently.

"No," Catherine immediately responds. "I never _want_ to use again. For my life to go back to the hell it was when I was using. But, was I tempted to?" Catherine swallows. "Yes."

Sara reaches out, finally bridging the physical distance between their bodies that's been there for days, gently taking hold of the older woman's hand, lacing their fingers together.

"What makes cocaine tempting?"

The question surprises Catherine, not expecting it. Searching Sara's eyes, she sees nothing but caring concern.

"It makes you forget the world you know," Catherine shrugs, trying to keep her voice steady. "Replaces it with one that's much safer, much brighter, much warmer. One where you feel like you could do anything, be anything, achieve anything. That you already _are_ something, that you have power and status and beauty. It takes all your desires, and makes them a reality." Catherine's eyes meet Sara's. "Nothing can touch you."

Sara takes this in, registering the answer, watching the woman before her. Reaching out, she runs her free hand gently down Catherine's cheek, tracing the contours of her skin.

"That sounds nice," the younger CSI says quietly.

Laughing slightly, Catherine tilts her head to the side.

"Are you supposed to be talking me out of doing coke, Sidle? Or talking me into it?"

Sara smiles slightly before she answers, "Neither."

Stepping closer, Sara grips Catherine's hands in both of hers. Moments pass before she feels ready to speak.

"I love you, Catherine," she gets out. "All of you. Your past, your present. All of it. But, what I look forward to the most, is our future. Watching Lindsey graduate from college in two years, watching her maybe start a family of her own someday, watch you and I as we progress in our careers, one day maybe even running this place, traveling with you to the places we always talk about going, finally buying that cabin up in Tahoe we always dreamed of having as a weekend getaway. All of it, and all of the things we've yet to even dream about."

Catherine smiles at the words, the ideas expressed, hearing Sara's private thoughts confessed.

"I can't tell you what to do, Catherine," the dark haired woman says gently. "Nor can I imagine how hard it must have been for you to get sober all those years ago, not to mention _stay_ sober all the years since then. Especially when you work a job that doesn't give you the luxury of walking away from your temptations. You have to see them, deal with them, _handle_ them, and I can't imagine how hard that must be for you day in and day out."

Sara shakes her head, watching Catherine, the woman she loves. The woman who harbors such a dark past for someone so impeccably put together. It's sometimes easy, seeing Catherine's everyday brilliance, charm, beauty, and grace, to forget that inside of her are battles and wars tucked down so very deep inside. A past life that she's had to overcome, one that Sara's sure would have destroyed nearly anyone else faced with them. Drugs, abuse, exotic dancing to pay her bills, a single mother in Vegas.

Yet, somehow, this astounding woman overcame them, rose above them, and all but made that former life a shadow.

It's beyond remarkable, really, and Sara can't imagine the strength, the selflessness, and the determination it's taken Catherine to achieve what she has. To have mastered temptations like this one, time and time again. And, many other temptations and struggles the brunette is sure she never even knew were happening. Catherine is always the first to be looking out for those around her, taking care of this team as if they were her own family. It's troubling for Sara to think of all the times they perhaps neglected to offer her the same. To care for and protect her, in all the ways she deserved.

Leaning forward, Sara places a kiss along Catherine's temple, nose brushing against the soft wisps of light blonde hair there.

"I'm sorry I never noticed. Not until it got this bad," Sara continues her last thought near the older woman's ear. "You're the strongest person I've ever met, Catherine Willows. And, if anyone can keep this beautiful life of yours on track," Sara leans back slightly to meet Catherine's eyes, "it's the same amazing woman who built it."

Watching each other, Sara leans in, meeting her lips with Catherine's. The kiss is gentle, soft, caring. It's a physical manifestation of all the love, care, and support that Sara has to offer.

"You've always been the strong one, between the two of us," Sara's eyes glint lightly with emotion. "You don't need anyone to save you, help you. You're an independent, beautiful, brilliant woman. You've built everything in your life on your own, and you'll always be capable of doing so. But, please know that it's okay, it's not weakness, to allow yourself to lean on others every once in awhile. It's not defeat, or surrender. It's simply that you don't have to go through things like this alone anymore. Not if you don't want to. I'm here for you," Sara whispers out, their lips mere centimeters away. "Always. Through anything. In whatever way you want me to be."

It's awhile before anyone speaks, moves. But, finally, Catherine breaks her silent repose. Separating their hands, Catherine reaches hers around the woman in front of her instead.

Drawing the brunette close, she breathes in her scent, takes comfort in her strong embrace. They hold each other tight, having missed this connection between them, missed this contact, the last few days.

When they finally pull apart, Sara clears her throat, gesturing to the evidence bags of cocaine laying on the table's surface.

"I'm going to finish this," she states, offering an end to their heavy conversation. "I should be done in about an hour if you maybe want to grab some dinner together after shift?" Sara's question is hesitant, afraid to push Catherine too far too soon.

"I'd love that, Sara," Catherine sets the younger woman's mind at ease, wanting nothing more than to spend the evening with the younger woman, to have the opportunity to start to rebuild what's been strained between them.

Reaching over, she turns Sara around gently as the brunette moves to get back to work.

"Cath?" Sara questions.

"Do you mind if I actually finish this part?"

The question causes Sara's brow to arch in surprise, eyes hovering between Catherine and the bags of cocaine on the table. She'd used the bags as proof of a point, to initiate this conversation. She never had any intention of actually having the blonde process them.

"You sure?" she asks. "I'm more than happy to do it."

"Please, Sara," Catherine asks quietly.

Seeing the determination, the need, in Catherine's eyes, Sara slowly nods, handing over a clean pair of evidence gloves to the older woman.

Taking them, Catherine squeezes the younger CSI's hands in her own before Sara steps away.

"I'm going to work on submitting the rest of the evidence to trace. Find me when you're done?" Sara asks, already near the doorway.

"I will," Catherine agrees, her eyes closing slightly from the emotions of realizing how much Sara trusts her - to not even try to stay while Catherine process the drugs. There was no hesitation from the brunette, letting her be alone in the room with the evidence, giving Catherine this opportunity for closure.

 _Trusting_ Catherine with this opportunity for closure.

"I love you," Catherine gets out, just as Sara's form is disappearing through the doorway.

Turning her head back around to look at Catherine over her shoulder, Sara smiles slightly.

"I love you, too, Catherine," she states. "All of you."

Then, without another word, she's gone.

* * *

Turning, Catherine faces the bags displayed before her, putting on her gloves as she carefully approaches the table. Looking at the items, she takes them in, registering their texture, their appearance, their everything.

She'd told Sara that cocaine made her feel like nothing could touch her. It's true, the drug having provided her with a beautiful escape from the world, from her exotic dancing job, her abusive lover, her life that was chaotic and violent and spinning out of control in so many ways. It's a blissful escape, a euphoric experience that's beyond description, carrying you off until you forget who you are and what you're trying to run from.

But, Catherine can't help but smile, reaching out to take the first bag in her hands. This time, for perhaps the first time, Catherine has a life that doesn't require even the smallest escape – there's just simply nothing to run from. On the contrary, she finds herself with a life that she doesn't want to miss a moment of, couldn't imagine not getting to be entirely present for. The idea of escaping, of missing out on any of it, nearly physically pains her.

All the euphoria she could ever need is already present in this beautiful life she loves, with people in it whom she loves even more.

One of which is waiting for her just a few rooms away.

Taking a deep breath, Catherine steels herself, cutting the bag of white powder open to begin processing. She's sure this isn't the last time this wicked drug will tempt her, not by a long shot. She doesn't know where her life will end up, what the future may hold.

But, for today, in this moment, it no longer holds her prisoner.

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	9. Chapter 9

**AN: I'm back. So sorry for the long delay between this prompt and the last, I didn't forget about you all. Without getting into too much detail, I'm currently in the process of moving, which is exciting but takes up most of the hours I'm not at work. Also got some stressful medical news about a close family member that's been weighing on my mind as we wait to find out if things are going to be okay. Between the two of those, it's been a little harder to find the time and mental clarity to write these past couple weeks. But, I'm back, and hopefully will be able to fill your amazing prompts a little more timely going forward. Your ideas are awesome and I'm so excited and honored to get to keep taking these mini journeys with you. (Although, t** **his current story definitely ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated, so hopefully no one minds that this particular adventure isn't quite as mini.)**

 **Hope everyone is doing well.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt: "I have a prompt- Catherine and Sara don't know each other, and Catherine accidentally runs Sara over. When Catherine goes to the hospital she realizes that she's the only one that has visited Sara. Wherever you take it from there will be awesome."_

 _Submitted by: Anonymous_

* * *

 **Prompt 9**

This day could not get any worse.

In fact, that was about the only thing Catherine Willows was sure of today.

Ever since the moment she woke up, the universe has proven itself to be conspiring against her.

First there was the fact that her hot water heater apparently decided this morning was a good morning to quit working, subjecting her to an arctic shower. Then, in a cruel irony, she ended up forgetting to put her thermos under her Keurig coffee maker, dousing a majority of her kitchen, not to mention herself, with scalding liquid. Then, there was the hole she discovered in her favorite blouse, forcing her to rip it off and search through her closet for any other clean options, reminding her just how long she's overdue to do her laundry. Last but not least was the nearly 15 minute search trying to find just where in the hell she placed her car keys. Spoiler, they were in the freezer, apparently a victim to absent mindedness when she unloaded the groceries yesterday.

When she finally got herself sorted, getting into her car and opening the garage door, she figured there was no way this day could get worse. Honestly, the sun was barely even up, the world a dim hue of pink, and she'd already used about two weeks' worth of bad luck.

Enough was surely enough.

Taking a deep breath, she hears the engine of her car purr reliably to life. Smiling that at least one thing is going as planned, she places it in reverse and coasts down her driveway, her car the only sign of life in the neighborhood at this early hour. Feeling her nerves finally starting to uncoil back to normal the more distance she puts between her and her cursed house, she backs past the sidewalk and into the street.

Where she's immediately met with a solid _thud_.

Car jerking to an instant stop, Catherine's eyes go wide as she looks in her mirrors, searching for any sign of what she could have possibly hit.

 _Dear God, please don't let me have just run over my neighbor's cat._

Throwing the car in park, Catherine leaps from the driver seat, practically running around to the back of her car.

Where she's abruptly met with a sight that makes her blood drain from her body.

 _Dear God, why couldn't I have hit Snowball?!_

"Holy shit," Catherine gets out, eyes wide as she hovers over the twist of metal and the young woman wrapped around said metal. "Are you okay?"

The young woman seems more annoyed than anything, extracting herself from the twisted ruins of her bicycle.

"I'm fine," she mutters, finally getting herself to an unsteady stand, leaning on the frame of her bike that she's assessing warily. Seeing the frame is beyond salvaging, she lets out a low breath. "Fuck."

"Are you sure you're okay?" Catherine presses, voice high and shaking, not believing she just _hit_ someone with her car. "Should you really be moving around? I can call for an ambulance."

Her companion shakes her head, "No, I'm fine." Then, running her hand through tangled dark hair, she lets out a tired sigh. "Of all mornings, I don't have time for this…"

Seeing the woman's distress that seems to be more centered on the inconvenience of this turn of events rather than the fact she just got hit by a car, Catherine anxiously looks her over. This young woman may not care that she just practically got run over, but Catherine sure does.

Seeing anything in the dim lighting is a challenge, but the woman is dressed in light colored jeans and a t-shirt, helping Catherine's eyes fix on the small dark stains starting to appear on her clothing. Not to mention the crimson slowly making its way down the woman's right arm, presumably from her elbow.

"Shit, you're hurt," Catherine curses, her heart sinking further at the sight. If she didn't already feel bad enough, realizing she's actually physically harmed this woman is like a dagger to the gut.

How could she not have seen her? How did she miss this young woman on her bike directly behind her car?

Though she tries not to place blame anywhere but herself, where it definitely deserves to be placed, she can't help but wonder how this woman didn't see _her_ backing out of the driveway. It's dark out, but Catherine's taillights should have been a bright beacon in this dark morning, her car more than visible while this woman's lack of reflective gear makes her much less so.

Looking the woman over, she notes the headphone cords now hanging around her neck, trailing to what Catherine assumes is her phone in her front pocket. Perhaps this woman was having her own troubled morning, biking in the darkness and listening to music to drown out her thoughts, lost in her own world.

Either way, it doesn't much matter, Catherine muses. She still hit this woman, and that's her fault alone.

"Please," she takes a hesitant step closer to the injured woman. "You're bleeding. Let me take you to the hospital."

"I'm fine," the woman replies tersely for the third time. "Just a few scratches."

Pushing her bike to the side, this woman still looks like she's more concerned about her mangled bike than herself, apparently wanting nothing more than to be able to get away right now, but her crushed bicycle not allowing for a quick escape. Or any escape really.

"Let me at least give you a ride to wherever you were headed then," Catherine suggests. Not ready to leave the brunette to her own devices yet, still worried that she could be seriously hurt.

"You don't need to do that," the brunette shakes her head. "I can call a cab or walk."

"No way," Catherine insists. "I just hit you with my car, the least I can do is give you a ride." Eyes searching her companion's, she's nearly begging. "Please."

Eying the blonde, the younger woman seems to finally concede, perhaps recognizing this as the quickest way out of this uncomfortable situation if nothing else.

Catherine raises a curious brow at this woman's odd behavior during all of this. She just got literally hit by a car, and she's acting like nothing's wrong, like it's nothing but an inconvenience to her. If it was anyone else, Catherine's sure they would at least be screaming bloody murder at her, if not threatening to sue. This woman acts like this is no big deal, just an annoying and time consuming setback to her day.

Shadowing the woman around the side of her car, Catherine opens the passenger side for her, noting the woman's limp, despite her efforts to hide it.

"Are you sure you're okay?" Catherine probes, knowing the woman's leg had been trapped painfully between her mangled bike and the hard concrete when she'd first spotted her.

"I'm good," the woman predictably states, following it with a quiet, "I've had worse."

Not exactly reassured by that admission, Catherine watches the woman get settled before closing the door. Moving quickly around the vehicle, she gets in.

"So where am I taking you?" she questions, taking in the woman's features from this closer vantage point while trying not to be a complete creep about it.

She's young, late twenties or early thirties. Dark hair, dark eyes that are hard to make out the exact color of, tense expression. Seeing a light smudge of blood along the girl's temple, Catherine hates that this woman won't let her get her medical help. How stubborn, or reckless, must you be to refuse help when you're clearly injured? Catherine's the one who hit _her,_ yet this woman is acting like she's trying to avoid hospitals or help, almost acting like she's worried of the consequences if she goes there.

"My house is fine," the young woman breaks into Catherine's train of thought.

Giving the woman one last wary look, wanting desperately to take her to be looked at by a medical professional, Catherine lets out a sigh.

"Alright, if you insist," she states, less than pleased with the plan but not really having another choice as kidnapping is still considered a crime in Nevada. "Tell me where to go."

The woman points in the direction she'd been headed on her bike, south towards the main road at the edge of Catherine's neighborhood.

When they get to the main road, Catherine waits patiently for directions. When they don't come, she glances over at her companion. Seeing her squinted eyes, her gaze that seems more puzzled than sure, Catherine furrows her own brows.

"Uh…Miss?" she asks awkwardly, realizing she doesn't even know this woman's name. "Which way?"

The brunette appears confused, looking left, right, then back left again.

"Right," she states, but her voice is uncertain, and, Catherine's stomach drops in concern.

"Miss?" she asks, not moving the car as her companion's gaze starts to grow glassy. "You alright?"

This time, there's no answer, not even the stubborn "I'm fine"s that have seemed to be this woman's mantra. Instead, it's like she never even heard Catherine's question, body stiffening as her eyes start to roll back.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Catherine gets out, reaching over to shake the woman's shoulder slightly. "Miss, can you hear me?"

The brunette is unresponsive, her eyes struggling to remain focused before they fully roll back, her body falling slumped in the seat, head lolling sideways until it hits against the glass of the passenger window.

Recognizing the clear signs of something being very, very wrong, Catherine speeds away from the intersection, immediately turning left and following her memory to the hospital closest to her home.

"No, no, no, shit," she curses, heart thundering in her chest as she casts anxious glances towards the unconscious woman next to her. "Hang on," she begs the woman she doesn't even know. "Please hang on."

* * *

The second her car screeches into the front drive of the Emergency Department, Catherine throws it in park and runs through the sliding glass doors.

"Help! Please someone help!" She doesn't care about the numerous eyes that jerk curiously in her direction, doesn't care about anything other than getting her companion to someone that can help her. She hasn't resumed consciousness yet and quite honestly it's scaring Catherine to death.

Rounding the front desk, a nurse and a young doctor rush towards her. Not waiting to explain, Catherine simply sprints back outside, praying they follow her.

Hearing the footsteps sure enough trailing close behind, she opens the passenger side, carefully taking the brunettes shoulder to keep her from falling out.

"Please, help her. She got hit by a car, then passed out a couple minutes ago."

The doctor and the nurse behind her immediately step in, taking over. "Was she conscious after the accident?"

"Yes," Catherine answers, watching nervously as they take the young woman's pulse, calling out numbers as they assess her neck and back. "She was fine, was talking and walking, then she just passed out."

Carefully turning the woman's body, the doctor directs the young nurse behind her. "I'm going to secure her neck and spine, I'm going to need you to help me lift her out."

Nodding, both women work together to get the brunette lifted safely from Catherine's vehicle. Quickly but carefully moving her towards the glass doors, they are yelling orders the second they get inside. It's not even thirty seconds before the young woman is laid on a stretcher and whisked away from Catherine's sight.

"Ma'am?"

Turning at the voice that seems loud in the now almost eerie silence, she sees an older woman working the front desk looking at her with caring eyes.

"I'm going to need you to fill out some information for us regarding your friend."

"She's not…"Catherine shakes her head numbly. "I don't know her."

Seeing the woman's confused expression, Catherine takes a deep breath.

"I'm the one…I hit her with my car."

The woman's expression shifts slowly, "Okay, well then I'm going to have to ask you to stay here. I need to…report this. There's going to be some questions you're going to have to answer."

"Of course," Catherine responds, not caring in the least regarding the procedures that are required for something like this. She's not trying to hide what she did, to escape responsibility. Hell, she wanted to take the young woman to get help from the first moment she realized what she'd done.

Keeping her eyes on the blonde to be sure she doesn't try to bolt, the woman behind the desk makes a call, keeping her voice low.

"It should be a few minutes," the woman states when she hangs up.

Catherine barely hears her, not caring in the least what's about to happen to her. All she cares about it what's happening with the young woman who she very well may have just ruined the life of.

* * *

The questions are steady, one after the other. What happened. How it happened. Where it happened. Catherine answers them all easily, numbly, eyes fixed on the main reception area of the hospital as the cops take note of each answer in their notebooks.

When they've finally finished their questions, Catherine at last gets to voice her own. Ask the one question that trumps all the others.

"Is she going to be okay?"

It hangs in the air, silent and unanswered.

Until, standing, one of the older cops shakes his head, "I don't know."

When they leave, they take her information with them and tell her she's free to go until further questioning. But, she shakes her head silently, knowing she's not going anywhere until she knows whether the young woman she hit is going to be okay or not.

She needs, desperately, to know just how bad this situation is. She knows it's bad, so very very very very bad, but as each additional minute's ticked by, she's come to fear what she'd do if it ended up being the very worst.

* * *

"Please," Catherine begs, hands clenching at the counter. "Just tell me something! Is she okay?!"

"Ma'am," the reply is stern. "You know I can't do that. You're not family or next of kin. You're…"

"I'm the woman who hit her with my fucking car," Catherine grinds out angrily. "Yes, I know that!"

"Then you know why I can't share anything about Jane Doe's condition."

The words raise Catherine's brows, her mind picking up on them immediately. "Jane Doe?" she questions. "So you don't know who she is yet either?"

At this, the woman lets out a tired sigh, one that lets Catherine know just how frustrated she is with the blonde, let alone this conversation.

"She didn't have ID on her?" Catherine pushes. "A wallet?"

Then, her earlier observations hit her. "A phone! She had a phone on her, she was listening to music from it with her headphones."

The lady crosses her arms over her chest, her expression clearly stating that she was aware of this fact, that the woman's phone was probably the first place they looked.

"She didn't fill out the emergency ID information?" Catherine confirms.

"Not the parts that would help us know who she is," is the compromise answer, the barest amount of information she's willing to give.

"So she didn't mark any contacts?" Catherine figures out loud. "No friends or relatives to contact in case of an emergency?"

The woman's expression gives her answer. But, she surprisingly expands just the slightest, "Only gave one number, which was disconnected."

"Well shit," Catherine gets out.

As much as she's had nightmares about facing this woman's friends and family after what she's done to her, she wants nothing more than for her to have the care and support she needs from those that love her. If it were Catherine lying in a hospital having emergency care, she'd want her loved ones here by her side. Everyone deserves that when they're hurt.

"Is there anything I can do?"

The question hangs between the two women, before the woman behind the desk finally lets out another sigh.

"I think you've already done enough."

The response isn't stated in a particularly harsh tone, more quiet than anything, but its message cuts straight through to Catherine's heart all the same.

* * *

When Catherine's mind finally pulls fully awake, she glances around her, the reality of where she is and why she's there coming crashing back in, settling deep in her chest. The guilt is nearly suffocating in its intensity, its raw crippling feeling, and it takes more than a few deep breaths for her to feel like she's not going to choke on it.

Twisting her neck to try to rid the shooting pain from her chosen sleeping position in chairs that feel like they're more likely made from cement than plastic, Catherine pulls her aching body to a stand. Glancing around, she notes that it must be either very early or very late, most of the other people previously waiting out their own anxieties in this room having left. She can only hope that their own stories came to a happy ending.

Moving slowly up to the desk, Catherine shakes the last of sleep from her foggy, exhausted brain.

"Any news?"

She knows that she's likely not to get an answer, more of a chance of receiving yet another glare from the woman behind the desk who she's continued to pester throughout the hours.

But, she's surprised when this time the woman puts down the chart in her hand with a sigh.

"She's out of surgery," her eyes lift to the blonde's. "So far things are looking okay."

Catherine takes this in, her heart thundering in her chest as she receives the news, adjusts to it.

"So she…she isn't…she's not going to…" Catherine can't bear to finish.

She's seen many things at her job, cases where people were involved in a violent incident and were fine one minute, then dead the next. Brain bleeds, stroke, cardiac arrhythmia, people that appeared okay directly after an accident just like the young woman had, talking and walking around, before they fall victim to a silent injury no one knew was slowly killing them.

"Things are looking okay," the woman repeats, her eyes holding what almost looks like sympathy. "She isn't completely out of the woods yet, but she's through the worst part. She has a long road, and lots of physical therapy, ahead of her, but it's looking like she's going to be okay."

Catherine doesn't feel the tears on her face until they drip down, landing softly atop her shirt.

"Why?" she asks. "Why are you telling me this now?" she wonders aloud, wondering what changed this woman's mind regarding breaking privacy laws to share this much when she's repeatedly turned Catherine down throughout the day.

"That girl deserves some support," is the answer. "And I'm starting to worry that you're the only one who's going to be there to give it to her."

"You haven't reached any family yet?" Catherine questions, knowing it had been looking like a dead end the last time, but hating to hear the confirmation.

"We did."

The woman's answer is surprising, raising Catherine's brows as she studies the woman's expression that morphs to something resembling anger.

"But then…" Catherine trails off as she works through the woman's expression, her unspoken words. When it clicks, her brows raise even further. "They're not coming?"

Catherine cannot imagine a world, a universe, where she wouldn't be on the first flight out if something happened to one of her family members. Not even a question in her mind, she'd be there, as soon as humanly possible. Especially for something as serious as this.

"Close relatives?" Catherine asks, hoping beyond hope that perhaps the relative they reached wasn't someone particularly close to the young woman. Even then it's deplorable, but easier to stomach than an immediate family member.

"The closest," the woman responds, answering the question as directly as she can.

"What the fuck," Catherine curses darkly, wondering what in the hell is wrong with this woman's family.

She's angry, frustrated, pissed off, and she doesn't even know this woman. But, she's a human being with a human heart, and she knows that regardless of whoever this woman is, she deserves better from the people in her life who are supposed to love her.

Catching her own thoughts, Catherine realizes something.

"You reached her immediate family," she states, "so you must know who she is now."

The woman nods, and her expression makes it clear that she's not about to go that far in breaking privacy laws.

"I'll tell her she has a visitor when she wakes up, if she agrees to see you then it's up to her what she's willing to share." The woman locks eyes with Catherine. "Deal?"

Recognizing how much this woman has already gone out on a limb for her to tell her this much, the blonde nods. "Deal." Reaching over, she briefly squeezes the woman's hand. "Thank you."

Nodding, the woman looks uncomfortable at the warm sentiment, obviously much more familiar with her previously hard and stubborn interactions.

"I did it for her, not you."

Catherine smiles at the statement, "Of course."

Retracting her hand with one last glance at the woman, she moves to resume her position on her hard plastic chair. She may not know who this woman is yet or whether she's even willing to see her, but she's damn well going to be sure she's here when she wakes up so that she has that option. So she has _someone_ who's here for her when she needs someone the most.

* * *

Catherine isn't sure how much time has passed before she's gently shaken awake. Time in a hospital waiting room is somewhat relative, measured more by trips to the bathroom, the coffee kiosk, the vending machines, than it is by actual ticks of the clock.

"Ma'am?"

Rousing fully, Catherine sits up straight, clearing her throat of sleep. "Yeah? What's going on?"

"She's awake."

Knowing exactly who this young nurse is referring to, Catherine is immediately on her feet.

"She okay?"

The nurse hesitates slightly before nodding, "So far so good."

With this information, Catherine asks the second question she fears the answer to. "Did you tell her I was here? Can I see her?"

"She told me to tell you that you should go home." Catherine's heart sinks at the words, hearing what she'd fear she'd hear. After all, the young woman clearly didn't want anything to do with her directly after the accident, and she probably only feels more strongly about that now after what she's been through. "She said you should stop wasting your time here and get back to your life, that she's fine."

Catherine snorts, eyes rolling as she shakes her head, "That certainly sounds like her."

As aggravating as the statement is, it's also a little relief off the weight sitting on Catherine's chest. The young woman isn't avoiding her because she's pissed at her, even though she should be, she's just being her stubborn self.

"Did you tell her-"

"I told her you've been here the whole time, and that you're not going to leave until you see with your own eyes that she's 'fine.' So unless she wants you to live in our lobby for the next day or so, she better let you in."

Impressed, Catherine's grateful that this nurse appears to have looked out for her even though she doesn't in the least deserve it.

"And?"

The nurse smiles, taking a step back and gesturing to the hallway, "You ready?"

Realizing that this is it, finally the moment she comes face to face with her actions and their consequences, Catherine swallows hard.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

* * *

"Holy shit."

It's out before she can censor it. Inwardly groaning at her lack of tact, she can only hope the other occupants of the room didn't hear it.

But, the slight laugh from the occupant in the hospital bed tells her otherwise.

"I know I'm not looking my best right now, but heaven's sake…"

Smiling slightly, Catherine tries to tame the redness tinging her cheeks.

"Sorry," she gets out, moving closer to the bed. "I just…"

The young woman nods, swallowing tightly as she lets her head fall back slightly to the pillow propped behind it. Her bed is angled in a sitting position, keeping her upright as it looks like it's the only thing keeping her body up. She looks exhausted, her eyes even now closing briefly before blearily blinking back open again.

Looking the woman over, Catherine tries to look past all the tubes and wires that previously drew her unsolicited comment. Most of the young woman's body is covered by the bedsheets, but she can see her arms, and the bandages covering the elbow of the left one, the one she remembers having been bleeding. There's some bandages along her hairline, and some tucked away along her collar bone and disappearing under her hospital gown. But, what has Catherine's most wary attention is her right leg that's exposed from under the bedsheets due to the large cast covering the limb from her toes all the way up to her hip.

"You broke…your leg…" Catherine gets out, trying to make sense of what she's seeing. "But you walked away. You were limping, but you were _walking_ …on a broken leg…"

"Hey." The voice is hoarse, quiet, but it's stern. "Stop."

"I broke your leg!" Catherine fights back, eyes and body taking in the reality of the situation. She knew it was relatively serious, the young woman needing surgery after all, but seeing it up close. "I did this. All of this."

"I didn't let you back here so you could guilt trip yourself," the young woman states tightly. "What happened happened, and it's just as much my fault as yours."

"Excuse me?" Catherine's eyes are wide. "Are you being serious right now? I fucking ran you over, that pretty definitively makes it my fault."

"I wasn't paying attention," the woman counters. "I had my music blasting and wasn't in the least paying attention to where I was going. It was harder for you to see me than it should have been for me to see you. Plus, I wasn't even wearing a helmet, a lot of today's complications could've been avoided if I had."

"You can't seriously be saying this," Catherine scoffs. "You get hit by a car and blame yourself? What the hell is wrong with you?"

There's another slight snort. "I'm regretting allowing you back here. Definitely regretting it."

Smiling slightly, Catherine shakes her head, "I'm sorry. We'll have to agree to disagree on this one, because you're clearly insane if you think this isn't entirely my fault. And I can't argue with insane people."

Smiling back, the slight upward lift to an otherwise stern expression, the woman closes her eyes briefly as she gets serious again.

"I let you back here so you could see for yourself that I'm fine and go home. I'm sure you have much more important places to be and people to be with than wasting away here in this hospital."

"Not really," Catherine counters, moving just slightly closer to the bed. "I actually can't think of a more important place to be than here."

The young woman doesn't say anything, and Catherine wonders if she hasn't fallen asleep. But, just then, the tired eyes blink themselves back open.

"Why?"

"Are you serious?"

"You don't owe me anything," the dark haired woman says. "If it's forgiveness you want, even though you don't need it, then consider yourself forgiven. Get on with your life, Catherine Willows."

The statement draws Catherine's eyebrows up, her expression confused, "How do you know who I am?"

"The nurse told me," is the simple answer.

The same nurse who's no longer in the room, Catherine notices. Not that she really minds, this woman was going to find out who she was regardless, Catherine having given all of her information to the cops investigating this incident. This woman has every right to know who she is.

"Don't worry," the voice breaks into her thoughts. "I'm not going to sue you or whatever you're currently thinking."

"That's really not what I was thinking," Catherine states. "After all, you'd have every right to sue. In fact, I'd already assumed you would."

"Please," the woman shakes her head, eyes falling closed again. "It was a mistake. The guilty look still plastered on your face lets me know you're already beating yourself up over this. What's the point of suing over a human error?"

"Medical bills?" Catherine suggests, wondering why the hell she's practically arguing against her own best interest, telling this woman all the reasons she _should_ sue her. "Time off work while you recover? Pain and suffering?"

The woman laughs at the last one, "Please. This is hardly pain and suffering." Then, opening her eyes, she glances over at Catherine. "You seriously have nothing to fear from me, I'm not suing, not out to ruin your life. I already told the cops I'm not pursuing charges. You're free to go, be done with this and move on. Seriously, Catherine, all is forgiven and forgotten. You need to forget about this, walk away, and forgive yourself."

"Who are you?"

The question draws the woman's eyes to narrow, expression half confused and half wary. "Why?"

"You know who I am, I think it's only fair I know the name of the most bizarre person I've ever met. The only person I know who would lay there in a fucking hospital bed telling the world they're fine and the person that put them there that they're forgiven."

It takes a while, a long handful of minutes in which nothing is said, eyes silently assessing one another. Then, finally, there's a quiet answer.

"Sara."

"Sara what?"

"Just Sara."

Taking this in, Catherine accepts the first name she's given, respecting this woman's choice to keep her last name unknown. Though, she's not sure why she wouldn't want to share.

"I don't want you looking me up just so you can show up on my doorstep every fucking Christmas asking for atonement or something ridiculous of that sort."

Laughing at the answer to her unvoiced question, Catherine shakes her head, all the while knowing that what the woman just described would be well within her capabilities. Something just feels so wrong about being so easily forgiven for something as serious as this. It's almost like there's no consequences, no punishment, nothing to help chip away at the internal guilt she's nearly suffocating with. In fact, this woman's kindness and acceptance only makes her feel that much guiltier.

"You're really something else."

The woman she now knows as Sara shakes her head slightly, "So I've been told, more than a few times in my life."

Growing serious again, Sara closes her eyes, "You really should get out of here, Catherine. You've seen I'm okay, get on with the rest of your life."

"Who's going to help you when you get discharged?"

The question draws the brunette's eyes open, peering over curiously, "Excuse me?"

"You have a broken leg, in case you haven't noticed, amongst whatever the hell you did to that hard head of yours that had you passing out in my car and spending hours in surgery. You're going to need help getting around when you get out of here if nothing else."

The snort that follows is more amused than anything, "Please. It's a broken leg, not some life threatening ailment. People manage with them all the time. Hell, I've managed just fine myself in the past. This isn't my first rodeo with a broken leg or arm or whatever, Catherine."

"That's not exactly reassuring," Catherine crosses her arms over her chest, wondering just who the hell this woman is. "In fact, it's more disturbing than anything."

Catherine hates the thought of this woman having been through things like this before, and she can't help but wonder if for those times she was also alone, no family or friends waiting anxiously in the waiting room to hear that she's going to be alright. No one to help her through her recovery afterwards. It's a sad, angering prospect, and one that she suspects is exactly what happened.

"You don't have to go through this alone," Catherine says quietly. "Not this time."

The stiffening to her posture lets Catherine know just how uncomfortable Sara is made by those words. How this conversation just transitioned into an area that is far too personal.

"You should go, Catherine," she gets out, voice strangely tight. "Now." Her eyes are nearly pleading when they meet the older woman's. "Please."

"I'll leave," Catherine agrees, not wanting to make the woman uncomfortable, not when she's probably already exhausted and in pain. "But I'm leaving you my number. And, Sara, you're going to call when you get released. Don't be too stubborn to let someone help you when you need it."

She gives her best stern look to the brunette, watching as her eyes finally jerk away, focusing on the hospital room window as Catherine pulls a piece of paper from her pocket. Grabbing the pen off the bedside table, she jots down her number.

Reaching over, she places it gently along the blanket covering the younger woman's lap.

"Take care of yourself, Sara," she offers, backing away.

Giving the younger woman one last glance that isn't returned, she exits the room.

* * *

A week goes by and she doesn't hear from Sara, and she's not surprised. The girl was beyond stubborn and she didn't give much hope to her actually accepting the offered helping hand when it was given. Sara doesn't seem like the type to accept help easily, or at all.

But, Catherine herself knows a thing or two about stubbornness.

In fact, her stubbornness is exactly what brought her to her current position. Watching the glass doors in front of her, she straightens up, sipping her steaming coffee carefully as she eyes everyone coming and going. She had a hunch, and she's hoping it pays off.

And, nearly an hour and a half later, it does.

Seeing the crutches first, Catherine tenses as she takes in the tall, slim brunette wielding them shortly after. The woman wasn't lying, using her crutches with an ease that suggests this indeed isn't her first time having to use the devices. But, while the crutches don't appear to be an issue, the rest of her looks stiff, and anything but comfortable, body holding itself like someone in pain.

Which, Catherine internally cringes, she of course would be, only a week out of the hospital.

Standing, she slowly approaches, not quite sure how this is going to play out.

"Hey."

Turning swiftly, Sara stiffens at the quick movement, eyes jerking to the voice.

"Jesus fuck," she gets out. "You've got to be kidding me."

Not exactly the reaction she was hoping for, but definitely the one she was expecting.

"I'm not stalking you, I promise."

Sara shakes her head, brow raised. "You sure about that?"

"I had a hunch you'd be at some follow-up appointments or physical therapy. I come here on my lunch breaks sometimes."

"Why?"

"You didn't call."

"So you just lay in wait outside the hospital doors so you can ambush me?"

"When you put it like that…"

"How else would one put this?" Sara questions darkly. "What else would you call this, Catherine?"

"I'm worried about you."

The words are out before Catherine can think twice about them. The truth underneath them ringing through, drawing Sara's brows down over her stormy eyes.

For the first time, Catherine is seeing Sara outside of the hospital and in actual daylight. Taking in the sight of the young woman, clad in dark jeans and a black t-shirt promoting a film company she's never heard of, the hints of a tattoo visible along the inside of her arm, hazel eyes catching on the sunlight from beneath dark lashes, the woman has an almost intimidating vibe about her that Catherine had never felt around her before.

"What?"

"You heard me, Sara," Catherine stuffs her freehand insecurely in her pocket. "I'm worried about you, about your recovery. About you trying to get through these next months all on your own."

"What makes you think I'm doing this alone?" Comes the defensive response, Sara's own walls rising around her.

"I was in that waiting room, watching as the hours ticked by and you were in surgery. Not one person there beside me the entire time," she states quietly. "So you tell me what I'm supposed to think."

"You don't know me," Sara gets out through tight teeth. "You don't know the first thing about me, so don't presume that you do."

"Tell me I'm wrong," Catherine challenges, gently but firmly. "Tell me your family didn't decline to come."

Sara swallows, looking the angriest Catherine has ever seen her.

"I don't have to tell you anything," she bites out. "Because none of this is any of your business." Clenching her jaw, she shakes her head. "I'm not some pity case, not some charity project for you to donate your time to. Just leave me the fuck alone."

Turning away, Sara makes quick work of the sidewalk, disappearing behind the building before Catherine can think of an adequate response.

Well shit.

* * *

Another two weeks go by and Catherine has given up hope of ever hearing from Sara again. The young woman had a point regarding it being out of line for Catherine to just show up last time. While her intentions were good, Sara clearly doesn't want her help, and she needs to respect the woman's right to decline. As frustrating and idiotically stubborn as it is.

Turning off her light, she sighs as she settles into bed, trying like all the previous nights to forget about recent events and relax into sleep. But, just as she's starting to accomplish just that for the first time in weeks, her phone rings.

Not recognizing the number, she debates letting it go to voicemail. But, noting the middle of the night hour, she figures it isn't a telemarketer or junk call. Taking a chance, she answers.

"Willows."

"Catherine?"

The question is hesitant, quiet. Almost guilty.

"Yes, this is Catherine. Who is this?"

There's a pause, then an even quieter, "It's Sara."

Immediately, Catherine sits up, turning on her bedside light and casting the room into brightness.

"Sara?" she questions. "What's wrong? Are you okay?"

She knows the younger woman had no intention of calling her, ever. Especially after the way their last interaction ended. For the woman to be reaching out to her she knows it must be serious.

"Sara?" she questions into the silence on the other end of the call. "You still there?"

"Sorry, yeah," the tone is off, almost dazed.

"What's wrong?" Catherine asks desperately, already on her feet and making her way towards her keys. "Where are you?"

"My dog…he was spooked…I'm not sure where…"

"Where are you, Sara?" Catherine asks again, voice firm.

"Home."

Already through the garage door and into her car, Catherine opens the garage.

"Where do you live? Give me your address."

Hearing the slightly garbled address that's relayed, Catherine puts her phone on speaker and tosses it on the passenger seat.

"Stay on the line, Sara. I'm about ten minutes from you."

* * *

It's ten minutes south, but it feels like a whole other country. It's certainly a whole other neighborhood. While Catherine doesn't live in the fanciest of neighborhoods, this place makes hers look like the Ritz Carlton.

Squinting, she can barely make out the addresses that are either missing, chipped, or painted over along most of the houses. Finally spotting what appears to be the number Sara gave her, she cautiously pulls in the drive. Seeing the open front door, her senses are immediately on alert. Making a decision, she reaches into her glovebox for the concealed weapon she carries there.

Taking it out, she locks her car as she ascends the drive.

"Sara?" she calls into the open doorway, hoping like hell she isn't about to storm into someone else's house with a loaded gun. "Sara, are you here?"

Taking a few more hesitant steps forward, she turns on the light switch closest to the door. What she sees immediately both settles her nerves and sets them on edge simultaneously.

"Shit, Sara." Shoving her gun into her pants at her hip, she practically runs to the base of what looks like the upstairs staircase.

"Hey," she calls, falling to her knees next to the prone figure laying along the bottom of it. "Sara. Can you hear me?"

It's an anxious few moments before the younger woman's eyes blink open. Then, almost immediately, she jerks away, confusion and fear morphing along her features.

"Hey, hey, relax," Catherine calls, reaching out to gently hold the brunette's shoulders down before she can hurt herself further. "It's just me, honey. You're okay."

"Catherine?" she questions, eyes taking in the woman hovering above her, then glancing around her home like she's trying to figure out what the hell happened.

"Do you remember calling me, Sara?" the blonde asks, slightly letting up on her tight grip.

Sara looks confused, then reality slowly forming in her brain, memories of what happened and how she got to this present moment.

"Shit, yeah," she gets out. "My dog, did you see him outside?"

Hearing Sara refer to her dog for a second time, Catherine stores this away, but her priority certainly isn't on Sara's pet right now.

"Let's deal with you first, okay?" she poses, stepping back slightly to give the brunette some breathing room. "What happened?"

"I," Sara grunts, trying to get herself sitting up with little success, likely the predicament she found herself in earlier, prompting her reluctant emergency call to the last person she likely wanted to see.

"Easy," Catherine warns, noting the way Sara's casted leg is caught on the last rung of the railing. "Let me help."

Not really having much choice, Sara lowers her upper body back down onto her hardwood flooring, trying to hide her grimaces as Catherine maneuvers her leg.

"Sorry," the blonde offers, "almost there."

When she finally gets Sara's leg free, the brunette curls in on herself briefly, waiting for the pain to pass. Laying a reassuring hand on the younger woman's shoulder, Catherine pulls it back quickly when the woman shies away.

"Sorry," she offers a second time, this one much quieter.

Sara doesn't respond, instead reaching out to take hold of the same railing that held her captive just moments before. Using it as a support, she slowly starts to drag herself upwards. When she's fully upright, she looks anything but steady, swaying a bit as she looks like she's swallowing down nausea.

Before Catherine can comment, Sara's anxiously looking around her.

"My dog, Kodiak, he took off. I need to find him."

"What happened, Sara?"

Seeing the woman barely paying attention to her question, Catherine steps closer, placing herself directly in front of the younger woman.

"Sara, what happened?" she pushes.

Seeing perhaps the quickest way out of this is through it, Sara matches Catherine's gaze briefly before resuming her search around her.

"Someone was in here, Kodi heard him first, came down here barking like crazy. By the time I could get here on my damn leg they were both gone."

"You mean someone broke into your house?" Catherine questions tightly, hand moving absently to the gun still resting along her hip.

Sara shrugs like it's more of an annoyance than anything, and Catherine wonders just how many times this has happened to Sara, let alone to others in this neighborhood that definitely gives her the creeps.

"And you fell when you were going down the stairs?" she questions, having assumed as such based on Sara's predicament when she found her. Making it down wooden stairs can't be easy with one leg in a full cast, let alone when you're in a panic due to an intruder in your house.

Sara nods, almost looking embarrassed, "I got my leg wedged at the bottom, couldn't get it free no matter how hard I tried."

"So you called me."

Seeing Sara's gaze color with further embarrassment and what almost looks like guilt, Catherine immediately interrupts those destructive thoughts.

"I'm glad you did, Sara."

Watching Sara's head lower slightly, she clears her throat.

"Did you hurt yourself when you fell?" Catherine asks, anxiously looking over the younger woman, remembering her dazed tone on the phone that suggested she at least knocked her head pretty hard if nothing else. Sara's wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, Catherine's eyes anxiously looking over the exposed skin for any additional signs of trauma.

"I'm good," Sara brushes off the concern. "I need to find Kodi."

"I'll help you find your dog, Sara," Catherine promises. "But first I need to be sure you're okay."

After all, she remembers the last time Sara was telling Catherine she was fine, only to pass out minutes later and spend nearly the whole day in emergency surgery.

"I said I'm good." The response is tense, not mean, but definitely stern. "Please, I don't know what I'd do if something happened to Kodiak. It's freezing out tonight and he's not used to the neighborhood."

"If I help you," Catherine states carefully, "you promise me that as soon as we find your dog you let me make sure you're okay."

"Fine," Sara barely pays attention, "please just help me get to my couch so I can put on my shoe and get to my crutches."

Sighing, Catherine agrees, carefully reaching around Sara's waist as she draws the younger woman's arm over her shoulder. Carefully moving as slowly as the brunette will allow, they hobble together to the couch. Holding Sara carefully by the hips until she's safely situated on the couch, she hands the brunette her shoe that's discarded near the corner.

"I'll get your crutches," she offers before Sara can argue.

Figuring they're upstairs where Sara last was before her night was rudely interrupted, she takes the stairs two at a time. Reaching the top, she quickly glances in the small rooms before finding Sara's bedroom.

Smiling at the unexpected warm colors and what look like handwoven blankets covering the soft bed, she finds the items she's looking for propped against the corner. Tucking them under her arm, she takes one last glance around at the beautifully decorated space before heading downstairs.

"Thanks," Sara offers, already balancing on her good foot as she places the items under her arms.

"How are we doing this?" Catherine asks. "I have my car if you wanted to drive around and see if we spot him."

Sara shakes her head, "There's a small park at the end of the street we usually take our walks in, that's probably where he headed."

"You sure you can make it?" Catherine asks gently but seriously, hating for Sara to have to hobble that whole way on her crutches.

"Positive," Sara assures. "Like I said –"

"Not your first rodeo," Catherine finishes for her. "I got it."

Smiling slightly, Sara nods, "Good." Then, getting serious, she pulls her cell phone from the pocket in her sweats. Pushing a few buttons she holds the screen out to Catherine.

"This is Kodiak, so you know what he looks like when we're searching."

Taking the phone, Catherine glances over the dog on the screen, unable to help the smile crossing her own face as she takes in his open mouthed grin as he looks happily up at who she presumes must be Sara, ears quirked playfully.

"He's beautiful," Catherine states honestly. "Husky?"

"Part," is Sara's simple answer, tucking her phone away when it's handed back.

Taking a breath, Sara leads the way to the door, making good time despite her circumstances. Hesitating in the doorway, she looks back at her companion.

"You don't have to stay for this part if you have other things to do," Sara offers. "I was stuck before, and I didn't know who else to call, but I can take it from here."

"Sara," Catherine calls with a small smile. "Stop. I'm glad you called me, and I'm more than glad to help. So let's go find this furry friend of yours, yeah?"

Swallowing, Sara nods, "Thank you."

Turning away before the moment becomes more than she can handle, Sara expertly drops down the front steps before replacing her crutches under her arms.

* * *

There are few things in life that give Catherine genuine pause. She's pretty aware of the ways of the world, and has seen a lot in her years. But, for some reason, seeing Sara, tough as nails brunette who is one of the most obstinate and stern people she's ever met, down on her stomach, talking gently to her dog who has buried himself as deeply into the bushes as physically possible is something that definitely gives her some moments of pause.

Smiling, she watches as one fluffy paw, followed by another, slowly make their way from under the green shrub.

"That's it, I got you, buddy," Sara states, not reaching yet for her dog, instead laying there quietly on her stomach patiently, letting him come to her on his own terms. And, come he does.

Crawling the rest of the way out, he crawls to Sara, meeting his nose with hers.

"Hey, buddy," Sara smiles gently, "you're okay. I got you."

Laying his head down, he places it near Sara's shoulder, breathing in her scent, his body slowly relaxing as he presses his snout near her neck with a quiet whine.

Reaching out, Sara enfolds him gently in her arms, laying with him in silence as they both rest their heads together against the cold air pressing in around them. The reunion is heartfelt on both sides, the two clearly wanting nothing more than to simply stay safely in the other's presence.

Another whip of cold wind rushes past, however, and Catherine takes note of their scanty clothing.

"Sara…"

At the word, Kodi lifts his head, silently assessing the blonde.

"She's okay," Sara assures, gently rubbing his ears. "She's with me."

Seeming to trust his owner, Kodi gets to his feet, waiting by patiently as Sara, a bit less gracefully, does the same.

"We good?" Catherine asks, looking over the pair.

"We're good," Sara responds, reaching out and taking her crutches from the blonde.

As they make their way towards the edge of the park, Sara and Kodi both simultaneously pick up on something that Catherine can't see, coming to a tense stop.

Before Catherine can comment, Kodi moves behind Sara's legs the same time a figure comes out from behind the park's entrance gate.

"Well, well."

Hearing the deep voice, Kodi remains behind Sara, but his fur raises, a deep growl brewing in the depths of his throat.

"I thought I was clear," Sara's own voice is low, dangerously so. "I thought we had a deal."

"We do."

"Yeah?" Sara questions darkly. "You breaking into my house is not a part of our deal, you asshole."

"You stealing my dog is also not a deal," the man bites, stepping further into the dim park lights. "It's robbery."

"You want to talk about crimes?" Sara questions, not backing down or away. "What do you call animal abuse? Not to mention breaking and entering."

"Yeah?" the man scoffs. "Prove it."

"I don't think you want me doing that," Sara replies. "I thought I was clear when I told you I'd turn you in if you fought this. You had two options, Dan, you let me give this beautiful dog the life he deserves, or you try to take him back and I report all the abuses I witnessed when I moved into this shit hole neighborhood."

"That's it then, huh? You think you can just take my dog from me and not have to pay any consequences?"

"Is that a threat?" Sara questions, eyes narrowing. "What are you going to do? Beat me like you beat him? Lock me up outside in subfreezing temperatures like you did to him? Not give me food and water for days like him?" Sara's jaw clenches tightly. "Enter me into illegal fighting rings like him?"

"He's my dog, you bitch, end of story."

"He _was_ your dog," Sara challenges. "Now he's mine. And you'd best respect that before I do decide to press charges."

"Love to see you try," he challenges right back. "Who the hell would believe your word against mine, you good for nothing junkie?"

"I will."

Stepping forward, Catherine reveals her presence, no longer able to stay hidden. Not when this is clearly heading somewhere dangerous.

"Who the fuck are you?"

"A cop," Catherine states, trying to ignore the way Sara stiffens at the word, keeping her eyes on the man in front of them. She can deal with that later, right now they need to address the current threat standing before them. "A cop who pretty much heard a confession just now, not to mention recorded it all on her phone." Showing the device in question, she lets him see the open recording app.

"You're bluffing, you're not a cop."

Catherine reaches down, pulling her shirt up to reveal her weapon tucked there.

"You sure?" she asks, quirking her head to the side.

Seeing the concealed weapon, the man seems to think twice about doubting her story.

"What do you want?" he asks instead, taking a slight step back.

"I want you to do as Sara graciously offered. I want you to walk away from her, from _her_ dog, and leave them alone. This dog deserves the home she's given him, and you will in no way impede that. If I hear anything about you harassing them, breaking in to try to steal your dog back, you even _looking_ at them the wrong way, I'll turn this recording in and watch the state deal with you. And, a word of advice, the laws in Nevada against animal abuse are some of the harshest in the country."

Perhaps realizing just how shaky his position here is, the man straightens up, raising his hands in the air as he backs up.

"You and that rotten mutt deserve each other," he spits. "Good riddance."

Giving one last glare, he walks off, an air of finality following him.

When he disappears, Catherine turns back to her companions, taking in the expression on Sara's face. While she looks relieved that the man is gone, she also looks wary, her eyes holding a level of hesitance and mistrust that they never had before.

Eying Catherine's hip, Sara places a protective hand on Kodi's back.

"You're a cop?"

The question isn't quite accusing, but it isn't quite friendly either.

"Relax," Catherine states. "I work in the PD department, yes, but as a CSI."

The distinction is clearly not enough for Sara to feel any better about the situation, the brunette taking a slight move backwards as best she can.

"Sara," Catherine calls, hands raised in a gesture of surrender. "I'm not interested in anything you're clearly worried about. Whatever you're afraid of you don't need to be."

"You heard what he said," Sara counters tightly.

"I did," Catherine acknowledges, having heard the word 'junkie' as clear as anyone. And, as much as it made her stomach sink when she heard it, it's not because of the reasons Sara's fearing.

"In my house, there could be…I never would've called you over if I'd known…"

Seeing Sara run a hand anxiously through her dark hair, trying to maintain her balance on her crutches, Catherine lets out a breath.

"Sara, look at me."

It's not looking likely, but Catherine waits the younger woman out.

"Look at me."

When Sara finally does, Catherine keeps her gaze steady.

"You have my word, Sara. I'm off duty when I'm with you. Whatever I may see, or witness, it's off the record."

"How?" Sara asks doubtfully, "You have a sworn oath, do you not?"

"I also have a conscience," Catherine counters. "And a duty to more than just the job. Some things are bigger than that. Some people deserve better than that."

"I'm not a charity case," Sara repeats her earlier words to her, eyes hard.

"I don't see you as one," Catherine counters. "I didn't before, and I still don't now."

"Then why?"

Smiling slightly at this woman's relentless pursuit, Catherine shakes her head.

"Everyone deserves someone, Sara. Some safe space in this retched world. A helping hand when they need it that doesn't come with fine print. I have a suspicion you've been that safe space to others during your life, if your actions with Kodi are any indication of the type of person you are. Please let me be the same for you."

Seeing the hesitation in Sara's eyes, Catherine takes in a tight breath.

"You have my word, Sara. You can trust me."

Sara shakes her head, almost in defeat. "I don't understand you, at all. Why you'd care, why you keep caring."

"Give me a chance," the blonde offers. "I don't know what situation you've been in with your family, why they aren't involved in your life. But, I promise you, I'm not them. I'm not about to turn my back on you, report you, betray you, whatever it is you're worried I'm going to do. I'm the same person I was when you didn't know my job."

It's one tense moment after another, both of them standing in the freezing cold.

"I'm not sure I liked her either."

Hearing the muttered words, Catherine can't help but laugh, breaking into the harsh tension. Shaking her head, she smiles.

"Yeah, I sort of picked up on that."

Seeing the slight smile pulling at the corner of Sara's mouth, Catherine takes a deep breath.

"We good?" she questions hopefully.

Sara still looks wary, but she also looks exhausted, like she really doesn't have much to lose at this point regardless.

Meeting the blonde's eyes, Sara matches their gazes, "Thank you for what you just did, I'm not sure he ever would have stopped otherwise."

Taking the olive branch for what it is, Catherine nods. She knows their issues are not resolved, that Sara's still looking at her like she expects her to arrest her at any second, but she takes the offered compromise.

"I'm glad I was here to help," Catherine offers in return.

* * *

"Sit still."

"Sorry," Sara mumbles. "It's bright."

"It's supposed to be bright," Catherine shakes her own head in exasperation while trying to hold Sara's still with one hand while holding the flashlight she borrowed from her crime scene kit with the other.

"Are you currently using?" the blonde asks, feeling Sara stiffen and start to pull out of her grip at the question.

"Stop," she directs, tightening her hold. "I'm only asking because I need to know what I'm looking at. What I should and shouldn't expect."

"I'm not using."

Catherine nods, willing to trust that Sara is telling the truth. "Okay." She directs the light upward. "Follow it."

Doing as she asks, Catherine watches the pupil reactions as she takes mental notes of what she's seeing.

"Were you using that night?" she poses quietly.

"Would you feel less guilty if I said yes? That I was high when I rode my bike behind your car?"

Catherine considers the question. "Not really."

"Then no, I wasn't."

Catherine can't help the laugh that comes out, "Were you seriously about to lie to me about using drugs just to make me feel better about hitting you with my car?"

Sara shrugs, "You asked me to trust you, but you still don't trust me when I tell you that you have nothing to feel guilty about the accident. If it would've made you feel better, finally taken away some of that guilt…then yes."

"I don't get you either," Catherine repeats Sara's earlier sentiment back to her. "Not one bit."

Sara smiles slightly, "We're quite the pair."

"Indeed," Catherine agrees, then gently taps Sara's jaw. "Now stay still."

Grunting in response and rolling her eyes, Sara obeys, letting Catherine finish whatever the hell she's doing.

"Well," Catherine finally states a few minutes later, turning off the light, "I think you definitely hit your head pretty hard. As far as I can tell, though, you seem to be okay. But…"

Sara starts to roll her eyes again at the coming but.

"But," Catherine states evenly. "It'd make me feel better if you weren't alone tonight."

Sara snorts, pushing herself to an unsteady stand, balancing as best she can on her good leg.

"Are you trying to invite yourself over?" she poses with a smirk.

"You're welcome to stay at my place instead," Catherine shrugs, not letting the younger woman rile her.

"My neighborhood not up to your standards?"

Catherine shrugs, "I think one of the major detractors of this neighborhood was dealt with tonight, don't you?"

Sara pauses, eyes turning serious as she glances down briefly at Kodiak now resting along the sofa.

"I do," she agrees, giving Catherine credit where credit is due. Sighing, she gives in. "Fine, you can take my bed. I'll share the couch with this bear."

Starting to shake her head, Catherine is about to resist when Sara glances over, "Stairs are not really my friend right now, Catherine, I'm good with the couch."

"You sure?"

Sara nods, "Positive."

After making sure Catherine has everything she needs, Sara lays down on the couch with an exhausted sigh, gently stroking Kodiak's ears as he rearranges himself to give her room.

"What are we going to do with that woman, Kodi?" Sara mutters, her eyes drifting closed. "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

* * *

"Thanks," Catherine states with a smile as she sees the warm beverage placed before her. "You didn't have to do this."

"Consider it a thank you, for your help last night."

"Pretty sure you already thanked me, not that thanks were needed."

"Just take the coffee, Catherine."

Smiling, the blonde doesn't argue further, taking the steaming beverage into her cold hands gratefully.

"I don't…" Sara clears her throat, taking hold of her own mug. "I don't use anymore. I'm not sure why it matters to me that you know that, but I wanted you to know."

Catherine is surprised to say the least, shocked that Sara would be willing to have this conversation let alone start it. Judging by the look on Sara's face this isn't easy for her, Catherine wisely not voicing her surprise and simply taking the admission with gratitude.

"Thank you," Catherine responds warmly, voice respectful. "When was the last time?"

"About five months ago. When I came across that guy," Sara gestures to the furry body curled up at their feet. "When I first got him out of where he was, the transition was hard, took a lot of time and effort. Just didn't seem right to take him out of that hell just to place him in another version of it."

What Sara did for Kodiak was risky, brave, and not something the average person would have been willing to do. It's noteworthy on its own, but especially when considering the extenuating circumstances of what Sara herself was apparently going through at the time.

"What did you use?"

Sara hesitates, eying the blond.

"Oxycodone, mostly."

Catherine takes in the answer, making a split decision before she responds.

"Mine was cocaine."

The silence that fills the room is nearly deafening, Sara's eyes narrowing.

"What?"

"I used cocaine for a lot of years before I turned my own life around."

Her brows raise slightly, "Seriously?"

"You think I'd make something like that up?" Catherine raises her own brows with a slight smile.

Cheeks coloring lightly, Sara shakes her head, "Well, no, I guess I'm just surprised."

"Because I work in law enforcement now?"

"Among other things."

Catherine snorts, "Not sure I want to know what those other things are, but maybe we both just agree to not make assumptions about the other going forward?"

Sara takes this in, leaning back slightly before nodding, "Deal."

In the quiet that proceeds, it's ironically more comfortable than it's ever been between them despite the weightiness of the topics they're addressing.

"Why'd you stop?"

"Like you," Catherine answers simply, "there were people counting on me. Responsibilities bigger than myself."

Sara takes this in, mulling the answer over in silence.

"Seems like you've done alright for yourself, Catherine," Sara compliments sincerely. "Must not have been easy."

"It never is," Catherine agrees. "But it's worth it."

"It is."

Drinking their coffee in silence, they let the words fall away, for the first time not feeling like they need them. After all, when it comes to pasts as complicated as theirs, perhaps the only person who really gets it without any explanation is someone who's been there themselves.

"You have any doctor's appointments today?" Catherine asks when they finish their drinks, rinsing their mugs out.

"No," Sara answers. "Tomorrow."

"You need a ride?" Catherine gestures to her leg, which is clearly prohibiting the brunette from being able to drive herself right now.

"Catherine…" Sara warns.

"This isn't some pity thing," Catherine counters. "I promise. I just…I don't know…I guess I enjoy hanging out with you. Would love to get to know you better."

Sara looks dubious, "Are you being serious right now?"

"Of course," Catherine nods. "Unless you don't feel the same, in which case don't feel obligated."

"No…it's not that…I just…" Sara looks out of her element, like she isn't quite sure what to say.

"No pressure," Catherine shrugs, getting her keys. "I'm really just using you to hang out with your dog anyway."

Sara laughs, relieving some of the tension from the moment.

"Fuck you," she mutters with a smile.

Then, getting serious, she walks Catherine to the door.

"If you're serious, then my appointment is at one."

Catherine smiles, turning around and placing a gentle hand on Sara's stiff shoulder, making her way to the door.

"I'll pick you up at 12:30."

* * *

And so their ritual begins, Catherine taking Sara to her appointments, the brunette treating the blonde to coffee afterwards. Both catching up with what's going on in their respective lives, getting to know each other a little bit at a time.

It goes on for weeks, then months, right up until the last appointment when Sara finally gets her cast off. Catherine followed her inside for that appointment, quick to lend the unsteady brunette a hand afterwards, walking with her gingerly to their car. Then, it continued after that, through Sara's physical therapy sessions, even after Sara was cleared to drive herself.

After Sara's last and final appointment, she leaves the hospital to see the blonde sitting along her usual bench.

"Cleared?" she asks.

Sara nods, sitting gingerly down beside her. Relieved to be done with her required sessions, but anxious to get back to her full strength. She knows it will come with time, she just has to be patient.

"Cleared," she confirms with a relieved sigh, leaning her head back slightly and closing her eyes.

Feeling the hand on her thigh, she hears the gentle "Congratulations, Sara," that follows.

Sara nods, taking a deep breath as she opens her eyes to meet Catherine's gaze.

"Thank you," she gets out. "For everything."

"Even for hitting you with my car?" Catherine teases.

Snorting, Sara rolls her eyes, "Maybe not that part." She gets serious again. "But for everything else."

"You don't have to thank me, Sara," Catherine says quietly. "It was my pleasure getting to know you these last months, I genuinely enjoy spending time with you." Eyes meeting the brunette's, she squeezes the younger woman's leg. "Even though your medical appointments are over, this isn't goodbye, Sara. Not unless you want it to be."

The response, the answer, does not come immediately, and it has Catherine fearing the worst. Did Sara tolerate this, tolerate _her_ , simply because it was some form of guilt from the younger woman's side? Like she knew this meant something to the blonde so she put up with it to help Catherine deal with her own guilt?

"What do _you_ want, Catherine?"

The question drawing her from her thoughts, she considers it. All of it. Everything that's happened between them, everything a friendship like theirs would mean, would consist of. Everything yet unspoken between the two, everything they've yet to share despite all the progress they've made. It all runs through her head, one thought after another.

"I've spent more time with you than I have most of my other friends these past months, yet I feel like I'm the most comfortable around you," Catherine eventually concludes aloud.

"You have some pretty shitty friends then," Sara supplies with a small smile.

"Just shut up and let me finish," Catherine rolls her eyes. "I like spending time with you, I like hanging out with you. I'd love for that to continue, I'd love to see where this goes. I think we could be good friends, if we let things continue forward. But, Sara, that's only if you want it to. If you were doing this out of some sense of guilt, knowing it was what _I_ wanted, then don't feel obligated."

There's a long pause, and then, "You use a lot of words sometimes."

Catherine groans, laying her own head back on the bench. "You're an asshole. Why do I want to be your friend again?"

"Beats me," is Sara's honest reply. "I've been wondering that from the start."

"Of all the people I've hit with my car, you're by far the most annoying."

Sara laughs, laying her head down along the back of the bench, mirroring the blonde's position.

"You're serious about this?" she asks a while later, the world moving obliviously on around them.

"I am."

When Sara finally makes up her mind, she pulls herself to a stiff stand, brushing her hands off along her black jeans.

"Then there's some things we should probably discuss."

Noting the seriousness in the younger woman's tone, Catherine grows anxious. Standing up herself, she nods, "Alright."

"Coffee?" Sara poses.

"Coffee."

* * *

When they sit, Catherine can immediately sense something is wrong. While the younger woman is not usually the most bubbly person, especially during their post-therapy coffee trips when the brunette is more exhausted than not, this time feels different.

Instead of exhausted, the woman appears tense, on edge. Like she's nervous about what they're going to discuss. And, that has Catherine feeling nervous herself, something about seeing the normally stoic woman this anxious makes her feel like this is serious.

As Sara passes Catherine's cup across the table, the blond tries to smile.

"You don't have to keep treating me, you know," she offers. "Especially if we're going to keep hanging out. My coffee habit is going to bankrupt you."

Sara smiles, but it's like a ghost of the woman's normal grins. "Don't let the shitty neighborhood fool you, I can actually afford a couple cups of coffee."

"I know," Catherine answers.

And she does. One of the first things she did when she found out Sara's address after that night the brunette called her, was to google the young woman. Call it invasive or whatever you want, but she doesn't regret it. After all, she knew it was likely her only shot at getting some information on the enigma known only as "Sara."

What she found was interesting, learning the young woman, Sara Sidle, is actually a rather successful freelance writer. Her works range from short stories, editorials, and more than a few feature pieces in some pretty notable publications. She knows the brunette also picks up more regular paychecks by serving as the editor of an online news site, one that Catherine has at some point inadvertently switched over to using.

Catherine once had a close friend who was a photographer, and she herself also seemed to live in the seediest parts of town. When Catherine had asked her about it, she'd simply said that she liked to live where real life, real art, happens. Not the polished versions of the suburbs, the gated and fake facades that hide away the honest, raw human elements of life. She has a hunch that Sara's choices are somewhat the same.

"Well, thank you," Catherine offers instead of pushing the issue further. "I do appreciate it."

Sara nods absently, her mind already miles away judging by the look on her dark features.

"What is it?" Catherine finally asks when she can no longer take it. "What are you so nervous about telling me?"

Watching the brunette take a deep breath, she searches the younger woman's features as Sara tries to censor them back into something less transparent, something that hides the anxieties she's feeling. Replacing her worry with a mask that's more indifferent than honest. It's a coping mechanism, one that Catherine wishes she didn't feel the need to use. Not with her.

"We've never spoken about my family," Sara gets out, voice tight despite her carefully controlled expression. "Why I'm not in their life."

"Okay," Catherine gets out, knowing for sure now that they're treading into serious territory.

When Sara falters, eyes dropping to her coffee and fingers in tight fists, she hates to see the struggle going on across from her.

"Was it because of the tattoos?" she questions, smiling slightly.

Sara looks up, her tension broken just slightly as she shakes her head with the barest of smirks. "Those were just icing on the cake," she offers, eyes roaming over the few of her tattoos that are visible, peeking out from beneath her sleeves.

Getting serious again, she takes a breath. "My family is very conservative. Church every weekend, live off the land, hunting, Bible study, stay home and work the family ranch, type of conservative." Tapping her mug, she shakes her head. "I was a misfit from the beginning, never wanting to wear dresses, despising hunting so much I became a vegetarian, questioning the pastor during services about why he doesn't believe in evolution, wanting college over the family businesses."

Sara takes a swallow of her coffee, face grimacing slightly at the temperature.

"I tried so hard to hide who I was from them, hide what I wanted just so that I had somewhere I belonged. They were my family, my home, and I wasn't ready to lose them. So I hid those parts of me." Sara lets out a shaky breath. "Until it nearly destroyed me."

"The drugs?" Catherine guesses, eyes warm as she watches the pain filtering through her companion's.

Sara nods, "It was the only way I could escape the hell on the outside I was avoiding, as well as the hell on the inside, the prison I'd boxed myself into internally."

Catherine listens, taking a chance as she reaches out to gently hold Sara's forearm where it rests on the table. In all the time they've seen each other these past months, they've never hugged, keeping contact to a minimum outside of the rare times Sara needs assistance getting around. The feeling of the contact is strong, more than a casual sensation that runs through Catherine. It's startling and confusing, but she keeps her hand in place. Grateful that Sara seems to allow it for now.

"What happened?" Catherine questions quietly, encouraging Sara to get this off her chest.

"They found out one night when I nearly overdosed in the back stables." Sara looks down, dark hair falling across her features. "They were disappointed, obviously. It took a long time for them to trust me again. But, drugs were an unfortunate part of society where we lived. Almost every family had someone they knew who either uses or formerly used."

"Then why aren't they in your life anymore?" Catherine questions, glad Sara's family was still there for her during one of her darkest times when she needed support the most. "Because you relapsed?"

"No," Sara shakes her head, "I stayed clean the rest of the time with them. I didn't relapse once until I was older. I…"

Seeing the struggle in Sara's expression, feeling the tension in the arm below her touch, Catherine runs her fingers up and down the skin there soothingly.

"You can tell me, Sara."

Tightening her jaw, Sara's hands return to fists.

"Having a daughter who had a drug addiction was okay," Sara finally bites out. "But having a daughter who had a girlfriend was not."

The words hit Catherine squarely in the chest, penetrating deep to her heart, clenching the organ beneath it.

"Are you serious?" she breathes out.

Sara's dark eyes lift to meet the blonde's, "You know the answer to that. You saw that empty waiting room."

"But, they…"Catherine keeps shaking her head, trying to fathom this revelation. "They cut you out because you're _gay_?"

Sara's eyes hold all the answers Catherine needs.

"That's such bullshit."

"That's the mentality where we come from," Sara counters. "Being a minority of any kind isn't exactly ideal, especially not one you _chose._ "

"Being gay is not a choice!" Catherine yells, drawing more than a few eyes in her direction. But, she honestly couldn't care less.

Sara raises a brow, "Yes, I'm aware of that. Intimately."

"Sorry," Catherine mumbles out, of course knowing Sara didn't need that particular lesion but unable to hold back her disgust. "I just can't believe your own family would disown you for simply being who you are. I can't imagine doing that to someone in my own family."

"Because you're a decent person," Sara offers. Taking a deep breath, Sara shakes her head. "I'm not telling you this for you to feel bad, Catherine. I'm telling you because you need to know what you're getting into with me being in your life."

"Are you fucking serious?" Catherine cuts in, voice growing angry as she looks at the young woman across from her with wide eyes. "Are you seriously thinking this changes my opinion of wanting to be friends with you? That I'll change my mind because you're _gay_?" She shakes her head. "I'm not some fucking bigot, Sara Sidle."

Sara's brows raise, her mouth slowly edging upwards into a slightly amused smile. Raising her free hand, she positions it in a gesture of surrender.

"Not at all where I was going with that, Catherine," she assures, expression still slightly amused. "But glad to hear you're apparently a very dedicated, not to mention very vocal, ally."

Hearing Sara's words, Catherine can feel the heat already rising to her cheeks. "Fuck. You really weren't going there?"

"I really wasn't."

Catherine rubs her face with her free hand, groaning in embarrassment. "Shit. Sorry."

"Don't be," Sara assures. "Never be sorry for something like that. I could've used more friends like you throughout my life."

While Sara's family weren't the most accepting to say the least, neither were her friends, choosing to side with their small town mentality, their church, their God, their everything but their friend. And, Sara didn't blame them, seeing what the town and her family put her through, she doesn't judge others for not wanting to bring that upon them and their own families.

"Where I _was_ going with that," Sara says, "was that my family still isn't done trying to get me to amend my ways."

"They're still in your life?" Catherine questions in confusion.

"Not in the ways that matter, but they're still there, yes." Sara shakes her head with a brief eye roll. "Apparently it's a sin to let someone you know go to hell without trying to save them. And trying. And trying. And trying."

"This is pissing me off beyond description," Catherine gets out.

"I noticed," Sara states apologetically, glancing down at Catherine's hand.

The blonde, noticing her tight grip on Sara's forearm, immediately pulls it back. "Shit, I'm so sorry."

"It's fine," Sara offers, "I'm sorry I'm upsetting you."

"Don't you dare apologize to me," Catherine warns. "You are _not_ the person in this that needs to apologize."

Taking a deep breath, Catherine tries to focus her emotions.

"What do they do when they try to 'save' you?"

Sara sighs, "This is why I brought this up, because it impacts you."

Eying Catherine nervously, Sara pushes forward.

"They locate me no matter how many times I move because I publish under my own name, I refuse to use a pseudonym and hide myself away from what I've worked my whole life to achieve. So, they reach out to me, and to the people closest to me, sending letters, warnings, bible quotes, you name it. They call, they write, they basically harass until I can't take it anymore and move on someplace else. Buys me a few months or a year before it starts up again."

The words flow through Catherine, the blonde hearing them and seeing the woman sitting before her in a new light that suddenly seems to make a lot more sense than it ever has before.

"That's why you don't have many friends here," she states quietly. "You don't want to make them just to have to up and leave them after your family finds you."

Sara nods, "I also don't want them to have to put up with their bullshit. They don't deserve that harassment."

"Neither do you," Catherine states sternly. "Neither do you, Sara."

Swallowing tightly, Sara nods. Catherine hopes she really does believe her, believe this sentiment, because Sara sure as hell does _not_ deserve any of this. From what Catherine has seen she's a wonderful person with a character and integrity rarely seen these days, someone who deserves the best in this world. Not this constant bullshit about sins and consequences the brunette isn't guilty of.

She hopes beyond everything that Sara doesn't believe in the messages her family has been bombarding her with since she was young. That many years, it has to be hard to not let even just a little bit of it sink in, taint you with self-doubt or judgement.

"I wanted you to know," Sara's quiet voice breaks into her thoughts. "So you're aware of what you're getting into by asking to be my friend. My first article here is due to be published next month, they're going to know where I am. If we're friends when that happens, they're also going to eventually figure out who you are no matter how hard I try to protect you." Sara shakes her head in defeat, "They always do."

It's a lot for Catherine to take in, a lot to work through mentally. But, she had no doubts regarding her decision here. There's probably been few decisions in her life as clear cut as this one.

"Let them do their worst," Catherine says easily. "I'm not afraid of them or their horrible misinterpretation of religion, of a God I know isn't the hateful version they've molded him to be."

Sara watches her, assessing her answer, assessing the woman giving it.

"The only thing that scares me here Sara isn't them," she lays everything out openly. "It's you."

Seeing Sara's eyes narrow slightly in confusion, she reaches over to take one of the brunette's hands in hers, not wanting her to get the wrong idea before she can expand.

"I'm not scared of you being gay, as I so eloquently established before. I'm scared of you up and leaving in a year or so when your family's latest harassments become too much." Her hand tightening around the brunette's, Catherine holds on. "I care about you, Sara. A lot. And the thought of growing even closer to you only to lose you in the near future…that's what scares me."

Taking a deep breath, the blonde curses the words she's saying. "But it's not fair of me to feel that way, to be selfish regarding you obviously wanting to move on from taking their harassment and abuse. Of course you'd want to leave, as you should. I just…I'm not ready to think about what it will do to me when you do. God, it's so selfish."

"It's honest," Sara corrects. "And I appreciate it." She eyes the blonde, "Though I'm still not sure why you seem so fond of me that you're so sure you'd miss me. Weren't you just calling me an annoying asshole barely an hour ago?"

Smiling, Catherine shakes her head, "Yeah, and I'm about to do it again."

Getting serious, Sara lowers her head, "I'm not sure where life is going to take me Catherine. Now or ever. But you deserve to know the possibilities of what may happen."

Pushing back, Sara separates their hands, reaching instead to pick up her rapidly cooling coffee.

"Think about it, decide what's right for you," the brunette says. "You have my support and understanding either way."

* * *

The decision was never really a decision. In fact, the lack of deliberation was almost more frightening to Catherine than the decision itself.

She's always been a bit reckless with her heart, putting it in vulnerable positions without fully considering the damage it could incur. But, this was a whole other level of recklessness. This was leaving her car in a parking lot with the doors open and the keys in the ignition while she went inside to shop, hoping it would still be there when she leaves. This was sure to be a disaster.

Each week that passes since her decision to remain in Sara's life are steps closer to her own heart's demise. She's been unable to stop the ways she's grown closer to Sara with every passing day, helpless against how she feels towards the younger woman and how those feelings only continue to deepen no matter how badly she tries to stop them.

"You okay?"

The question draws her thoughts to the present moment, sending the brunette a careful smile as she resumes walking through the shelves.

"I'm good."

"You sure?" Sara questions, "We can pick a different store if you'd prefer?"

"This is fine, Sara," Catherine assures, looking around the beautiful items on display. "It's perfect, actually."

And, it is. Just like it always is when it comes to Sara.

She reaches out, taking the younger woman's hand in hers. Sara's expression is curious at the gesture, sending Catherine a nervous look as they continue on slowly, but she doesn't remove her hand. Neither does Catherine, not until the very end of the day when they're parting ways to head to their respective homes.

She's not sure what it all means, these feelings of hers that continue to morph, evolve, grow, but she fears what it means for her heart when it all ends. She fears it because she's pretty sure she already knows exactly what it means for her heart when it all ends.

* * *

The day the first letter comes is a Tuesday. It's a plain, unremarkable envelope that Catherine opens without a second thought when she gets home from work.

What she finds inside, however, has her eyes immediately widening.

It's a pamphlet of sorts, a cut out of information regarding "homosexual peoples" and their "tendencies." How their "lifestyle" is in conflict with God's plan and edicts. How a soul must free itself of such sin, make every effort to save those living in that sin, for it to be saved itself. After all, a soul that harbors and condones such behaviors is as guilty of the sin as the one committing them.

Tightening her jaw, Catherine rips up the materials, sending them directly into the nearest trash bin.

She knows it's only the first of many.

It takes her nearly two weeks to admit to Sara that she's started receiving them, that Sara's fears have come to fruition. The brunette takes it harder than Catherine, withdrawing in guilt at what she's brought into Catherine's life. But, the blonde will have none of it, assuring Sara that the mailings are no more than an inconvenience to her, a brief moment out of her day that she simply rips them up and moves on with her life. And, she admits to the brunette, she finds them almost mildly entertaining in their lunacy.

Sara isn't exactly convinced, but she adheres to Catherine's wishes to not let it come between them.

And it doesn't.

In the next months, the two are nearly inseparable. They share meals, walks, shopping trips, and countless cups of coffee. When Catherine's had a tough day at work, Sara is her first call. When she wants to go on an adventure on her days off, Sara's door is her first stop.

She's not exactly sure when it happened, the exact moment that her feelings shifted to more than just friendship. But, she knows it's happened, to deny that is futile.

* * *

The first time she kisses Sara's it's also ironically a Tuesday. It was a long day at work, Catherine calling the brunette on her way home and asking if she wanted to go somewhere with her. Anywhere.

Sara immediately noted the tone of Catherine's voice, agreeing without hesitation. They drove around aimlessly for a while, just out exploring the night, letting the hum of the tires on the road sooth the blonde's frayed nerves.

When Sara reaches over, gently taking Catherine's hand in hers and lacing their fingers together, something in the blonde had them pulling over to the side of the road. The traffic around them, the gentle rain tapping at the windshield. All of it was ignored.

Leaning in, Catherine does what it felt like she'd been resisting for months.

When their lips meet, it is like the stories in the books she's read, the movies she's seen. It's one of the purest, most breathtaking moments she's ever experienced. It felt safe, it felt beautiful. It felt like home.

When Sara pulls back to catch her breath, she meets Catherine's eyes. "Are you sure? Is this something you really want?"

"Sara," Catherine confesses. "I wasn't completely honest before when we talked about your family. I'm actually more than just an ally."

Sara nods at the confession, her expression warm. "I know."

"What?" Catherine questions in surprise. "How?"

It's not that her sexuality was something she ever tried to hide, but it wasn't something she felt she had been particularly open about either. In fact, she can't remember a single time, a single instance, where she'd given Sara even the slightest hint that she was anything but straight.

"The woman in the photo on your mantle in your living room. The two of you were more than just friends at some point."

Catherine is speechless, eyes wide as her mouth searches for words.

"You're looking at her in that picture like I looked at my first love."

Completely caught, Catherine's cheeks redden slightly, never in her life having felt as transparent as she does in this moment.

"Why didn't you say something?" the blonde asks.

"It wasn't my place to ask." Sara's expression is gentle. "How you identify and who you love is your business, Catherine."

"Well," Catherine's voice trails off nervously. "I'm afraid it may now be your business."

The words slowly register, and when they fully do, Sara's eyes flash with emotion, the brunette swallowing tightly.

"Are you sure?" she whispers.

Catherine nods, having never felt this sure about anything in her life.

Sara studies her, searching for the honesty that Catherine knows she'll find.

"I can't believe you feel it, too," Sara breathes out. "All this time I thought…"

"I know," Catherine confesses. "I was worried it was only me also."

Sara shakes her head with a light laugh that fills the car, "Whoever would've predicted."

Catherine laughs herself, leaning in to place her hands along Sara's strong jawline. Then, she pulls the younger woman in for another kiss.

When they pull back, Catherine smiles widely, "Whoever thought that horrible day I hit you would lead to this."

Sara's smile is warm in return, "Maybe now you'll finally stop feeling guilty about it. After all, that day you hit me was also the day I met you - which is why I'd actually considered it one of the best days of my life."

There is moisture in both their eyes when they join their hands, leaning in to simply hold one another in the darkness.

It was that night that Catherine decided Tuesdays would forever be her favorite days.

* * *

EPILOGUE:

"You ready?" Sara questions from the door.

"Just about," Catherine murmurs, putting the finishing touches on the envelope in her hand.

Glancing one last time over the card on the table, she picks it up to look it over before it's placed safely inside the envelope.

The image on it makes Catherine smile, seeing Sara's slightly reddened cheeks as they both hold each other close in front of the meticulously decorated Christmas tree, the smiles on their faces somehow brighter than any of the brilliantly lit decorations surrounding them. The cards were Catherine's idea, and Sara, being the ever patient person that she is, went along with it.

There was just one last card that Catherine needed to fill out.

Writing the message on the back, she hesitates slightly before she finishes.

 _Wishing you and yours a very happy, healthy, and blessed holiday season._

 _From our family to yours,_

 _Catherine and Sara_

Taking a deep breath, she tucks it carefully inside the envelope, sealing it and double checking the address. Of all the mailings she's received from Sara's family over the last two years, she's never once sent something back.

Until now.

Rising, she joins the envelope with the others, reaching out to take Sara's hand in hers as they leave for their morning walk to the mailbox and the coffee shop nearby.

"I can't believe it's really snowing," Sara whispers out in awe, head tilted up to meet the gently falling flakes.

Smiling, Catherine takes in the beautiful sight herself.

Reaching up, she places a gentle kiss along Sara's lips.

"I love you."

Sara smiles, tightening her hold on the blonde's hand.

"I love you too, Catherine. Now and always."

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	10. Chapter 10

**AN: Wouldn't even know where to start explaining the gazillion month absence so I won't even try – but thank goodness it wasn't death or alien abduction, so I'm finally back. This time hopefully more consistently. So sorry for the long hiatus, life just turned the world completely on its head for me a bit. No worries, haven't forgotten about you guys or your amazing prompts, and I'm anxious to get back to having the enjoyable honor of filling them :)**

 **This one I made quite long, have been told to stop apologizing for that…so I'll just go with that I hope you enjoy it? Thanks again for your guys' never ending support and kindness, means the world. Looking forward to resuming these journeys with you all, will try my best to do them the justice they deserve.**

 **Hope you guys have been doing okay. Everyone take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt:_ _Here's a prompt - Starts pre-relationship. A suspect returns to a crime scene which Sara is processing. She is hurt (not sure how bad- you can choose!) Cat is upset that Sara is hurt and this prompts her to recognize her true feelings for Sara. Conversations happen, Sara recovers and there is a happy Sara/Cat ending._

 _Submitted by:_ _jlk-uk_

* * *

 **PROMPT 10**

There are certain events that hammer themselves into your memory. Ones that are so jarring, so jolting that they permanently carve themselves into your psyche, pieces of rock chipped away that can never be put back in place. You remember where you were when they happened, right down to every last detail of what you were doing and who you were with. The impact of receiving the news nearly equal in the impact of the news itself.

For Catherine, it had started out just like any other day. There were cases to solve and paperwork to complete. It was the latter that had her attention when the call came in. At her desk, buried under mounds of redundant forms, she didn't even bother glancing at the caller ID as she grabbed the receiver with one hand while balancing her pen, folder, and glasses with the other.

The words that were uttered from the other end of the line, however, had her immediately dropping all the other items onto her desk.

"Excuse me?" she questions, certain she's misheard. That the words she thought she'd heard could be nothing but a bad joke, a nasty trick of the ear.

But, instead, the same message is repeated back to her, just as sternly, but this time with just a hint of empathy seeping through. While it's not easy to receive such calls, no one appreciates making them either, knowing the way they're completely altering the person's day, and perhaps life, on the other end.

"I'll be right there."

Without a wasted second she tosses the phone back into the cradle, grabbing her keys and sprinting to the door as fast as her heels will allow.

* * *

The scene is awash in flashes of red and blue, the lights glaring and harsh against the otherwise blackened sky.

Making quick work of the crime scene tape, Catherine is through the front yard before she's stopped at the door by a young officer.

"Catherine Willows," she supplies, already pushing her way past the cop who nods at her in recognition.

It's crowded inside, numerous bodies each rushing to their tasks, focused and determined. It's a lot of people to work through, but Catherine's eyes don't take long to spot the member of her team amongst them.

"Greg," she breathes out, making her way quickly to his side.

When he turns away from the officer he was giving his statement to, his eyes moisten while his skin reflects palely in the dim lighting.

"I'm so sorry, Catherine," he gets out, voice nearly breaking. "I didn't see him, I thought the back was clear. I rushed over as soon as I heard her yell, but-"

"Greg," Catherine stops him gently, reaching out to take his cold hand in hers. "This isn't your fault. You hear me?"

Greg looks anything but convinced, his gaze just as heartbroken as it was when she first approached. While she's glad that Greg was the other CSI assigned to this scene, she also laments the fact that Greg is the CSI that will have the hardest time getting over this. He and Sara are close, very close, and he's going to have a lot to work through regarding moving past this.

"Where is she?" Catherine asks, keeping her grip on Greg's hand tight, squeezing it reassuringly.

"Out back," he gets out, eyes lowering. "They made me leave her so they could get her statement."

"I'm glad you were here," Catherine tells him gently. "I know you did everything you could for her."

"I didn't do anything," Greg grinds out, jaw tight and entire head now lowering to match his dropped gaze. "He'd already run off by the time I got to her. She was alone with him the whole time, without backup."

"It's not your job to be anyone's backup, Greg," Catherine tells him tightly. "You're not the cop on scene that was supposed to have cleared it. Your life was in danger just like hers."

"I wish it was my life that was in danger tonight," he breathes out, the sincerity dripping off them like the undercurrents of regret in his tone. "I wish it was me out there and not her."

Catherine gently places her hand along his cheek, heart clenching at his words. "Don't let her hear you talking like this," Catherine shakes her head gently. "Or she'll endanger your life herself."

There's just the barest hint of a smile that makes its way to the young man's lips before it's gone again.

Giving him one last reassuring glance, Catherine backs away, making a beeline for the back door.

* * *

The outside of the house is much less chaotic, almost eerie in its contrasting stillness. She knows it's a consequence of the scene having been corded off to prevent further contamination now that it's a new crime scene all its own. Mandatory personnel only.

Which, Catherine notes, includes Jim Brass who is anxiously watching the cop currently taking Sara's statement.

"She cleared by medical?" Catherine asks immediately, knowing what Sidle is trying to do, but refusing to let the younger CSI put her life in danger for the sake of the scene. Sara's dedicated to her job, but that dedication extends to the point of recklessness too often for Catherine's comfort.

"Yes," Brass confirms, barely taking his eyes off the brunette in question while answering. "I made sure of it myself."

While Sara can be reckless with her safety, Brass is someone that Catherine trusts entirely. Especially when it comes to Sara. In fact, there's no one on their team who she'd trust more with Sara's wellbeing that this man who's always shared a unique connection with the young woman, seeing her in a way that's always seemed to Catherine to feel more like family than colleague.

"Can I see her?" Catherine asks, trying to make out Sara's form in the dark of night that's just barely broken up by the poolside lamps the owners of this lavish house seemed to have picked more for styling than actual function. Catherine has penlights that are brighter than these idiotic, gaudy devices.

"She needs to finish her statement first," Brass states, his tone clearly not happy with the answer either. But, they both know protocol in these situations as much as anyone.

Swallowing, Brass turns more of his gaze to the blonde.

"I called you because once she's given her verbal statement someone's going to have to…" he trails off, not having the heart to finish.

Catherine nods, already knowing the reason it was her getting the call tonight instead of Grissom. While technically she's also Sara's supervisor, Gil is senior to her. But, Gil is also a male.

"I'll do the collections as soon as you give me the go ahead."

The words stick in her throat, hating to refer to this situation in such a clinical manner. But, Catherine fears if she allows herself to acknowledge even a fraction of the actual feelings coursing through her right now she'll crack. And, if Sara deserves anything right now, it's a steady and calm CSI who can keep it together long enough to help ensure they get the bastard that did this to her. Her falling apart right now helps no one, least of all Sara.

"Thank you," Brass breathes out, acknowledging the task he's burdened the older woman with.

While Sara and Catherine haven't always been the closest, he knows that Catherine respects the brunette immensely. And, the blonde has always had a protective streak when it comes to her fellow CSIs, and the haunted look in her eyes right now tell Brass that protective nature doesn't exclude Sara Sidle.

It's much sooner than either of them are ready for when the young cop closes his notebook and steps away, giving them a nod as he moves to exit back into the house.

"That's my cue," Brass states quietly, moving to follow the officer inside after giving Catherine's shoulder a gentle squeeze.

"Mine too," the blonde breathes out shakily, working to steady herself for what's about to come.

* * *

When she sees Sara up close, her careful composure she'd gathered on the walk over nearly instantly vaporizes. The walls she'd built around her heart in order to remain professional all but shatter, sending their jagged pieces directly into the organ itself.

"Sara."

The word is choked, tight, tense.

Drawing her head up, the brunette glances over Catherine's face, taking in the identity of this current visitor. Swallowing, she works to straighten herself up further, pulling her back flush with the brick of the house wall behind her.

"Hey," she gets out, trying to greet her supervisor with a tone that's strong, one that doesn't betray the exhaustion she feels.

"God, Sara," Catherine's head shakes back and forth as her eyes widen. "Are you sure you were cleared by medical?"

There's blood, a lot of it. Most of it is centered along Sara's face, but Catherine fears additional injuries likely hidden under the younger woman's clothing.

"Looks worse than it is," Sara mumbles, self-consciously reaching to wipe at some of the blood that's traveled down from her nose, but catching herself at the last minute. After all, the purpose of remaining at the scene versus the hospital was to reduce contamination and increase the potential to get time sensitive evidence without it having been disturbed by the medical treatment process. It doesn't help if Sara disrupts that very evidence herself.

Swallowing, the younger CSI straightens to her full height, squaring her shoulders and adopting an indifferent expression as she lowers her hand back to her side.

"I'm ready when you are," she says tightly.

It's clear she wants to get this over with, just as uncomfortable as the blonde is at the upcoming tasks that need to be accomplished. Sara's never been one for coddling or hand holding, and Catherine respects her coworker's wish to not be treated with kid gloves. But, it's damn hard for Catherine to ignore the heart wrenching sight before her. She's never fond of seeing anyone she cares about hurt, but for some reason seeing Sara Sidle, someone who's always had an air of invincibility and invulnerability around her, in this state is nearly impossible to stomach.

Taking a deep breath, Catherine nods tightly, eyes still betraying her emotions, but granting Sara's wish.

"I won't put you through recounting what happened again, I can get the report from Brass. But, I'm going to need you to be honest about where you're hurt so I can document all the physical evidence possible so we can catch this guy."

Sara nods, eyes dark as she steps slightly away from the wall to give Catherine better access to her.

"You okay to stand for a few minutes?" Catherine asks, catching the slight sway to Sara's stance as much as Sara's trying to appear steady.

"I'm good."

Sighing, Catherine eyes Sara warily before she decides to allow it for now. But, at the first sign of real trouble she's stepping in. There's a limit to how far she'll let Sidle's stubbornness go.

"This is going to be bright," Catherine warns, raising the camera from its place around her neck.

Sara nods, narrowing her eyes slightly as Catherine begins documenting the injuries along her face and neck. It's a slow process despite Catherine's desire to make this as quick as possible, after all she also needs to be thorough.

Pausing briefly to push her hands into a pair of clean gloves, Catherine eyes the side of Sara's neck.

"I'm going to need to move your hair."

Sara nods wordlessly, eyes staring past Catherine to something over her shoulder. Hating the necessary evils of this intrusion, particularly when the blonde knows just how much the younger woman values personal space, Catherine gently moves Sara's hair off her left shoulder, exposing the skin of her neck beneath. Sure enough, there's a dark bruise there, the shapes of at least three fingers outlined in the pale skin.

Clenching her teeth, Catherine keeps Sara's hair back with one hand while she takes numerous photos with the other. Moving around to Sara's right side, she repeats the process.

Reaching up, she runs a hand gently through Sara's dark hair along the back of her head. Feeling the younger woman startle, she immediately stills her movements, cursing herself internally.

"Sorry," she apologizes, "I should have warned you. I just need to see if there're any injuries along the back of your head."

Sara's reply is a quiet but firm, "That's fine."

Catherine knows it's not fine, that the brunette is nowhere near as fine as she keeps professing she is. Sara's not one to admit weakness or pain, rarely ever complaining about anything at work, even when Catherine can tell the younger woman is not feeling well or exhausted after pulling another triple. Sara's always been stoic, insisting she's okay and often doing a convincing job of conveying it. But, this isn't a headache or a cold that Sara can hide. This is so much more than that, and this time Catherine can see right through the younger woman's falsehoods.

But, the last thing Sara needs right now is Catherine calling her out on it. In fact, that seems to be the last thing she'd appreciate when she's already clearly feeling vulnerable and in pain. Instead, Catherine suspects that Sara needs someone who will not make her feel any worse than she already does, someone who won't point out the exact vulnerabilities she's trying desperately to hide.

After all, Sara's body will speak for itself regardless of what the brunette states verbally. She can't deny the images under Catherine's lens.

"Where else are you hurt?" Catherine asks gently, backing up slightly to give Sara some space.

There's a momentary pause, but Sara knows she needs to be upfront with Catherine. Everything they collect today will be used to find, prosecute, and convict the man that did this. Sara's instincts may be to brush this off and deal with her injuries on her own, outside of Catherine's prying eyes, but that doesn't help her case. Or the victim's case. Sara has no doubt that the same man who murdered the couple living in this house was the same one who tried to add her name to his list of victims tonight.

With her heart rate accelerating slightly, Sara submits to what needs to be done.

"Hand, back, shoulder, hip."

Catherine's stomach churns at the list, as well as at the brunette's continued avoidance of eye contact as she provides it.

She hates that she's the one doing this, that she's the one who has to put Sara through this. Her team may not realize the way that this would affect her, figuring she and Sara are not the closest members of the team. But, they'd be wrong. This is slowly killing Catherine with each new photo that needs to be taken.

"I'll start with your hand," Catherine says tightly, trying once more to steady herself and give Sara the professionalism she deserves right now.

Without a word, Sara lifts her right, dominant hand, extending it for Catherine. The last two fingers are clearly broken, the knuckles across the rest of the digits red and purple, along with streaks of blood across the skin.

Catherine marvels at the young woman's pain tolerance, standing out here in the chilly night with broken bones and acting like it's nothing to her.

"You sure you don't want to do this at the hospital?" Catherine asks one last time, knowing this is going to take a while and that Sara's pain isn't likely to be able to end anytime soon out here.

"I'm sure," Sara affirms, eyes still on anything but Catherine.

Sighing, Catherine tries to keep her own hand steady as she reaches out, gently taking Sara's wrist to support her hand as she takes multiple photos from multiple angles.

"Keep it out," she instructs when she lets go, bending down to grab a swab from her kit.

Sara does as she's asked, keeping her hand extended as Catherine swabs the blood from the appendage, trying to be as gentle as she can around the worst of the injuries.

"Looks like you got some good hits in," she says proudly, noting some of the blood on Sara's hand isn't her own.

Sara nods slightly, "I tried."

"You did well, Sara," Catherine informs her warmly. "You did really well."

After collecting scrapings from under Sara's fingernails of both hands, she moves on to the next items on Sara's list.

"Your back," she prompts. "I'm going to have to lift your shirt a bit."

Sara nods, swallowing tightly as she steps further away from the wall to give Catherine better access to her back. Catherine is gentle, carefully lifting the hem of the t-shirt slowly, stopping when she sees what Sara was referring to. Holding it in place with one hand, she takes photos of the long, linear bruise with the other.

Putting the camera down, she reaches out, gently running her fingers across the discolored skin.

Feeling Sara stiffen, she stops her movements. "I'm just feeling along the bruise to be sure this doesn't extend up to where I can't currently see."

When Sara nods, she continues her movements, assuring herself that she's documented the injury fully.

Reaching up, she warns Sara before she touches her again.

"I'm going to move your shirt so I can see your shoulder, which one is it?"

"Right."

Gently, Catherine moves Sara's hair to the side, exposing her neck as she moves the edges of her shirt away towards her arm. It's not long before Catherine catches the edge of the injury, seeing the displacement of the bone underneath.

Moving around to Sara's front to get a better angle, she shakes her head tightly at the confirmation of what she'd feared she was seeing.

"I think this is dislocated, Sara."

Sara nods quietly, "I know."

"Goddamn it," Catherine curses, finally losing some of her tightly restrained composure. "That fucking asshole."

Sara doesn't comment, her jaw tight as Catherine holds the t-shirt in one hand and completes her photos with the other.

"You should have told me," she chastises gently but firmly. "Shouldn't have let me make you hold your hand out like that before."

Sara shrugs, but the movement is awkward, stilted, and definitely one sided.

"It's not a big deal, I dislocated this shoulder so many times playing sports in college that it comes out of place all the time, probably at least once a month," she says quietly. "The medics made sure there wasn't any restriction of blood flow to the rest of my arm or anything serious."

"So they just left it like this?" Catherine bites out, feeling her grip on her composure slipping. It may not be life threatening, sure, but it damn well has to feel excruciating until its put back into place. "Left _you_ like this?"

For the first time since they started this process, Sara's eyes move to meet the blonde's.

"I'm alright, Catherine," she says quietly, gently. "Really."

"You and I have very different definitions of being alright, Sidle."

Shaking her head, Catherine works hard to steady herself, to not completely lose it when they've made it this far.

"I'm sorry," Sara offers, eyes almost regretful as she watches the older woman who appears to be slowly cracking to pieces before her eyes. "I'm sorry that Brass called you to do this. This is the type of assignment no one wants, sorry you're the one that got stuck with it."

"No," Catherine shakes her head sternly. "Don't you dare apologize to me, Sara. I'm the one who's sorry. Sorry this happened to you, sorry that I'm losing my shit over here, and definitely sorry that I'm probably the last person _you'd_ want to have doing this."

Sara's gaze is hard to read, and Catherine is about to break her own eye contact, move away and start on the last item on their list when Sara's quiet words stop her.

"You're not." Straightening up slightly with a pained hitch to her breathing, Sara keeps her gaze firm. "You're not the last person, Catherine. I…"

Shaking her head, Sara's eyes are dark, but honest. "I trust you. Always have."

The quiet words hang between them, the night silent and still despite the chaos that permeated this space not long before.

Catherine closes her eyes against the emotion rising there, at hearing words she'd never thought she'd hear from the woman standing before her. Her and Sara's past is rocky, filled with more landmines and trigger points than she can ever recall having had with another person. But, she'd also always respected the brunette immensely, valued her brilliance and her character. She'd always felt that despite their differences, there was something unique between them, a different feel from what she had between herself and the guys.

It was special, cherished, and Catherine had always presumed one sided.

"Thank you," she gets out between the tightness in her throat. "That means a lot, coming from you."

Sara nods, eyes lowering slightly as the moment becomes nearly too weighty.

Knowing she's not going to be able to keep herself together much longer, and knowing Sara is in a lot of pain despite the stoic woman's attempts to downplay it, she clears her throat.

"What do you say we check out your hip and get the final part of this over with?" she poses gently.

Sara nods, grateful for the break in the mood.

"Sounds good."

Assessing the woman's stance, Catherine can guess which hip it is that's bothering the taller CSI. It's subtle, but Sara's definitely favoring her left leg.

Stepping forward, she raises her eyes to Sara's.

"May I?" she asks, gesturing towards Sara's waist.

Swallowing, Sara nods, looking away as Catherine's hands make their way to her hip, gently moving along until Sara flinches, teeth clenching tightly. Knowing she's hit the correct spot based on Sara's involuntary reactions, she notes the location.

"This is going to be easier if you're laying down," she says tentatively, knowing Sara's going to be less than pleased with the suggestion.

Indeed, Sara's eyes darken slightly before she nods, clearly wanting to get this over with more than anything.

Reaching out, she takes hold of the wall behind her as she moves to lower herself. But, between the injuries to her dominant hand and shoulder, as well as her limited ability to put weight on her hip, she doesn't make it far.

"Hold on," Catherine intercedes, seeing the flashes of pain across Sara's expression. "Let me help you, Sara."

Moving into the brunette's space, Catherine moves slowly as to not startle Sara, gently taking hold of her good arm while wrapping her other arm around Sara's upper torso, careful to avoid her hips.

"On three you're going to let go of the wall and let me lower you down, okay?" Catherine directs, leaving little room for arguments. "One. Two. Three…"

Feeling Sara surrender some of her control, Catherine carefully takes the brunette's full weight in her arms, not allowing the brunette to back out. Gently lowering her down, she angles Sara away from the wall so that she can lay her flatly on her back.

"You okay?" she questions, noting Sara's tension at the vulnerable position.

"Let's just do this," Sara gets out, jaw set tightly as her eyes go back to avoiding Catherine's.

"Fair enough," Catherine promises, "I'll be as quick as I can."

Moving her hands to Sara's waist, she hesitates at her belt.

"I'm going to undo your pants, but I'm only going to move them down far enough to see your hip, no lower."

Waiting for Sara's nod of permission, she moves carefully and gently. As she lowers Sara's jeans, she's careful not to expose any more than needed, keeping her eyes focused on Sara's left hip. As soon as she has the hip bone free, she stops, seeing all she needs.

"What did you hit this against?" Catherine questions darkly, hating to see the deep gash and bruises surrounding the prominent bone.

"The gate behind the pool," Sara answers quietly. "When he first grabbed me, he pushed me against it and tried to wrestle me for my gun, kept slamming me into it trying to knock my grip from my holster."

Catherine's blood is boiling as she takes multiple photos, holding the waistband of Sara's jeans out of the way. She's thorough, taking swabs of multiple locations along Sara's belt and clothing as well, trying to pick up on any transfers that happened during their struggle.

"Have I mentioned how badly I want to castrate this fucker?"

Sara smiles slightly, "Only if I don't get to him first."

Shaking her head, Catherine finishes the last of her photos, refastening Sara's jeans and belt.

"That it?" she asks, searching Sara's gaze to be sure the younger woman is being honest with her.

Nodding, Sara pushes out with her good arm, moving herself to a sitting position. Before she can proceed further, Catherine reaches down, gently taking hold of the younger woman by the waist and lifting her upwards until she's on her feet.

"Thanks," Sara mumbles, clearly hating to need the help.

Catherine simply nods, keeping one hand on Sara's good hip as she notes the slight sway in the younger woman's stance.

"What do you say we get you out of here and to the hospital?" Catherine poses, wanting nothing more than to see the younger woman out of this cold air and finally getting some medical assistance.

She at last gets confirmation of just how much pain the younger woman is in when Sara doesn't fight her on it, simply nodding quietly as Catherine gently leads her towards the house.

* * *

It's not long before Sara is released from the hospital. In fact, it takes Catherine longer to collect statements from the rest of the people involved in this case, including the hospital staff that she gathers the rest of the physical evidence from.

Seeing Sara's bloodied clothing in the bag she's currently holding, Catherine lets out a sigh. While processing the young women herself was one of the hardest things the blonde has had to do during her career, she knows that the hard parts are far from over. She's going to have to go through Sara's clothes, the physical evidence collected during her treatment here at Desert Palms, as well as the evidence collected from the scene itself.

It's going to be awhile before they can all put this behind them, including Sara herself.

She watched Sara get released earlier, immediately greeted by Nick and Greg who jumped into protective brother modes. She smiles as she remembers their caring and concerned expressions as they hugged her, briefly talking before each taking an arm and escorting her protectively out to their waiting car – all the while Sara groaned at the attention and reminded them rather firmly that she's not an invalid.

Chuckling slightly at the memory, the members of this team that have become family, Catherine takes a deep breath as she places the evidence in her hands into her own vehicle. Instead of heading home, however, she's heading straight to the lab to get a jump on processing. Every minute that goes by is another minute the perpetrator who placed her team member in harm's way is out on the street.

She's not going to rest until he's behind bars where he belongs and Sara Sidle has the justice she deserves.

* * *

"You should go home."

The tight tone stating the words isn't nearly as surprising as the voice behind them.

"What are you doing here?" Catherine questions, her own tone holding its own share of tension.

"I was released yesterday," Sara counters, eyes glancing over the items on the layout table. "Grissom already cleared me to be back in the lab."

"Grissom's an idiot."

Sara smiles slightly, her expression breaking just enough for Catherine to feel her own follow shortly. "Seriously, Sara, you should be at home resting. You have to be feeling like shit right now."

"You don't look like you're too far behind," Sara again counters, eying her supervisor. "How long have you been here?"

"Not long enough," Catherine says, the frustration at not having a name yet to go on even after all the evidence she's already sent to be processed. She's just hoping that some of the latest samples will come up with a hit.

Sara steps slightly closer, again eying the table but careful to keep her distance. She knows she can't be involved in any of this, knows the rules against working your own case. But, this case was her victims' long before it was hers. And it's killing her to have to take a back seat while someone else solves the murders she was sent to investigate.

"You're not going to listen to me, are you?" Sara questions, eyes finally moving up from the table to meet the older woman's.

"Are _you_ going to listen to _me?_ " Catherine returns.

Sara's eyes acknowledge the message, the fact that they're both far too stubborn to be sitting idle at home right now.

"Can I at least offer you a coffee or something before you pass out onto that table?"

Catherine smiles slightly at the younger woman, "Only if you join me."

Sara considers the terms, finally nodding as she waits for Catherine to secure the evidence.

* * *

"You sure know how to treat a lady right," Catherine laughs, seeing Sara leading the way to the deserted break room, the lab a near ghost town at this off hour.

Sara smirks slightly, raising a brow as she turns her attention back to the coffee pot, "Hold your judgement until you taste it."

"I've tasted it," Catherine counters, "for about ten years now that I've worked here. Just tastes shittier every year if you ask me."

"Mmm hmm," Sara hums absently as she continues to work with the machine with her good hand, taking a step back as it purrs to life, beginning the brewing process.

Knowing her younger colleague isn't really listening to her complaints, Catherine simply rolls her eyes good naturedly and sets herself along the couch, sighing in relief as she rests her head back against the soft cushions.

She's not entirely sure how much time has passed before she's gently roused awake by a warm hand on her shoulder.

"I let you sleep a bit, but didn't want it getting too cold," Sara says quietly, hand extending a still steaming mug.

"Thanks," Catherine says gratefully, knowing letting her sleep would do more harm than good at this point anyway. She just needs to power through until she's achieved real progress in this case.

Sara leans against the table, settling her weight slightly on its hard surface.

"Holy fuck," Catherine's eyes widen, swallowing the liquid in her mouth. "What is this?!"

Sara smirks slightly, a knowing smile on her face.

"Still think I don't know how to treat a lady?"

Catherine's cheeks redden slightly at the deserved retort, eyes moving back down towards her coffee as if it will provide the answers directly itself.

"You stole Greg's stash. And then did something fucking magical to it."

Sara shrugs slightly with her good arm, "I will neither confirm nor deny that accusation."

The coffee tastes like heaven, and definitely not the standard crap they usually serve. Whatever the hell Sidle did to make this godly brew, she's not going to argue.

"Thank you," Catherine offers instead, "you're pretty much my hero right now."

Sara smiles slightly, her dark features lightening somewhat before she shakes her head. "The least I can do."

Catherine enjoys a few more swallows of her coffee before she eyes the young woman before her.

"You know you don't owe me anything, right?" she questions. "I'm doing this because it's the right thing to do. Not to mention the same thing you'd do for me if the situation were reversed."

"I would," Sara affirms without hesitation. "But it's hard being on this end of it, just sitting here while…"

Catherine reaches up, placing her hand on Sara's uninjured arm.

"You aren't just sitting here, Sara," Catherine shakes her head darkly. "You were attacked and physically assaulted at a crime scene. Do you understand that?"

"I just…" Sara trails off, hesitating to voice what she wants to say. "I just wish there was more I could do."

"Sara," Catherine breathes out. "You're always here busting your ass for everyone else, your team, the victims. For once, let us take care of you. Yeah?"

Sara swallows, jaw tight. "I'll try."

Smiling slightly at her younger colleague's expression that can best be described as stubborn dejection, Catherine carefully squeezes Sara's arm.

"Now," the older woman eyes her colleague, causing Sara's expression to shift to something slightly more wary. "Why don't you tell me how you're really doing?"

Catherine can see Sara's confusion at the question, its wording, hazel eye's searching blue and then dropping to the cup of coffee in her own hand.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean how you're doing, how you're feeling, all of it." Catherine's eyes hold firm. "I mean no lying to me or bullshitting about how you're 'fine' or other nonsense like that."

"What if I really am fine?" Sara challenges, body stiff.

Catherine simply eyes the brunette, keeping her gaze on the younger woman until she sees Sara practically squirm under her gaze, clearing her throat as the younger woman looks hesitantly at her.

"I'm okay," Sara gets out. "A little sore, but okay."

"That's the best you got?" Catherine shakes her head. "A little sore?"

"What do you want from me?" Sara cuts back, voice now as tight as the blonde's sharp gaze. "What do you want me to say?"

Catherine simply waits, seeing the anger flashing through Sara's expression, seeing her normally stoic coworker losing the grip on her ever present composure. She knew there was a risk of this happening, in fact part of her welcoming it if it helps the younger woman realize she's not nearly as 'okay' as she thinks she is.

In the silence, Sara's anger is reflected back at the brunette, standing harsh and out of place in the otherwise peaceful room.

"Fuck," Sara breathes out, taking in a long breath and clenching her uninjured fingers tightly around her coffee mug as she pushes herself to a stand.

The moment is too much, the proximity to her supervisor, to the one woman who always seems to rattle her, much too close. Moving to the counter, Sara closes her eyes, back to the room as she works to collect herself.

She wants to say something, do something, to make this moment less uncomfortable. To make her outburst go away, to make the silence now hanging between them less oppressive. There have always been a lot of things she wished she was better at regarding the blonde. But, so far in their career, their relationship has been brief glimpses of comradery interrupted by moments just like this – explosive, uncomfortable, and tense. Perhaps it's just the way things are always destined to be between her and Catherine.

"I'm," Sara swallows, trying to take the shakiness out of her voice. "I'm going to go get started on my open cases." Tossing the rest of her coffee back in one swift motion, she places her mug in the sink.

"I'm sorry," the younger CSI offers quietly before leaving, hoping it somehow works to rebuild the schism between them that seemed to have only just widened further.

Watching Sara leave the breakroom, gait stiff with a noticeable favoring of her left leg, Catherine lets out a tired sigh. She took a chance trying to get Sara to open up to her, and it's safe to say it pretty much blew up in her face.

Taking the few swallows remaining of her own coffee, Catherine decides to focus her energy on a problem that has a much higher chance of being solved than the mystery and defensiveness that is Sara Sidle. Placing her mug beside Sara's, the blonde strides out of the room, renewed focus on solving this case and putting this all behind them.

* * *

It takes three days, three long shifts filled with more coffee than sleep, but they finally have a name. And, what's better, Brass called just a few minutes ago to let her know they also now have a location. Brass is already on his way, and Catherine, jogging to her Tahoe, is not far behind.

It took a lot of work, a few lucky breaks, and a brave young CSI who was able to get her just enough evidence of her attacker to make a DNA match. A brave young CSI who Catherine has barely crossed paths with since their altercation in the break room.

Needless to say, Catherine is beyond grateful that this case is finally coming to a close. She can only hope that she and Sara also have a chance to close the issues that have seemed to linger between them these last few days, just beneath the surface.

As she pulls up to the location Brass gave her, a shoddy looking motel along the south side of the Vegas strip, the scene in front of her can only be described as chaotic. There's yelling, sirens, and from somewhere to her left, the blaring of a police horn.

Heartrate increasing and eyes narrowing, Catherine jumps from her Tahoe, eyeing the surrounding activity. Grabbing the first cop she sees, she asks for an update.

"We got him," is the simple reply.

"And where is he now?" Catherine questions, wondering why in the hell there is so much chaos around them if the suspect is already in custody.

"On his way to PD as we speak," the officer states, heading towards his cruiser. "Brass gave the all clear about two minutes ago."

"Then why…" Catherine gestures around her, at the loud voices coming from inside what she guesses was the suspect's motel room. "Why all this?"

The cop grows uncomfortable, hand hesitating over his car door.

"Ask Brass."

Without further comment, he gets in his vehicle and pulls out of the chipping asphalt lot.

"What the hell…" Catherine mutters, now wanting more than anything to get behind whatever is going on here.

Quickening her pace, she heads towards the motel room with its door broken open, sharp shards of wood hanging off the chipping frame, figuring it's a good guess as to the location of the yelling and the suspect's former hideout.

Coming around the door jam, the room is dim, lit by the slits of bright sunlight that have managed to penetrate their way through the tears in the dingy curtains covering the front window. The few beams are bright enough to offer enough light for Catherine to quickly make out the occupants in the room, one in particular giving her pause.

"Sara?" she questions, "What the hell are you doing here?"

The two people in the room continue their stare down of one another, not even acknowledging her presence.

It's clear she walked in on a very heated argument between them, Brass's face looking a deep shade of red that borders on unhealthy. Sara herself is the opposite, pale features standing out in the grimy lighting. But, she looks just as angry.

"This was irresponsible," Brass gets out, voice raised. "Irresponsible and a violation of a direct order that _I_ gave you to stay in the car! You put your life and the lives of all these people in danger!"

Sara's jaw is tight, her hands clenched.

"I knew what I was doing-"

"You're not a cop!" Brass yells, his own finger pointing towards Sara's chest. "You were out of line, Sidle, and you're damn lucky you didn't get yourself killed!"

Eyes narrowed, Sara shakes her head. "So I was what, supposed to just let him escape out his bathroom window? Yell for backup, which would arrive just in time to see him disappearing down the alley behind this shithole?!"

"You were supposed to let us do our fucking job and you were supposed to obey my fucking orders!"

Seeing the rage building between the two, Catherine steps forward before things can get even further out of hand than they already are.

"Hey, that's enough," she states sternly, making her presence more than known. "Both of you."

Moving between them, she looks back at Brass.

"Why doesn't someone explain to me what the hell is going on."

Though, the sinking feeling in her stomach at Brass's words assures Catherine she already has a pretty good idea of what happened here. But, God, she hopes she's wrong.

She desperately hopes she's wrong.

"Why don't you ask vigilante Sidle over here?" Brass shakes his head in anger. "I'm sure she'd love to explain to both of us what the hell she was thinking."

Sara's jaw is clenched so tightly that Catherine moves slightly closer to her.

Reaching out, she places a hand along Sara's chest, trying to get her to take a step back, put some distance between her and the police captain.

"Relax, Sara," Catherine orders, feeling the barely contained rage all but vibrating through the younger woman's body under her hand. "Let's all relax."

Sara doesn't exactly relax, but she does allow Catherine to push her a step back, placing a slightly larger gap between her and Brass.

"Now, someone tell me what happened. Perhaps starting with what Sara is even doing here when she is supposed to be on lab duty due to her injuries."

For the first time, Brass is the one who looks slightly hesitant. But, just as quickly as the hesitance flashes through his eyes, it's quickly replaced by the anger that's overtaking all else.

"I took her out for a coffee, she'd been working nonstop in the lab and I felt she needed a break." Brass shakes his head. "While we were out the call came in that the suspect was located. We were the closest unit so I made the decision to respond. But," he tightens his mouth into a tense line, his hand rising to again point angrily at Sara. "I was clear that I'd only respond if she agreed to stay in the car. It was a direct order and she gave me her word."

Catherine knows Sara isn't perhaps the best with authority or orders from her superiors, but this was reckless, even for her.

Turning to the brunette in question, Catherine keeps her hand firm on the taller woman's chest, this time holding her in place so she doesn't get any ideas of walking out on this conversation like she tends to do when things get uncomfortable. After all, the last time they themselves interacted, Sara did just that, walking out on their argument before either of them had a chance at resolution.

"Explain what happened," Catherine orders the younger CSI, trying to refrain judgement until she gives Sara a chance to speak for herself. "Why you disobeyed Jim's order and ended up an active participant on this call."

Sara's body is tense, her eyes still narrowed at Brass as she meets his burning gaze head on.

"Now, Sidle," the blonde bites out, having no patience for the stare down the other two seem to refuse to back down from.

"As we pulled in I noted that the motel units all have back windows that face the alley, connecting them to the strip," Sara offers, eyes still on Brass. "I exited the car so that I could maintain visual on the back windows as no one was covering that potential point of egress yet."

"And?"

Sara shakes her head darkly, "And sure enough, that bastard was kicking out the back window of his motel room as our guys were trying to break down the front door. By the time they got through it would've been too late, he'd have reached the crowds on the strip and been gone."

"So you decided you'd intercept him yourself instead of calling out to Brass or any of the other officers on the scene?"

"There was no time."

"That's bullshit," Brass cuts in angrily.

"Captain." Catherine's voice interrupts Brass's comments before they can go any further. "I need to hear the answers from Sara. I'm the superior on this case and I'm going to be the one handling the repercussions, so I need her statements to be directly to me."

Sara tenses at Catherine's statement regarding repercussions, body shifting to push the blonde's hand off of her.

"Fuck this," Sara bites out, but not getting far before Catherine's grip is returned to her shirt, even tighter this time.

"No you don't," Catherine bites out impatiently. "You're going to stand here and answer every single damn question I have for you. Do you understand me?"

"Do _you_ understand that that asshole would've gotten away if I didn't do what I did?! Why the fuck are we all still arguing about this?!"

Catherine's eyes narrow, "You're going to take a breath, Sidle, and you're going to amend the tone that you just used to address a superior. You are never to speak to me, or any other supervisor in this department, like that ever again. Am I clear?"

Sara's eyes darken, her expression a cross combination of frustration, anger, and betrayal.

"Am I clear?" Catherine bites.

Sara shakes her head, eyes now leaving Brass, leaving Catherine, leaving everyone to burn holes in the wall beside them.

"Yes, ma'am. Crystal clear."

Catherine hates the position she's put in right now, having to pull rank on any of their team is never comfortable. But, pulling rank on Sara, whom she's worked hard to try to obtain a cordial working relationship with, is particularly hard. She knows this will likely chip away at the progress the two of them had made. But, she has a job to do, no matter how she feels about the person in question, and the job takes priority.

"Did you have time to call for backup?" Catherine questions directly.

Sara's eyes remain dark, her features filled with shadows from the window.

"I didn't think so at the time."

Catherine searches the younger woman's eyes, trying to get any sort of gauge on Sara's honesty. The brunette is stubborn, reckless, but she's not a liar, not when it comes to the job. At least not that Catherine's ever witnessed.

"Did you try?" Catherine asks. "Or did you at least notify anyone when you made the decision to intercept the suspect so they could redirect their focus to your location?"

"No."

There's no regret, no hesitation. Sara's decisions were clear to her, and the younger woman doesn't appear the least bit regretful of any of them.

"Why not?"

Sara shrugs, "I had it under control."

But, the action itself reminds the blonde of just how asinine the younger woman was. Sara can't even shrug properly, her right arm still mostly useless to her as she heals.

"So you feel that a CSI, let alone an _injured_ CSI, is the best person to commandeer a fleeing, violent suspect."

Sara's head shakes in frustration, "I was the only one who could've reached him in time. It doesn't matter whether I'm injured or not, I had a duty to stop him before he could get away and hurt more people. And, you're all ignoring the fact that I wasn't wrong! I _got_ him, did I not?"

Sara's eyes are burning when they turn to meet Catherine's.

"Why are you all acting like me standing by like an invalid while he got away would've been the better outcome?" Sara's gaze is as tense as her body. "You can say anything you want to me, Catherine, give me any sort of punishment you deem fit. But I don't regret what I did. Not for one second. I made a decision that prevented that madman from getting back onto the street. And for that, I'm not the least bit apologetic."

Catherine lets out a breath, shaking her head at Sara's stubbornness that blinds the younger woman to why anyone would find these events concerning. Why her actions were out of line, regardless of whether they were ultimately successful.

"You were lucky, Sara," Catherine bites out. "You were damn lucky. And, luck does not excuse your lack of judgement."

Sara straightens to her full height, eying the blonde.

"Then there's no point in arguing this further, is there? You both see this how you want to see it, and nothing I say is going to change your mind. So, do whatever you need to do to punish me so I can get out of this fucking room and we can stop having this useless argument." Sara's eyes narrow. "Ma'am."

Catherine's jaw clenches, eyes boring into Sara's as she directs her next words to the person behind her.

"Brass, will you give us a minute alone?"

Brass grunts, "Gladly."

As he leaves, he pulls the broken door closed behind him.

* * *

"What in the hell is going on with you?" Catherine demands the moment the door slams shut.

"Me?" Sara scoffs, frustration rolling off her in waves. "It's not _my_ sanity that appears in question here."

Catherine's arms cross firmly over her chest. "Do you seriously not see how this looks from our side of things, Sara?" Head shaking, she chances a step closer to the younger woman. "Do you really fail to see any problem with what you did?"

"The only failure I see here is your and Brass's inability to recognize what would've happened if I let that man go free." The tension in Sara's jaw is visible to the blonde despite the distance remaining between them. "Who in their right fucking mind would let that man have a chance at freedom, of killing more people after everything he's already done?"

"Who in their right fucking mind would chase after an armed suspect when they can barely walk and have only one functional arm?!" Catherine counters, voice just as stern as the brunette's. "Not to mention disobeying a direct order and nearly getting themselves killed."

"I didn't nearly get-"

"Bullshit!" Catherine yells, voice rising as she loses the last of her carefully held composure. "You knew exactly the risk you were taking, Sidle. How absolutely _ludicrous_ your plan was. And, if I didn't know any better, I'd think you were purposefully trying to put yourself in harm's way."

Sara turns, giving Catherine her back. "That's ridiculous."

"Is it?" Catherine presses, advancing on the younger woman until they're mere inches apart. "Look at me and tell me you didn't have some sort of death wish back there."

Sara's body is rigid, her hands clenching in fists, her injured one cradled near her hip as she puts pressure on the broken fingers still held tightly in a splint.

Losing some of her anger, Catherine's gaze searches over the tormented woman before her, taking in everything her eyes reveal.

Sara looks exhausted, body nearly shaking as it appears to take everything within her to keep herself together right now. The brunette's shoulders are hunched, her body favoring her injuries as if it's seeking the relief its owner refuses to give it. It's clear Sara hasn't been resting these past days, clear she hasn't been giving her body the time it needs to start getting better. Sara looks like she's struggling, and not just with the injuries that Catherine's eyes can see. No, she's struggling with something much deeper inside than that.

"Talk to me, Sara." Her voice is nearly a whisper this time. "Tell me what the hell is going on with you."

Sara's head bows, dark hair falling across tense shoulders. But, she remains quiet, any explanations or revelations she may hold remaining buried deep inside the young CSI.

"I want to help you," Catherine breaths out her frustration. "But I can't do that if you won't let me in."

Reaching out, she places her hand on Sara's good shoulder, feeling the woman tense as she keeps her eyes on the stained carpet beneath their feet.

There's no give, no word uttered by Sara, the minutes ticking by slowly between them in silence. Catherine's tried pushing, she's tried yelling, she's tried quiet pleading, now she's tried silence. Clearly, none of it working.

While she'd love to brush this under the rug, make this go away and give Sara time and space to figure out whatever the hell is clearly going on with her, she can't do that. She knows what she has to do, even though it's killing her to do it.

"Until you're willing to be more forthcoming with me," she tells Sara, voice heavy with a mix of emotions, "I have no choice but to put you on disciplinary leave. It's going to be Brass's decision as to what formal action he takes, how far this goes from here."

Sara's body is still, completely motionless and silent.

"Understood?"

Finally, Sara steps away from Catherine's reach, the blonde's hand falling down heavily to her side.

"Yes, ma'am," the brunette responds, this time sounding nothing but empty.

Without another word, Sara pulls her weapon from her hip, placing it on the motel room bed that now stands between them. Grabbing her badge from her belt, she tosses it down alongside the weapon.

"Sara, I'm sor-"

The younger CSI doesn't wait for the rest of Catherine's sentiment, pushing the door open and disappearing out into the blinding Nevada sun.

* * *

"I'm worried about her."

"You and me both," Catherine agrees as she sets her exhausted body down into the chair across from Brass's desk.

"Sidle is one of the best CSIs I've ever worked with," Brass lets out a tired sigh. "I hate having to add anything less than exemplary work into her file. This just feels wrong for so many reasons."

"You didn't force her to disobey a direct order," Catherine counters, acknowledging the tough spot Brass is in right now. Trying to separate his personal feelings from his job. "Make her recklessly chase after a violent suspect in her condition."

Brass lets out another breath, this one more defeated than the first.

"Would either of us really have done anything differently if it were us?" Brass asks, finally voicing the question that's been on both their minds. "Are we being hypocritical thinking we'd have obeyed if we were in her position?"

"I don't know what I would've done," Catherine answers honestly. "But I sure as hell wouldn't think it was a good idea at least, especially if I were as injured as she is. I may or may not have taken the same action, but if I had my attitude about it would've been a whole hell of a lot different than hers." Catherine's head shakes in frustration. "It's like she doesn't seem to care at all the risk she took today, like it doesn't faze her in the least that she could've gotten herself killed."

"I _don't_ think she cares," Brass confesses. "I really don't. And that's what has me the most worried."

Catherine nods, knowing that deep down this is what has her and their police captain the most upset.

Sara's actions were of questionable judgement, surely. But, the rights and wrongs could be debated. It's really the brunette's attitude about the whole thing that has them both the most on edge. Sara was reckless, placing her life in jeopardy, and yet her dangerous behavior seemed to have absolutely no effect on the woman carrying them out.

For them both, that reality is the most terrifying.

* * *

"I doubt your doctor would approve."

Sara's eyes are dark, along with her expression, tossing her workout towel onto her porch as she reaches for the half-filled beer bottle resting on the railing.

"I doubt you have jurisdiction over my actions both at work and outside of it. Pretty sure what I do on my own time is still under my own discretion. Or, did you come here to dictate over that as well?"

"Relax, Sara," Catherine holds up her hands. "I come in peace."

Sara looks anything but convinced, eyes narrow as she takes a few deep swallows of the amber liquid.

When it becomes clear Sara isn't planning to say anything anytime soon, Catherine lets her reason for coming be known, lest they both stand out here in silence for the next hour.

"We got him," Catherine supplies. "Full confession along with all the evidence that matches back to him. It's done."

Sara's expression is hard to read, the brunette not really giving much away as she continues to sip from the bottle in her hand. Catherine knows she must be feeling something, probably _a lot_ of somethings, about the person that violently assaulted her finally being caught and charged. Not to mention the initial homicides being brought to a close.

But, Sara's expression is void of anything easily interpretable. Instead, it's almost like the younger woman is hollow, empty. It does nothing to relieve the blonde's concern for her colleague.

"Thanks," Sara states after a few more tense moments of silence. "For telling me."

She gives Catherine a slight nod, downing the rest of her beer as she reaches to take hold of her headphones that are dangling from her neck.

Sensing where these actions are headed, to a swift dismissal, Catherine reaches out, stilling Sara's movements with her hand.

"That's not all," she says. "We still have the issue of your suspension to discuss."

Sara's body language remains stoic, Catherine's heart increasing in worry as Sara doesn't even attempt to step back from her reach like she almost always has.

"I'm sure you and Captain Brass will proceed how you deem appropriate. I will honor whatever decision is made."

The empty, void tone is still present, sending chills all the way down into the deep places inside Catherine. She suspected something was very off before, now she's sure of it.

"Sara," Catherine is nearly pleading. "Stop this. Whatever is going on with you, please talk to me."

"There's nothing to talk about," Sara supplies, her voice quiet, hollow.

"You're scaring me, Sara," Catherine confesses honestly. She may have a complicated relationship with Sara, but she's beyond worried about the other woman, and that takes precedence over all else. She's not too proud to admit to her own feelings of fear and concern, even while her companion seems hell bent on doing the exact opposite – tucking her own emotions so deep inside Catherine wonders if either of them have the ability to reach them anymore. "I'm worried about you."

Sara's brows furrow, confusion the only emotion making its way into her hazel eyes.

"Do you know what it was like for me?" Catherine asks, letting out some of what's been weighing on her own mind for these past days. "Seeing you like that at that scene? Knowing how hurt you were, knowing…"

Catherine clears her throat, trying to get through this.

"Knowing how easily we could've lost you that night?"

Sara's eyes remain dark and the younger woman remains silent.

"When I had to process your injuries, had to see the strongest, noblest person I know be put through everything you went through," Catherine's eyes search the brunette's. "It nearly destroyed me, Sara."

Mustering her courage, Catherine offers her last bit of truth, the final confession flowing from her lips.

"But, that fear pales in comparison to the fear I'm feeling now, have been feeling ever since you ran head first into that scene and came out this empty shell of a person that I don't even recognize."

Sara's throat tightens as she swallows, the first and only sign that Catherine's words have had any effect on the younger woman.

"This person is cold, distant, empty. This person is void of all of the passion and emotion that I loved about my friend. This person doesn't seem to give a shit about herself, and that scares the shit out of _me_ , Sara."

The blonde lets out a tired, nervous breath.

"I hope the Sara that I knew and loved is still in there somewhere. I sincerely hope she's not lost for good. Because, out of everything that's happened, that would be the biggest tragedy of all."

Descending Sara's porch steps, Catherine knows there's really nothing more to be said, nothing more to be done, until Sara decides to let her in.

* * *

The knock comes two nights later, just as Catherine is sitting down with a book after putting on some tea.

Glancing at the time, she narrows her eyes to look through the peephole before opening the door at this late hour. It's dark out, but it doesn't take much light to see who's standing there.

Heartrate immediately picking up speed, she pulls the door open.

"Sara?" she questions. "Are you okay?"

Sara nods absently, like she wasn't really paying attention to the question.

"I'm sorry to come by so late."

"Don't worry about it," Catherine waves off the apology. "I was just sitting down to read. Do you want to come in?"

Sara looks hesitant, but the brunette must realize she also can't just keep standing there in the darkness all night.

"Sure," she breathes out quietly. "Thanks."

"Tea?" Catherine offers, gesturing to her own steaming cup she just made that's sitting on the end table.

"No, thanks."

"Coffee?"

Sara hesitates, eyes still not meeting the older woman's.

"I'll consider that a yes."

"You don't have to-"

"Nonsense," Catherine is already half way to the kitchen. "It'll just take a second. Make yourself at home."

She's not sure what exactly Sara's been up to the last two days since she's seen her, but she's positive it isn't sleeping. The young CSI looks like she's about two seconds from dropping from exhaustion. She's not exactly sure coffee is the best idea right now, but she's honestly a little nervous of what'll happen without the much needed caffeine.

When the cup is finished brewing, Catherine fixes it how Sara likes it, carrying the mug carefully out into the living room.

Where she finds Sara in the exact same spot she left her.

"Make yourself at home means you can actually sit on the furniture," Catherine supplies, slight smile gracing her lips.

"Sorry," Sara offers quietly, her tone the complete opposite of the empty, void tone the brunette had mastered lately. In fact, it sounds almost strangled under whatever feelings the brunette is struggling with.

While the blonde is glad to see Sara's stoic façade having been lifted, at least for the moment, what's been revealed underneath is setting alight a whole different set of concerns within the older woman.

"Sit, Sara," Catherine directs, realizing Sara still hasn't moved.

Sara complies, placing herself on the opposite end of the couch, accepting the mug when it's offered to her.

"Thanks," she says, taking what appears to be a long, grateful swallow.

"What's going on, Sara?" Catherine asks after a few moments of silence. "I know I make some wicked fine coffee, but I'm pretty sure that's not why you stopped by at this hour."

Sara nods, taking a deep breath as her head seems to lower slightly.

"I wanted to apologize."

The words are spoken evenly, and were probably the last words Catherine expected to hear.

"I was out of line," Sara continues. "With you. With Brass." She shakes her head, "I don't regret what I did at that scene, I'd do it again if I had the chance. But, the way I handled everything, for that I _am_ sorry."

Catherine lets out a breath, knowing Sara's being honest with her, and knowing that she can't fault the girl for her honest admission regarding her actions at the scene. Her main issue with everything that transpired has been Sara's attitude, and if Sara's here to address that, Catherine can learn to let the other part go.

"I was beyond disrespectful to you, Catherine. You are my supervisor, and you deserved better from me."

"Sara," Catherine breathes out. "Let's forget formalities for the time being. I'm not your supervisor and you're not my subordinate right now, you're my friend. You talk to me tonight openly, say whatever you need to say. Everything is off the record and just two friends having a conversation. Okay?"

Sara looks uncomfortable, but she eventually nods.

"Good. Now, please, tell me what has been going on with you?" Catherine nearly begs.

While Sara's apologies for her treatment of Catherine and Brass is a good starting point, it's not the true area of concern for the blonde. It's not what's had her lying awake at night worrying about her colleague. Hell, she'd take Sara yelling at her or disrespecting her any day over the vacant and hollow alternative that's taken over her friend ever since.

"I needed to feel something."

The words are so quiet, so low, that Catherine has to play them though her mind a few times before she fully comprehends them.

"Feel something?" she questions, not quite understanding what Sara is saying.

"At the scene, going after the suspect. It was to catch him, of course, but I also needed…to feel." Sara's eyes are low, staring through the coffee in her hands. "Danger, fear, pain. Anything. I just needed to feel _something._ "

"When did you stop feeling things?" Catherine questions, starting to get the barest glimmer of what Sara's confessing to her.

"A little bit here and there," Sara says quietly, voice almost sounding ashamed. "Then, after the assault at the scene…"

Catherine's eyes close briefly under the weight of the emotions running through her. "You stopped feeling altogether," she finishes for the brunette.

Sara nods, eyes dark and heavy. "I felt the pain of the injuries, but also this numbness, slowly taking over until it just…took over everything." She clears her throat, shaking her head slowly. "It's how I've always coped with things, in the past. My body shuts down, then my mind, until it's like watching the world around me from the bottom of the ocean. I'm there, but…removed."

Sara's hands tighten on her mug.

"I'm sorry that I scared you," she says. "I'm not used to…having people notice when it happens."

Catherine releases a short breath, "Of course I noticed, Sara. One of the things I love most about you is your passion, that stubborn Sidle spirit and dogged determination that's always smoldering right beneath the surface. When that light inside you went out, you're damn right I noticed."

Sara's eyes lift, searching the woman next to her – for what, Catherine isn't sure.

"I need you to promise me something, Sara," Catherine states into the silence between them.

Sara's eyes leave hers, but the younger woman nods.

"When it happens to you again, the next time something happens to make you feel numb and detached, you come and find me. You come talk to me, you tell me." Catherine places her hand on Sara's thigh. "What you _don't_ do is go head first into the first dangerous situation you can find to try to force yourself to go back to feeling something."

Catherine's free hand reaches out, tilting Sara's chin up until the younger woman is facing her.

"Promise me."

Sara swallows, head shaking slightly, "I don't want you to see me when I'm like that, Catherine."

"And I don't want to see you in a body bag on Doc Robbins' table," Catherine counters sternly. "So you promise me, Sara Sidle."

The searching look is back in the brunette's eyes, but this time perhaps she finds what she seeks in Catherine's.

"I promise."

Letting out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding, the blonde does what she's been waiting what feels like a lifetime to do. Pulling Sara in, she wraps her arms around the taller woman, mindful of her injuries, but holding her tightly.

"I thought I'd lost you," Catherine whispers out, eyes closing into the material of Sara's shirt. They both know the multiple meanings behind Catherine's words.

"I'm sorry," Sara breathes out.

"Never again do you do this to me," Catherine states tightly, holding Sara firmly. "Never again."

Sara nods, her silent promise to the older woman.

* * *

Sara keeps her promise, though somewhat hesitantly, over the next six months. The occurrences are few, but they're equally jarring both times. One precipitated by an anguishing case, a perpetrator known to have murdered and assaulted nearly fifteen college women, escaping any charges due to a technicality. The second was a victim, just a child, that the team just wasn't smart enough, wasn't quick enough, to save.

Each time there was the anger, Sara escaping immediately after shift to hit the nearest gym, trying to purge her emotions out through pushing her body to its very limits. But, all that did was empty her, until there was nothing left.

Both instances found Sara on Catherine's porch, eyes dim and bordering on vacant. Both times Catherine knew instantly what was happening, ushering the young CSI inside without a word. It usually took some finesse, some creativity and a fair amount of time, but Catherine finally ushered the brunette back into a normal headspace both instances.

Watching the woman each time it happened, Catherine also began to understand just a little bit better what was going on. It's like Sara's mind needed to find an escape, shutting itself down until it was ready to cope with what it was that sent it retreating. Protecting itself, and its owner, from harm until it could forge its way through the situation and the emotions successfully.

It's a coping mechanism Catherine has seen before, usually in those who've experienced traumatic events – ones so severe they cause the mind to separate from reality because it simply cannot fathom or process through the events around it. She wishes like hell she knew what it was that first formed this response in the woman she now considers a close friend.

But, she never asks.

And, perhaps that respect of privacy is why Sara trusts her enough to keep coming back. Keep upholding her end of the promise.

Including tonight.

Except tonight, Catherine, for the first time, isn't sure she can bring Sara back. She's tried everything that has previously worked, but this time with no avail. She even went so far as to gather the young woman into a freezing cold shower, trying to jolt her back into the present when her gentler tactics all failed miserably. Perhaps not the safest of approaches, but she'd grown desperate.

But, instead, all it did is leave her friend wet and shivering, no closer to seeing any sort of recognition in those hazel eyes.

Debating the rights and wrongs of her one last idea, Catherine finally goes for it, knowing she can debate the ethics of it later. Once she has Sara safely back.

Slowly, gently, she places her lips against Sara's forehead, then her cheek, finally ghosting over the younger woman's lips. Sara's body is still, quiet, motionless. Running her hand through the taller woman's still wet hair, Catherine deepens the kiss, giving it one final shot. If Sara still isn't responding, then this plan that already felt a bit violating certainly becomes so.

Just as she's about to pull away with a sigh, Sara's body responds, slightly angling her head down to deepen the kiss. The movements are slow, tentative, but they're there.

Then, suddenly, Sara is pushing away.

* * *

Eyes glancing around her, Sara notes their placement in Catherine's bathroom, her clothes dripping cold water onto the tile floor.

"Cath?" she questions, voice nearly a whisper as her eyes drop down to the blonde's lips, hand tracing over her own, fingers trembling.

"I'm sorry," Catherine immediately responds, watching Sara try to work through what just happened. "I didn't know what else to do."

Something passes through Sara's eyes, the brunette stiffening slightly as she takes a step back to place a few more inches between them.

"Oh," she gets out, taking a deep breath.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped," Catherine apologizes, taking in Sara's slightly dismayed expression. "I didn't mean to offend you."

Shaking her head, Sara keeps the distance between them. "You didn't."

Then, glancing up, Sara's cheeks redden slightly before she looks away again. "I should go," she says quietly, "I've already inconvenienced you enough for one day."

"Sara," Catherine responds gently, wanting to put a stop to this dance they always seem to do after these encounters. The dances that are equal parts shame and embarrassment from Sara, no matter how many times Catherine insists that she's glad to help, honored and proud that Sara is keeping up her end of the bargain. But, the private brunette usually just ignores those sentiments, much like she appears to be doing now, and excuses herself from the blonde's presence the first possible moment.

Catherine gets it, she herself hating to appear vulnerable and in need to those around her, but she wished Sara wouldn't keep running away from these moments.

"You okay?" Catherine asks instead, wanting to be sure that Sara's enough in the present now to drive safely home.

"Yeah," Sara nods, taking a steadying breath in before lifting her eyes back up to Catherine's. "Thank you."

"Always," Catherine responds.

Sara steps slightly to the right, trying to avoid dripping on Catherine's floor as she moves past the older woman.

"Will you please at least let me give you some dry clothes?" Catherine follows her out of the bathroom. "You're going to freeze to death on your way home."

Sara's brow lifts slightly as she looks for her keys, "It's like sixty something degrees outside, Catherine. Freezing to death seems highly improbable."

"Alright, smartass," Catherine rolls her own eyes, "but it doesn't mean it's comfortable."

Lowering her voice the blonde picks up the brunette's keys in her hands from their place near the kitchen table, holding them tightly.

"Before I let you go, please tell me we're okay," she requests, watching Sara's eyes move from hers to the keys held hostage in her hand.

"Why wouldn't we be?" Sara questions evenly, tone impossible to read.

"I kissed you, Sara."

Sara's eyes narrow just slightly enough for Catherine to notice.

"Well, like you said, you were just doing what you had to do, right?" Sara's voice is tight.

It's then that Catherine has two options, to run and brush this under the rug like Sara seems to assume will happen. Or, she can be honest. With herself. With Sara.

"What if it was more than that?" Catherine questions into the quiet house, gaze desperately searching Sara's. "What if…"

Taking a deep breath, she takes the leap.

"What if I said I wanted to do it again?" Catherine's heart bangs nervously in her chest. "What if I said I've wanted to do it ever since that night I got that call saying that we almost lost you? What if I said I've wanted to do it nearly every time I saw you between now and then?"

Sara is quiet, eerily so, her body stiff and her hands in motionless fists.

"What are…," the brunette swallows, "what are you saying, Catherine?"

"I'm saying I've been an idiot, ignoring what I knew all along right in front of me, assuming I had more time to figure things out. And then I almost lost that chance, and you."

"If this is you feeling guilty for some reason, or trying to cope with-"

"Sara," Catherine cuts in, moving closer to place them nearly inches apart. "Shut up and listen to what I'm telling you."

Reaching out, she places her hand along the brunette's cheek, tracing her thumb down the cool skin atop her cheekbone.

"I have feelings for you, Sara Sidle," Catherine spells out evenly, voice wavering slightly at the vulnerable position she's placed herself in. "I'm not feeling guilty or having some sort of coping mechanism of my own after nearly losing you. I'm just finally doing something about it because I had a wakeup call that night about just how quickly the people around us can be taken away. I don't want something to happen to me or to you and never have told you how I feel."

At Sara's continued silence, Catherine grows increasingly insecure. Maybe this was a bad idea. Maybe she should've just kept these feelings to herself where they belong. Especially when Sara's still going through all the stuff she's currently dealing with. After all, she just barely got back to fully physically recovered from her injuries a few days ago, now Catherine is dumping this at her feet?

"It's okay if you don't feel the same," Catherine backtracks, "and you don't have to say anything in response. I shouldn't have even brought it up, at least not now when you've had such a shitty night, not to mention year-"

"Catherine."

"I was out of line to say something, especially when you've trusted me with helping you through these events, and now I go and violate that trust by-"

"Catherine."

Sara reaches over, placing her hands on Catherine's arms, the physical contact finally drawing the blonde's words to a stop.

"Now you're the one who needs to 'shut up and listen' to what I'm going to tell you."

Catherine's eyes are nervous, her whole body nearly shaking as she realizes the significance of what she's done. That years of hiding from this have come to an end. And, that her relationship, friendship or otherwise, with Sara likely is about to be coming to an end as well.

"I feel the same, Catherine."

Catherine blinks, then blinks again.

Smiling slightly, Sara takes in her confused expression.

"How could I not?" Sara shakes her head in disbelief at Catherine's confusion. "One of the smartest, kindest, funniest, and most beautiful women I've ever met. I just," Sara shrugs slightly. "I just always assumed you were so far out of my league that I didn't even allow myself to go down that road."

"What are you saying, Sara?" Catherine states, inadvertently repeating Sara's earlier words right back to her.

Leaning in, Sara hovers just shy of Catherine's lips, hesitating a brief moment before closing the distance and kissing the older woman. It's gentle, soft, and filled with so much adoration that it takes Catherine's breath away.

"That's what I'm saying," Sara whispers, eyes closed as she returns her lips to the blonde's.

When they finally pull apart, their breathing is heavy, their gazes even more so. So many unspoken thoughts, feelings, bottled up all those years.

Catherine can only pray they now have a lifetime to unravel them, together.

"I'm sorry," Sara gets out, drawing Catherine's eyes narrow in confusion. Gesturing downward, Sara grimaces slightly. "I got you all wet."

Catherine notes her now damp clothing, not caring in the least.

Raising a brow at the wording of Sara's statement, she can't help but smile, "Got me all wet, huh?"

Realizing the double meaning, Sara's cheeks redden. "Shit, I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

Catherine laughs, letting out a relieved smile along with it, still in disbelief that they're here in this moment, together, feeling the same way.

"Never said I minded, Sidle," Catherine takes hold of Sara's waist with a playful wink, pulling her back up against her. "Now, kiss me again, and this time…please don't stop."

Sara smiles warmly, nudging her nose gently against Catherine's before leaning down to reconnect their lips, much more passionately, "Yes ma'am."

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	11. Chapter 11

**AN: So, updates still not as quick as I would like them to be, but working on it :) Thanks so much to everyone for your kind words last prompt after my long haitus, really means the world and is beyond appreciated. Hope you are all doing well.**

 **Just a word of warning, you may get the general idea from the nature of the prompt, but this one ended up a bit sad. So, just keep that in mind before you choose to read. No actual character deaths occur or are depicted in the story, but gets close in the subject matter. I also tried to keep the specific diagnosis a little bit vague, just giving a general umbrella term for the type of disease instead of a more specific name - trying to be respectful to anyone with this type of condition or anything similar. Nothing but respect is intended during this story, as with all my stories, so please feel free to let me know if I failed to do that anywhere.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt: "I would like to see something like Cath taking care of Sara, when they discover that Sara suffers from chronic disease like multiple sclerosis or even the cardiological."_

 _\- Submitted by: suansil4_

* * *

 **PROMPT 11**

It started out with a joke. She actually _joked_ about it. Telling Sara that she was getting clumsy in her old age, despite the fact that Sara was barely in her mid-thirties and about ten years her junior. But, she joked all the same, as Sara rolled her eyes good naturedly and tried to hide her own smile.

They hadn't taken it seriously. After all, it was just a fall while out on a run. Embarrassing, but not uncommon. Especially when Sara tends to go for runs in dim lighting and rough trails, often after an exhausting shift. If it had been Catherine, she's sure she'd have fallen over a dozen times by now. In fact, they both considered themselves lucky that this hadn't happened before.

So, they joked, cleaning Sara's scraped knee and trading laughs about it, simply glad there was no serious damage done.

The second time it happened, Catherine was a little more reserved in her joking, but still shook her head in slight amusement all the same – after making sure Sara was okay of course. Just a few scrapes like last time, easily cleaned and quickly forgotten about.

Until the third time it happened.

Then, there wasn't much joking in either of their eyes, instead, a tentative quiet, a strange nervousness of unspoken words. A thickness to the air as Catherine wiped the small trickle of blood from Sara's elbow. She was afraid to ask, afraid to probe, nervously glancing at Sara's tense expression. Neither of them said much, both trying to ignore the worry rising somewhere deep within.

Sara was a good athlete, always had been. Clumsy was never in her descriptions. Instead, words like athlete of the year, division MVP, three time state champion in both track and soccer. Sara was gifted in athletics, her scholarships at Harvard having been academic, but might as well have also been in athletics. She flourished on the field, on the track, and even now, she always had a grace, a powerful control over her own body and her own limits – pushing them past anything Catherine thought was possible. She's never known Sara to slip up, to fall or misstep.

One time could be chalked up to embarrassing bad luck. Two times maybe.

But not three.

Still, neither of them say anything, Catherine not wanting to offend her partner who already looks like she's beating herself up all her own. She knows Sara's embarrassed, not wanting to draw attention to herself, to what she perceives as a personal mistake or shortcoming. Sara's always been hard on herself, so Catherine leaves her questions to herself, her comments and concerns tucked down neatly beside them. Sara's pride looks like it's taken a big enough hit without them.

They try to forget about it, Sara continuing on her runs as usual. But, Catherine worries when Sara stops coming home directly after, instead heading into the lab to shower and change. Part of her wants to know if Sara's doing it to hide other falls, other mishaps.

The larger part of her is too afraid to know.

* * *

When the concerns cross over into work, Catherine can no longer avoid them. No longer spare the woman she loves from the awkward questions, the uncomfortable conversation. Worry is eating Catherine from the inside out, and she can't ignore her fears any longer. Can't allow Sara to either.

"I got it," Catherine says gently, keeping her voice quiet so the conversation remains solely between the two of them despite the busy scene. Gently taking the camera from Sara's shaking hand, she pulls the brunette carefully to her feet.

Sara sways, and it does nothing to alleviate her worry. In fact, her heart is quickening its already rapid pace in her chest, nervous eyes meeting with Sara's.

She'd watched Sara struggle to work the camera for nearly five minutes, the younger woman seeming to have trouble coordinating her grip with one hand while holding the evidence marker next to the bullet casings with the other. An action they all do repeatedly nearly a hundred times a shift with each and every piece of evidence, easily and smoothly. Especially Sara, one of the most efficient on their team when it comes to documenting a scene.

But, today it looks like the task is as challenging for Sara as climbing Mount Everest. Blindfolded. Something is very, very wrong.

"I'm going to get some water," Sara mumbles, eyes lowering from Catherine's concerned ones, quick to step away and put distance between them. But, even now, her gait is unsteady, left leg unusually extended as her body tries to compensate for an apparent lack of coordination from her right.

Catherine's heart, already sinking, plummets deep into her chest.

* * *

"Are we going to talk about it?"

Sara doesn't move, watching the scenery passing the window of their SUV as it travels down the busy Las Vegas streets.

"There's nothing to talk about."

While outside the car is filled with noise and activity, the inside is as silent as a church at midnight.

"Sara," Catherine tries gently, nearly begging for this not to be an argument. Not to be another ignored event, brushed under a rug that's already overflowing from their unspoken words. "Please, honey."

Some of the tension leaves her companion's tightly clenched jaw, replaced with something much sadder, much harder to watch.

"Not now," Sara's quiet request fills the air. "Not here."

Catherine nods, respecting Sara's request to leave this for later, when they're both at home, private and uninterrupted. Maybe this way they can also both keep pretending that these two worlds, work and their concerns, are two separate entities – keep trying to ignore how deeply one bled into the other just hours before.

Keeping one hand on the steering wheel, Catherine guides the SUV through the last miles towards the lab. With the other, she reaches out, gently taking Sara's in her own.

* * *

When they arrive home, they complete all the tasks they can find to distract themselves with to avoid the conversation and the realities it will force them to face. Dinner, showers, tidying up the house.

It's like when you spill your coffee, those brief moments you hesitate before daring to look down at the rug and see what damage has been done. Until you look, you can force yourself to believe it hasn't really happened.

Schrodinger's cat, perpetually alive and unharmed.

But, when they run out of distractions, Catherine decides it's finally time to face this reality. This reality that scares her, terrifies her, and is eating her alive not addressing.

"Sara," she calls softly, watching the brunette still her motions at the sink. "Let's sit."

Sit meaning talk. The blonde watches her partner take a deep breath, steeling herself for what's to come. For addressing what's already come.

Drying her hands, Sara moves to join her in the living room, taking a seat on the opposite end of their couch. Without hesitation, Catherine moves closer, reaching out to hold Sara's hand tightly in hers. They need to be one in this, the realities horrifying them both, but even more so if they try to approach this separately. The only way they're getting through any of this is if they do it together, just like they always have in the past.

"What happened today at the scene?" Catherine gently probes, figuring it's a good of a place to start this difficult conversation as any.

Sara shakes her head, eyes lowered, "You know what happened."

The blonde knew this wasn't going to be easy, getting Sara to talk about herself rarely is. But, this isn't something she can give the stoic woman a pass on, allow her to tuck this down deep inside. Whatever this is won't allow them, stubbornly permeating their lives, now their work lives.

"Sara, I'm scared," Catherine admits, always the opposite to Sara when it comes to her own emotions. And sharing them. "Your falls while running, now this at the scene…" Taking a deep breath, Catherine tightens her grip on the younger woman's hand. "Something's wrong."

"I'm sure it's nothing," Sara mutters out, trying to sound unconcerned. But, her eyes give her away. They always have.

"We need to get you looked at," Catherine pushes forward, not backing down. "Quickly."

"This isn't a big deal," Sara again tries, back stiff. "A few clumsy falls, trouble at a scene that was likely caused by lack of food and sleep. Let's not make this into some big thing when it isn't."

"Prove to me it isn't," Catherine challenges. "Then I'll let it go." Shaking her head, she both respects and curses Sara's desire to always be the strong one, to always try to convince the world, especially Catherine, that there's never anything wrong. Or never anything wrong that she can't handle.

This, however, may be the thing that finally proves to be Sara's match. Both of theirs, really.

It's the fear that's nagging deep in the blonde's stomach, tightening her heart in her chest to the point that she can barely breathe. Somewhere, deep inside, she knows this problem isn't going away, isn't something small or trivial.

And, looking over at Sara's downcast eyes, she gets the sincere feeling that the brunette knows it, too.

Which, scares her even more.

* * *

It takes another week before Sara is finally able to break herself away from her busy schedule enough to make an appointment with her primary care doctor. Part of her considers not telling Catherine, informing her only when her doctor ensures her there's nothing for them to be worrying about. But, the larger part of her knows how disrespectful that would be to the woman who's always been the most supportive and caring person in Sara's life. The old Sara may have done that, the one who still fought against Catherine's attempts of care and concern when they first got together. But now, nearly three years later, she can't find it in her to treat Catherine in such a dismissive and disrespectful way.

So, she calls her, knowing the blonde is out on a scene, informing her of the appointment time that evening and asking if she wanted to join. Of course Catherine did, and the hours fly by the rest of the day until the appointment time is a mere half hour from starting.

Taking a deep breath, Sara startles when she feels a hand on her hip.

Turning, she sees Catherine's warm eyes and small smile. "Sorry," the older woman apologizes, "didn't mean to startle you."

"It's okay," Sara says, taking a deep breath to steady the nerves she can't quite stifle. Leaning down, she places a gentle kiss on her partner's lips, the one thing that's always seemed to bring her calm. "Thanks for coming."

Catherine nods, tightening her hold around Sara's hips, "Of course."

They're both too nervous to sit, anxiously standing amidst the meticulously clean waiting room, watching each patient as they come and go through the office.

Until, finally, Sara's name is called from the doorway.

* * *

"Sara," her doctor greets her warmly when she enters the exam room, closing the door behind her. "So nice to see you."

She reaches over, giving Sara a steady handshake, smile genuine.

The older woman has seen her patient through a lot of ups and downs throughout the years, most of them following injuries at work or tough cases that the doctor could pick up on at Sara's yearly exams. She'd never admit it to anyone, but Sara Sidle is probably one of her favorite patients. She doesn't complain, rarely admits when she's struggling, and always seems to take her visits with an eye roll and a smirk. All the things a doctor should normally hate.

But, Sara's strong, resilient, and no nonsense attitude has always been one the physician has respected. Sara doesn't mess around, expects excellence from herself even more than those around her, and she can respect that. Not to mention that she's learned her way around more than a few of Sara's walls throughout the years, leaving them with a very comfortable, very cherished patient physician relationship.

And, the feeling is mutual. While the brunette typically hates physicians and having to see them, Dr. Julie Eastman has always been the one exception. She doesn't coddle, doesn't placate. She's honest, efficient, and reasonable. She's also the one and only person Sara would trust right now.

"Catherine, great to see you as well," Dr. Eastman offers, giving Catherine a warm handshake also.

Sara's usually alone when she comes to her visits, but Dr. Eastman has watched throughout the years the changes in her patient that occurred when she first got together with the blonde, then as their relationship developed and grew. And, all of the changes good ones, if Dr. Eastman is honest.

"So," she calls, getting serious as she sits at the desk, glancing through Sara's chart. "What brings you in? The intake information was pretty vague."

Sara nods, taking a deep breath, "I didn't really know how to explain to the scheduler…what's been happening."

"Okay," Dr. Eastman says gently, putting the chart down on the desk and giving Sara her full attention. "Why don't you start at the beginning, just tell me what's been going on as best you can."

So, Sara does. Telling her about the falls while running, the trouble with coordination at the scene, giving as much information as she feels the doctor would need, but hating to say the words aloud.

"I feel stupid for even being here," she concludes. "It's probably nothing, just getting old and clumsy or too little sleep. I shouldn't be wasting your time with this."

"Please," Dr. Eastman smiles, "I just got done convincing a grown man he wasn't going to exsanguinate from hemorrhoids. That was silly. This, however, is definitely not. I know you, and you wouldn't be here if this was nothing."

Moving her chair closer to Sara's, she gestures towards her legs. "Tell me more about how it felt when you fell during your runs. What your legs felt like before and after."

Sara shakes her head, "I was just running one minute, then the next it's like I had no control over it – like it wouldn't move where I needed it to be."

Dr. Eastman nods, eyes narrowing in thought. "One leg or both?"

"Right one."

"Each time?"

Sara nods, "Always the right one."

Dr. Eastman glances at Sara's legs, then her arms. "And at the scene, with the camera. Same problem?"

Sara nods, "It's like I couldn't get the muscles to do what I needed, I just lost control over them."

"Same side?"

Sara swallows, nodding. "Right arm."

"Comes and goes? Arms and legs both feel normal when it's not happening?"

Sara again nods, confirming her question.

"Okay," Dr. Eastman takes a breath, standing and gesturing for Sara to do the same. "I'm going to ask you to do some things, just do them the best you can."

"Alright," Sara takes her own deep breath, letting it out slowly as she stands.

The doctor leads her through a list of commands, most of which Sara accomplishes easily. With each successful task, the brunette seems to lose just a bit more of her nervous rigidity. After all, if she's acing this exam, then there really can't be anything seriously wrong. This, indeed, is looking like a waste of Dr. Eastman's time.

But, then, there comes a task that has her heart sinking in her chest. One which Sara cannot seem to accomplish. A task which should be nearly the easiest of them all, having her struggling.

"One more time, Sara," Dr. Eastman gently pushes. "Finger back to mine as quickly as you can."

Sara again overshoots, landing instead somewhere towards Dr. Eastman's shoulder.

Tightening her jaw, she tries over again, with the same nerve wracking result each time.

"Fuck," she mutters out, angry at herself and the perceived failure.

"Sara," Dr. Eastman calls softly, reaching out and stilling the stubborn woman's arm from trying yet a fourth time. "Stop. If you could do all these you wouldn't be here. You already knew something wasn't right. Nothing's changed. Now let's focus on figuring out what it is."

The words are direct, honest, and the type of approach Sara both needs and respects. Taking a steadying breath, she nods.

Taking a seat back next to Catherine, the blonde immediately takes her hand in hers, lacing their fingers together.

"Look," Dr. Eastman tells them as she sits down. "This could be something minor, easily fixed or even resolves on its own."

"Or…" Catherine probes, needing to hear the rest.

"Or it could be something more serious." Grabbing her pen, Dr. Eastman writes a few lines on Sara's chart. "I need to do some more tests to give us a better idea of what's going on." Meeting Sara's eyes, she keeps them there. "Including some brain imaging. Sounds scary, I know. But, it's the best way to see what's happening in some of the places that control movement, especially since it seems to come and go, suggesting it's not a problem with the arm or leg itself, but rather the signals getting there."

Sara swallows, nodding. "Whatever you need to do is fine. I just want answers so I can get back to my life."

Something passes in Dr. Eastman's eyes that Catherine catches, yet neither comment. Instead, they stand, shaking hands with detailed instructions for follow-up and the next steps. But, that look haunts Catherine for the entire evening and well into the dark hours of the night.

* * *

Sara insists that she go to the imaging appointments alone, not wanting Catherine to have to take any more time off work. They're having a hard enough time keeping things private with the few days Sara's requested off to go to her follow-up appointments. Catherine only agrees when Sara promises that they'll go to the results appointment together.

By the time it comes around about two weeks later, they're both exhausted, emotionally frayed and raw to levels they've never quite experienced before. They know this is it, the moment when they learn if this is nothing, or if this is serious.

When Dr. Eastman walks in the room, setting herself in the seat across from them, they can immediately tell by the look on her face which one it is.

"You have an answer," Sara gets out, voice tight.

Dr. Eastman nods, expression serious as she gives the results with emotion filled eyes, knowing how the words are going to drastically change the lives of the two very dear women receiving them.

In the resulting conversation, Catherine picks up on very little beyond the name. A rare type of cerebellar ataxia. Then, key phrases that jog reactions from somewhere deep within her. _Progressive. No cure. Decline._

The rest is a hazy fog, swimming at the bottom of the ocean while trying to hear words being discussed back on shore.

Gripping Sara's hand, she watches her partner's pale features, her own expression looking stoic. Too stoic.

When Dr. Eastman hugs each of them, Catherine can barely feel anything, wondering how in the hell Sara can be asking about follow-up plans. How the hell she can even be forming words right now.

As Dr. Eastman hands them paperwork and sends Sara to the desk to schedule the next appointments, she pulls the blonde gently aside.

"I'm so sorry, Catherine," she says softly, keeping her voice low. "I know this is a lot to take in."

The blonde stares numbly ahead, watching Sara as she answers questions from the receptionist.

"She's my life," the blonde gets out, words getting lost in the fog surrounding Catherine's mind.

But, Dr. Eastman hears them just fine, placing her hand on the CSI's shoulder. Giving Catherine's shoulder a squeeze, she knows there aren't really words for moments like these, nothing she can truly say or do to make this better. So, instead, she stands with Catherine in silence, keeping her company until Sara finishes scheduling, giving them both a final hug as she tells them she'll be seeing them soon.

As they walk out the door, she can't help but send a silent prayer after them, knowing this day is probably going to be one of the hardest they'll have in their lives.

* * *

Over the next month, their approaches to the diagnosis couldn't have been different. Catherine was on every website, perusing every article, talking to every affected family she could find. There wasn't enough time in the day to get all the information she sought, wanting to know this disease backwards and forwards so that she and Sara would have the most knowledge possible as they face it. If there was even one snippet of information that would help the woman she loves during this process she was damn well going to find it.

Sara, on the other hand, acted like the diagnosis never happened. She shuts down any conversations Catherine tries to initiate regarding it, burying herself in her work to the point that Catherine barely sees her on the average day. When she is off shift, Sara is out running, spending hours away in nature and only coming home to shower before heading back in. Catherine knows this is her non-coping way of coping, but it's hard to feel like they're two separate entities trying to fight a battle from opposite continents.

Sara is withdrawn, and Catherine expected this from her private lover to some extent. But, it's been harder than she expected to watch it happen, to witness Sara shutting her out and avoiding the issue that's so glaringly stormed into their lives.

* * *

"You can't keep doing this," Catherine states quietly but tightly as she reaches for a cloth from the bathroom counter.

The trickle of blood coming from the brunette's shin is slow but steady. The dark crimson filters through the previously white cloth, spreading out in blotches.

"You're going to seriously hurt yourself one of these times," Catherine proceeds when it becomes obvious that her companion has no intention of responding. "What if you fall in a remote area and can't get yourself back to your car? What if you hit your head or incapacitate yourself out in the middle of the desert?"

Sara's eyes remain on the floor, where they've stayed ever since Catherine walked in on her to find out why she was taking way longer than usual in the bathroom. Sara has remained exactly where she found her, on the floor leaning against the bathtub, blood from her leg slowly dripping onto their tile.

"I know you love to run, sweetheart, but this isn't going to work. You're going to get yourself killed one of these days."

This time, Sara finally speaks, but Catherine almost wishes she hadn't when the words register.

"What does it matter."

Stopping her motions along Sara's leg, Catherine's eyes shoot to the defeated looking woman beside her.

"What does it matter if you kill yourself on one of your runs?" Catherine's voice is tight, angry. "Are you seriously fucking asking me that?"

Sara's jaw clenches, her head turned away, "Either that gets me or this disease does. Only the disease will take a much longer time, slowly stealing from me everything I love one by one until I'm useless to myself and everyone around me."

Catherine is speechless. After nearly a month of no communication between them regarding Sara's diagnosis, this is like swift punch in the face. Sara is finally talking about it, acknowledging it, but in a way that steals Catherine's breath away.

"Sar-"

Before she can get her words out, Sara is already shoving to a stand, grabbing the doorway to get her balance as she pushes swiftly through it. It's not a moment later when the blonde hears the front door open and slam closed behind her.

"Fuck." Catherine's face lands in her hands, the silent tears there wetting her fingers as she sits silently amongst the smears of blood.

* * *

When Sara avoids her, she can handle it. Not ideal, but also not unforeseen. But, when Sara starts avoiding her doctor, that's where Catherine draws the line.

"She needs to stay on top of these checkups," Dr. Eastman says gently, knowing the blonde already knows this. And, more importantly, knowing that the blonde isn't who she's upset with. Her forever stubborn and self-destructive patient is. "They're the best way to track the progress of the disease."

Catherine nods, tapping her keys angrily against her fingers. She'd shown up, hoping beyond hope that Sara would show to the appointment that was scheduled over a month ago. But, instead, Catherine sat alone in the waiting room until Dr. Eastman found her out there, almost a half hour past Sara's scheduled appointment time.

"I'm so sorry your family is going through this," Dr. Eastman breathes out with a long sigh, hand placed on Catherine's shoulder. "Please let me know if there's any way I can help."

Catherine lets out a sigh of her own, pushing herself out of the stiff plastic chair. "I'm starting to worry we may be beyond help, or at least headed there at a very rapid pace."

* * *

"Dr. Eastman gives her regards."

Nick looks up with a confused expression the same time Sara's own body stiffens. Dark, hazel eyes slowly lift from the breakroom table, landing to meet on Catherine's for what feels like the first time in weeks.

"What?" Sara gets out, voice as stiff as her expression.

"She told me to tell you hello and that she missed you yesterday."

Sara's jaw tightens, her hand firmly gripping her coffee mug.

"Who's Dr. Eastman?" Nick questions curiously, noting the tension in the room.

"An old friend of mine," Sara interjects before Catherine has a chance to say anything further, reveal anything further. "We were supposed to have dinner but I got stuck here on a case."

"Bummer," Nick offers, knowing just how often their work can come in the way of their social lives.

Sara stands, downing her coffee and placing the mug not so gently in the sink. Turning, she gives Catherine one last darkened glance before she exits the room.

* * *

"That was unfair, not to mention out of line."

"Oh," Catherine laughs darkly, "I was out of line?"

"We agreed not to discuss this with work until it becomes absolutely necessary. You betrayed that."

"Yeah?" Catherine shrugs. "Well, we agreed on a lot of things. Things which _you_ betrayed, not me."

"It was one appointment, Catherine," Sara defends stiffly. "Not the end of the world."

"You're avoiding them," the older woman puts the larger truth out in the open. "Just like you're avoiding me."

"That's bullshit."

"Is it?" Catherine presses, taking a small step closer to her partner. "You avoid me at work, you're never home, you bury yourself in this back lab hoping that no one is around to notice what's happening in your life."

"That's uncalled for," Sara's voice is low, angry.

"It's honest," Catherine counters, own voice balancing between stern and gentle. "I'm not saying it to hurt you, honey, but we need to be honest with one another if we're going to figure out a way through this."

"There is no way _through_ this, Catherine," Sara gets out, throat tight. "There's no solving or concluding this. There's just this. It just gets worse and worse until it eventually kills me. There's nothing else."

The sobriety of the situation hovers heavily in the air, pushing in around them, within them. Compressing their insides until they both feel like choking would be easier than breathing.

"Then what about the time between?" Catherine finally finds a way to ask, eyes watering even as she tries to hold the emotions back. "What about our life between now and then, Sara? We let this tear us slowly apart until there's nothing but this angry bitterness left? Ruin whatever remaining years we do have?"

Catherine's hold on her emotions start to crumble, one lone tear escaping after another.

"We don't know what the future holds for any of us, Sar. One of us could get killed at a scene, in a car accident, by some other terrible event long before this has a chance to. I don't want to waste any moment of my life with you. But, to do that, I need you to let me in, to stop shutting me out and let me be with the person I love more than this life."

Sara swallows hard, hating to see the emotions tearing through the strongest woman she's ever known. With one hesitant step forward, then another, she slowly makes her way to Catherine.

Reaching out, she wipes gently at the tears trailing down the blonde's face, "I never wanted this, Catherine. Any of this." Letting out a long breath filled with what can best be described as defeat, Sara wishes that this was all just a nightmare they'd wake up from. "I wanted our life together to be so different from this. You didn't sign up for any of this when we met, it isn't fair to you."

"Oh," Catherine laughs tightly, "and it's fair to you?"

This drags just the barest hint of a smile from the serious brunette, "It's bullshit. For both of us."

Catherine nods, bringing up her hands to gently take the younger woman's from their place along her cheeks. "It sure is. But we're stronger than this. Stronger than anything life can throw at us, Sara. But only if we face it together."

"I'm not used to…"

"I know, babe," Catherine squeezes Sara's hands, knowing more than anyone the challenges and darkness of her lover's past. The complete absence of love, of support, of someone caring about her wellbeing and standing faithfully by her side. "But you can trust me. This is what I want, _you_ are what I want."

"I'll still never understand why," Sara mutters, slight amusement in her eyes. "But who am I to question your delusions?"

Catherine laughs, the first genuine one it feels like she's had in ages. "Damn right, Sidle. Let this senile old woman have her fantasies."

Rolling her eyes, Sara shakes her head slightly before she pulls Catherine towards her, wrapping her arms tightly around the blonde and holding her close.

"I love you," she whispers out, eyes closing under all the emotions still pouring through her. "You know that, right?"

"I know," Catherine confirms, tightening her grip on the woman that represents everything beautiful in her life. Now and always. "I know."

* * *

The next few years are trying on both women. There's periods of stability regarding Sara's symptoms, plateaus where the disease stops progressing, giving them months of welcome reprieve. But, slowly, it keeps advancing, taking a little more of Sara's independence with it as it does.

They'd kept it from the guys at work for as long as they could. But, when Sara had a particularly bad episode at a remote scene, losing her footing in a very precarious desert landscape, they finally had to confess what they'd been trying to mask for the better part of two years.

The conversation was difficult, to say the least. Especially on Sara, knowing that the revelation of her diagnosis would essentially spell the end for her typical work life. Things would change as a result, and they certainly have.

Sara's still a CSI, becoming one of the most accomplished and awarded members of their field. Her mind is amongst the most brilliant, never faltering even while her body declines bit by bit. She now remains mostly in the lab, working collaboratively on almost every case, helping process evidence in the layout rooms and running theories that elude even her superiors. She's an asset to their team, just as she always has been.

But, even with her continued successes, Catherine knows how much Sara misses being in the field. Seeing the scene, the evidence, the body, all of it in its original setting. There's nothing like that initial walkthrough, taking everything in, mentally collecting all the puzzle pieces you will later desperately try to fit together. It's part of what Catherine loves most about her job, and she knows as much as anyone what a loss it's been for the woman she loves.

But, in true stubborn Sidle spirit, it's just made Sara work harder at what she is able to take part in, forcing her to adapt and adjust just like she's had to do in other areas of her life.

No longer able to go for her cherished runs, Sara instead has found a passion for photography. Finding her way out to remote locations, sometimes with Catherine's help and sometimes without, she's taken to capturing the world through her lens in ways that always manage to take the blonde's breath away. While the tremors that have developed in Sara's hands somewhat affect her while shooting, she's also developed ways around it in her characteristically stubborn and resourceful nature. Using items nearby to act as tripods, remote shutters, even synching her phone to her camera to use voice controls on particularly bad days.

Sara had always told her that her favorite thing about running was the escape it provided, the time it allowed her thoughts to roam and flee from the challenges and devastations of everyday life. Now, she escapes in a different way, capturing views of the world around her, offering windows and glimpses into worlds other than her own.

Today, it's a rare trip the two have taken together, Sara inviting Catherine along with her since they both had the day off. Catherine was more than eager to accept.

Finding themselves along a ledge that mixes urban with nature, they are seated along a cement and chain link barrier that separates them from the valley below. Behind them lies one of the most dangerous neighborhoods in Vegas, each of them having taken more than a few calls to scenes in this area. In front of them lies one of the most beautiful views of the valley. It's a curious and contradictory mix of worlds, perhaps the exact reason Sara wanted to shoot here.

"It's weird being in this neighborhood for pleasure rather than work," Catherine comments absently after nearly an hour of silence, giving Sara her peace and quiet to accomplish her task.

Sara laughs slightly, taking a few more photos from different angles.

"I used to live here."

The comment draws Catherine's head to swivel to the right, watching Sara to see if she's pulling her leg.

But, Sara puts her camera down to her lap, legs absently swinging over the edge. Seeing Catherine's expression, the younger woman laughs.

"What?" she questions, eyebrow raised.

"You used to live here?" Catherine's eyes are wide at the thought. "Why?"

Laughing again, Sara's eyes sparkle with amusement. "Why not?"

"It's, uh, let's just say…a little unsafe?" Catherine poses, trying to be an inoffensive as she can.

Sara shrugs, eyes roaming over the space around them. "It is," she concedes. "But it was also the only place I could afford when I first moved here."

"Really?" the blonde wonders aloud, not expecting that response.

Sara shrugs, "My house in California hadn't sold yet, so I didn't really have any wiggle room in the budget for about a year until it finally sold."

"How did I not know this?" Catherine asks, wondering how she didn't know something as simple as Sara's location for the better part of a year.

"We weren't really on speaking terms most of the beginning of my time out here," Sara offers with a slight smile, sending Catherine a look.

Always regretful of their rocky beginning, the blonde curses the time lost. "We were such idiots."

Laughing, Sara agrees. "I was so enamored yet terrified of you during that time. I think I probably said two words to you that weren't work related our entire first year together."

"I wasn't any better," Catherine confesses. "The words I did say were horrible since I was too busy feeling threatened by you to give you the time of day."

"Threatened by me?" Sara laughs out loud at this. "Don't be ridiculous."

"I was!" Catherine laughs herself, swatting her younger companion on the shoulder. "Here comes this beautiful, young, hot shot CSI from California. I felt like you were going to come in and take over, pushing me slowly out the door."

"Then you realized I was much too introverted to even dream of such a thing," Sara jokes, still finding it hard to fathom Catherine being insecure of anything, let along herself.

Catherine can only laugh, "That just made you more threatening. I never had the remotest clue what was going on in that head of yours. Were you enjoying work? Were you hating your life? Were you slowly plotting my death in your head?"

Sara smiles, looking over at Catherine until their eyes meet.

"Nope. I was slowly falling in love with you, actually."

Catherine's heart skips, taking in Sara's expression and the earnest confession, the words and the meaning behind them. The genuine revelation from a woman that keeps so much of her life, her feelings, private.

"I'm glad we finally got our acts together," Catherine breathes out, eyes already moistening at the emotions she's trying to keep together. "So incredibly glad."

Sara leans in, placing a gentle kiss on Catherine's lips. "Me too."

* * *

"I got you," Catherine puts her arm around Sara's waist, giving Sara time to get her bearings, feeling the sway in her companion. "Take your time."

Sara doesn't have the heart to comment, to tell Catherine that she couldn't really go any faster even if she'd wanted to. She's slowly adjusted to using a cane or other assistance devices while at work, the ataxia now affecting both her left and right sides. But, for short trips – around the house, back and forth to the car, in and out from the parking lots, etc – she still tries to use her own power. She knows this privilege won't last, and she wants to enjoy every last minute of it while she can. Soon the cane will turn to more serious assistance.

So, for today, she's going to give her legs an extra push, and try to cherish the challenge while she has the gift to do so.

"Sorry," she mumbles out, however, when she realizes just how much of her weight Catherine is holding up. While she's all for challenging herself, she doesn't want to burden Catherine – at least not any more than she already has been and will be going forward.

"Don't be," Catherine wraps her arms even tighter around Sara's waist. "I've been wanting to hold you all day. Wasn't exactly the situation I'd pictured, but I'll take it."

Sara rolls her eyes with a small laugh, dragging her legs as best as she can manage, body straining from the effort. "I'm sure we could've arranged something other than this."

"Maybe," Catherine shrugs. "But this way you have no excuse to leave my arms."

"I don't…" Sara tries to argue with a grumble.

"You did," the blonde laughs at the memories. "When we first got together. You weren't the most, touchy feely shall we say? Took me at least a month for you to return hugs with any sort of enthusiasm. Another two months for you to sit still enough for me to cuddle with you on the couch."

Sara grabs the broken fence post near the car door, taking a very brief but very needed break before their final push to the Tahoe.

"I did no such thing," she contests, though having a very good idea that Catherine is absolutely right.

Catherine's look she's sending her way expresses that very message loud and clear.

"You were a bit of a tough girl when we first started dating," Catherine smiles. "But, slowly, I broke into those guarded walls of yours. Now you hug me for at least five seconds when I ask."

Sara swats her free arm out, generally aiming for the area of Catherine's shoulder. "I hug for at least ten seconds. Don't be dramatic."

Smiling, Catherine reaches out, keeping one firm hand on Sara and opening the passenger side of their car with the other. "You going to show me the pictures you took when we get home?"

Sara shakes her head, pushing unsteadily from the fence to take a chance at the car. Stumbling, Catherine grabs her before she can fall, not saying anything as she helps lift Sara up and into the passenger seat.

"You know the rules," Sara breaths out, working to catch her breath from the efforts of the last few minutes. "Nothing until they're printed."

"I'll never understand you," Catherine shakes her head as she closes the door to move around and enter the driver seat. "If I took as beautiful of pictures as you I'd be showing them off to everyone I knew the second I took them."

"They're not that great," Sara says, always the humble one much to Catherine's frustrations. "But part of the fun is picking out the one you want, the one that represents what you were trying to capture. I don't want to bias my opinions of anything before I do that."

"Artists," Catherine starts the car. "So temperamental."

"I wish," Sara smiles back at the title. "Just a CSI borrowing their world for a bit."

"Taking their world by storm is more like it," Catherine reaches over, gathering the brunette's hand in hers, giving it a squeeze and keeping them joined the whole way home.

* * *

The next morning, Catherine is awoken by a thud, quickly followed up by a metallic crash.

Jerking upright, she scans around the room dimly lit by the early morning sunrays, trying to spot the source of the noise. It doesn't take her long to do so.

"Shit, Sara," she calls out, pushing hastily out of the bedsheets to run to the other side of the bed. "Are you okay?"

Sara's sprawled out awkwardly on the floor, the majority of the contents of the nightstand shattered around her.

"I'm okay," Sara tries to push upright, but finding it near impossible to get her arms to cooperate in the way she wants them to. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"Stop," Catherine calls, seeing Sara's hands trying to grip the floor amongst the shattered remains of their alarm clock. "There's a lot of sharp glass and metal, you're going to cut yourself."

"I can do it," Sara argues, trying desperately to prove her point.

But, they both watch with dismay that Sara, this time, really can't do it. Her legs tremble and push out in uncoordinated motions, similar to her arms. Neither appendages giving her the strength nor stability she needs to get herself sitting upright, let alone standing.

"Fuck," Sara growls out. Hating this moment, what it represents.

"It's alright, honey," Catherine tries to calm her, comfort her. Though, she honestly understands Sara's devastation, and is feeling it in her own way right along with her. "We knew this would happen."

"I thought I'd have more time," Sara's voice sounds frustrated, defeated in a way that she rarely allows herself to be. Always the strong one, it's extended to her diagnosis as well – always forcing herself, and Catherine, to see the positives in it. To see what she can still do, still accomplish rather than dwell on what's been taken from her.

But, this moment, it's hard for the independent brunette to swallow, tasting nothing but bitter.

While her circumstances had forced her to rely more on Catherine and others than she'd ever wanted to, she still maintained a level of independence that reassured her. That comforted her. While Catherine would help her walk or get around sometimes, she never had to help her with more…personal…tasks.

Not until now.

"It's not a big deal, Sara," Catherine tries to reassure her, knowing all the while how big of a deal it really is. Especially to someone as guarded and self-reliant as Sara Sidle. "We'll make this work."

"I'm sorry," Sara mutters out, feeling ashamed at what this next stage of the disease will mean not only for herself, but more importantly for Catherine. "You don't have to do this. We can find someone else."

"Do you want someone else?" Catherine asks genuinely, willing to do whatever it takes to make this even the least bit easier for the woman she loves. While she'd be devastated to not be the one Sara chooses to help her in this way, if that's what Sara wants she'll follow her wishes.

It takes Sara a long time to respond, each of them heavy and tense.

"I want to not burden you more than I already have. I want to not turn the woman I love and live with into my personal nurse. I want to be able to go to the fucking bathroom on my own, without needing someone to help me." Sara lets out a tired sigh, eyes closing as she drops her head back down to the cold, wooden floor. "I want a lot of things."

Reaching down, Catherine gently moves the wavy hair from Sara's eyes, stroking the locks gently as she trails her fingers along Sara's temple to her strong jawline.

She hates that Sara is going through this, that between the two of them this burden has fallen to the kindest and gentlest soul she knows. Sara's life has been a painful struggle from its start, holding so much darkness and heartache all the way back from her childhood years. Even now, with Sara's shirt riding up, Catherine can see the scar along her left hip, one of the many reminders of just how many lifetime's worth of torture this beautiful woman has had to endure.

Yet, here they are, with Sara yet again forced to endure another painful hurdle, this one without a resolution or any hope for a happy ending. She knows life isn't fair, her job alone showing her just how unfair it is for most people whom find themselves on the ugly side of fate. But, she'd give anything to spare Sara this. To take this burden from the woman who's spent her whole life fighting one battle after another. To give Sara respite from a world that's been so harsh, so cruel. To help even out the scales and give Sara this one reprieve.

But, she knows she can't, and to spend any more energy wishing it was her instead of Sara going through this is simply a waste of time. She can't change this for the woman she loves, but she sure as hell can try to make it is bearable for the brunette as possible.

But, only if Sara lets her.

"Babe," she places her hand along Sara's chest, feeling her heartbeat beneath her fingers. "I know you won't believe me, but I want to do this for you. I want to be the one you trust to take care of you. I don't see it the way you do. Not as a burden, but as an honor that you would trust me enough to let me do it."

Sara's eyes slowly blink open, narrowing as they meet Catherine's.

"This isn't an honor, Catherine. Having to take care of me in this way…it makes me feel like I'm…"

She doesn't finish her statement, Catherine already knowing what she's trying to say anyway.

"When I said I'd love you and cherish you always, this is what I meant. This changes nothing for me Sara, not in the way I see you, not in the way I love you, not in the way I respect you. I wish you didn't have to go through any of this, honey, you have no idea. But, since we can't change things, I at least want to be the one you let be by your side as you do." She trails her hand along Sara's neck, holding her head gently. "The choice is yours, Sara, and I'll honor whatever decision you make. But, please don't assume I don't want to do it. Quite the opposite."

Sara's silent for a while, then, she closes her eyes tightly, pushing her head back into the floor so forcefully that Catherine's heart clenches.

"I don't…" Sara struggles to get the words out. "I don't deserve you. I never did…"

"Shh," Catherine reaches over in surprise as she sees a tear leave from Sara's clenched eyes, trailing down her face to land on the cold floor. "Sara, honey…"

"You should have better than this," Sara gets out through a tight jaw. "Better than me. I can't let you do this…"

"Sara," Catherine breathes out, gently holding both sides of Sara's face steady, trying to keep her from hurting herself. "Shh, sweetheart. Relax honey, you're okay. We're okay."

All the time they've been going through everything, Sara's never broken down like this. She's been angry, rebellious, avoidant, yes. But she's never been this saddened, this...devastated. Part of Catherine expected it years ago, but, the other part of her knows Sara's resolve tends to hold out a lot longer than most other people's. And, ultimately, it took a turn of events that significantly affects Catherine for Sara to lose some of her resolve. She'd been forcing her composure when the disease only took from Sara herself, but, seeing it now having to significantly affect Catherine as well, it's finally causing her undoing.

Part of Catherine wants to kiss Sara for her ever selfless nature, but part of her also wants to shake the younger woman. To make her see herself as just as valuable, just as worthy of happiness as everyone around her. That she isn't expendable, that seeing Sara going through this has already affected Catherine. That this only finally gives the blonde something physically she can do to try to help.

"Please don't shut me out," Catherine begs, her own eyes growing moist at the thought. "Please don't try to spare me from this the way you've always tried to spare me from things. It would destroy me, Sara. Trust me enough to let me help you."

They both remain silent, tears joining more cold tears on the floor beside them, leaving them both feeling scraped bare, naked and exposed.

Finally, both trembling and exhausted, Sara opens her eyes. Meeting with Catherine's blue gaze, she searches for the truth behind the older woman's words.

Then, eventually, she nods her head, eyes closing as one final, silent tear escapes.

Leaning down, Catherine places a kiss to Sara's cheek, stopping the tear's path before it can hit the floor.

"Thank you," she whispers, feeling her own tears refill her eyes. "Thank you, Sara."

* * *

Picking Sara up gently from the floor, she carries her bridal style towards their bathroom. She's grateful that Sara's always been thin, giving her the ability to lift her without too much struggle. And, her heart breaks slightly at the fact that the muscle mass in Sara's legs has been reduced during the progression of her disease, making her even lighter than she's ever been.

Placing her down along the toilet, she helps Sara as she completes her business. Mostly, she assists in helping make sure Sara's steady, turning to the side to allow her as much privacy as she can.

When Sara finishes, she helps her stand, again sweeping her up bridal style when Sara can't hold her own weight.

Moving sideways, she sets Sara along the edge of the tub, making sure she has access to the railing to hold onto. Filling the basin with warm water, she quickly undresses, glancing over at Sara as she does so.

"Mind if I join you?" she quirks a brow, realizing she just assumed how this would go and wanting to give Sara a choice in the matter.

Sara's eyes still look devastated, haunted in a way that Catherine's never seen, but she lets out the barest hint of a smile at the question.

"Never."

"Good," Catherine smiles back, removing the remainder of her clothing.

Turning off the filling water, she reaches over, gently helping Sara out of her own clothes.

When they're both completely undressed, Catherine reaches out, helping Sara shift around on the edge of the tub to lower her gently into the water. Getting her situated safely, Catherine lowers herself in behind her.

Getting adjusted to the warm water, they both sit in silence for a bit, letting the comfort of the water release as much of their tension as possible.

When it comes time, Catherine grabs the soap and shampoo from the shelf, starting the cleaning process along Sara's body. Taking her time and trying to offer some soothing massages here and there, she knows she'll never get past the beauty of the woman before her. Despite the terrible circumstances that have brought them to this moment, she cherishes the good parts of it.

"You're so gorgeous," she breathes out without realizing the words are leaving her mouth.

Sara hums, raising a brow. "You looking in the mirror again?"

"Shut up," Catherine snorts. "You know who I'm referring to."

"The beautiful woman in the tub with me?"

"You're impossible."

"I'm honest."

"So am I."

"Hmm," Sara gets out, still seeming like her thoughts are miles away, but, her body slowly losing just a bit of its rigidity.

As Catherine cleans her own hair and body, she keeps an eye on Sara, the brunette leaned back against herself and the side of the tub, eyes closing as she leans her head against the tile wall. She knows she isn't asleep, but she watches her lover closely to make sure she's doing okay.

When Catherine finishes with herself, she lets them sit in the warm water for a bit longer, knowing they have the time. And, after the emotions of this morning, she knows they can both use the brief respite.

When the water starts turning cool, she finally removes her arms from their place around Sara, reaching over to gently run her fingers down the side of Sara's face instead. Sara's eyes flutter open as she looks over her shoulder at Catherine.

"You ready to get out?" the blonde asks.

"If you are."

Nodding, the blonde stands up first, exiting the tub. Reaching in, she hooks her arms under Sara's shoulders, drawing the woman up from the water and into a standing position. Waiting for Sara to get her balance, she helps her step over the tub, holding most of her weight. Reaching out to the counter, she takes the largest towel they have, wrapping it around their bodies and drying them off.

Watching Sara's expression the whole time, she helps get them both dried and dressed, neither of them saying much.

* * *

When they settle in for their traditional morning coffee together, it's with an air of tension and silence that's not typical for them.

Finally, Sara breaks the quiet as she swallows some of her coffee.

"I'm sorry," she apologizes. "I know I'm not the best company this morning. I'm just…thinking. I guess."

"Of course," Catherine offers supportively. "There's a lot to think about. I know my own mind is swimming a bit."

Sara nods, letting out a breath as she moves one hand from her coffee to take Catherine's.

"I don't think I thank you often enough," Sara gets out, voice thick. "I don't think I could ever actually thank you often enough, to be honest."

"You do," Catherine counters, interlacing their fingers. "You do every time you let me in, every time you let me be here for you, every time you include me in this."

"Not sure that's a thanks so much as it is a curse," Sara offers honestly. "Everything in me tells me to spare you this. But, I have to trust what you're telling me, that you're being honest with me." Sara's eyes lift to Catherine's. "You always have been in the past."

"And I am now," Catherine reassures. "I promise you."

Bringing their joined hands up, Catherine places a gentle kiss along Sara's knuckles.

As she lowers them, she watches Sara warmly before she speaks again.

"What do you say we take the day off and go somewhere together. I think we need to stop by and see Dr. Eastman, let her know what's happening. But after that, let's get out of here for a while. Just pick a direction and see where we end up."

Sara lets out a long breath, watching their hands before she lets out the smallest of smiles.

"You're serious?" she poses.

"Very."

Looking up, Sara's smile expands, her grip tightening in Catherine's.

"Deal."

* * *

YEARS LATER

Running her fingers gently through Sara's hair, Catherine readjusts them so that Sara's fully enclosed in her arms, both of them lying together under the evening sun. Long lounge chair in a half-reclined position, they both watch the sunset over the mountains, neither one breaking the silence that already holds so much.

Catherine knows the brunette is exhausted, her tremors the worst they've been all week. But, Sara refuses to let her eyes shut, taking in the moment, her hold tightening on Catherine's shirt as best she can.

Feeling the movement, knowing the significance of it, Catherine leans down, placing a gentle kiss into Sara's hair that she washed for the brunette this morning.

"I love you," she breathes out, not knowing whether it was loud enough to be heard, but somehow instinctively knowing Sara's heard it anyway. "So much."

Sara's head nods where it's resting against Catherine's chest, the younger woman hesitant to use words ever since her speech has become affected, sounding slurred and strained no matter how hard Sara tries to annunciate.

But, for Catherine, she tries. She always tries.

"I love you, too. More than anything."

The words are indeed slurred, but the blonde knows exactly what they said. She always seems to know.

They both don't talk about anything else. After all, what is more important than what's already been said? They don't worry about the future, about Sara's increasing decline as the years have gone on. The questions regarding how much time they realistically have left. How they need to make plans, make decisions.

None of that needs to be discussed – not tonight.

Tonight they just want to hold one another, to lie in one another's arms and forget the world for a while. Forget the way their worlds have dramatically changed from the paths they'd always assumed would be available to them. Forget the way their joined paths will separate much sooner than either of them had ever wanted them to. Forget the way they're going to have to save the rest of their journeys together for a time and place other than this one.

Sara's grip tightens further, perhaps thinking of some of the things of which neither of them speaks.

Not wanting to waste a single cherished moment they have together, not knowing how many they may have left, she keeps her eyes open. But, this time, instead of focusing on the sunset, she gazes upon something much more beautiful. Something much more comforting.

She looks at the woman she loves, only wishing she had more time to spend with her. But, she smiles, knowing the life they did have together already held more happiness and fulfillment than most people ever achieve in a longer lifetime.

No, their time may be getting cut a bit shorter than they'd hoped, but in no way was it short on love.

Not in the least.

And, after all, Sara's pretty sure a love like theirs isn't limited by something as trivial as death. No, theirs will find a way to continue on even after this world. She isn't one to believe in things like heaven or afterlives, both seeming entirely too unscientific for her liking, but she somehow knows that this life isn't the end for them.

Somehow, she'll manage to find Catherine again, of this she's sure.

But, for right now, they're still together here, in this life, in this place, and she's going to cherish every moment of it.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	12. Chapter 12

**AN: Alright, here we go, excited to get back into the post holidays swing of things :) This one's a bit shorter and sweeter, hopefully it's a good way to ease back into things before some upcoming angst.**

 **Thanks so much for all your kind words last prompt, and thanks so much for your guys' patience with me as we continue forward through each prompt. I appreciate the time you take to share your reviews and story requests, please know each and every one of you and your comments are cherished.**

 **Hope everyone is doing well. Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt:_ " _we all know how Sara is the stronger in the relationship.. that's ok.. what about is that also is more femenine.. you know.. she's always describe like "the butch" and always wears leather pants.. she could wear a dress (look who's talking the one who hares dresses) BUT NOT GIRLY.. and not that Cath has to take the lead.. (idk if that make sense) but i would like for Sara to be the one who is wooed..I KNOW OOC... i just want her to be a LITTLE BIT less "agressive"? i mean.. let Catherine to make the effort to win Sara's heart.. but also.. i like how YOU describe them.. so.. IDK! if that make sense at all.. also.. you can write whatever you want"_

 _-Submitted by: Anonymous_

* * *

 **Prompt 12:**

The first time she asked her out, Sara didn't notice. Or, didn't realize it was a date. Meant for just the two of them. In fact, the brunette assumed Catherine was asking her out to morning coffee like the team used to do before life got too hectic to maintain the once cherished tradition.

So, Sara showed up to coffee, but with both Greg and Nick in tow. Part of Catherine was relieved. After working herself up for nearly a month to be able to ask the brunette to get coffee with her, she'd been sending herself into a near panic as she waited for her to arrive.

But, with the sight of the guys, her heart immediately calmed its pace, but also sank simultaneously in disappointment.

Of course Sara wouldn't realize it was supposed to be a date. Sara isn't privy to the thoughts and ideas that have been swimming obsessively through Catherine's mind. The way she's struggled for what feels like ages to realize, accept, and act on her feelings for the younger woman.

No, Sara sees her as a colleague, and, up until now, Catherine's never given her any reason to see her as anything more.

So, they enjoyed their coffee that early morning, even with the extra company. But, Catherine spent a good amount of the time thinking of ways to be more clear, more direct the next time she works up the courage to ask Sara on a date.

* * *

The next time she asked came about a month later. And, while Sara seemed more confused this time, she still didn't catch on to Catherine's motivations. For someone so brilliant, she sure had some issues picking up on Catherine's intentions.

But, the blonde really couldn't blame her. After all, their relationship had been beyond rocky for most of their years together. It's only been more recently, the last couple of years, that they've established a positive, productive dynamic. But, there's a long gap between productive and romantic. One that Catherine's been struggling with, trying to ignore, really, for ages. But, one she's starting to suspect may also be very much one sided.

Especially if Sara's this confused.

The dinner they share that evening is nice, but the younger women seemed like she was waiting the entire evening for Catherine to bring up something work related. To reveal the reason she asked Sara to join her. Because clearly, the real reason Catherine asked her there never occurred to Sara. Or, at least not at first.

As the dinner went on, Sara began to grow quieter, more thoughtful. Nervous even. While she didn't say anything or directly ask, Catherine wondered if then it was, finally, starting to sink in.

When they parted ways, they exchanged a rare hug, both women never ones to share the gesture before that moment. And, as Catherine got into her car to head home, she noticed Sara still by the sidewalk in front of the restaurant, watching her, expression deep and unreadable.

* * *

It's now the third time Catherine is going to be asking Sara out, and this time she's determined to make her intentions known.

Walking with confidence into the AV lab, she waits patiently while Sara peers down the end of a microscope, completely focused on her work. When she finally pulls up, straightening the hunched and sore muscles in her back, Sara nearly jumps out of her skin at the sudden appearance of a person standing beside her.

"Holy shit," she breathes out, hand clenched to her chest. "How long have you been standing there?"

"Only about forty minutes."

Sara rolls her eyes at Catherine's obvious exaggeration, pulling herself to her full height.

"So what brings you by to this part of the lab?" Sara asks as she places the slides she'd been studying back into their evidence folders, each one put neatly back in its exact place.

"Are you busy Saturday night?"

The question hangs between them, Sara slowly glancing up from her work to give Catherine her full attention.

"Oh, um," Sara hesitates slightly, making Catherine's whole body tense.

Had she read the situation wrong? Is Sara trying to find a way to back out now that she may be starting to catch on to Catherine's intentions? Is she not interested? Is Sara feeling-

"Nothing that I know of," Sara's voice cuts into the destructive thoughts currently clawing painfully through the older woman's mind. "Why?"

Relief rushes through Catherine, but so does hesitation. Sara doesn't give much away, her expression stoic and thoughtful, as difficult to read as the younger woman usually is. She really can't figure out whether Sara is on to her, to what she's asking, let alone how she feels about it.

But, remembering her promise to herself not to back down, Catherine forges ahead.

"I have two tickets for...an event. I was hoping you'd like to join me."

"An event?" Sara quirks a dark brow, searching Catherine's features for anything to assist her vague request.

"Yup, Sidle," Catherine smiles. "An event. One which I think you'll like."

"That's all you're going to give me?" Sara asks, head angled to the side.

"Do the details matter?" Catherine steps slightly closer, hands resting on the edge of the table that's between them. "Would it change your answer?"

Part of her wants to know the answer, but the larger part fears for what it might be.

But, soon enough, Sara puts her at ease. Just like she always seems to know how to do.

"Not really," Sara shrugs with a gentle smile. "As long as it's not a butcher shop or a meat packing factory or something like that…"

"Damn," Catherine curses, "I'll have to see if I can get a refund."

Sara smiles, body losing some of its tension. "You're really not going to give me any hints? How will I know what to wear or to bring?"

"Attire is formal," she supplies easily, "and you only have to bring yourself."

Taking in the information, Sara knows it's pointless to try to figure this particular mystery out. Instead, she decides for once to let go of her type A personality that always insists she know everything about everything and just go along with the spontaneity.

"I think I can do that."

"Good," Catherine smiles, giving her companion a nod. "Great, I'll pick you up at seven."

Before Sara, always the control freak insisting on driving, has a chance to argue, the blonde is out the door.

* * *

Saturday rolls around in what feels like the blink of an eye. A very anxious, excited, nervous eye.

Pulling up to Sara's condo, Catherine takes what she hopes is a deep, calming breath. But, in reality, it only sends new butterflies thundering around in her chest.

Deciding she can't stay in the safety of her car forever, she pulls the keys from the ignition, taking slow, steady steps to the front door that's currently separating her from the very reason for her nervousness.

Knocking before she has the chance to convince herself otherwise, she waits patiently in the warm evening air as she hears movement from inside.

"Coming," she hears Sara call out, steps getting closer as they reach the front door.

When the door itself is pulled open, Catherine quickly loses all semblance of control she ever had on herself. Eyes widening, heart rate excellerating, she's beyond coherent thought.

"Cath?" Sara questions, voice hesitant. "I'm sorry, you said formal, right? Did I misunderstand formal? Oh God...let me change…"

Just as Sara's turning to run back inside, Catherine has enough brain function to reach out and grab her wrist. Holding firm, she turns Sara around.

"No," she gets out, shaking her head as she has to clear her throat. "No, Sara, you're perfect. I mean, your dress, it's perfect."

"Are you sure?" the younger woman questions, hands roaming nervously over the black material.

While Catherine herself elected to go with a well fitted, tailored pant suit, for once deciding not to wear a dress, Sara had the opposite approach. And, Catherine's eyes are nearly falling out of her head as a result.

The dress is simple, black in color and falling just below the tall woman's knees, but the cut, the fit, it's almost as though the creator of this dress had Sara's exact measurements at their disposal when creating it. The halter style top wraps itself over elegant, slender shoulders, tying behind Sara's neck. The material is fitted, exemplifying Sara's toned physique, hugging slim hips and outlining the upper half of long, elegant legs. The back is open, giving Catherine a glimpse of more skin she's ever seen Sara expose before. Her back tanned, toned, and just as perfect as the rest of her.

Sara's chosen a pair of simple, low heels to complete the outfit, which Catherine is grateful as her more generous heels place her only a few inches below the taller woman. Her dark hair is up in a simple, but elegant arrangement at the back of her neck, loose pieces falling to gently lay across her collar bones in loose waves.

Sara's eyes, when Catherine finally lifts hers back up, are nervous, searching Catherine's.

"You look beautiful, Sara," Catherine gets out, voice nearly shaking. "So incredibly beautiful."

Sara's cheeks blush, the younger woman averting her eyes as the moment is heavy with a charged tension.

"Thanks," she gets out. Then, steadying herself, she brings her eyes back up to Catherine's. "You look beautiful as well, Catherine. You always do. But tonight...wow."

Now it's Catherine's turn to blush, tugging anxiously at the necklace hanging near her heart.

"Thanks," she mirrors Sara's own shaky response just seconds before. "Uh," she clears her throat for what feels like the millionth time already. "We should probably go?"

Sara nods, seeming to gain back some of her composure. "We should. Though since I'm still not sure where we're going, I'm really just taking your word for it."

"Good," Catherine smiles, feeling herself relax slightly as well as they work to get their usual playful dynamic back. "Let's get going before your CSI skills have you figuring this surprise out."

* * *

Sara doesn't figure it out, not until they're pulling into the parking lot.

"You can't be serious..."

The whispered words hang between them in the car, Sara's eyes wide as she takes in the view before her.

"Is that a good 'you can't be serious' or a bad one?" Catherine asks, trying to make out Sara's expression.

"A good one," Sara mumbles, eyes still staring ahead of her in wonder. "A very, very good one."

"I take it my suspicions were correct, that you like the orchestra?"

"You have no idea," Sara gets out, head shaking in disbelief of where she is. "I used to have membership tickets in California. But once I moved to Vegas I could never seem to find the time, or the money."

"Well," Catherine smiles, loving more than anything to see the look of wonderment on the normally stoic woman's features. "Consider this your first Vegas orchestra experience. Hopefully one of many more in the future."

"Catherine," Sara lets out a long breath. "This is insane. This must have cost you a fortune. I can't accept this, please let me at least pay you for my ticket."

"Not a chance in hell," Catherine laughs. "That would completely defeat the purpose of a first date."

The words are out before she can retract them, heart immediately slamming in her chest in fear. She'd meant to talk with Sara, at some point, about her intentions, about what this meant to her. But, instead, Catherine just blurts it out so ineloquently, so bluntly...she can't believe she just did that…

"Sara, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean...it doesn't have to be a date...if you don't want it to be, that's fine...just two friends getting together…."

"Catherine."

"I should've talked to you first, been more clear in what I-"

"Catherine."

"I don't assume you feel the same way or that you want-"

When words clearly aren't working, Sara instead reaches over, gently taking Catherine's shaking hand in her own. The contact seems to finally pull the blonde from her desperate explanations, her panicked eyes rising to meet Sara's.

"I thought of this as a date, too, Catherine," she assures gently, warm smile filling her face as she watches Catherine let out a shaky, relieved breath.

"You did?"

"I did," Sara assures, squeezing Catherine's hand. "I only had one issue with what you said, and it wasn't the date part."

"Oh?" Catherine questions, getting nervous again.

"Yeah, the part about this being our first date. I think this is actually our third date, right?" Sara says with a slightly embarrassed expression. "I was just too dense to figure out the first two."

Catherine laughs, the nervous tension between them finally fully broken. "Yes," she confesses. "I've been trying to get you on an actual date with me for a while."

"I'm so sorry," Sara rolls her eyes at herself. "You'd think I'd be better at picking up on hints. I mean, it's not like I'm an investigator for a living or anything…"

"Don't be too hard on yourself," Catherine assures her, rubbing her thumb gently along Sara's knuckles. "I'm sure you weren't expecting me, of all people, to be asking you out on a date. Not after how we treated each other for so long."

"No," Sara admits quietly. "But it's more because I never expected you, the same Catherine Willows that every man and woman in the entire lab would sell both their kidneys to go on a date with, would be asking me out."

"Oh please," Catherine laughs, "that's quite a bit of an exaggeration. Plus, I believe one Sara Sidle has her very own fan club at the lab."

Sara snorts, "Greg doesn't count."

Laughing, Catherine isn't sure how someone like Sara can be quite so oblivious about her own allure. Afterall, she's been driving Catherine herself crazy for months now.

"Regardless," Sara shakes her head. "It's an honor to be asked out by you, Catherine. And I have to admit, something I've had fantasies about about for a while."

"Why didn't you say something?!" Catherine raises her brows. "I've been obsessing over how to ask you out for months!"

"You have?" Sara's eyes widen, not believing the words coming out of Catherine's mouth.

"You have no idea, Sidle," Catherine shakes her head at her and Sara's idiocy. At how two people, feeling the same way, could be so completely oblivious of one another.

"We're so dumb."

Laughing aloud at this, Catherine figures Sara's simple words perfectly sum the situation up.

Lacing her fingers through Sara's, she tugs gently on her companion's hand.

"What do you say we head inside?"

Sara's expression returns to one of wonderment, this time focused not only on the concert hall towering up before them, but on Catherine herself as well.

* * *

Catherine would pay twenty times the price she paid for these tickets just to see again the look of amazement and awe that filled Sara's expression for the entire evening. The younger woman was completely enraptured with the music, feeling every chord, every note, with such intensity that had Catherine spending half of her own time watching the younger woman instead of the orchestra. After all, Sara, and her for once uncensored expressions, was a work of art and music all its own.

"We should leave," Sara mumbles for what is probably the third time, but neither of them move an inch. They're one of the last people still in their seats, everyone else having cleared out nearly twenty minutes ago when the concert concluded.

"Probably," Catherine mutters, but still no movement.

After all, she's perfectly content to sit here, Sara at her side, for an eternity. The evening was beautiful, the music was beautiful, the company was….beyond beautiful.

When the house lights come up and the cleaning staff starts making their way through the aisles, Catherine decides maybe it's finally time to get up and at least out of their way.

Standing, she immediately takes Sara's hand as she does so, both of them exiting out the long row, walking slowly towards the lobby, then to the front doors. Stepping out into the night, the warm desert air surrounds them, the sky a beautiful collection of stars on display.

Walking aimlessly, they purposefully don't head in the direction of their car, neither of them wanting this night to end. Not yet. Perhaps not ever.

"This was perfect, Catherine," Sara offers into the silence around them. "I can't thank you enough."

"No thanks needed," the blonde assures, linking her arm through Sara's, resing her head on the taller woman's shoulder. "I had the best night I can remember having in a very, very long time."

Sara nods, agreeing without words.

When they reach a small, secluded section of flowers clearly meant to serve as decorative landscaping in the daylight hours, Catherine draws them to a stop. Watching her companion, she studies Sara's eyes as they shift from the constellations in the sky down to hers.

Studying her expression, Catherine asks a question that's been burning inside of her for hours.

"Can I kiss you, Sara?"

Sara's own expression is searching, studying Catherine's with an intensity that is so synonymous with the woman herself. Finally, Sara's expression warms, the brunette letting out what appears to be a relieved breath.

"Please."

Needing no further invitation, Catherine leans in, joining her lips with Sara's. The kiss is eager, desperate, filled with what feels like years worth of emotions that have finally been given an avenue of expression.

Reaching forward, she takes hold of Sara, wrapping her arms around her, hands landing on the bare skin of her back. Feeling Sara's slender muscles twitch at the contact, Catherine holds her even tighter. Sara's own hands come to rest on her hips, holding the older woman close to her as their kiss deepens.

When they finally separate for air, the only thing they separate is their lips, their bodies remaining wrapped in one another, hands holding tightly and desperately. Leaning in, Catherine places another kiss along Sara's lips before lowering her head to rest it along Sara's chest. Hearing the woman's rapid heart beat that mirrors her own, Catherine closes her eyes.

"I want to stay in this moment forever," she confesses in a whisper. "It's perfect."

"So do I," Sara admits, placing a gentle kiss into Catherine's hair as they hold each other under the stars. She can't imagine a more perfect night, let alone a more perfect person to get to spend it with.

"Sara?" Catherine questions quietly long moments later.

"Yes?"

"Do you think it's improper to want to ask someone over to your place on a first date?"

Sara smiles, eyes closed as she keeps her head gently in its place atop Catherine's.

"Maybe," Sara answers. "But, don't forget. This isn't our first date, it's our third."

Catherine smiles, "Of course."

Then, pulling back slightly, she watches the woman before her, both meeting each other's gazes as they search their companion's expression, trying to penetrate through to the revelations underneath.

"Sara?" Catherine repeats.

"Yes?"

"Would you like to come back to my place?"

Sara smiles, and the older woman sees nothing but gentle warmth, admiration, and trust coming from the woman before her.

"I'd love to, Catherine. More than anything."

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	13. Chapter 13

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Thanks as always for your patience and kind reviews throughout, means the world.**

 **Quick note to those that submitted more than one prompt - I may do your prompts out of order (i.e. write your second prompt first), trying to space out similar topics a bit if your first prompt is similar in mood or subject to a previous story. But, no worries, I will get to your other prompt when I go back around to those that submitted more than one - didn't want anyone to think I was skipping their other ideas, they've all been great and I look forward to writing each and every one of them :)**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

Prompt: "Lindsey got the job of dog sitting Hank over the summer break. The willows and Sara grow closer as a result. I always wondered what happened to poor old Hank."

Submitted by: Shellmoose

* * *

 **Prompt 13**

"Oh for fucks sake," Sara tosses her cell on the break room couch, shaking her head angrily. "Of all the days…"

"Problems in paradise?" Catherine questions, walking in to see a very frustrated brunette currently glaring at the couch. Or, more accurately, the phone on the couch. "Did your phone do something to offend you, Sidle?"

Sara shakes her head, "Not so much the phone itself, but the person on the other end of it."

"Oh?" Catherine asks, noting the rare display of emotions from the typically calm, collected Sara. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah, not a big deal, just frustrating."

Catherine approaches, looking at Sara with raised brows. "Uh, what is? If you care to elaborate."

Sara's distracted, heated gaze finally lifts from the phone to meet Catherine's curious blues. "What?"

"I can't read your mind, Sidle. What's going on?" Catherine prompts.

"I just," Sara shakes her head, still somewhat lost in thought. "It's stupid."

"Sara! For the love of God…" Catherine is one step away from shaking the younger woman, but feeling pretty sure that would qualify as workplace harassment. Especially since she's technically Sara's supervisor. "Spit it out, woman."

"It's Hank," Sara finally answers. "Or more precisely, the girl I hired to watch Hank. She's canceling last minute. Again."

"Watch him for what?" Catherine asks.

"I have a triple," Sara moves over to the coffee machine as if reminded of the reason she came in there in the first place. "So I won't be able to let him out. Thus the dog sitter."

"The dog sitter that just cancelled."

"That's the one," Sara grumbles in frustration, starting the coffee maker and watching as the steaming dark brew starts to fill the carafe.

"What are you going to do?" Catherine asks, stepping up to lean against the table.

Sara shrugs, "I'm going to have to stop by on my way out to the scene. I don't really have any other options, even though they're totally in opposite directions."

"I have a solution," Catherine suggests with a small smile.

When Sara glances over her shoulder, she notes Catherine's slightly amused expression.

"I can hardly imagine the gem of wisdom you're about to bestow upon me."

Catherine nods, smile expanding. "This is a good one. You ready?"

Sara's head shakes warily, knowing she really has no choice anyway.

"You stop working so many triples!" Catherine smiles widely.

Sara's expression is less than impressed, which only causes Catherine to laugh.

"Thanks, Cath. That was just as helpful as I imagined it would be."

With a roll of her eyes, Sara returns her attention to the coffee maker. Perhaps the only occupant of this room she isn't currently frustrated with.

"In all seriousness, Sara," Catherine offers, voice sobering. "I may have a solution. Since I know cutting down on your obscene hours isn't an option for you."

Sara doesn't comment, letting out a non commital grunt as she pours the now completed coffee. Closing her eyes, she takes a long, needed swallow. This day has been hell, from start to finish.

"I'm serious."

Finally turning, Sara places her gaze even with Catherine's, her still blank expression showing she doesn't have much hope for this second suggestion. Particularly after the first was about as helpful as a matchbook in hell.

"Lindsey is home for summer break. And, the girl desperately needs something productive to take up her time. Not to mention teach her some much needed responsibility."

Sara's brow raises, definitely not expecting this particular suggestion.

"She's back from NYU?" Sara asks, hoping she got the school right.

It's not like she and Catherine are particularly close, Sara only knowing tidbits she picks up from overheard conversations or from the guys. In fact, she can't remember the last time Catherine talked directly to her about anything personal, including Lindsey.

"Yup," Catherine responds, affirming Sara's memory was correct much to the younger woman's relief. "Just finished her freshman year. Can you believe it?"

Sara shakes her head slightly hesitantly, not knowing enough about Lindsey to really believe anything about her. She's only met the girl once, in passing, at a holiday party. So, Catherine could tell her she's just entered kindergarden or just graduated from a master's program and it'd be all the same to her.

"Crazy," she offers, hoping it sounds genuine.

Catherine smiles slightly, however, and Sara knows the blonde is onto her. But, gratefully, she doesn't comment.

"So, what do you think?"

"I don't know, Catherine," Sara hesitates, not sure about this particular plan. She tries desperately to keep her work and social lives separate. And, this would be a very large, very glaring bridge between the two. Particularly when it involves Catherine. By far the colleague she's the least close with. She's not sure how she feels about a Willows, any Willows, in a place as private to her as her home.

"What's the big deal?" Catherine probes. "Lindsey gets something to fill her very unproductive days. And, you get a reliable caretaker for Hank."

"Lindsey's in college," Sara again hesitates. "I'm sure she has much more interesting, not to mention adult, activities she'd rather be doing than watching someone's dog."

"How old was the other girl you had?" Catherine presses.

Sara shakes her head, "That's beside the point."

"Sara."

"She's a student a WLVU."

"See!" Catherine points out, case proven. "Lindsey may even be younger than that girl. And, she loves animals. So, she shouldn't hate it too badly."

"Wow," Sara mumbles out, taking another much needed swallow of coffee. "That's reassuring."

"Come on, Sara," Catherine presses. "You're acting like I'm twisting your arm here. I'm offering you some free, responsible labor and you're looking at me like I'm trying to get you to stick your finger in a light socket."

Sara shakes her head, "Not free. Of course I'd pay her."

Catherine smiles, "So you'll do it?"

"Shouldn't you ask Lindsey first?"

"Nope," Catherine responds cheerfully. "She's living in my house, under my roof, that means she still answers to me. At least for the summer."

Sara's not sure how that particular attitude would go over with most people Lindsey's age, but that's between Catherine and her daughter. None of Sara's business, especially when she's the last person on the planet who should have any opinions regarding parenting and how to properly execute it.

"Fine," Sara agrees with hesitation and an eyeroll. "But if this is a disaster it's officially not my fault."

"Perfect!" Catherine beams, already on her phone and presumably texting Lindsey to tell her the magnificent news.

Pausing slightly only a few moments later, Catherine looks a little embarrassed when she glances up from the device.

"Uh, Sara?"

"Yes?"

"Where do you live?"

Sara groans, downing the rest of her coffee, knowing this is all a huge mistake that no doubt every party involved will regret.

* * *

Even Hank looks a little uncertain, which has Sara trying to send him reassuring glances every time Lindsey isn't looking.

 _I'm sorry, buddy. She probably won't accidentally poison you or forget you outside._

"So, the food is kept in this cupboard, right next to his leash, bags, treats, and everything else you would need." Sara continues, sneaking glances at Lindsey as she shows her around the house.

She looks a lot like her mother, and definitely a lot older than the last time she saw her. In fact, it's a little disconcerting seeing a slightly smaller version of Catherine standing in her kitchen.

"And just check his water when you come over, make sure it's full before you leave." Sara shrugs. "That's about it."

Lindsey nods, looking only slightly bored, for which Sara is grateful.

"Walks twice a day?" Lindsey questions, confirming she'd heard correctly.

"Yup," Sara confirms. "If I'll be home I'll call or text you to let you know you don't need to stop over, but if you don't hear from me assume I'm still at work and need to you stop by."

Lindsey nods, eyes shifting over to Hank, who's still standing warily behind Sara's legs.

"He looks like he's about to have a nervous breakdown," Lindsey comments.

Sara smiles, reaching down to ruffle Hank's ears gently, fingers moving over the soft velvety white fur. "He just needs time to warm up to people. He'll be fine. A bit shy, but not aggressive, so don't worry about that."

Lindsey nods, appearing to appreciate the clarification. "Hopefully he'll get used to me soon," she offers, looking like she genuinely wants for Hank to like her. Which, somewhat surprises Sara.

She'd assumed most people Lindsey's age would be pissed to have this type of job sprung on them by their mothers, but it appears that Lindsey does genuinely like animals, which perhaps gives this job a bit more allure than it typically would.

"How old is he?" Lindsey asks, getting down on one knee to drop to Hank's level and appear less intimidating.

"About five, I think."

Lindsey looks up questioningly.

"I adopted him from a rescue shelter, so they took their best guess at age."

Lindsey nods, watching Hank as he cautiously pokes his nose from around Sara's leg to sniff at her hand. "Good. Puppy mills are a blight to morality."

Sara can't help but smile, "Couldn't agree more."

"Why'd you name him Hank?" Lindsey probes, and Sara can't help but shake her head at the other similarity Lindsey shares with her mother besides her appearance.

"Uh," Sara hesitates slightly, never one for personal conversations. So, she keeps it basic. "It was the name of an ex."

"You named your dog after your ex?" Lindsey laughs. "Pretty harsh."

"Actually, the man I was dating at the time did."

"Wow," Lindsey only laughs harder. "That's like something from a soap opera. Jealous man names dog after girlfriend's ex. He must have really hated the guy…"

"Well," Sara shrugs. "He did cheat on me. Or, more precisely _with_ me. So…"

"Ugh," Lindsey nods. "A dog, indeed. The name fits."

Sara smiles, "Probably."

Hank was a nice guy, but no truly nice guy does the types of things he did when it comes to dating. Unfaithful, cheating, lying. Those aren't qualities of someone truly good or kind.

"So," Lindsey probes, standing up again as Hank resumes his position behind Sara. "Are you dating anyone now?"

Sara hesitates, feeling more than uncomfortable with the question. And, so much so that Lindsey picks up on it.

"Sorry," she mumbles, the air between them growing a bit awkward. "I shouldn't pry. Just wanted to be sure I wasn't going to be running into any unexpected men while I'm here."

Sara shakes her head. "Nope, none of those," she keeps her answer simple.

"Okay," Lindsey breathes out. "Good."

"You sure you're okay with this, Lindsey?" Sara asks as they walk together to her front door. "I know your mom kinda put you up to this. It's okay if you don't want to do it."

"It's fine," Lindsey shrugs. "Not like I was doing anything else anyway. All my friends are still in New York, so…"

"You didn't have any friends from high school that are still in Vegas?" Sara asks, hoping she's not the one now probing.

"Nope," Lindsey answers, apparently not sharing any of Sara's reservations regarding opening up about personal matters. "At least not ones mom will let me hang out with. They're a little…"

"Rough?" Sara answers for her.

"Yeah," Lindsey nods. "But they're not bad people. I wish my mom would just trust me."

Sara nods, not feeling comfortable enough to comment one way or another. If there's one thing she has no interest in, it's overstepping her bounds when it comes to Lindsey and Catherine's parenting of her.

"And you're sure you're okay with the pay?" Sara asks one last time. "Figured I'd give you what I was giving the previous sitter."

"It's fine," Lindsey nods with a small smile. "More than I expected, actually."

"Good," Sara breathes out, opening the door. "Any other questions or anything that comes up, don't hesitate to text or call me."

Reaching out, Sara grabs the item from the table beside them, trying to ignore the nervous feeling in her stomach the action is causing.

Handing the key over, she watches Lindsey take it and add it to her keychain.

"See you soon," Lindsey offers with a wave, heading out towards her car parked in Sara's drive.

"See you soon," Sara mumbles out with a sigh as she watches her drive away.

Looking down, she notes Hank also watching her leave. Bending over, Sara places a kiss along the fur atop his head.

"What have we gotten ourselves into, buddy?"

Hank gives back a nervous whine in return.

* * *

"You checking your nanny cam?" the voice cuts into the previously quiet, and assumed empty, space. "Making sure Linds isn't stealing any of your precious dictionaries?"

Sara looks up from her phone with an inquisitive tilt to her head, "Excuse me?" she questions. "I don't have a nanny cam. That's just...creepy. And how do you know that I..."

"She mentioned you seem to have a penchant for the most boring book on planet Earth. Owning one copy is dull enough. Two is overkill. Eighteen? That's just plain obsessive."

Sara looks around, wondering just when Catherine entered the locker room, and just how she failed to notice.

"Only one is in English," Sara mutters somewhat defensively.

"Oh, so that makes it better?" Catherine smiles, tossing her keys and jacket into her locker. "I actually think that might make it worse. Unless you speak eighteen languages, of course."

"No...I just…" Sara trails off, wondering why she's bothering to explain. "Nevermind."

Noting perhaps that she struck a chord with the younger woman, Catherine turns to face her companion where she sits along the bench. "No, now I'm curious."

"Now you're mocking me," Sara corrects, pushing herself to a stand with a heavy sigh. Her second shift is just beginning, and it's shaping up to be just as exhausting as the first if the endless pages she keeps getting are any indication.

"Anyway," she gestures to the device in question, just as it starts beeping again. With a groan, she shuts it off, eyes working quickly over the words before placing it back on her hip. "I have to get going."

"Sara."

The brunette stops with her hand on the door handle.

"I really wasn't mocking you," Catherine offers apologetically, eyes sincere, body language completely different than it was when she first entered. "Maybe someday you'll be willing to tell me more about your collection and what it means to you."

Sara takes a deep breath, trying to settle herself for the shift ahead, starting with her slightly ruffled feathers from this most recent conversation.

Nodding, she gives Catherine the best attempt at a smile she can muster, feeling it barely able to lift the edges of her lips.

"Yeah," she breathes out tiredly as she opens the door. "Maybe someday."

* * *

"She's not spying on you, just so you know."

Sara doesn't even glance up this time, not sure when Catherine decided to start the habit of randomly showing up and speaking with her. Especially when they've spent most of their careers so far in neutral silence that borders at times on avoidance.

"Are you stalking me?" Sara asks. "Or did you need something from me?"

"What?" Catherine questions, hand placing itself over her chest in offense. "I can't just come to the PD gym to work out like the rest of you?"

Sara sends her a look that explains her doubts quite concisely.

"Fine, fine," Catherine sits, admitting what they both already knew. "I'm here to talk to you. I felt bad about the other day in the locker room. And then Lindsey mentioned you put away a lot of your stuff, she was worried she'd overstepped by telling me about your dictionaries."

"It's fine," Sara offers, grabbing her towel to wipe the sweat from her forehead and neck. "I'm not mad at her."

"Are you mad at me?"

Sara shakes her head, taking a sip of water. "I'm not mad at anyone."

"The angry kung fu action I just walked in on begs to differ."

Sara rolls her eyes, "It's called kickboxing."

"See?" Catherine smiles. "I could use a few more dictionaries in my life."

"Catherine…" Sara lets out a tired breath, exhausted from not only her back to back shifts lately, but also the last forty minutes she just spent kicking and punching the shit out of the bag swinging from the ceiling next to them.

"I'm sorry," Catherine offers, getting serious. "I honestly just wanted to apologize to you, Sara. You don't have to worry about Lindsey invading your privacy. She's a good kid, she didn't mean anything by it."

"Like I said," Sara swallows more of her water, trying to still her frantic heart rate that's making her feel even more exhausted and dizzy than she did when she started. Usually she gets a high, a burst of energy directly after a workout. Today she just got...more tired. "I'm not mad, Catherine. At her, or at you."

"Then why the redecorating?"

Sara closes the water, the liquid starting to sit funny in her stomach.

"I just needed a change."

"That's bullshit, Sara."

"What do you want me to say?" Sara breathes out, not having the patience for this particular conversation, for Catherine's unwillingness to just let the issue drop. Not now. "Tell me whatever answer will make you happy so I can get this inquisition over with."

Catherine's expression is tight at Sara's less than pleasant tone, and the silence that stretches between them grows increasingly more uneasy each minute that passes.

"If this is too much, Sara, if having Lindsey in your home makes you uncomfortable, just say the word and this ends. I never thought you'd mind this much. But, clearly you do."

"I don't…" Sara lets out an exhausted sigh, not sure how to explain herself. How to explain her reaction to what appears to others to be about just a bunch of stupid dictionaries. "It's not too much. I guess I just got a little surprised by your comment about my books. I'm not used to having people, at least not people from work, being in my home and learning things about me that way."

"I know you're private, Sara," Catherine agrees. "And I'll respect that. So will Lindsey. No more side comments about anything, not from me. You have my word."

"It's fine," Sara says for what feels like the millionth time, taking a seat and placing her head down near her knees. "Really, it's not a big deal."

She's not sure if Catherine left, but she gets her answer when she feels a tentative hand on her shoulder.

"Are you okay, Sara?" Catherine asks. "You don't look so good."

"I'm fine," Sara mutters, even as her stomach pitches and the world around her seems to move without her permission. "Just tired."

Catherine looks disbelieving when Sara finally lifts her head again. Reaching out, the blonde hands Sara's water bottle back to her.

"You should drink more," she recommends, noting the amount of sweat along Sara's shirt and neck. "And, you should let me drive you home."

"I'm okay," Sara declines. "Just pushed myself a little too hard."

When she feels someone sitting down onto the bench next to her, Sara rolls her eyes.

"What are you doing?"

"Waiting here until you're ready to leave. At which time you will get into my car and let me take you home."

"I said-"

"That you're fine," Catherine cuts her off. "I heard you, but I beg to differ. So does your pasty complexion that suggests you're about ready to hurl, pass out, or both."

Sara groans, glaring as best she can at the woman beside her even though the room spinning between them doesn't make it easy.

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that?" she questions.

"I'm aware," is Catherine's unconcerned answer.

* * *

"You vomit in my car and there'll be hell to pay."

"You're the one who insisted on driving me home," Sara counters, rolling down the passenger window to allow the cool breeze to run over her heated skin. Eyes closing, she tries to keep her stomach settled enough to get them to her house without incident. As mortifying as this already is, she'd be absolutely horrified if she really threw up in Catherine's vehicle.

Not to mention she knows the older woman would make do on her threat.

"That's because you look like you're about ready to die."

"That's quite an exaggeration."

"When's the last time you looked in a mirror?" Catherine retorts, taking in Sara's complexion that's shifted from ghostly pale to deathly pale. Not to mention her shaky and sweaty limbs that look ready to collapse inward on themselves at any minute.

"How often do you do this to yourself?" Catherine asks when Sara doesn't respond to her previous, mostly rhetorical question.

"Work out?" Sara asks.

"Work out like _this._ " Catherine clarifies, knowing Sara can figure out what she means.

There's working out, then there's pushing yourself to your limits, and then there's pushing yourself over them into this realm of disaster. Where your body retaliates and punishes you back even harder for the punishments you tried to bestow upon it.

"Why?" Sara asks. Wondering what Catherine is trying to gain from this conversation.

"Because it's scary as shit to see," Catherine confesses honestly. "So I'm hoping this isn't a regular habit of yours."

"Not too often," Sara mumbles. "Only about twice a week."

"Sara!" Catherine's expression is horrified when Sara looks over, making the effort of prying her eyes open to see it worth it.

Sara smiles, laying her head back against the headrest, letting the cool night air wash over her.

"Kidding, Catherine."

"It wasn't funny," the blonde growls. "Not at all."

"A little."

"Not. At. All."

Sara laughs lightly, noticing they're pulling onto her street.

* * *

"I can walk."

"In a straight line?" Catherine keeps her grip on Sara's arm tight despite the other woman's protests. "Because your wobbling legs suggest otherwise."

"Whatever," Sara mutters, knowing she's not winning this battle, resuming their slow walk up the drive. Reaching her front door, she shakily gets the key into the lock.

Stepping inside, she turns, "Thanks for the ride, Catherine. I do appreciate it."

"Nope," Catherine pushes past Sara, entering into the foyer. "I'm not leaving until you're showered and settled in for the night. I don't want you passing out in the tub and drowning yourself or something."

"I don't have a tub."

"You know exactly what I mean, Sidle. And the longer you argue with me, the longer I'm here."

Sara's eyes search the blonde's.

"Are you being serious? Surely you have to get home or have other, more pressing things to be doing right now."

"More pressing than making sure you're okay?" Catherine poses gently. "Can't think of a single thing that would qualify."

Seeing the warm sincerity now in the older woman's expression, Sara clears her throat, taking a step back as she moves further into the house.

"If you're sure," she gets out.

"Positive."

Moving further inside as well, Catherine's eyes roam over Sara's place. The glass foyer that looks more like a greenhouse, ceiling revealing the night sky above them in all its starry splendor. The room beyond it that's small, but tastefully decorated, just like the kitchen and what she can see of the bedrooms. It's like a loft met with a studio and met with a house, to combine into one of the most unique and beautiful layouts Catherine has seen.

"Your place is gorgeous," she compliments, eyes still taking in everything around her. "The pictures Lindsey took on her cell phone didn't do it justice."

Seeing Sara's head whipping around from her place in the kitchen, Catherine smiles.

"Kidding." She shakes her head somewhat apologetically. "Sorry. Too soon?"

But, this time, Sara herself lets out the smallest hint of a laugh, settling Catherine's nerves and putting a smile on her own face.

"And this must be Hank," Catherine calls, greeting the dog that comes around the corner to inspect their new house guest.

Tentatively sniffing at Catherine, Hank seems warily accepting, even allowing Catherine to give him a few pats along his back.

"He likes you," Sara comments from the kitchen where she's downing some more water while pulling out a fresh bottle for Catherine. "Usually he doesn't let new people touch him for at least the first couple meetings. Takes him a little while longer to warm up than most."

"Hmm," Catherine calls quietly. "Sounds like someone else I know."

Sara only sends her a look, offering out the water. "Since you insist on staying, at least let me make you some coffee or food or something."

"Sara," Catherine orders sternly. "You'll do nothing of the sort. You're going straight to the shower, and then straight to bed after that. It's been a while since I've taken my CPR certification test and I have no interest in trying it out tonight."

"Catherine…"

"Now, Sara."

Sara mumbles something under her breath, putting Catherine's water on the counter as she heads off to what Catherine presumes is the bathroom. Sure enough, a few minutes later she hears the shower spray turning on, the blonde turning to Hank.

"When's the last time your broody owner ate something?"

Getting a tilted head and a whine in response, she's pretty certain she knows the answer even without Hank's help.

"What are we going to do with this stubborn girl of ours?" Catherine asks, ignoring the words she subconsciously chose to use.

* * *

When Sara reenters the kitchen, she draws up short.

"Holy shit."

 _Holy shit, indeed_ , Catherine internally startles, taking in Sara's loose tank top that gives her generous views of her sports bra and sides. Sara smells like fresh shampoo and soap, her hair hanging loose and damp along her shoulders. She has on a pair of fitted sweatpants that are cinched below her knees, giving Catherine the briefest glimpse of a tattoo along Sara's foot as she walks by.

"You didn't have to do this," Sara breathes out at the sight before her. "You've already done way too much."

"Something tells me you don't allow people to take care of you very often, Sara. So, enjoy."

Sara doesn't contradict Catherine's assessment, a slight blush creeping up her cheeks instead.

"Thanks, Catherine," she offers quietly. "Really. For everything."

Catherine nods, watching as Sara picks up a fork to taste the vegetable and rice dish she was able to make from the food in Sara's house.

"Enjoy," Catherine repeats. "And try not to do this again, please? You scare me sometimes, Sidle."

Sara takes in a deep breath, knowing she can't promise what Catherine's requesting. And, she knows Catherine knows that too.

"I'm sorry," she offers instead, genuinely not wanting to cause worry for the older woman.

Knowing it's the best she's going to get, Catherine nods, reaching out to pull Sara into a rare hug. Holding the woman close, she tries to ignore the feeling of Sara's body against hers. They're not typically the hugging type, and she's trying desperately not to enjoy the feeling as much as she is.

Because, she knows it's unlikely to repeat itself anytime soon.

Pulling back, she glances over at Hank, already laying himself down protectively near Sara's feet.

"You going to be okay if I head out?" she questions.

"Of course," Sara nods. "Thanks again, Catherine."

Smiling, Catherine makes her way to the door, hearing Sara following after her to show her out.

"Promise me you'll go to bed and get some sleep as soon as you're finished eating."

Sara knows better than to argue at this point.

"Promise."

"Good," Catherine nods, opening Sara's front door. "Take care of yourself, Sidle. See you tomorrow."

"Night, Catherine."

* * *

Tomorrow comes and Sara is still exhausted. She doesn't quite feel like vomiting anymore, which is a plus, but she feels like she could use about twelve more hours of solid sleep. Which, unfortunately, is very much out of the question as she has shift starting in less than two.

Deciding to get the struggle over with, she pulls herself from her warm covers, stretching her sore body as she shuffles her way towards her shower. Though she already took one last night, her aching muscles are all but begging for the warm water.

By the time she dresses and heads to the lab, she's still early, but not quite Sidle early.

Pulling open the doors, she makes her way through the glass and metal halls, nodding hello to a few colleagues as she makes her way to the breakroom. Which is surprisingly almost entirely empty except for one person.

"Morning," Sara offers, trying to be polite, masquerading as her typical pleasant morning self when all she really wants to do right now is crawl back in bed.

"You look like shit."

Apparently her masquerade isn't going quite as successfully as she'd hoped.

"Thanks," the brunette responds with a roll of her eyes, starting the coffee pot.

"You feel any better than you look?"

Sara shrugs, not committing one way or another as she glances over her shoulder to face the blonde.

"Where is everyone?"

"At a scene," is the answer, Catherine sipping from her own mug. "Big heist down on the strip."

"Do they need us to join?" Sara asks hopefully, needing some work to distract her from how crappy she feels.

"Nope," Catherine stands, sliding a pink colored slip across the table in the younger woman's general direction. "We've got our own case."

Raising her brow, Sara glances at the writing on the paper as she pours the freshly brewed coffee into her mug.

"Murder suicide?" she questions. "Not quite as thrilling as a casino heist."

"Nope," Catherine agrees, face transitioning into a smile. "Unless you take into account who our vics are."

Taking a second look, Sara now raises both her brows when she notes the names.

"Seriously?"

"Oh yeah," Catherine wags her eyebrows. "This is gonna be fantastic."

* * *

Fantastic may have been an overstatement. Unless you're into political drama and power struggles.

Sara's had at least three people threaten to end her career if she does this or that, and shift isn't even half over. She's made mental notes, however, to do each and every one of those forbidden actions before shift ends.

"Anything useful?" Sara asks as she steps up to where Catherine's dusting one of the luxurious oversized desks in the opulent office.

"About a thousand prints," Catherine mutters with a roll of her eyes. "Whether they're useful has yet to be seen."

"This place is a processing nightmare," Sara agrees, looking around at the endless hall of offices, each one bigger than the next. Each one also gaudier than the next. While Sara knew the private financial industry is more than saturated in profits, this is outrageous. There's even private elevators in some of these offices, as if riding up and down with the 'common folk' that work in this building is beyond tolerance.

"Not to mention disgusting," Sara mutters out in conclusion.

"Really?" Catherine moves on to another print. "I think this place is meticulously maintained and designed."

Glancing up when she doesn't get a response, Catherine searches Sara's expression with a growing smile.

"Oh, you meant a different type of disgusting."

Smiling herself, Sara shrugs, "I shouldn't judge, but…"

"Judge away," Catherine responds easily. "These people own half of Vegas. And, it's no secret how they got to be in that position."

"Well," Sara agrees, "I guess it's our job to figure out how our vics got in their particular positions, dead on the conference room floor."

"Yup," Catherine pulls off her gloves as she finishes the last print. "And I bet the answer is a juicy one."

"Juicy?" Sara probes, cringing slightly at the word. Reminding her too much of 'moist' and other abhorrent words of similar ilk.

"CEOs just don't kill people and then themselves without good reason."

"There's a good reason to kill people?" Sara probes.

"Shut up, Sidle," Catherine laughs, playfully poking Sara's shoulder as they move together to the conference room to process the main crime scene. "You know what I meant."

"Hmm, not so sure I did," Sara hums, "maybe I need a few more dictionaries."

Catherine laughs out loud at this, smile wide as she accepts the comment as a sign of progress between her and Sara. A peace offering. Their earlier troubles apparently firmly behind them. Both of them.

* * *

"You really do look like shit."

"And I really do appreciate your kind words."

Catherine looks over at her companion as the brunette guides their Tahoe through the streets after an exhausting shift filled with prints, more prints, and every other type of trace evidence you could imagine in a busy office setting.

"Sorry, you just look like you didn't get any sleep last night. You still feeling sick?"

"I got a lot of sleep, actually," Sara answers. "Probably twice what I usually get."

"That isn't exactly saying much," Catherine rolls her eyes. "Not when you're an insomniac."

Getting serious, Catherine gently reaches over, feeling Sara's forehead while making sure not to interfere with the younger woman's view of the road.

"But really, how are you feeling?"

"Just tired and sore," Sara assures her, trying to ignore the blush creeping up her cheeks at the contact of Catherine's gentle touch. "I'm fine, really."

"Hmm," Catherine doesn't seem comforted, retracting her hand when she's confident the younger woman at least doesn't have a fever.

"I'm, uh," Sara clears her throat, trying to move on to other topics much more comfortable than herself. "I'm thinking of stopping by the park after shift to meet up with Lindsey and Hank, she said they'd be headed there."

"Oh," Catherine adjusts to the change in subject. "That sounds like fun."

Sara nods, glancing over from the road to take a quick look at Catherine's expression.

"That was also sort of an invite...if you don't have other plans, of course…"

"Oh," Catherine repeats, this time with her brows raised. "No. I mean, no, I don't have other plans. That would be great, actually. I've been wanting to spend some more time with Linds. This week has been insane."

Catherine doesn't mention how she's also very excited to get to spend time with Sara after shift as well. She can't remember the last time they hung out together socially, just to do something fun together. In fact, she has a sinking suspicion that's because the last time was never.

* * *

"This place is amazing," Catherine takes in the lush grass and tree cover that's a rarity in most of this part of Vegas. Atop the hill she's perched on Catherine can count at least four different types of wildflowers.

Even better, the number of other people around is less than the types of flowers.

"Sara told me about it, said she and Hank come here almost every weekend."

"Really?" Catherine takes this in. Not sure what she pictured Sara doing on her weekends, but somehow surprised that the workaholic made time for things other than her open cases.

"She said she liked the solitude here, hates busy parks."

"Now, that sounds more like the Sara Sidle I know," Catherine laughs, watching Sara as she chases Hank through a section of thicker brush before Hank turns the tables and is soon on Sara's heels.

It's like she's catching a glimpse of a younger Sara, a more carefree Sara. One that doesn't carry the weight of unsolved cases and failed convictions on her shoulders yet. One that doesn't barely sleep and beat the shit out of punching bags when her thoughts and feelings threaten to consume her. One that laughs, smiles, relaxes. One that isn't haunted by a past and secrets that Catherine suspects run dark and deep.

The Sara she knows and loves, the one she sees daily, is strong and brave and beautiful. This Sara, even with just a few of her walls lowered, is absolutely captivating.

"Mom!"

Catherine startles, eyes jerking to Lindsey who's now laughing beside her.

"Jesus, Linds, what?!"

Lindsey only laughs harder, "I've been calling your name for like five minutes."

"Sorry," Catherine feels her cheeks heating up, "I was just…"

"Staring at Sara?" Lindsey supplies easily.

"No, I wasn't, I was just…"

"Mom," Lindsey places a hand on Catherine's shoulder and squeezes supportively with a wink. "Don't bother. We both know what you were doing."

"Ugh," the CSI groans out, knowing she was completely caught and that her daughter's too much like her to let any excuse fly. "Sorry, it's just, I'm not used to seeing her like this."

Lindsey's quiet, now joining her mom as they watch Sara attempting to pry a stick from Hank's mouth while Hank simply lays down on it and wags his tail.

"She's pretty cool," Lindsey offers. "Not sure what she's like at work, but I like her."

"You do?" Catherine raises a brow. "Thought you pretty much hated everyone on planet Earth, myself included."

Lindsey shakes her head, rolling her eyes. "Not everyone, just most. And, though you drive me up a wall sometimes, I could never hate you."

Catherine laughs, reaching over to pull Lindsey into a sideways hug. "Feeling's mutual kid. Love you way too much to ever even have the mildest inkling of hate."

"Same," Lindsey breathes out, enjoying the rare moment of peace between the two of them. While she considers herself extremely close with her mother, they're almost too alike to get by without fighting almost every other day. But, in the end, she knows her mom has her back and her best interests at heart, as much as it hurts her to admit that.

* * *

"Everything okay?" Sara asks, catching her breath as she ascends the hill to where Catherine is. They both watch Lindsey as she gets into her car and exists the gravel parking lot.

"Yeah, actually," Catherine takes a deep, soothing breath. "I think that's the first time we said I love you to each other in a while. Which is sad."

"It's a hard time, hard age," Sara offers. "I'd suspect most kids Lindsey's age say it even less. And, don't worry about her feelings towards you for a second."

With a raised brow, Catherine faces Sara.

"She talks about you all the time," Sara explains, seeing the blonde's expression. "You should see the way her eyes light up when she tells stories about you. She's proud of you, Cath, and very much looks up to you."

The moisture is in Catherine's eyes before she can register it, shaking her head in embarrassment as she tries to wipe it away.

"I'm sorry," she gets out. "I just, it's been so hard being her only parent, I'm always so worried I'm not doing this correctly and that she'll resent me or hate me. Or that she does already."

Sara hesitates slightly, before stepping forward and encircling Catherine in her arms.

"You're an amazing mom, Catherine. Don't ever doubt yourself for a second. And, don't ever doubt how much Lindsey loves you. It's as clear as day to the rest of us."

The tears are back before Catherine can stop them, not realizing how long and deeply she's been holding these fears in. To finally voice them, and have them dispelled by someone she trusts more than anyone else to be honest with her, it's like Catherine can breathe again after years underwater.

"You sure?" she asks, just needing to hear the confirmation.

"Positive," Sara affirms, holding Catherine tightly. "I promise."

They stay like that for a while longer, before Catherine finally gives Sara a squeeze before pulling back. Keeping her hands on the taller woman's shoulders, she watches as Sara gently wipes the last of the tears from her face.

"Thank you," Catherine gets out. "You have no idea how much that means to me."

"I didn't do anything other than state a fact," Sara shrugs, deflecting the thanks like she's always been a master at doing.

Grabbing Sara's hand in hers before she can fully pull it away, Catherine keeps her grip firm.

"Thank you," she repeats purposefully.

Sara swallows down the words she wants to say, knowing Catherine won't tolerate any more deflections. So, instead, she simply nods, squeezing the blonde's hand in hers.

* * *

When Catherine suggested they stay a while longer in the park together, she hadn't anticipated staying longer than an hour. But, as the day continued on, the sun rising higher in the sky, neither one of them mentioned leaving as they played with Hank and simply enjoyed the beautiful afternoon.

Now, the sun slowly starting its descent, Cathering glances over at the quiet woman beside her. This time, however, Sara's eyes are fluttering closed, the younger CSI working hard to keep prying them open again each time.

She knows Sara must be exhausted. She was exhausted already this morning at the beginning of shift. Now, a tiresome shift and multiple hours running around outside later, she's amazed Sara didn't crash earlier.

Moving subtly closer, Catherine places herself flush against Sara's side. Leaning herself back into the hillside behind them, she waits until Sara's head starts to lower, watching as Sara jolts herself awake each time.

When it happens a fourth time, Catherine leans forward, gently gripping Sara's shoulders and pulling her down with her. Laying their backs along the hillside, Catherine direct's Sara's head towards her shoulder.

"Cath…" Sara mumbles, barely conscious as she tries to argue with Catherine's intentions.

"Shh," Catherine cuts all arguments off. "You're exhausted, Sar. Just close your eyes and relax for a few minutes."

"Not tired…" Sara mumbles, words trailing off into sleep even as she speaks them.

Shaking her head with a smile, Catherine just pulls the younger woman closer as she watches Sara's breathing even out, her head coming to finally rest fully along Catherine's shoulder.

Running her free hand through Sara's hair, Catherine closes her own eyes, trying to ignore how it feels to have Sara Sidle, of all people, asleep in her arms.

"Rest, Sara," she breathes out soothingly. "I've got you."

* * *

As Sara opens her eyes, blinking tiredly, the first thing she notices is the sound of a heartbeat under her ear. Furrowing her brows, she picks her head up, feeling an arm tighten around her waist in response to the movement. When she spies the person whom the heartbeat belongs to, it takes everything inside her not to jerk away in surprise.

How did this happen? What time is it?

Seeing the sun just starting to disappear behind the horizon, Sara figures they spent pretty much the entire afternoon out here. Looking over, she's relieved to see Hank curled up contentedly near her legs, deep in sleep as his paws twitch every so often, still playing in the parks in his dreams.

Perhaps alerted by the movements, Catherine's eyes blink open as she takes in their surroundings.

"What time is it?" she croaks out, clearing her throat as she watches Sara try to subtly separate their bodies.

"Uh," Sara shakes her head clear, glancing down at her watch. "A quarter to eight."

"Wow," Catherine laughs, "I passed out. It was only about five when we laid down."

"That makes two of us," Sara adds. Gesturing to the ground and towards Catherine herself, Sara's cheeks redden. "Sorry about…"

"It was my doing, not yours," Catherine settles Sara's nervousness regarding their sleeping positions.

"Oh," Sara raises a brow in surprise. "Okay."

Smiling at Sara's reaction, the blonde looks her over.

"Were you able to get some sleep?" she asks, trying to gauge whether the dark streaks under Sara's eyes are any lighter.

"Yeah, actually." Sara glances over at Catherine. "Thanks."

"Anytime. You needed it."

Sara doesn't argue, looking out towards the sunset. It's strange, they've spent nearly seven hours in this park, and yet Sara has no inclination to get up and leave. In fact, this is probably the most at peace she's felt anywhere and anytime the last few months.

"We should go," Sara offers aloud despite her reservations, knowing Catherine at least probably has better things to be doing right now.

"Or we could watch the sunset and then go."

Sara's eyes meet Catherine's, reading the genuine desire to stay in the blonde's expression.

"Deal."

As they watch the sun lowering, painting the sky in hues of golden orange and magenta, Sara gives Hank a gentle stroke along his head. Not enough to wake him, but enough to offer her thanks for bringing this moment into her life. If it wasn't for him, and Lindsey watching him, she would never be here with Catherine. Would never have spent the day in the park with her, or spent the afternoon falling asleep in her arms.

Blushing anew, Sara turns her head towards the sunset to hide her reddening cheeks.

For the first time, she's realizing that perhaps letting Catherine into her life a bit more isn't such a scary thing. Isn't such a negative thing. In fact, Sara wishes days like this existed more often, that perhaps she and Catherine could use this as a stepping stone, a beginning point.

She knows Catherine has tried to extend that olive branch to her in the past, but Sara's always been the one keeping the door closed. And locked.

Perhaps now it's her turn to let the blonde in just a little bit. See where it goes from there. But, to do that, she needs to stop hiding herself from the other woman, stop keeping everything in her life and about herself behind walls as thick as they are high. She needs to not only stop pushing the other woman's efforts away, but finally make some efforts of her own.

Taking a deep breath, Sara keeps her gaze on the sunset.

"I got those dictionaries when I was a kid." Her voice wavers slightly, but she forces herself to keep going, to commit to what she's doing. "Anytime I saw one I'd buy it, in as many languages as I could find."

She can feel Catherine's gaze on the back of her head, but she doesn't turn to meet it, not sure she can finish what she started if she does.

"Sara…" Catherine's tone is gentle, soothing. "You don't have to…"

Sara shakes her head, Catherine's offer only motivating her more to finish.

"I dreamed of running away when I was a kid. It's what kept me sane, dreaming of places I could go to get away. Places I could change my name and start a new life, away from everyone and everything. So, they were ways to keep that dream alive. To learn everything I could about as many languages as I could, pretending that way one day I could go to any of those places and start a new life there."

Sara breathes in shakily, "I think part of me knew I'd never be able to escape like that. But, that small hope was what I needed to keep going, to not just give up and…"

She trails off, not able to say the words aloud. Even to this day, that darkness, that desperation and emptiness, that complete lack of desire to keep going, keep living, haunt her. She never wants to feel that way again, and even alluding to it sends a cold chill through her.

She startles when she feels gentle arms wrap themselves around her shoulders from behind. They're warm, and soothing, and alive, somehow feeling like they're reaching down into those deep dark parts of her, letting in the subtlest glimmers of sunlight.

"That's why I got so defensive about them," Sara explains, voice heavy and thick. "A lot of things in my life hold meaning to me, including them, that I'm not good about sharing or opening up about. I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry about," Catherine soothes, placing the lightest of kisses into Sara's hair near her temple, keeping the younger woman enfolded tightly in her arms. "I'm sorry that I didn't take your reservations into account more."

When Sara doesn't respond, Catherine watches the sunset with her.

"I'm honored you shared that with me, Sara," she states honestly. "And I'm so glad you're here, beyond my ability to express just how much."

Sara knows the multiple meanings behind the words, nodding slightly to let Catherine know she acknowledges them.

There's so much more Catherine wants to ask, to finally start peeling away some of the layers holding Sara's secrets deep inside the younger woman. To allow Sara to unburdon them, to let even just a little bit of the weight off from her shoulders. But, Sara gave her a glimpse today, and she needs to be grateful for that step. Especially when the first step is often the hardest.

She can only hope from here forward she proves to Sara that she can trust her with whatever lies behind her other layers. If, that is, Sara wants to share them. She hopes beyond words that she does. That she'll finally give Catherine the chance to truly see her, to get to know her.

Keeping Sara in her arms as the sun finally disappears behind the horizon, casting them in darkness, she can't help but feel like for the first time she and Sara have glimmers of hope for their relationship. That they can finally start moving forward, together.

Where exactly it will end up taking them, Catherine can only guess and hope.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	14. Chapter 14

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Had some time to work on the next couple prompts, so fingers crossed the wait between them should be a little shorter? I hope? You guys are amazing and your words are always so kind and uplifting, hope you know I appreciate each and every one.**

 **This one got quite long, take care and enjoy.**

* * *

Prompt: _"Can you do a story where Sara saves linsey from the car instead of Catherine and Catherine realises how arsome Sara is and they get together but Catherine has to show Sara her feeling are real and not because she is grateful."_

Submitted by: monsterfish

* * *

PROMPT 14

It's one of those days in the desert when the weather is trying to make up for the typically arid climate all in one day. Instead of the standard beating sun, there are torrents of rain that have been falling since the early morning. And, judging by the darkened sky that looks more like night than day, it's not likely to be stopping anytime soon.

Sighing, Sara pulls the hood of her sweatshirt over her dark hair, grimacing as the already damp locks slide across her neck at the movement. Cursing the decision to neglect looking at the weather report this morning, assuming it would be just another day of heat and sunshine, she huddles against the driving rain that's traveling more horizontally than vertically.

"Fuck me," Sara mutters as she jogs up to the Tahoe, more than ready to leave this scene and be back at the lab where she can get a warm shower and her change of clothes.

"Excuse me?"

Grimacing, Sara squints through the rain at the other occupant she failed to see through the deluge.

"Sorry," she mutters, trying to project her voice enough to be heard over the wind. "Didn't know anyone was here."

"Clearly," Catherine smilies, wishing she could see well enough to fully appreciate Sara's expression.

It's terrible, but one of her favorite past times has become riling the seemingly unshakable young CSI. Ever since she started working in Vegas just over two years ago, it's been Catherine's secret goal to make Sara off balance as often as possible. The challenge in it is that Sara's very rarely affected, seemingly by anything, and even more rarely ever off balance.

She knows this personal mission isn't the kindest, but it beats their prior heated arguments and gibes at one another that seemed to make up their entire first year working together. Now, year two, they've moved on to the most base level of tolerance, with occasional periods of getting along, occasional periods of anger and frustration, mixed with moments like these of mostly well intentioned heckling.

"You ready to head out?" Catherine asks, wanting to confirm the scene is finished being processed. While she finished with the body a good while ago, Sara disappeared to run the perimeter, only reemerging just now.

"Yup," Sara nods, pulling open the Tahoe's tailgate to set her dripping kit inside next to Catherine's.

Automatically going around to the passenger side, she gives Catherine, the lead CSI on this case, the privilege of driving. As much as it pains her to do so. But, when it comes to Catherine, the best policy is often picking her battles.

Closing the door, she resists the urge to crank the heat up to its highest setting. She knows the vast majority of her chilled feeling is coming from the fact that she's soaking wet, versus the actual air temperature. Catherine, who's significantly drier Sara observes as the blonde climbs into the driver's seat, would likely not appreciate roasting on their drive back to the lab.

"This weather is awful," Catherine comments as she turns on the engine, then the wipers to their highest setting. "I can barely see two feet in front of us."

Sara only grunts at the understatement, wondering just how long it's going to take her boots to dry out.

* * *

Just as they pull out onto the main road, Catherine's cell pierces through the rain pounding on the Tahoe's metal roof. Since she's driving, Catherine ignores it, letting it go to voicemail. But, then her phone is ringing a second, then a third time.

Reaching into her pocket, she tosses it towards Sara.

"Will you answer whoever is trying to get us killed in this weather?"

Sara hesitates a second, then accepts the device and slides her finger across the screen.

"Uh, Willows' phone."

Squinting her eyes, she tries to make out the noises coming through the other end of the line. It's a lot of static and thumping, then a barely audible voice from what sounds like very far away.

"Mom?" the tone is panicked, high pitched. "Mommy?!"

Immediately, Sara reaches over, pulling the wheel to jerk the Tahoe towards the curb.

"Jesus! Sara?!" Catherine curses, trying to keep the car from skidding as she directs it to an ungraceful stop. "What the hell!"

"Lindsey?" Sara questions into the phone, hearing no answer before the call disconnects. "Shit."

Catherine's features go pale at Sara's words, not to mention her curse, Sara's takeover of the Tahoe immediately forgotten.

"Lindsey?!" she questions. "What did she say? What's wrong?"

Sara passes the phone to Catherine, "I don't know, there was a lot of background noise. But she sounded…"

"She sounded what, Sidle?!" Catherine nearly yells, desperately trying to redial the number Lindsey called from.

"Scared."

Catherine's blood runs cold, hand shaking as the phone rings. And rings. And rings.

Just when she's about to hang up and try again, the call gets answered. Noises, just like Sara mentioned, then she hears her daughter's voice.

"Mom?"

"Lindsey! What's wrong, baby? Where are you?"

"Mom!" Lindsey yells, voice high pitched enough that Sara can hear it from the passenger seat. "The car, it's sinking!"

"Where are you, Lindsey?!" Catherine yells, voice just as panicked as she tries to take in what's happening, what Lindsey's telling her. "Tell me where you are, honey!"

"I don't know!"

"Okay, it's okay," Catherine tries to calm her own tone in hopes of transferring a confidence she doesn't feel to Lindsey. "Where were you going? What's around you?"

"Daddy was taking us to the store, but the rain pushed us off the road!"

"What store, Linds?"

"The grocery store, we were getting ice cream to have for our movie."

Catherine inwardly curses at the answer that couldn't be more vague. "Were you close to daddy's house?"

"I don't know," Lindsey cries out, voice breaking with a sob. "I'm scared, mommy."

"I know you are baby, but you need to be brave right now, okay?" Catherine swallows the stomach acid crawling up her throat. "I need you to describe what you see."

"There's a wall, a lot of cement, a tunnel…"

"Okay, keep going, honey. Any signs, buildings?"

"No, just the water, and a big tunnel."

"Were you on the highway when you fell into the water?"

"No, a bumpy road and daddy was driving really fast because there weren't any cars."

Ideas start filtering into Catherine's mind, pulling up her memories with Eddie and the roads near his home. Then, the cement tunnel.

"Are you in a wash, sweetie?" she asks, already turning the car around and pressing the pedal down as far as it will go, ignoring their screeching tires. "Like the one by our old house that we used to throw rocks in?"

"I…" Lindsey sobs. "I think so. It's getting really cold, mommy, the waters really high…"

Catherine swallows, taking turn after turn and desperately trying to get to where she thinks Lindsey is.

"Okay, honey, it's okay. I need you to get to the highest part of the car that you can, okay?"

There's a pause, then more noise as Lindsey does as asked.

"Lindsey?" she questions when her daughter doesn't say anything for a moment or so. "Are you there?"

"I th-"

The phone goes dead, and Catherine's heart nearly shudders to a stop. "Lindsey?! Lindsey!"

"Cath…" Sara whispers, hesitant to break into this panicked moment, not knowing what the hell to say. But, she knows for sure Catherine shouldn't be driving right now while simultaneously trying to get Lindsey back on the line, throw in the torrential weather and it's a recipe for disaster for all involved. They can't help Lindsey if their Tahoe is smashed to pieces or at the bottom of a ditch. "Let me…"

"No," Catherine yells, not giving up the phone as she tries to redial while keeping the Tahoe on the road at the breakneck speed they're currently traveling.

"Catherine…" Sara tries again, cringing as the Tahoe swerves nearly into the other lane before Catherine pulls it back over to avoid the oncoming headlights and flurry of angry horns. Rain thundering on the windshield, Catherine keeps tearing forward, ignoring the other woman completely.

Sitting up straight, Sara heard enough of the conversation to take an educated guess of exactly what's happening, exactly what type of trouble Lindsey is in. Eyes peeled on the road, she holds on tight as Catherine barrels through light after light, directing them off the main road to the one traveling parallel to the freeway, tires spinning for traction in the dirt that's turned to mud in this weather.

Glancing down towards the wash next to them, she keeps her eyes peeled on the dark, rushing water as they fly by, desperately hoping they aren't already too late.

"Cath," she calls loudly after what feels like a lifetime of passing mile after mile of the wash with no sign of Lindsey, eyes finally catching on something up ahead.

"I said no, Sara!"

"Cath!" Sara yells as they are about to fly past, "Stop! I think I see her!"

Grabbing the wheel for a second time, she nearly wrecks the Tahoe as she sends them careening off the road and almost into the wash themselves before Catherine slams on the breaks. Not even waiting for it to fully stop, Sara opens the door, jumping out and scrambling to keep her footing as she peers down into the inky water below.

Just barely, she can make out the dark red plastic of a sinking taillight.

"Fuck," she mutters, glancing quickly behind her to find Catherine staring at the very same thing, skin going completely pale.

"Catherine!" Sara yells. "Get the flashlight from my kit!"

Hearing no movement as she edges towards the water, Sara glances behind her to find Catherine staring in horror at the exact same spot, not moving an inch.

"Catherine!" Sara yells again, but Catherine is completely catatonic, body in shock as she watches the car disappear completely beneath the surface of the water.

Knowing they can't wait any longer, Sara curses, reaching down to rip off her cumbersome sweatshirt as she runs to the water. Tossing it behind her she doesn't hesitate as she dives into the rushing current. The world goes dark, and cold, and it nearly knocks all the breath from Sara's chest.

But, she presses on, swimming into the murky depths, barely able to see inches in front of her eyes without any external light source to assist. Guiding herself with mostly her hands, she finally reaches what feels like the back of the car. Traveling along the metal, her lungs start to protest as she feels out for the glass back window. Reaching down, she thanks whoever's listening that her gun is still securely at her hip.

Not wanting to risk firing and hitting Lindsey, not to mention her weapon likely not working properly underwater, she instead uses the handle to hit the glass as hard as she can, time after time. The dull thuds reverberate underwater, but nothing breaks.

Lungs now on fire, she tries again, using all her strength. She's either going to succeed, or she's going to drown trying. There's no other alternative.

Just as her lungs are about to explode, she feels the glass crack, then burst with a release of pressure. Dodging as many jagged pieces as she can, Sara reaches inward, beyond relieved when her hands hit something warm and soft.

Pulling up, she grabs what she can now see is Lindsey's shirt, holding her to her own body as she pushes frantically with her legs, kicking desperately for where she believes the surface to be. With the rushing current, it's hard to tell which way is up versus down. Desperately kicking and clawing in the direction she prays is upwards, she finally breaches the surface, lungs on fire as she takes in a desperate, burning breath.

She's beyond relieved when she hears Lindsey doing the same, both coughing at the rushing water that's pushing them along the wash and splashing into their mouths.

"You're okay," Sara chokes out. "I got you."

She desperately hopes her words aren't a lie, that their fate isn't to simply drown in the dangerous current outside of the car after achieving the slim chance of success of actually getting Lindsey out.

Sara pushes her legs as hard as she can, reaching out with one arm to claw towards the wall of the wash, doing everything she can to slow their progress towards the tunnel. If they reach it, there's no chance for them, the tunnel leading directly underground and into the city's sewer system. They'd be submerged and torn apart in seconds.

With a desperate groan, Sara pushes harder for the wall, legs burning as the tips of her finger scrape along the cement wall, trying to get a hold on the grimy, slick surface.

The tunnel is approaching fast, and Sara's out of options. Holding Lindsey tightly, she turns so her back is against the cement wall, scraping uncomfortably as they continue to be swept along.

"I'm going to get you onto the ground, okay?" Sara yells above the noise of the rushing water. "Hold on tight to my arms until I tell you to let go, alright?"

Lindsey's trembling, terrified eyes wide.

"I need you to trust me, Lindsey. Can you do that?"

With a hesitant nod, Lindsey seems to understand the desperation of the situation, that there's no other options for them and all other possibilities end in disasters much scarier than this one.

"Okay, good," Sara gives what she hopes is a comforting smile. "Ready?"

Eying the approaching tunnel wall with dread, Sara hoists Lindsey up towards her shoulders, then above them, doing her best to keep her own head above the water. As soon as she has Lindsey suspended over the wall, she knows this is their only chance.

"Let go!" Sara yells as she simultaneously pushes Lindsey upwards as hard as she can, angling her towards the muddy grass on the other side of the wall. Lindsey does as asked, and she's out of Sara's arms and disappearing into the darkness a moment later.

Immediately, Sara's head is submerged from the action, Lindsey and the world beyond completely out of sight. Sara prays she landed somewhere safe and didn't get hurt by her plan. Sara would never forgive herself if…

Her thoughts are cut off as her body slams into something hard, pushing the breath from her lungs as she scrambles for the surface, for the air she desperately needs. Feeling behind her, she realizes she slammed into the rusty metal grate that's the last stop between her and Vegas's sewer system. It's a relief as it saved her from careening into the tunnel, but it's not strong enough to keep her from slipping between it's bars if she doesn't get out of there. Now.

Grabbing a slippery bar, Sara pushes against the grate with her feet, trying to get away from the location that will serve as her death any second now if she's not out of there. Extending her body, she reaches her other hand for the cement wall, trying to pull herself upwards to the ground beyond.

Current pulling her legs towards the sewer tunnel, Sara fights it as best she can, making one last desperate kick against the metal to allow her to grip the cement with both hands. Then, with shaking arms, she pulls herself up, and finally out.

Rolling over the wall, she drops down the short distance to the ground beneath, breathing heavy and choked as she lands in the mud. Lungs screaming in complaint, Sara drags in wheezing breath after wheezing breath, coughing at the water that made its way inside her airway.

"Sara!"

She hears the desperate scream somewhere behind her, back up towards the rest of the wash. Dragging herself to her feet, she sees what looks like Catherine running towards her.

"Is...Lindsey…" Sara coughs out, breaths burning in her constricted throat. "Lindsey…"

Fearing the worst, she tries to see Catherine's expression through the darkness as the blonde gets closer.

"Sara! Oh my God!" Catherine finally reaches her, grabbing the younger woman by the shoulders just as Sara's legs give out and she's dropped to a knee.

"Lindsey...is…" Sara coughs again, fresh water making its way from her mouth as she spits it out and tries to drag in desperate breaths behind it. "Is she…"

"She's okay," Catherine gets out, even as tears are streaming down the blonde's face. "She's going to be fine…"

"Are you…" Sara glances up desperately, pleading with her eyes.

"I'm not lying to you, Sara, I promise," Catherine lets out the barest of smiles in her otherwise deathly pale face. "She's fine."

"Thank God," Sara groans, body weak and sore as she lets her knees support her, not trusting her legs.

"Are you alright?" the blonde looks over her companion anxiously, the rain still relentlessly pouring down from the now pitch black sky making it hard to take in any details. Sara looks exhausted, shaken, and pale - but she can't make out whether the other woman is hurt or not.

"I'm okay," Sara gets out, clearing her choked throat, breathing finally coming just a bit slower and steadier. "I'm fine."

"You sure?" Catherine presses, knowing Sara Sidle isn't usually the most forthcoming when it comes to her own health. Catherine herself having had to send the younger CSI home at least a couple times when she showed up to work a scene too sick to function. And she's pretty sure both those times Sara told her she was "fine" before she was off vomiting in the bushes or hacking up a lung.

Sara nods, hair dripping water down her face as she does. "I'm sure."

Catherine doesn't trust her, something inside telling her not to. So, she makes a decision.

"We need to get out of this rain," she says, knowing Sara won't argue with that part at least. Once she has Sara safely back at their car, she can complete the rest of her plan.

Sara hesitates, however, eyes glancing behind her to the wash, the black, murky waters. "Was there...Eddie…" her voice breaks on the words, hesitant to know how many other people were in the car that she failed to get out. How many lives she'll regret not being able to save.

Catherine's eyes lower, swallowing hard against the emotions she's trying to keep at bay. "Just Eddie."

Sara's eyes close, heart pulling in her chest. "I'm so sorry, Catherine." Maybe if she'd been just a bit quicker, or if she'd tried to reach further into the car when pulling Lindsey out…

"The way Lindsey describes it something happened to him that sent him off the road in the first place, sounded like a heart attack..." Catherine steadies her voice, trying to adjust to all the ways her world has been turned upside down in a matter of minutes. "He was probably dead before they even hit the water."

"I'm sorry," Sara whispers out, shaking her head, feeling her heart break for Catherine and Lindsey, what they just had to endure and the ways their lives will forever be changed by this day.

Catherine takes a deep breath, steadying her shaky body. "Eddie and I hadn't been...we were barely even speaking…"

Sara reaches out, placing a supportive hand on Catherine's arm as the older woman tries to convey her thoughts, convey the relationship, or lack thereof, the two of them currently had.

"He was still Lindsey's dad," Sara supplies, knowing whether or not Catherine and him were close, his loss still puts a hole in the other woman's life. Both hers and Lindsey's.

Catherine nods, taking the words that best summarize her feelings at the moment. Eddie and her weren't close, most of the time they weren't even cordial. But, he was Lindsey's dad, and for that she mourns. The other parent that Lindsey will never get to know.

With nothing more to say on the matter, Catherine reverses their positions, placing her hand on Sara's waist to help guide the woman upright. As they make their way back up the wash, Sara notes the red flashing lights piercing through the darkness.

"I called 911 when you both disappeared below the water," Catherine explains.

Sara nods, knowing this was the exact action Catherine should've taken, so she's not sure why the presence of the ambulance and police car surprised her.

"They cleared Lindsey," Catherine says, "she's getting some warm blankets and clothes. I told them you were still in the water...but…"

"But they couldn't do anything until they had the proper equipment to safely go after me."

Catherine nods angrily, "Bastards told me we had to wait for the fire department, which is still on its way."

"You know the protocol, Cath," Sara smiles slightly at Catherine's anger.

"We didn't have time to wait for protocol," the blonde rolls her eyes. "Thank God you were able to pull yourself out before then."

Sara nods, not needing words to express just how glad she is of that fact herself. She knows she wouldn't have lasted much longer if she hadn't been able to reach the wall when she did. Even now her limbs are shaky with exhaustion, completely depleted of their strength. She doesn't want to admit that Catherine's arm around her waist is probably the only thing keeping her upright right now.

* * *

"Lindsey," Catherine calls as soon as they reach the ambulance, her daughter always her first priority. "You doing okay?"

Her daughter nods from her place under the thick, fluffy blanket that's been tucked around her shoulders, her eyes wide as she takes in all the activity around them. But, her wide eyes seem more due to amazement than fear at this point, a distinction for which Catherine is very glad.

Lindsey and her father weren't particularly close, Eddie having finally reached out to them just a few short months ago. Prior to that, he couldn't have cared less to be in his daughter's life, Lindsey never knowing him those first years. They'd just barely started to have a few days together here and there taking things slow while Eddie tried to prove his trustworthiness to Catherine. She'd known him as an abusive, controlling man, and she refused to let her daughter anywhere near him if it'd cause any danger to her little girl.

Just recently, she'd finally allowed Lindsey to spend a few outings with him, but only for short periods of time and only after ensuring that Eddie was doing nothing, absolutely nothing, to harm their daughter. He was different around Lindsey though, and Catherine felt that he'd never treat her the same way he had Catherine, but she'd still remained vigilant in overseeing their time together and limiting it to only a few hours at a time.

They'll never really know what type of relationship he'd have had with Lindsey, as their short time together had just been cut to an end. Catherine had explained to Lindsey just a few moments ago that Eddie was gone, and her daughter had tried to make sense of it as much as someone her age can.

But, ultimately, Eddie was a man she barely knew, and her thoughts were more occupied with comprehending death than it was the particular person death just took from her. The loss of a parent she never really had to begin with being a burden that falls mostly on Catherine's shoulders, Lindsey being too young to comprehend the potential future relationship she just had taken from her. It's hard to miss something she never really had in the first place.

"Are the first responders being nice to you?" Catherine smiles, trying to keep her mood light for Lindsey's sake, but knowing the answer already.

"Yeah," Lindsey smiles, showing her mom the myriad of items she's been given to entertain her, as well as the steaming cup of what appears like hot chocolate by her side. She's not exactly sure who to thank for the kind gesture, feeling slightly guilty for referring to them as 'bastards' just a few moments before.

But, she was scared, and frustrated, and a whole lot of other things while she was waiting to see if her daughter and Sara would both be okay.

Speaking of, she watches as Sara tries to straighten herself up as best she can, seeing her looking at Lindsey with a small smile.

When Lindsey herself notices the other woman, both her and Sara startle slightly as Lindsey drops quickly from the back of the ambulance to rush into Sara's legs. Wrapping her arms tightly around the tall woman's knees, Lindsey is smiling from ear to ear.

"Thanks for coming to get me," Lindsey says eagerly. "You're like that hero from my book."

Sara has no clue what book Catherine's daughter is referring to, but she doesn't need to. She's not a hero. She's just someone who did what anyone else would've.

"I'm just glad you're okay," she settles on, moving her arm from around Catherine to drop herself to Lindsey's level. Wrapping her own arms around the small girl, Sara can't help her eyes from moistening as she's hit with the full gravity of the situation. If she'd been just a little bit slower, or they'd been just a little bit later in getting here…

She can't even stand to follow those thoughts to where they're headed.

"I'm so glad you're okay," she repeats, voice as quiet as a whisper.

"You too," Lindsey offers her honest answer. "I thought the river was going to wash you away."

"So did I," Sara lets out a light laugh. "But I'm okay. Everything's okay."

When their hug finally ends, Catherine catches the wince Sara can't quite hide as she pulls to a stand. The action and Sara's words both reminding her of her mission, Catherine looks around to find the closest member of the EMS squad. Catching the eyes of the female member of the squad, Catherine gestures with her head towards the younger CSI.

Getting her gist, the EMS worker makes her way swiftly over, medical kit slung over her shoulder.

"Ma'am?" she questions, appearing at Sara's side. "If you follow me to the ambulance I need to take a look at your injuries."

Sara shakes her head, barely glancing at the woman. "I'm fine, no injuries to look at."

"Ma'am," the EMS worker interjects before Catherine has a chance to. "I must insist. It's protocol."

"Don't you also have a protocol for when someone refuses care?" Sara counters, this time the one giving a hard time about their protocols. "For example, when they know they don't need it?"

"You need it."

Both women turn their gazes to Catherine, Sara searching her expression as she takes in the terse tone of her statement.

"You need it, Sara," Catherine repeats, not backing down. She refuses to let the headstrong woman endanger herself, yet again, because she's too proud or stubborn to get medical care. "I'm not letting you leave here until you're cleared by EMS."

Sara's expression slowly clouds until it matches Catherine's tone. "I wasn't aware you had to 'let' me do anything. I thought I was a grown adult."

"When you're on CSI time you're under my purview."

"This isn't a case!" Sara starts to lose her patience. "You have no right to dictate what I can and can't do. Not for something like this."

Catherine crosses her arms over her chest. "We're really going to do this?" she questions tightly. "Here? About letting someone simply make sure you're okay?"

Catherine's voice lowers, trying to keep her outward expression calm for the sake of the little set of eyes and ears watching them.

"I thought you were smarter than this. I thought maybe we didn't have to fight about _everything_. My mistake."

"This has nothing to do with us," Sara counters, also keeping her own tone level for the sake of Lindsey, but her anger shows clearly in her eyes. "This has nothing to do with you. Which is pretty much my point."

Their mutual standoff continues, until the most unexpected of voices interjects.

"They're really nice, Sara," Lindsey offers warmly. "They won't hurt you, you don't need to be scared."

Sara blinks, no one saying anything as the words linger in the tense air, but somehow the only words all this time that succeed in cutting through some of that tension.

How the hell is she supposed to respond to that?

Clearing her throat, Sara moves her eyes down towards Lindsey's innocent expression.

"I'm not…" her words trail off as she notes how Lindey's looking at her, watching her.

What kind of example is she setting right now for the younger girl? Sara knows she has a self-destructive streak in her, knows it has a lot to do with the events of her life, how she's learned to cope and deal with them. How she hates being vulnerable, hates admitting to weakness, not when those very traits could get someone killed or at the very least taken advantage of. Sara had many very harsh lessons taught to her at a young age, some of them strong enough to permeate through to her adult life.

This, apparently, is one of them. And, ultimately, Lindsey's right. She's not scared in the way the young girl thinks she is, but she's scared all the same.

"I…" Sara trails off again before she shakes her head, lowering her eyes from Lindsey's, from everyone's. She knows she's backed into a corner now, and that there's really only one answer left to give. "Fine."

The EMS worker pauses only moments before taking advantage of her opening. Carefully, she takes Sara's arm, helping her make her way to the back of the ambulance that Lindsey was occupying only minutes before.

Sara already knows what they'll find, what they'll do, where they'll send her. All she wants is to go home to her warm shower and warm bed, but she knows that's not going to happen now. For better or worse, her night is just beginning.

Indeed, it only takes the lifting of her shirt for the EMS worker to let out a tight breath, Catherine's expression darkening as she sees what's revealed, immediately turning Lindsey's head away from Sara's direction.

"I know," Sara says quietly, defeated. "Do what you need to do."

The ambulance doors are shutting not even a minute later, and Sara's taken to be admitted to Desert Palms, Catherine and Lindsey's images becoming blurry through the trails of rain water making their way down the window.

* * *

It's a very long night, multiple x-rays and multiple stitches later, before Sara is finally allowed to be released. The questions Sara always desperately tries to avoid came as soon as they saw her x-rays, but the evidence of how old the fractures were supported her assurances that she wasn't in an unsafe environment any more, and she was reluctantly let go once her current injuries were addressed.

Taking as deep a breath as her aching ribs will allow, Sara turns her phone off the second it's returned to her possession, surprised the device even still works after it's swim in the river. She doesn't address any of the missed calls and message alerts, watching the screen power down as she walks through the sliding glass doors, finding the quickest public transportation option to get herself home.

* * *

The knocking is loud, and it's even more insistent. Rolling over, Sara throws her arm over her eyes, ignoring the sharp stabs of pain the action causes her torso. She, however, nearly throws herself to the floor as she hears the deadbolt turning and the door opening about a minute later.

Reaching to the table, she grabs her gun, quickly releasing the safety as the intruder closes the door and appears around the corner.

"Jesus fuck," Sara curses the second they come into view. "What are you doing?!"

"Apparently risking my life," Catherine answers, eyebrow raising as her hands involuntarily lift in surrender. "You think maybe we can put the gun down?"

Sara's shock wears off slightly, heart still thundering in her chest as she lowers the weapon from her shaky hand, flicking the safety back on as she sets it back down on the table.

"Sorry," she mumbles, not really all that apologetic when Catherine's the one breaking and entering right now. "What are you doing here? And how did you get in?"

"Grissom has all our keys," Catherine shrugs as if that explains everything. Explains how and why she apparently stole said key from Grissom.

"So you just decided to break into my home?" Sara's voice is somewhat dark, less than impressed with Catherine's actions.

Catherine only shrugs, "You weren't answering the door."

Sara would let out an exasperated sigh if it wouldn't hurt her ribs so damn much to do so. Instead, she manages to force her aching body to a stand, not yet trusting herself to attempt actions beyond that, not when Catherine's watching her as closely as she is.

"What can I help you with?" Sara asks, wanting to get this particular uninvited visit over with so she can go back to passing out on the couch. "Is Lindsey okay?" Before anything else, she needs to make sure.

"She's fine," Catherine responds, appreciating Sara's concern. "Exhausted, but fine."

Sara nods, beyond glad to hear the answer. She doesn't know what she'd do if she'd somehow hurt Lindsey during her rescue attempt.

"I came to check on you," Catherine supplies when the silence continues. "You weren't answering your phone, Desert Palms wouldn't tell me anything until they finally let it slip that you weren't a patient there anymore." Catherine shakes her head tightly, "I was worried, Sara. I had no idea if you were okay or not. So, I came here."

"I'm okay," Sara supplies easily. "No need for concern. Or criminal acts of breaking and entering."

Catherine smiles slightly, before she gets serious again. "I was worried, Sara. Still am. No offense, but you don't look okay at all."

Sara can only imagine how much of a mess she looks right now. Not able to drag her aching body far enough to take a shower yet, she instead beelined for the couch as soon as she got home, where she passed out a short time after. Her clothes are still the ones she checked into the hospital with, and she can feel and see the wayward strands of hair sticking up in odd directions around her face and neck.

"Haven't quite made it to the shower yet," Sara apologizes self-consciously, not quite knowing why she's apologizing to the woman that just broke into her condo. But, Catherine's always impeccable in appearance, both at work and out of it. Sara always felt somewhat inadequate around Catherine, this time no exception.

"That's not what I meant," Catherine says gently, instead gesturing to the bloody tear in Sara's jeans near her right thigh and the place where she knows what lies beneath Sara's t-shirt.

Sara's cheeks blush lightly, not sure why she's embarrassed right now, but she is. "I'm okay," she insists for a second time. "Nothing major."

"Don't lie to me," Catherine's tone is both hurt and disappointed. "Not after what you did for Lindsey."

"I'm not," Sara tries, but Catherine's gaze only grows darker. Letting out a tight breath that hitches slightly, Sara shakes her head, trying again. "Nothing that won't be fine very shortly."

"You know I'm going to get copies of the medical reports when you apply to be cleared for duty, right?" the older woman poses. "So, I'm sorry, but I'd rather hear it from you now than on a piece of paper weeks from now."

"I won't be out for weeks," Sara contends, picking that part of Catherine's statement address first, the mere idea of being out of work for that long sending shudders through her. "Days, at most."

"You're unbelievable," Catherine takes a slight step forward, joining Sara near the living room couch. "You are by far that most asinine person I've ever met. And I've met a hell of a lot of people in my life."

Sara can't help the slight snort that escapes her lips. "Thank you."

"Don't thank me," Catherine counters, brow raised over her piercing blue gaze. "You have no idea how much I want to reach over and strangle you right now."

"Jail time for homicide is a lot higher than B and E."

The response is so characteristically Sara, dry and dark humored, that Catherine has to shake her head. Wanting like hell to be mad and frustrated, which she definitely is, but overwhelmingly worried - that emotion trumping all others right now.

"Sara, please," she nearly begs, voice quiet and burdened with heavy emotions. "Just be honest with me."

Sara can't for the life of her figure out why Catherine's so insistent on being here, on making sure she's okay. In fact, her dark thoughts can't help but travel to another incident that involved Sara being hurt, at which time Catherine appropriately spoke to the much more seriously injured Greg, but not her. The lab explosion had in fact been Catherine's fault, but not a word was spoken between them about it. Sara hadn't expected any words of acknowledgement from the blonde, so she wasn't the least bit disappointed at their absence.

So, why now? Why this?

"Why?" Sara questions, deciding to voice her thoughts aloud. If she wants her own answers, she's going to have to ask for them.

"What you did for Lindsey...Sara…" Catherine trails off, the words drawing moisture to her eyes even as she says them. She's more than shaken about the events that happened only 24 hours ago. Every time she thinks about it, about what could've happened, what almost _did_ happen…

"You don't owe me anything," Sara immediately counters, catching on to Catherine's motivations. "I did what anyone would've done."

"No," Catherine's head shakes darkly. "Not everyone."

Eyes narrowing at the edge to Catherine's tone, Sara takes a hesitant step forward before she can question the movement. "Catherine?"

"I stood there," Catherine grinds the words out between clenched teeth. "I stood there like a fucking statue while my baby drowned. I did _nothing_ to save her, to help her."

The choked sob is out before Catherine can control it, the words she's been berating herself about internally for hours now finally voiced out loud. And, they sound even worse to her ears than they did to her mind.

"What kind of mother am I?" Catherine's anguished question rips through her.

Sara doesn't hesitate this time, stepping forward and pulling Catherine's sobbing body against her own. Holding her tightly, the pain it causes her is immediately ignored as she focuses on the pain pulling apart the woman in her arms.

"Catherine, stop," she says gently. "You're an amazing mom and you know that. Anyone would've frozen like you did."

"You didn't," Catherine counters, fists clenched into the material of Sara's shirt. "You did what I should've."

"She's not my daughter," Sara says quietly. "That's why I _was_ able to do it."

Letting out a slow breath, Sara runs her hand up and down Catherine's trembling back. "Any mom would've frozen like you did, Catherine. It doesn't make them bad moms, it makes them human."

"I can't…" Catherine swallows down a sob. "I can't stop replaying it in my mind, watching that car disappear beneath the water with her in it…"

"I know," Sara whispers out, this part able to relate to. "Neither can I. I'm so sorry you had to see that, watch that...I keep seeing it, playing all the possible horrible outcomes through my mind. I can't imagine how much worse it must feel if she were my own daughter…"

Catherine nods, appreciating the empathy, appreciating the acknowledgement of just how awful this does feel. Sara doesn't try to reassure her, try to talk her out of how she's feeling. She recognizes the weight of the events, and the weight they're having on the person they affect the most.

"I can never thank you enough," Catherine states tiredly, not having been able to sleep at all since everything happened, her mind and body still too overwhelmed.

It's terrible, but most of her feelings towards Eddie's death have been a mix of relief and closure. She knows it's a terrible thought to have about her ex and his passing, but he'd brought so many horrible events into her life, and she's at least spared the burden of reliving those and angsting over his recent decision to get to know Lindsey, terrified to let her little girl into the life of a man like Eddie. But, when she thinks about Lindsey herself...what else she almost lost in that car...that's what keeps her up at night. "I'll never be able to make this up to you."

"Stop," Sara insists for a second time. "You owe me nothing. I mean it." Pulling back just slightly enough for her eyes to meet Catherine's, Sara fixes their gazes. "Promise me. No more thanking, no more owing. I did what my instincts told me to do, and I'm just glad I was able to help her. Nothing more."

When Catherine doesn't respond right away, Sara stills her hands from their place rubbing comforting circles along Catherine's back.

"Promise me."

She can see the struggle in Catherine's eyes, the battle between wanting to give Sara what she asks, but not knowing if she can.

"I'll try," Catherine finally offers as a compromise.

Sara elects to take what she's given, knowing Catherine will indeed try her best.

"Now," Catherine says, some of the strength back in her voice as she clears her throat. "Do me the favor of telling me what I want to know."

Sara hates the request, the way it's worded, the way to deny Catherine at this time would feel hurtful and petty when Catherine's just revealed what she has and let her own walls down.

With a defeated sigh, Sara absently wipes the remaining tears from Catherine's face, curious at the fact the neither one of them has felt the need to separate just yet. They've never been particularly tactile, much less hugged one another for any length of time. The feeling is foreign, and Sara can't settle on whether it's a pleasurable foreign or not.

"Three cracked ribs, right side. A couple places that needed stitches - back, side, and thigh where my leg got snagged on something in the water."

She leaves out the minor scrapes and bruises elsewhere on her body, admitting to only the most serious of the injuries to satisfy Catherine's request. What she's revealed was already difficult enough, hating to see the emotions coloring Catherine's expression as they're voiced.

"My God," the older woman breathes out, shaking her head. "Sara, I'm sorry…"

"You promised," Sara reminds her. "I'm fine, really. I'll be back to normal in no time."

Catherine shakes her head at Sara's ridiculous assessment and continued downplaying of what she knows has to be very painful injuries. In fact, Catherine immediately loosens her grip on Sara's body, knowing the pressure it's causing has to be excruciating for the other woman even though Sara would never admit it.

Neither one of them moves for awhile, and Sara decides that the foreign feeling is in fact nice. It's strange, and new, but it's comforting in its own way. She never thought she'd be comfortable in such close proximity to Catherine Willows, but right now it feels like it may be the only thing holding both women together.

When they finally do separate, it's Sara that initiates it, gently pulling back and out of the other woman's hold.

"I should really shower," she offers as an excuse that's only partly a lie. "I already got some…" her words trail off as she notes the small smear of blood that's transferred from her pants to Catherine's. She's pretty sure it's from one of the smaller scrapes on her leg that's slowly bleeding from her jarring scramble to get to her gun, not the one that required stitches and is wrapped under multiple layers of gauze.

Catherine stares down at the streak of red, her expression hard to read as her eyes stay fixed on it.

"Sorry," Sara cringes, hoping it comes out in the wash. "I didn't even notice there was blood or I'd never-"

"Stop," Catherine cuts off Sara's apology as she looks up into her slightly panicked hazel eyes. "The no apologies go both ways. You're not going to say sorry for injuries you got saving my daughter's life. Don't even think about it."

Sara isn't sure of how to respond, but she eventually nods, figuring there's no other safe option right now.

"Is it okay?" Catherine worries, trying to see the wound through Sara's torn pants. "We should probably make sure."

"It's fine," Sara assures her. "Just a few scrapes. I'll clean it in the shower and make sure."

"You better," Catherine threatens, not comfortable leaving Sara's health in the brunette's own hands, knowing just how reckless the other woman can be. But, she can't exactly follow Sara into the shower either. Breaking into her home was already pushing it, stalking the woman into her bathroom would be entirely over the edge.

"Promise," Sara offers, a small smile on her lips.

"I should go then, leave you to it." Catherine slowly backs up, towards the door. "I just...I needed to be sure you were okay." It's Catherine's version of a belated apology for her actions, and Sara decides to accept it. Her intentions were valid, while her execution may not have been.

"Thanks," Sara offers instead. "Just don't make a habit out of using that key."

Catherine smiles slightly, pulling said key from her pocket before placing it on Sara's counter as a peace offering.

With a long breath in and out, Catherine takes one last glance at Sara, ensuring again with her own eyes that Sara's there and is going to be okay once her injuries heal, Catherine exits, trying to ignore the unexpected pull on her heart it causes her to do so.

* * *

When Sara does return to work, it's not exactly the few days later that Sara predicted. But, thankfully, it's not the month Catherine predicted either, falling in between their estimations at about two weeks.

"Sara!"

Immediately, she's encircled by multiple pairs of arms, halting her progress into the break room.

"Hey guys," Sara blushes slightly at the attention, not used to it, and most definitely too private to enjoy it.

"Welcome back!" Greg is the first to pull away, then followed by Nick. "We missed you."

"Missed you guys too," Sara answers honestly, missing her work, and the people who work alongside her, more than anything the past long days spent recovering.

Nick smiles back at her, eyes concerned as he looks her over, as if he could make out the injuries hidden beneath her dark sweater. "You okay?"

"I'm fine," Sara assures them, shooing away their worried looks. "Ready and eager to get back to work."

"Glad to hear."

The voice from the doorway causes all heads to turn towards it. Seeing Catherine leaning against the door, she immediately stills, not sure the cause of the nervous reaction.

"Catherine," Sara greets, hesitating slightly at the unreadable expression on the older woman's face.

"Nice to have you back, Sara," Catherine offers with a small smile, stepping fully into the room. "You're with me and Greg tonight."

Sara nods, still somewhat unsure while Greg smiles brightly at the news.

"Anything good?" Sara asks, trying to break the awkward tension she's wondering if she's the only one feeling.

Nodding, the blonde passes over the pink slip in her hand. "B and E, southside Vegas."

"Hmm," Sara hums, not able to help the small smile on her face. "I hear those are on the rise recently. Even in my neighborhood."

Catherine's expression lets Sara know she understood Sara's joke loud and clear, a small smirk coloring her lips as well.

"Interesting," she offers. "May want to change your locks."

Sara laughs lightly, "As if that would stop them."

Catherine's smile grows, "Wise assessment."

Completely lost, Greg looks between the two women, trying to figure out what in the hell they're talking about. But, deciding he may never know considering the parties involved and their ever complex dynamic, he eventually shrugs. "Meet you ladies in the car."

After he saunters off, Nick following closely after to continue working on his own case, Catherine turns to Sara.

"It really is nice to have you back." Reaching out, she puts a gentle hand on Sara's shoulder, giving it a light squeeze.

Saying nothing more, she follows after the guys, heading off towards their car to start the day.

* * *

"So what'd you do to occupy your time?" Greg asks, interrupting the otherwise awkward silence filling their Tahoe. Catherine driving, she doesn't take her eyes off the road as Sara answers from the back seat.

"Oh, nothing much, just some spa days, manicures, wrote a novel."

"You know what I meant," groans the youngest CSI.

"She probably was busy recovering," Catherine supplies, deciding to state the obvious while rolling her eyes. "You know, since she was on medical leave and not a vacation."

"I know that!" Greg moans again, wondering how the hell he always manages to stick one of his feet in his mouth not even half an hour into shift. "That's not what I meant."

"I know," Sara decides to take pity on him. "But I didn't really do anything exciting. Just counted down the hours until I could return."

"And slept, took it easy, ate healthy meals, and took care of yourself, right?" Catherine offers with a pointed glance in the rearview mirror.

Sara nods, clearing her throat. "Of course, yup, all those things."

Catherine snorts, "You're a terrible liar, Sidle."

"Worse than me," Greg agrees with a nod. "And that says a lot."

Sara rolls her eyes, thanking her lucky stars as they finally pull up to their scene.

"Thank God," she mutters, throwing open the car door as quickly as she can.

* * *

"You still in pain?" Catherine asks, stepping up alongside the brunette and leaning her back against the Tahoe beside her. Wordlessly, she reaches over, offering the tall woman her water.

"Thanks," Sara offers, taking small sips before handing it back.

Catherine watches Sara's tight expression. "You can be honest, Sara. I'm not going to send you back on leave if you say yes."

She knows Sara isn't exactly the most trusting person on the planet, especially not when it comes to Catherine. She's more the type to hide her weaknesses lest you use them against her. She hopes her statement helps the other woman see that she's among friendly company, that she's safe to let her guard down.

"I'm okay," Sara answers, causing Catherine's insides to clench at the obvious lie. At the obvious lack of trust.

But, just as she's about to press, Sara lets out a slow sigh.

"A little sore."

Catherine knows Sara's more than just a little sore, catching enough stifled winces and tight breaths from the younger woman throughout shift to let her know just how sore she really is. But, she doesn't comment, taking the small victory full heartedly.

"I have some aspirin in my kit," she offers instead. "If you think it'll help at all."

Sara warily looks over, searching Catherine's expression perhaps for proof of the supervisor's earlier statement. That admissions like this aren't going to get her sent back on leave.

Finally, she just nods, knowing she isn't even going to make it to the end of this shift without some assistance with pain relief, the aspirin she took this morning having long since worn off.

Pulling from her kit two pills, Catherine steps in front of Sara to hand them over. Grasping Sara's hand during the handoff, she gives it a squeeze. "Thanks for being honest."

Sara only nods, taking the pills when Catherine lets go and downing them dry before the blonde can offer her the water.

As Sara walks away, Catherine can only watch the younger CSI, wishing she could do something, anything, to help Sara get back to healthy quicker. Hating to see the other woman suffering from injuries she got saving her daughter. But, part of Catherine wonders if there's more to it than that, noting the way her heart clenches as Sara walks away, and the way it seems to speed up whenever she's near.

Knowing she isn't going to find her answers before the end of shift, she takes a deep breath and gets back to work.

* * *

"Linds wants to have you over for dinner," Catherine pulls her badge from her hip as she stands beside Sara at their lockers at the end of their day, both exhausted and more than happy to be heading home.

Sara pauses her own motions of removing her CSI vest, "What?"

"Lindsey. You. Dinner. My house."

Taking this in, Sara's quiet as she resumes her motions, placing her CSI vest on the metal hook inside her locker.

"Why?"

"Really?" Catherine laughs. "You can't imagine why my daughter might want to see you again?"

"I thought we went over this," Sara states, not unkindly but honestly. "You guys don't owe me anything."

"Look," Catherine reaches out, placing her hand on Sara's arm to get the other woman to stop. "My daughter's six, she doesn't understand the complexities of the situation. All she knows is this badass woman pulled her from a sinking car and saved her life. Can you blame her for wanting to see that woman again? You're pretty much her hero, Sar."

The nickname slips between them, neither one commenting even though they both take notice.

"I'm not a hero," Sara groans out, knowing she's already said this, expressed this. But understanding Catherine's point about her daughter not being able to understand the deeper aspects of the situation.

"It would mean a lot to her," Catherine says honestly. "I'm not going to force you to do something you're not comfortable with, though. So, it's completely up to you."

Sara's quiet, contemplating what the correct move here is, what she is and isn't supposed to be doing. Who each decision hurts, and by how much.

"When?" Sara eventually settles on, voice quiet as she's sure she's going to regret this, but not seeing any polite way out of it. Not when Lindsey's involved.

Catherine smiles slightly at Sara's apparent agreement. "Tomorrow? After shift?"

Sara takes a breath in, swallowing tightly. "Fine."

"Really?" Catherine questions, needing to be sure before she gets Lindsey's hopes up.

Sara nods, giving Catherine her confirmation as she shuts her locker. Without much more to say, Sara grabs her keys from her pocket and makes her way out of the room.

* * *

"Sara!"

Though Sara's been somewhat dreading this dinner for most of shift, she can't help the smile that pulls at her mouth at the sheer joy displayed across the young girl's face.

"Hi, Lindsey," Sara laughs as the girl plants a hug around Sara's knees.

Bending down, she lowers her tall frame so the girl and she can exchange a proper embrace.

"You're here!" Lindsey exclaims, as if she wasn't sure the brunette would make good on her promise.

"Of course I am," Sara smiles, giving Lindsey a gentle squeeze before letting go. "Wouldn't miss it for the world."

Glancing up, for the first time she notices Catherine, leaning against the wall dividing the living room and the kitchen, watching them with a small smile.

"Catherine." Sara's not sure why she's suddenly nervous at the sight of the other woman, but she definitely is. "This, uh, this is for you."

Making her way over, Catherine eyes the plate in Sara's hands, smile expanding as she notes the contents.

"Brownies?" Catherine laughs lightly. "How did you know this is Lindsey's favorite?"

Sara shrugs, face holding a slightly suspicious look. "I have my ways."

Keeping her secret source to herself, Catherine figures it's pointless to try to get it out of her. If there's anyone on the team who can keep information locked up tight, it's Sara Sidle.

"Thank you," Catherine settles on instead. "I hope you didn't go to too much trouble making them."

While Sara's back at work, the soreness and pain she's watched Sara deal with the last two shifts has the blonde aware that she's definitely still recovering, and probably will be for a while.

"Not at all," Sara shakes off the concern, moving her gaze to where Lindsey is already sitting at the table.

"Shall we?" Catherine offers, following Sara's gaze.

* * *

If Catherine didn't know any better, she'd have thought Sara'd been possessed by some other worldly spirit. Actually, she may not be convinced she wasn't. She figured she'd have to help facilitate a lot of the conversations during the meal, knowing Sara's rather quiet and reserved. But, Catherine's barely had to say a word, feeling almost intrusive to Sara and Lindsey's conversations when she did utter a comment or two.

Even now, getting the coffee ready, she can hear the two jabbering eagerly about some book series Catherine's never even heard of. All she can hear is something about elves and dragons, and she knows for sure that there's nothing she could possibly contribute to this particular conversation either.

Smiling at the irony, she pours two cups of coffee, glancing at the clock to note the time.

"Hey Linds," she poses at the first gap in conversation she can find. "We have about twenty more minutes and then you need to start getting ready for bed, okay?"

"Do I have to?" Lindsey questions with a frown covering her previously light features.

"Yes, honey," Catherine answers gently. "Tomorrow you have to get up early for school."

"But I want to stay here with Sara," Lindsey protests, eyes lowering sadly.

"Make you a deal," Sara offers unexpectedly, all eyes turning to her. "You can pick out your favorite of the books we were just talking about, and I'll read you a chapter before you go to sleep?"

The question hangs in the air, Sara nervously playing with the watch on her wrist, wondering if she just overstepped.

"Deal!" Lindsey accepts eagerly, setting Sara's rattled nerves at ease.

* * *

When Sara finally descends the steps nearly an hour later, she spots Catherine sipping what appears to be a second cup of coffee at the kitchen counter.

"Hey," Sara calls quietly as she enters, not wanting to startle her. "Sorry if I…"

Catherine knows what she's trying to say, shaking her head. "Don't be. That's the quickest I've ever gotten her to agree to bedtime in probably months. Thank you."

Sara shrugs, "No thanks needed. It was…" Trailing off, she hesitates, trying to put what she's feeling into adequate words. "It was really nice. This whole evening was. She's a great kid."

"Yeah," Catherine breathes out. "She really is."

Neither of them speak the underlying tone, the unspoken words about how close it came to losing Lindsey. Sara's sure that's all Catherine's been thinking about since everything happened, and she wishes like hell there was something she could do for the other woman to help.

"How have you been?" Sara asks instead. "Since…"

"With Eddie, I mostly just feel a sense of closure, as terrible as that may make me. It's Lindsey that keeps me up at night, what I almost lost. I think last night's the first time I actually slept for more than a couple hours," Catherine answers. "And that's probably only because Lindsey slept right beside me in my room because she was having a nightmare."

"About…" Sara again trails off, hoping like hell the girl isn't haunted by nightmares about her near drowning or Eddie's death. The actual event was more than scary enough for the young girl to have gone through, let alone be plagued by nightmares after it.

"I don't think so," Catherine states, tone uneasy. "At least it didn't sound like it from what she told me about it."

It's clear Catherine's still worried about her daughter, even though the immediate danger has passed. She knows just as well as anyone how the after effects can plague someone long after the actual event. They deal with it every day at work, families haunted for years by the terrible events in their life, the CSIs themselves haunted by traumatic cases long after they've been solved. Haunted even longer by the ones that weren't.

"She's a strong kid, with an incredibly strong mother to support her if she needs it," Sara offers gently. "She'll be okay."

"I hope so," Catherine breathes out. Then, gathering herself together, she gestures to the other cup of coffee on the counter. "For you, if you wanted to stay a bit longer."

The offer is tentative, nervous even. Sara can't remember the last time she's ever witnessed the blonde nervous about anything, let alone anything involving herself.

"Sure," Sara answers, hoping it helps Catherine relax a bit. "Thanks."

They settle on the living room couch, the air between them a bit awkward now that they're alone. Moments tick by before Catherine finally elects to break it. Hesitating slightly, she tries to pick a topic that doesn't involve work, but coming up short as she really doesn't know much else about the other woman.

"So, uh, you like fantasy novels?" she questions, thinking back to Sara's conversation with her daughter. Lindsey somehow managing to get Sara to open up in ways Catherine never could.

Sara smiles slightly, swallowing some of her coffee. "I like all novels, really. But yeah, sci fi and fantasy have a special place in my heart. I must've read that series ages ago, I'm surprised anyone's heard of it, let alone still reading it."

"Linds loves reading," Catherine offers. "She gets a lot of books from school, even more from the library. Ever since she learned how, it's been one book after another, hard to keep up, really."

"I'd imagine," Sara smiles, having had a similar problem when she was a child. "I used to 'borrow' them from my teacher's private collection when I ran out of other books to read."

Laughing, Catherine pictures a small, lanky Sara sneaking around the classroom to steal, of all things, books. "I'm shocked," Catherine teases the younger woman. "A criminal past, and starting so young. Did Grissom know this when he hired you?"

Sara laughs lightly, the sound a rare one to the blonde's ears. "Apparently he doesn't care much about hiring criminals. I mean, one of his best CSIs is an expert in home invasions after all."

Catherine snorts, cheeks reddening slightly. "You're never going to let me live that down, are you?"

"Well, I mean, you did break into my home…" Sara sends her a sidelong glance before smiling to let her know there's no actual hard feelings.

"Fair enough," Catherine answers. "But I had good intentions."

"You did," Sara agrees, mostly the reason she's no longer upset at the other woman's actions. She can't really be upset with someone who was just concerned about her. "And that's exactly what I'll tell the police."

"You're such a smartass," Catherine shakes her head, not able to stifle her laugh.

Sara only snorts in response, taking another sip of coffee.

Taking as deep of a breath as her ribs will allow, Sara relaxes a bit more, thinking about how nice this feels. Her and Catherine, relaxing together outside of work. Just the two of them. But, she reminds herself of the reason she's here. Lindsey wanted to see her, not Catherine. And, the only reason Catherine probably agreed is because she still has some guilt about what Sara did to save Lindsey. She knows full well that she wouldn't be here if it wasn't for that.

Mood sobering, Sara downs the rest of her coffee quickly.

"I don't want to impose any longer, I'm sure you're tired and want to start getting settled in for the night," she states as she pulls to a stand. Her side aches, and it almost matches the ache inside. "Thanks again for dinner."

"Hey," Catherine stands, eying Sara with concern. "What just happened?"

When Catherine places a gentle hand on Sara's forearm, it's too much. The brunette steps back, out of reach.

"Sara?" Catherine asks, not understanding what just transpired to turn Sara from laughing to...this. Anxious, edgy, upset. "What's going on? Was it something I said...or…"

"No," Sara waves off Catherine's concern. "Nothing happened, I just realized what time it is."

It's a lie, clearly, but Catherine doesn't know whether to push her or not. She doesn't know enough about Sara to really know what the best next move here is. All she knows is Sara was fine one minute, then acting like she can't wait to get away from her the next.

"Okay, uh," Catherine hesitates. "Let me get your coat I guess."

As she walks away, Sara takes a nervous breath, trying like hell to settle her nerves. To somehow make this exit any less awkward than it's become.

When Catherine returns, she hands over Sara's jacket, trying hard to resist the urge to help when a flash of pain crosses Sara's features as she lifts her arms into the sleeves.

"Thanks again," Sara offers as Catherine follows her to the door, eyes barely meeting the older woman's at this point. "I had a good time."

Then, she's gone, all but swallowed up by the darkness beyond Catherine's front door.

"Me too," Catherine mutters out into the now empty room.

* * *

The awkwardness between that night them bleeds over into work, neither woman exchanging much more than pleasantries when they encounter one another. They're polite, but empty exchanges that Catherine is less than pleased about.

She'd thought they'd made some progress, evolved in their relationship after almost two years of the status quo. They'd finally been moving forward, interacting more, getting to know each other more. But, that's been all but erased it feels, and left an unsettling disappointment in it's vacancy.

To make matters worse, she's not even sure Sara feels the same. Whether this affects her at all, if she at all feels disappointed by the steps back they're now taking. Or, if this is what Sara's preferred all along.

Sighing, Catherine wraps up yet another long shift filled with stilted words and awkward silences. She'd been paired with Sara today, and had allowed the briefest glimmer of hope that maybe this would give them the opportunity they needed to get their stride back. Instead, she got further evidence and a front row seat to just how far they've regressed. Sara barely looked at her most of shift, even volunteering to take the perimeter just to get out of Catherine's futile attempts at conversation.

The only time Catherine's been able to make any progress with Sara has been when it involves Lindsey. Getting an idea, she grabs her keys from her locker and sets out in search of the brunette.

Finally finding her grabbing some papers off the printer in an empty layout room, she leans herself against the doorway.

"You have plans tonight?" she asks, voice feeling out of place in the nearly silent section of the lab Sara's chosen to work in.

Startling at the unexpected voice, Sara turns, glancing over her shoulder to take in her visitor.

"Sorry," Catherine offers, "didn't mean to scare you."

Sara doesn't comment, taking a settling breath as her eyes narrow slightly. "Not sure, why?"

"Was wondering if you wanted to join Lindsey and I for dinner. I know you haven't stopped for a break at all this shift. Let me at least give you some food."

Sara shakes her head, "I'm fine. I ate."

"Granola bars from the vending machine don't count," Catherine counters, knowing Sara's bad eating habits during cases all too well.

Sara's expression shifts a little in surprise at Catherine's apparent knowledge of what Sara'd assumed to be her secret. Especially from Catherine, the CSI who's traditionally been the least interested in what Sara does or doesn't do, let alone Sara herself.

"I'm…" Sara trails off, trying to find an out. "I'm okay. Not hungry."

"It would mean a lot to Lindsey if you came," Catherine tries her trump card, already feeling the conversation slipping away from her at Sara's repeated dismissals.

"Don't," Sara gets out before she can stop herself.

"Don't what, Sara?" Catherine asks, knowing the word was a slip, making it also the best shot she's gotten at getting behind Sara's recent behavior.

Sara stiffens, cursing her mistake. "Nothing. Nevermind."

"No," Catherine crosses her arms over her chest, letting it be known she's not leaving without an answer. An honest answer. "Tell me. Give me something, anything, to explain what's happened between us. Why you're being like this."

"Like what?" Sara's eyes narrow, trying to divert the conversation.

"You know like what," Catherine immediately shuts the attempt down. "Don't try to play dumb, not with me. Not after everything."

Sara's eyes darken at Catherine's words that only further her frustration. "Stop doing that," Sara finally gives an answer, knowing Catherine won't leave her alone until she does. She's tired, frustrated, and wants to get back to work - the only thing that seems to distract her sufficiently these days.

Catherine tries to piece together what Sara's asking, "Stop what? Mentioning that we deserve better from one another after what we went through?"

"You don't owe me anything," Sara voices with frustration. "I've told you to stop with that over and over again. Yet you keep doing it." Sara's arms cross against her chest, matching Catherine's pose. "Stop doing things because you feel obligated."

Sara swallows, hesitating at the next words, but ultimately deciding to lay her true feelings on the table. If she wants this to end, she needs to speak honestly.

"You didn't give a shit about me before," Sara states tightly. "Stop trying to befriend me now because of some feeling of guilt or whatever the hell this has been."

Catherine's eyes widen, she wanted honesty from the younger CSI, and she certainly got it. In spades. Swallowing, she's so taken off guard that she's completely silent as her mind struggles to respond to the sharp words Sara just laid at her feet.

"I didn't," Catherine tries to find her voice, stumbling over her own words. "That's not how I felt, Sara. I've always cared…"

"Please," Sara laughs darkly, the sound anything but reassuring. "Let's not do this. Your feelings towards me have been crystal clear ever since I moved to Vegas and joined this team."

Catherine never expected this, these sentiments coming from her colleague. She knows she'd been less than welcoming to the brunette, sometimes crossing over into downright terse depending on the day. But, Sara'd never given a single indication that it affected her, one of the reasons Catherine kept trying to push a reaction out of her so often.

She'd apparently been wrong, so very wrong.

"I'm sorry," Catherine says, knowing there's no other way to express her feelings on the matter. "I was an idiot, and a jerk. I admit that. I was also wrong about you, Sara."

Sara snorts, "Why, because I did something that anyone would do? Now your perspective on me has changed so dramatically that you can actually stand my presence?"

"Sara," Catherine chokes out, hating the hurt tone permeating Sara's words, lacing through them like dark tendrils. She'd been so blind to the effects she was having on Sara. That, all this time, Sara hadn't been impervious at all. She'd been taking each and every one of Catherine's hits, and taken them squarely across the face.

"You don't owe me," Sara gets out, words pointed and slow, driving this message home one final time. "Stop pretending like you care. Just go back to the way things were. At least then I know you're being honest."

Grabbing her papers, Sara strides past her and through the doorway before Catherine can even think of stopping her.

* * *

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," Catherine curses at the ceiling, staring up at it with open eyes despite the late hour. She's been unable to sleep, her and Sara's conversation repeating over and over in her head. How had she been so blind, so unaware, all this time? Why did it take something like nearly losing Lindsey for her to reevaluate her approach to the newest member of their team.

Did it really take Sara saving Lindsey's life for Catherine to acknowledge the good in the other woman, to see her and respect her the way she's always deserved?

"Fuck," Catherine groans again, guilt nearly crushing her from the inside out as she already knows the answers to her silent questions. "I'm such an idiot."

* * *

The next shift with Sara is as awkward as they come. Catherine can't remember a time when she's been so uncomfortable, her nightmares of accidentally showing up to work naked infinitely more pleasant than this.

Sara doesn't make it any easier either, the younger woman looking absolutely drained, clearly not having gotten any sleep either. Catherine's guilt only compounds at her appearance, watching as Sara grabs what has to be her fourth cup of coffee already this shift.

"Bullet casings were all negative for prints," Sara offers her report, trying like hell to appear focused and awake. "Still need to find the weapon for comparison."

"Good work," Grissom nods, taking note of their updates. "Let me know when you get a name."

Sara nods, gathering her file and watching as Grissom leaves. Looking like she's about to follow suit, Catherine reaches out and gently takes hold of her arm before she can complete her exit.

"Can we talk?" Catherine asks nervously, knowing they need to have a conversation about what Sara said, as nerve wracking as that prospect is.

"Not here," Sara states, voice tense. "Not now."

"After shift?"

Sara's quiet, and Catherine is sure she's going to shut her out like she's been an expert at doing. Eventually, Sara indeed shakes her head.

"I have nothing else to say to you, Catherine."

The dismissal is as predicted, but Catherine refuses to give up. "Well I have a lot to say to you."

"No need," Sara pulls her arm out from under Catherine's fingers.

"Sara," Catherine all but begs as Sara reaches the door. "Please."

Sara stops, but she doesn't turn around. It takes nearly a full minute before Sara finally responds.

"After shift, the cafe on Fourth Street. Then it's over, we don't discuss any of this again." She finally turns, her head glancing over her shoulder to fix her gaze with the blonde's.

Considering Sara's terms, Catherine knows she has no other choice but to accept. It's the only way she's going to get any conversation out of the younger woman.

"Deal."

* * *

Shift seems to move quicker than usual, Catherine anxiously glancing at the clock and noting it ticking ever closer to the end point. Not having seen Sara most of shift, she can only hope Sara will make good on her promise to meet.

As she wraps things up, Catherine heads anxiously towards the cafe, trying to get her thoughts straight. Figuring out how she wants to convey to Sara all that she needs to.

She knows there's no way to script this, nor should there be. Sara deserves her complete honesty, and so she's just going to have to speak from the heart.

Knowing she's much too anxious to eat, Catherine orders a coffee from the counter, moving to take a seat at an empty table when it's handed to her with her change. Nervously watching the door, she's both relieved and terrified when Sara walks through about ten minutes later. Apparently feeling the same way, Sara gets a coffee before searching the tables and landing on Catherine.

Making her way over, Sara gestures towards the back door. "There's a patio out there with some tables if you're okay with that."

Appreciating the extra privacy the patio will offer for this particular conversation, Catherine immediately agrees and follows Sara outside.

Sitting along one of the tables, Sara situates herself across from her, taking a swallow of the steaming coffee that's more than appreciated in the brick morning air.

"Thanks for meeting with me," Catherine starts, knowing even that was a sacrifice made by the brunette across from her. "I appreciate it."

Sara only gives a slight nod, gaze seeming to fixate on the steam rising from the opening in her coffee lid.

"I'm sorry," the blonde tries to meet Sara's eyes. "First and foremost. I want you to know that I'm so incredibly sorry for how I've treated you. It was horrible, and definitely unfair."

Sara doesn't comment, remaining quiet.

"I was an idiot thinking it didn't affect you," she continues. "You're always so quiet, so stoic, and I ignorantly mistook that for apathy. It was almost a challenge trying to get you to express some sort of emotion towards me, to affect you in some sort of way."

Sara's jaw tightens at this, no doubt thinking this was all a game to Catherine. Knowing she needs to reveal the honest intent of her actions, Catherine keeps going.

"I think when people like someone, they have two options. They either embrace it or they run from that feeling and try to push the other person away. I don't think I need to say which approach I took."

Sara's eyes narrow, glancing up at Catherine. "You're trying to tell me that you acted the way you did because you _like_ me? Seriously? Give me some credit, Catherine."

"I think my sister said it best a couple months after you started working here," Catherine forges forward despite Sara's disbelief. She's being honest, and she needs to convey that. "After one of my many 'Sidle rants' as she called them, she looked at me and told me, 'You either love this girl, or you hate her. I just can't tell which.'"

Breathing out, wisps of steam leaving her lips to enter the chilly air, Catherine tries to put her feelings into words.

"You started here right after Holly died. I was a mess. She was ready to walk away from this career and I pushed her to stay. Seeing where that got her, the guilt I felt…"

Catherine clears her throat, trying to get this out. "When you showed up, Sara, I wasn't thinking about anything other than pushing you away to not have history repeat itself. I couldn't handle caring about someone else, only to lose them. The more I got to know you, the more I liked you, so I pushed even harder. I think I was afraid of admitting to myself how much I cared, so I pretended that I didn't."

Sara's eyes lift to Catherine's, trying to see if any of this is true. Or, if it's just another one of Catherine's games.

"I'm not Holly," Sara eventually states, seeing the moisture in Catherine's eyes. "I feel horrible about what happened, the reason I got a job here. It was a tragedy, but it's not anyone's fault, Catherine, least of all yours."

"That's not…" Catherine trails off, not wanting to turn this into a pity party for herself when she's trying to apologize to Sara. "I appreciate that, but it doesn't make my actions towards you okay. I just wanted you to know that it wasn't because I was apathetic towards you or disapproving. Quite the opposite."

Fidgeting with the edge of her coffee cup nervously, Catherine forces herself to maintain eye contact.

"I didn't change the way I felt about you after what you did for Lindsey. I just decided to stop being an asshole and let my real feelings through. To stop pushing away and toying with the person who sacrificed everything for my family, and finally get to know her instead."

Sara's gaze lowers, her shoulders rising slightly as she takes a deep breath. What Catherine's saying, it's unexpected, to say the least. But she's also wary that the blonde is just saying what she wants to hear. That all of this is too convenient, too unlikely to be the truth.

"I don't know what to say," Sara says honestly. "My brain is telling me all this is just a convenient story."

Catherine accepts this, knowing she'd feel the same if she were in Sara's position. But, Sara's always been a better judge of character than herself, and she's hoping that holds true for this particular situation as well.

"And what does your heart tell you?" Catherine poses quietly.

Sara doesn't answer, her head lowered as she taps her fingers anxiously along the edge of the wooden table between them.

"What happens from here?" Sara asks quietly after long moments of silence, not answering Catherine's question.

Taking a breath, Catherine shrugs. "I'll promise to be honest with you about how I'm feeling. I can't promise everything between us will be roses and sunshine, but I'll stop being anything but truthful in my feelings towards you."

Taking in the offer, contemplating its potential risks and benefits, Sara eventually nods.

Catherine smiles slightly, but it's more sad than happy. "I wish I could start over with you, Sara. I really do. But at least now we have a chance to move forward from here."

Standing, Sara offers another nod, expression still guarded. "We'll see what happens."

Catherine knows she hasn't earned Sara's trust. That she's going to have to work for it over the coming months, maybe even years. But, she's going to do everything in her power to show Sara she's worthy of that trust.

Standing as well, Catherine steps around the table. Not knowing for sure whether this is a good idea or a horrible one, Catherine reaches out, gently pulling Sara into her arms.

"Thank you for giving me this second chance," she breathes out, careful to keep her arms away from Sara's still healing ribs. "I don't deserve it."

Sara doesn't comment, only hesitantly returning the hug before stepping away.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Catherine," she says, picking up her coffee cup from the table.

Catherine nods, for the first time feeling hopeful about where things could go from here. No longer running from her feelings and fears, Catherine can't wait for the chance to start getting to know Sara. It took a horrible event to finally get her act together, and she promises herself to make that moment count for something good.

Watching Sara walk away, Catherine can't help but smile.

"Sara Sidle," she mumbles out into the early morning. "I'm Catherine Willows. It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

* * *

MONTHS LATER

"Coffee."

Sara barely glances up, reaching out for the offered beverage with a small smile. "Thanks."

Catherine smiles as well, taking a moment to reflect on what this seemingly small, inconsequential moment represents. To her, Sara's lack of reaction, lack of suspicion, shows her just how much their relationship has developed the last couple months. When she first started offering Sara coffees on their long shifts, Sara had looked at her like Catherine was still trying to play some type of angle, still trying to repay some type of guilt ridden debt.

But, slowly, Sara seemed to recognize the gestures for what they were - a simple, kind way of showing Sara her gratitude for staying late and working so diligently on their shared cases. Sara's always been amazing at her job, and Catherine secretly rejoices when they're paired together, knowing Sara's brain and dedication are all hers. They all work hard and are passionate about their work, but Sara's always had the edge over anyone else on the team.

And, finally, Catherine isn't afraid to show Sara just how much she values it. Values her.

And, finally, Sara is accepting it, isn't questioning her motives.

"Progress?" Catherine asks, settling herself across the table from her colleague, smiling at Sara's wayward hair as the tired brunette runs her free hand through it.

"Sort of," Sara sighs. "If you count ruling out about a dozen suspects."

"Well," Catherine offers, "at least we know who _didn't_ do it."

Sara sends her a look that lets her know the younger woman would much rather be determining who _did_ do it, as is their job.

"We'll get there," Catherine says without hesitation. "It's just going to take time."

Sara's expression looks dubious. "You seem quite confident. Perhaps we're working different cases?"

"Nope," Catherine says with a smile. "I just happen to know this guy's up against two of the best minds in the field. There's no way he's going to beat us."

Sara glances up, cheeks reddening at the compliment. "I hope you're right," she eventually settles on.

"Dinner tonight?" Catherine questions, changing the topic since she needs no convincing to know she's right.

Sara nods, attention back on the evidence in front of her. "My place?"

"Lindsey's at my sister's, so that's fine by me."

Ever since their talk, Catherine has been slowly reaching out to Sara, trying to make good on her promise to get to know the other woman. Their weekly dinners have been a large part of that, Sara often joining her and Lindsey at their place, but also occasionally inviting them over to hers. Other times, like tonight, it's just the two of them, Catherine no longer using Lindsey as an excuse to have the other woman near. She genuinely enjoys spending time with Sara, and the younger woman finally seems to trust in that.

"I want to finish up these last few prints, head out after that?" Sara proposes.

Getting up to head back to her office to finish her own tasks, Catherine nods. "Perfect."

* * *

"Oh mother of mercy," Catherine leans back in her chair. "I think I've consumed enough food to survive the entire winter."

Sara laughs quietly, simply taking Catherine's dish with hers into the kitchen. "Glad you enjoyed it."

"Enjoyed it?" Catherine scoffs. "There aren't words in the English language to express how much I loved that meal."

Sara only shakes her head as she rinses the dishes, never very good at accepting compliments. The young CSI is an amazing cook, just one of the many things Catherine has learned about the other woman these past months.

"Where'd you learn to cook like this, your parents?" Catherine asks, watching as Sara's motions pause before she resumes cleaning.

"Not really," Sara answers vaguely, and it reminds Catherine that, despite their incredible progress in their relationship, there's still things Sara's private about, still keeps to herself. Catherine doesn't push, respecting the other woman's boundaries and hoping in the future they reach a place where Sara doesn't feel the need to hold back or hesitate.

"Dessert?" Sara offers when she finishes cleaning the plates.

Catherine's eyes widen and she shakes her head, "No way. I'll bust straight out of my pants if I eat anything else right now."

Sara snorts slightly at the presumed exaggeration, gesturing to the coffee pot. "Coffee then?"

"Please."

Once the cups are poured, Sara takes them out to the porch, Catherine following after. Situated in the chairs, feet propped up against the railing, she watches Sara as the tall woman watches the stars. Not for the first time, Catherine gets lost watching Sara, taking in her profile, her thoughtful expression as she studies the night sky.

Also not for the first time, Catherine is taken by just how beautiful the other woman is. She'd always found Sara attractive from the first moments she arrived in Vegas, but adding in Sara's personality the last few months, finally getting to know more about the other woman, her appeal has only expanded. Exponentially. Now, it's hard for Catherine to keep her focus, her thoughts and intentions where they should be, and not let them drift to places and thoughts that should be off limits.

Especially when Sara's her colleague.

But, other parts of Catherine remind herself that she'd promised to always be upfront with Sara from now on, to act towards Sara honestly and transparently. She's hesitant to let her intentions be known, but she's also hesitant to hide them.

Not knowing what the lesser evil is, Catherine turns her focus to her coffee.

"Cath?"

The word draws Catherine's eyes up, meeting Sara's questioning expression.

"You okay?" Sara asks with concern. "I called your name about three times."

"Sorry," Catherine apologizes, taking a deep breath to try to focus. "I was just thinking."

Sara hesitates, not knowing whether to push or not. "I'm here if it's anything you want to talk about," she offers, letting the choice be Catherine's.

Knowing she can't keep putting this off, and that she needs to make a choice in how she's going to handle this, Catherine takes a deep breath. Deciding that her biggest regret with Sara in the past was not being honest with her, she refuses to make that same mistake again and swallows nervously.

"Do you trust me, Sara?" she asks quietly. "Do you trust that my feelings toward you weren't, aren't, a lie?"

Sara's eyes narrow at the unexpected question, searching Catherine's face for clues as to the purpose of this. Why they're talking about this, why now. "Do I trust that you don't dislike me?" she poses, making sure she's understanding what's being asked of her, watching Catherine's nod in confirmation. "Yes." The answer is simple, Sara's eyes searching Catherine's. "Why?"

"Because I need you to also trust what I'm about to tell you, and I can't ask that of you until you believe that I'm being honest with you. That this isn't some feeling of guilt or obligation, or some sort of game to me."

Sara's expression grows hesitant, not having the slightest clue what Catherine is alluding to, where this is heading, but recognizing from her body language that it's something serious.

"Catherine?"

The silence is torture, and every second it stretches on, Catherine feels the words and her ability to say them slipping further and further away. Was she an idiot to think she could do this, think she _should_ do this?

But, she owes it to Sara to be up front, and that's what she's going to do this time around. It may burn her in the end, but that's a risk she needs to take. Sara deserves the truth.

"I think...I…" the words stick in her throat, Catherine fighting to get them out. "I think I'm…"

Closing her eyes in frustration, Catherine takes in a shaky breath, realizing the words aren't going to come easy. Or at all. Not with Sara watching her this closely, not with the silence of the night around them emphasizing any words that break it. Which only leaves one other option.

Tentatively, Catherine leans forward, watching Sara's expression as she gets closer, seeing the moment Sara realizes her intentions, and what's about to happen. Catherine pauses, giving the other woman time to back away, watching her eyes widen as she tries to make sense of what's happening, what Catherine's revealing.

Closing the distance between them, Catherine hesitates, not wanting to do anything without the other woman's consent. But, she watches as Sara's body doesn't back away, her expression disbelieving but not retreating.

With one shaky breath, Catherine closes the final inches between them, placing her lips gently to Sara's. The kiss is slow, soft. Tentative. Sara remains completely still, not engaging, but also not pulling away. Finally, just as Catherine's about to back off, Sara's mouth finally moves.

It takes Catherine's anxious brain a few seconds to realize Sara's kissing her back.

She's kissing her back.

Eyes closed, Catherine's out of breath when they separate, and she debates whether to ever open her eyes again, lest this all be a delusion.

But, when she finally opens them, she's met with Sara's searching gaze, the other woman's eyes seeking for answers as Catherine's own fill with moisture.

"I…" she again chokes on the words, swallowing tightly. "I've been wanting to do that for a while now. I promised to be honest with my feelings…"

Sara's expression is so damn hard to read that it nearly sends Catherine's heart over the edge.

Finally, Sara's eye contact shifts, the younger woman swallowing tightly as she shakes her head.

"How…" she trails off, also struggling with gathering the correct words. "When…"

"When I finally started to get to know you," Catherine answers the unfinished questions. "When I finally met the Sara Sidle that I've pushed away for so long, I fell for her."

Sara's quiet, both of them taking this in, this moment and all it represents. Both of them filled with infinite thoughts and emotions, yet not knowing how to express a single one.

"If you don't feel the same, Sara," Catherine states when she finally finds her voice again, "that's okay. I just wanted you to know, wanted to be honest with you this time around from the start."

It's asking a lot for Sara to trust her, especially when considering the rocky road it took to get them here. The false starts and the years of barriers keeping them at arm's length. To ask Sara to believe her now, about something as serious as this, Catherine can only hope and pray.

"It's…" Sara trails off, eyes studying the space between their bodies. "It's a lot to take in."

Catherine waits patiently, watching as Sara's mind works overdrive to make sense of all this. Catherine's feelings, her own feelings. By the time Catherine's nearly finished with her coffee, Sara finally looks over to meet the blonde's eyes.

"I'm open to the idea…" Sara's words are stilted, hard for the woman to get out. "Open to this…"

Catherine appreciates the words, reaching her free hand out to place it along Sara's knee. "But do you feel the same, Sara? Because if not, then this goes no further and I promise to never bring it up again."

Sara's eyes flash with emotions that Catherine can't quite sort.

"I'm not saying I don't feel the same way, Catherine."

Brows furrowed, Catherine's grip on Sara's leg grows tense. "But are you saying you do?"

Smiling at the blonde's nervous expression, Sara figures the other woman's tactic was perhaps the wisest approach when words seem to fail.

Leaning over, Sara places her lips to Catherine's, the kiss just as gentle and slow as their first.

Pulling back, Sara and Catherine study one another, their expressions both fully open and vulnerable for perhaps the first time in their relationship.

"Who would've thought," Catherine has to laugh when she thinks about their situation. "The two of us…"

Sara smiles as well, shaking her own head. "Not me, that's for sure" she offers. "But then again, I always did have a thing for trespassers…"

"Oh for fucks sake," Catherine can't help the laugh that escapes, "you're still mad about that?"

Sara raises a playful brow, "Didn't I just say how I felt about it? I don't think mad was the emotion I described…"

Catherine shakes her head at Sara, wishing she could stifle the laugh that keeps escaping. "You're a twelve year old."

"Hmm," Sara's other brow joins the first. "I hope for your sake that's not true...otherwise our prior kisses seem a little…"

"Sara!" Catherine swats Sara's leg, covering her reddened face with the other. "You know that's not what I…"

Shaking her head, she glances back over at Sara who's now grinning, perhaps the most relaxed she's ever seen Sara around her.

"You're ridiculous," Catherine tells her, but at the same time trying to fix the image of Sara's smile in her mind, the sight a rarity. "You're lucky I've already fallen for you."

Sara's eyes are playful, but also serious, meeting Catherine's. "I am lucky," she agrees. "For a lot of reasons."

Sara has no idea where this will lead, what will happen with their attempt at a relationship, making this, whatever _this_ is, work. But, right now, she's happy. So thoroughly, deeply happy.

And, for now, that's enough.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	15. Chapter 15

**AN: Hope you're all doing well. Thanks as always for the time you all take to read and review. Hope you're enjoying these mini journeys, keeping my fingers crossed that I'm doing your wonderful ideas justice.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

Prompt: "I do have a prompt for you, something I haven't seen much of but CS in a stable relationship for say 2-4 years and Sara decides she wants kids. Lindsey would be in her teens in this as I usually see them getting together further into the series when we know more about Sara's past. Ultimately I would like to see them adopting or something, but the real prompt is that Sara wants a child somehow and Catherine is uncertain."

Submitted by: CSI-Scarlett

* * *

Prompt 15

"Good morning, hon," Catherine reaches over, gently moving some of Sara's wayward hair from the brunette's face, softly tucking it behind her ear.

"Hmm," Sara groans out in response, eyes shutting tightly at the bright light already piercing through their windows. "Is it?"

Smiling, Catherine leans in, kissing gently along Sara's temple, then lower behind her ear, feeling immediately the way it affects her partner.

"You tell me," she hums out, continuing the trail of kisses until they land along Sara's lips. Feeling the smile there, Catherine smiles herself.

"It's definitely improving," Sara offers, words mumbled as she deepens the kiss.

When they finally pull away, Sara's eyes are open, the younger woman now more than awake.

"How long do we have before we have to leave for work?" she questions, eyes glinting mischievously.

"Enough," Catherine answers, smile widening as she catches on to Sara's intentions. Leaning over, she wastes no time reaching under the sheets to rid Sara of her clothes, feeling Sara do the same.

* * *

When they arrive at work, for the first time in a while Sara and Catherine are paired together at a scene. Since going public with their relationship, now nearly three years ago, they've spent few and far between cases together. The reasons are understandable, both neither really caring too much as it allows them to continue the job they love with the person they love even more.

But, due to a lack of other available CSIs and some fortunate timing in the closing of their own cases, there's no other option but to pair them together.

Enjoying every moment of it, Catherine can't help but smile as she watches Sara kneel down to take photos of something near the back door of the house. She'd missed being able to watch the looks of deep concentration that pass over the younger woman's face as she tries to work all the angles of a scene - fitting together the pieces one at a time at a level of speed and accuracy unmatched by any other members of their team.

Perhaps feeling Catherine's gaze, Sara glances up, smiling as their eyes meet.

No words are exchanged, but they don't need to be. Smile growing, Catherine gets back to work, not allowing herself to get distracted, as much as she'd be content to simply watch Sara all day.

* * *

When they finally finish, Sara's loading their kits into the back of the Tahoe as she spots one of the neighbors carrying her daughter to the car in the drive, their eyes meeting briefly before the woman gently gets the girl settled into her car seat.

Sara smiles, getting into their own car.

"It's hard to believe Lindsey was that age once," Sara comments, watching as the neighbor closes the door to their minivan and pulls out of the drive.

"No joke," Catherine agrees, feeling like it was only yesterday she was doing the same dance with Lindsey. "She'll be half way through her junior year in a couple weeks, and I'm still adjusting to her being in high school, let alone already more than halfway finished with it."

They both go silent as they start the drive back to the lab, Sara's eyes staying fixed on the road as her thoughts continue down a path she's very rarely allowed it to travel. Even now, her hands clench the wheel tightly, as if she's trying to physically hold them in. It's been a pervasive thought this whole year, and Sara's never commented about it. Not once.

But, perhaps deciding now is a good a time as any, and that the unspoken words have started to eat away at her for being suppressed so long, she tests the waters.

"Do you ever think about it?" she asks.

"Think about what?" Catherine responds, glancing briefly over at her companion. When she sees Sara's white knuckled grip on the wheel and her forced stoic expression, her curiosity turns to concern. "Sara?"

"Kids," Sara supplies, trying like hell not to lose her confidence to finally speak this thought aloud. It's been killing her to keep it tucked inside all this time, but she's realizing it's just as scary, if not more so, saying the words aloud.

"You mean…?" Catherine trails off, not in a million years expecting this question. Sara had never given any indication, not once, that she thinks about possibly having kids. The two of them, together.

"Nevermind," Sara gets out when the silence stretches on. "Forget I asked."

Catherine can tell Sara's taken her silence as rejection, watching as Sara's features try to mask the younger woman's reaction. Sara's a master at keeping her thoughts and emotions behind veils, and it hurts Catherine to see her doing it right before her eyes.

"No, Sara," she reaches out, placing a gentle hand along Sara's thigh. "That wasn't a no. I'm just surprised, honey."

Taking a deep breath, Catherine tries to keep her own emotions from her voice. "How long have you been thinking about this?"

Sara shrugs, and Catherine knows for Sara to dodge the question, it has to have been for a significant amount of time.

"Sweetheart," she sighs. "God, why didn't you say anything?"

Sara shakes her head, watching the traffic around them as she makes a turn. "It's not a big deal."

"Of course it is," Catherine immediately counters. "You know you can always talk to me about things like this. You don't have to keep everything tucked away in that head of yours. I feel horrible that I had no idea."

"I didn't know how I felt about it," Sara answers, voice quiet. "I needed to be sure of what I wanted before I said anything."

"And what _do_ you want?" Catherine poses the question, feeling she already suspects, but needs to hear it from Sara.

"I think," Sara clears her throat, keeping her voice steady, "that maybe we should have this conversation later."

Catherine knows Sara's right, that this isn't the time or place to be having this serious of a conversation about this serious of a topic. But, she also wonders if this is Sara's way of avoiding this talk.

Either way, she agrees, giving Sara's thigh a reassuring squeeze. "We'll talk about it tonight when we get home," she promises.

Both of them wonder how they're going to focus the remaining few hours of their shift, thoughts already traveling a thousand different directions.

* * *

That evening, when they finally get home, they eat dinner in mostly silence, neither of them ready quite yet to broach their unfinished conversation. Even Lindsey picked up on the odd mood in the room, excusing herself after dinner and retreating to her bedroom.

Pouring them both a rather generous amount of wine, Catherine hands Sara her glass.

"Shall we stop avoiding it and talk?" she questions, a gentle smile crossing her features.

Sara nods, taking a deep breath and settling herself for the conversation that's about to happen.

"Porch?" she suggests, knowing this conversation needs to remain private for now, not wanting to risk any overhearing ears in the house.

"Definitely," Catherine agrees with the suggestion, leading the way outside.

As they get settled, Catherine reaches over the armrest of her chair to join her free hand with Sara's. "Talk to me, Sar."

Sara knows this is it, that she has to be completely honest with not only herself but with Catherine as well. They both deserve that much.

"I started thinking about it last year," she poses, feeling Catherine's hand stiffen in hers at the amount of time she's kept this hidden. "After one of my cases. It involved a kid in an abusive foster house, and it got me thinking about how many are out there like him with no real homes, no place to go."

Sara shakes her head, lowering her gaze. "But there's a big difference between feeling bad about the situation and actually wanting to raise a child. I needed to know what I really felt about it."

Catherine gives Sara's hand a reassuring squeeze as she tries to encourage her to continue.

"And you decided you do want to raise a child?" she poses directly when the silence stretches on.

Sara's voice is hesitant, trembling slightly as she gets out the word. The word that has the potential to change everything. "Yes."

Feeling the tension coming from the woman beside her, Catherine laces her fingers with Sara's, thumb running gently across Sara's hand.

"Honey," she breathes out, putting her wine glass down and using her free hand to tilt Sara's jaw back upwards so that their eyes meet. "I'm not mad at you, or disapproving. You don't need to be nervous about speaking your desires aloud to me. Ever."

"I didn't want you to think...Lindsey..." Sara confesses her thoughts. "I love Lindsey as my own. I didn't want you to think I wasn't content with our family the way it is."

"Sara," Catherine keeps her gaze on Sara's. "I never for one second would think something like that. I've watched you and Linds these past years, your relationship with one another. I'm pretty convinced you love Lindsey more than anyone else on the planet, probably even me."

The comment gets the desired reaction, Sara losing just a bit of her rigidity as she sends Catherine a look.

"Honestly, Sar," tone returning to the serious nature of the conversation. "Don't doubt for a second that I know just how much you love Lindsey, love this family. Wanting another child doesn't negate the love you have for your current one."

Keeping their gazes locked, Catherine searches Sara's expression, wishing like hell she could get a better read on her. Three years together, and there's still so much Sara can hide from her when she wants to.

"The only thing that bothers me about this situation," Catherine says honestly. "Is how long you kept this from me. I understand you wanted to be sure of what you wanted, but you could have discussed it with me when you first had those feelings. We could've worked through them together."

This conversation isn't a new one for them, there having been some other key talks about Sara keeping things private that Catherine wished she'd shared. But, this one is different in that it's a life changing caliber topic. This isn't something that should remain private, let alone for an entire year.

"I'm sorry," Sara offers, knowing she owed it to the woman she loves to have been more open. Catherine and her are partners, and they need to share these types of things with one another. She knows she'd be hurt if the situation were reversed, and though she had no bad intentions, her secrecy wasn't warranted.

They both know nothing can change the last year that Sara kept this to herself, the only option now is to discuss it together from this point forward.

"Have you thought about how you want to have a child?" Catherine questions, knowing that Sara almost definitely has, given the amount of time she's been thinking this over.

"Adoption," Sara answers almost immediately. "Not that there's anything wrong with IVF or surrogates. I just feel like, with my past..."

Sara trails off, never finding it easy to discuss her past. In fact, it's a topic they both rarely bring up, knowing the emotions and painful scars it typically opens when they do.

"I wouldn't feel right after everything I've been through," Sara gets out. "There's so many kids in situations similar to mine. I want at least one of them to know what it's like to have a family. A loving family."

Catherine squeezes Sara's hand, keeping her grip solid and supportive.

"The thing that concerns me, besides obviously having to discuss it with Lindsey, is our ages," Catherine voices honestly. "I for one am no spring chicken, I'm not sure how I feel about having a kid that enters high school the same time I enter the assisted living home."

Sara smiles slightly at this, "I think that's a bit of an exaggeration. You're acting like you're eighty. We both have at least a few years left in us I'd like to think."

"You know what I mean," Catherine rolls her eyes.

The concern is a real one, Catherine not sure she has it in her to raise another child like she did Lindsey all those years ago. Lindsey's almost in college - do they really want to start all over again with a second child?

"We're not going to come to a decision tonight," Sara states. "We're obviously going to have to think about it more. A lot more. But, at least now…"

"Now I know," Catherine finishes the sentence.

"Yeah," Sara trails off, not knowing whether she feels more relieved or nervous to have this all finally out in the open.

* * *

Neither of them brings up the adoption topic the rest of the week. Sara's not sure if that's because Catherine is still considering it, or if this is Catherine's way of saying no. She herself hasn't spent a single moment where it's not perseverating in the back of her mind, bleeding into almost every other area of Sara's life.

But, if Catherine says no, she's going to have to accept that. She'll only pursue this if they're both on board one hundred percent. She's made a life with Catherine, and that needs to be her priority. She can't blame the older woman for saying no if she does. Sara knows asking her to raise another child after spending sixteen years raising Lindsey is a lot to ask of anyone, and Sara respects whatever decision her partner makes.

But, she's not ignorant enough to think that a no from Catherine wouldn't be devastating all the same.

Sighing, Sara tosses her keys on the desk as she finally gets home. She'd been asked to work a triple, and she barely saw Catherine all shift, only briefly exchanging updates on their shared case before Sara turned her attentions back to the other open cases she's running solo.

"Cath?" Sara asks when she moves through the livingroom, the house quiet. Lindsey's still at school, but Catherine's car was in the drive.

"Kitchen."

Following the voice, Sara enters the kitchen, seeing Catherine sitting at the table with a cup of tea.

"Hey," Sara offers, giving Catherine a quick kiss hello before moving to start the coffee maker and get some much needed caffeine to her exhausted brain.

As she prepares the grounds and fills the carafe with water, Sara glances over her shoulder. "Everything okay?" she asks, noting Catherine looks like her thoughts are miles away.

Catherine doesn't move, her expression still focused elsewhere. But, just as Sara's about to question her again, the blonde finally lifts her gaze to Sara's.

"I want to raise a child with you."

The words hang there, between them, Sara's eyes widening as she turns to fully face the other woman.

"What…" she gets out, coffee immediately forgotten as her brain tries to sort through the words she just heard. And whether she heard them correctly. "What...when…?"

"I've been thinking about it nonstop ever since we discussed it," Catherine confesses, letting Sara know her silence apparently wasn't rejection at all. Quite the opposite. "I've been weighing all the possibilities, all the pros, all the cons."

Catherine takes a deep breath, eyes watering slightly as her voice gets heavy. "All I kept thinking was who am I to be weighing the pros and cons of helping a child have a better life. How privileged, how selfish. We can't help them all, but surely we can help one. If someone, anyone, had helped you..."

"Catherine," Sara abandons the coffee, moving instead to kneel by Catherine's side, taking her hand in her own. "I don't want you to feel some sort of obligation about this. That's not what I want this decision to be based on. My past is my past, and it's nothing you or anyone else should feel guilty or obligated about."

"There's more to it than that," Catherine confesses. "I also think about raising a child with you, together, being side by side from the start. Watching you with Lindsey has been some of the most beautiful memories of my life, I can't help but want to watch that again, this time together from the very beginning."

Sara swallows at Catherine's words. "Are you sure about this? We need to be completely certain. And if we both aren't completely sure, we don't do this."

"I'm certain, Sara," Catherine's eyes stay on Sara's, letting the younger woman see her honesty, hand tightening in the brunette's. "The only thing that still concerns me is us being a lot older than we were with Lindsey."

Sara takes a deep breath, eyes searching Catherine's for her response as she voices her own thoughts. "I've actually been considering that a lot," she shares. "And I was sort of wondering…"

Catherine's hand tightens in her own supportively, thumb running soothingly over her knuckles. "I was wondering if maybe we could adopt an older child? It would solve the age issue, and it would also…"

When Sara goes silent, Catherine's free hand runs softly down the side of Sara's face, gently making its way through her hair and trying to offer the support the younger woman needs to keep going. Sara's always struggled with sharing her feelings, especially regarding topics as personal as this.

"People tend to adopt the youngest children, babies," Sara gets out, voice thick with unspoken emotions. "For various reasons. Once you reach about the age of five you know enough to understand that no one's coming for you. You're too old, too damaged. You realize you're going to have many more years of getting bounced around in the foster system and you start to give up on a lot of things. Including yourself. I'd be overjoyed to take a kid like that out of the system and into a loving home."

Eyes anxious, Sara tries to search for Catherine's reaction. When Catherine's eyes moisten and she remains silent, Sara fears the worst. "I know I just said I didn't want my past to factor into this decision...I'm sorry...I didn't mean…"

Sara's silenced as lips meet her own, her words lost to a kiss so heartfelt it steals her remaining breath away. When Catherine finally pulls back, she sees the tearful smile that slowly takes over the blonde's expression.

"It's perfect," Catherine gets out through her tears.

Sara's heart hammering in her chest, her own eyes moisten as she realizes what this means.

"You're sure?" she asks one final time, needing to be absolutely certain, even though Catherine's expression is already telling her everything she needs to know.

"Never been more sure of anything in my life," Catherine promises. "Aside from being with you."

Sara's free hand joins with Catherine's, their eyes meeting through their tears.

"I love you," Sara gets out. "Beyond words."

* * *

It takes a lot of meetings, a lot of planning, and even more paperwork before Catherine and Sara are given the go ahead on their plans.

Lindsey, who both Catherine and Sara were worried about discussing their intentions with, became the strongest champion of the idea. Apparently, she'd resigned herself to being an only child, a position she apparently wasn't all that fond of. Though she'll be away at college in just over a year, the idea of having a sibling took precedence over all else.

Heart thundering in her chest, Sara takes another deep breath.

"Try not to pass out," Catherine whispers near her ear, smiling as she take's Sara's trembling hand in her own. "You're going to be great at this."

Sara shakes her head, "Glad one of us thinks so."

Catherine's smile grows, "Then trust me. If you don't trust yourself, at least trust me. And I have absolutely no doubts."

Swallowing, Sara nods, trying like hell to not appear as nervous as she feels.

Once Catherine, Sara, and Lindsey all decided to go forward with this, it was obvious to Sara which child she wanted to adopt. Over a year ago, during her case, the very same child that first put the idea in Sara's mind. Still in the foster system, it wasn't hard for Sara to track him down.

When he saw her as they first walked in today, he watched her with those same traumatized eyes, that same haunted expression he wore for the entirety of Sara's case. He'd been bounced around in the foster system for nearly seven years now, ever since he was a baby. The case Sara worked involved abuse in one of those homes, and looking through his records at the time, it was clear he'd experienced abuse in more than one. Sara had made sure his next house was a safe one, but it appeared he got shuffled around to at least two other homes since then.

Meeting his eyes across the room as the social worker behind the glass partition explains to him why Sara and Catherine are there, she watches his expression morph to disbelief, then to wariness and careful control of his emotions. Not wanting to get hopeful about something that's likely too good to be true. Censor your emotions and your hopes before they make a gullible fool out of you.

It's a dance Sara knows all too well. One that carries over into her adulthood even to this day.

Keeping her eyes locked with his, she remains steady as he's given his backpack of his meager belongings, his eyes never leaving Sara's. As he's escorted through the glass doorway, he stands there, hesitant and nervous. Moving forward, Sara lowers herself to her knees to meet his eyes.

"Do you remember me?" she asks, her prior anxiety all but leaving her at the sight of him. Just like Catherine voiced weeks before, she's never been more sure of anything in her life.

He nods, eyes still searching Sara's. Most likely waiting for this dream to be ripped out from under him, just like all the previous ones had.

"We want to take you home with us," Sara states, knowing this has already been explained to him moments before, but wanting him to hear it from her. "Are you okay with that?"

She knows he really has no say in the matter, and he likely knows that, too. But Sara remembers the feeling of your own life being out of your control, pushed from one home to the next with no regard to what you want and no way of stopping everything happening to you.

Again, he nods, eyes wide and nervous.

"We want you to be part of our family," Sara says quietly. "This isn't a foster home, this is an adoption. Do you understand what that means?"

Sara has no doubt he does, all the kids in her foster homes, including herself, always hoping for adoption, for a 'forever home.' Very few ever got that wish, and even fewer over the age of five.

"Is that okay with you?" Sara again asks, not knowing how she'd handle it if he says no.

But, she doesn't have to worry, his wide eyes moistening apparently without his permission as he nods a third, final time.

Reaching forward, Sara is gentle and slow, using only predictable movements as she takes his hand in hers. She knows better than to try for a hug. That trust needs to be earned, and she watches his expression as she softly takes his hand in hers.

"Welcome to our family, Lucas."

He keeps his trembling hand tightly in hers, giving Catherine the barest ghost of a smile as the blonde introduces herself to him with a warm expression. He lets them guide him to their car, not letting Sara's hand go the entire ride home.

Letting out a tight breath, he considers the word he never thought he'd have a chance to use.

Family.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	16. Chapter 16

**AN: All the best to everyone, hope life is treating all of you okay.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt: "I'd love to read a story that maybe focuses more on Catherine's insecurities (being older, having a child, her stripper pasts, etc.) despite being in a relationship with Sara for a long time already. Catherine always seems to be the strong, beautiful and confident women on the outside but beneath the surface there maybe insecurities that's eating her. I've got no idea how these insecurities will be bought out to the surface, maybe due to a case (like the Crow's Feet episode), or because of another women that also have interest in Sara.. I don't know.. Hehe I'm sure you have more creative ideas. :D Sara will assure her that none of those things matter and that what's more important in the end is their love for each other.. :) yeah..Of course, I may like a little angst, but I love happy endings. :D"_

 _Submitted by: Imagifictions_

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PROMPT 16

She's flirting.

That fucking woman is _flirting_ with Sara. Right in front of her.

Not that the other woman would have any earthly way of knowing she and Sara are together, but still. It drives Catherine mad all the same.

Thankfully, Sara seems either oblivious to the other woman's advances or she isn't interested in the least, the young CSI simply watching the bar as she waits for her drink order to be completed. Both of which make Catherine's anxiety lessen just the slightest. But, still, it's damn hard to stand by and watch. When the other woman places a hand on Sara's forearm, Catherine's had enough.

Stepping up to the brunette, Catherine puts on the best smile she can muster through her inner anger, wrapping her arm around Sara's waist.

"Hey, babe," she says, leaning over to place a kiss along Sara's cheek. "You get our drinks yet?"

The bartender, the aggressive flirt in question, takes in Catherine, glancing down to their joined bodies, immediately getting Catherine's not so subtle message and straightening up from where she was leaning against the bar towards Sara.

"Sorry," the other woman mumbles, quickly placing a second beer on the bar next to the first already out. "I didn't realize."

Sara's hand squeezes Catherine's before moving to grab their drinks, giving the bartender a neutral nod before returning her attention fully on Catherine. They walk away, Catherine unable to resist the stare she sends the bartender over her retreating shoulder. But, when she does, she sees the bartender looking at Sara, then at Catherine, trying to politely hide the confusion in her expression.

That action has Catherine's heart sinking in her chest, much harder to bear than the other woman's aggressive flirting. This confusion, this genuine disbelief at the two of them together, has all of Catherine's insecurities boiling up from their buried place deep inside her. She knows she's a good deal older than Sara, that truth always hovering in the back of her mind, but most times she can look past it. She knows Sara loves her, so she keeps it wrestled down deep. But, watching a complete stranger react to their pairing in such a way has Catherine absolutely mortified.

"Cath," Sara calls when they reach their table, eyes concerned. "You okay?"

Catherine nods, knowing now, during their rare night out together at a local pub, is not the time nor place to get into this. As much as she wants to disappear through this very floor.

"I'm okay," she tells Sara, taking her beer from Sara's hand and swallowing a long drink.

Sara clearly doesn't believe her, watching her worriedly throughout the rest of their evening together.

* * *

When they finally leave, Sara's hand finds Catherine's out of habit, walking through the parking lot together towards their car.

"You okay with me driving?" Sara poses, watching Catherine's far away expression. "I only had the one beer over an hour ago."

Catherine nods, knowing there's no one more cautious than Sara when it comes to the blonde's wellbeing. She trusts Sara implicitly, and being honest, she knows she's way too distracted right now to focus on the road. Sara's a safer option, by far.

Sara gets in, watching Catherine as they put on their seatbelts.

Letting out a nervous breath, Sara shakes her head slightly at Catherine's continued silence, pulling out of the lot and towards their shared home.

* * *

When Sara directs the car down a street short of their own, positioning it along the curb and putting it in park, Catherine narrows her eyes.

"What are you doing?" she asks in confusion.

Sara doesn't answer, simply turning to look at her, and Catherine knows exactly what she's doing.

"Maybe you _were_ too drunk to drive us home," Catherine states anyway, hoping to divert from the real topic at hand. "Apparently you forgot that we live on the next street over."

Sara only continues watching her, knowing the other woman understands exactly what the purpose of this is.

It's a habit they picked up a while ago, back when they first started dating. If one of them was bothered about something, usually a tough case or frustrations at work, they'd stop somewhere short of their homes, forcing the other person to unload whatever was bothering them before they stepped through the front door. It was always their way of making sure their work and personal lives stayed separate, not carrying worries or angers or resentments into their private spaces. Leaving the work frustrations where they belonged and out of their homes.

Now, living together for over six months, they've maintained the tradition.

But, tonight, Catherine's frustrations have nothing to do with work.

"This isn't about a case," Catherine states out loud, tensing under Sara's ever watchful gaze.

"I know," Sara responds, leaving the car in park.

"So why are we here?" Catherine pushes.

Sara shakes her head, "Doesn't matter if it's work related or not, Catherine. There's something bothering you, as much as you keep trying to avoid it."

"Can't we talk about this at home?" she poses.

"Will you actually talk to me?" Sara counters. "Or will you just keep pushing me away the second we walk through the front door?"

Catherine knows Sara has a point, that there's no reason for the other woman to believe Catherine has any intentions of actually discussing what's put her in a foul mood all evening. In fact, she indeed has every intention of keeping this particular embarrassing issue to herself. Indefinitely.

"Cath," Sara breaths out, eyes pleading. "Please, just talk to me. You're making me nervous that you're pissed at me about something and I have no idea what I did."

"You didn't do anything," Catherine assures, but Sara's nervous expression doesn't budge.

"Catherine."

Letting out a tense breath, the older woman knows she can't avoid this forever. That she'll continue to stew internally until she gets this off her chest. Her and Sara are very different in that way. Sara tends to solve her issues internally, working through them privately until she reaches a resolution within herself. Catherine stews internally, never resolving anything until she's gotten a chance to vent the issue aloud and exorcise it from her mind.

"Fine," she relents, knowing she doesn't want to keep mulling this over, her anxiety only growing the longer it festers inside her. "But I want to do this at home."

Sara assesses her, looking for honesty that Catherine will really make good on her promise. Apparently deciding to trust her, Sara puts the car in drive, finishing the last part of their ride home.

* * *

When they pull in the drive, Catherine realizes that perhaps Sara was right. While this issue isn't work related, she doesn't want to bring this inside their private space either. Their life together is sacred, beautiful, and the thoughts running through Catherine's mind are anything but. They're filled with ugly doubts, fears, insecurities, things that Catherine wants to walk away from and leave behind her.

"That bartender was flirting with you."

Sara turns, hand on her car door handle as she pauses at the words. Keys in hand, she stops her motions, glancing over at Catherine who hasn't taken off her seatbelt.

"She was," Sara agrees, settling back into her seat. "But of course I wasn't interested, Catherine, if that's what this is about."

"I know you weren't," Catherine says honestly, reaching over and taking Sara's free hand in hers. Not wanting the other woman to get the impression that she's mad at her about something that was out of her control. "You didn't encourage her at all. Hell, you barely even looked at her while she was all but throwing herself at you."

Sara narrows her eyes, "Then what is this about, Cath?"

Catherine breaths out a shaky breath, not knowing if she has the confidence to voice this. It's embarrassing, and awkward, and Catherine wants nothing more than to bury it all back down. But, she knows she'll never resolve it until she gets this out.

"Never in a million years did that woman think the two of us would be together."

Sara's confusion is clear in her expression. "What do you mean?"

"She practically thought you and the barstools had a better chance at being in a relationship than you and me."

Sara's brows furrow further, "I agree with her. Didn't it take you like five dates to finally convince me this wasn't a practical joke and that you actually liked me the way I liked you?"

Catherine's eyes close as Sara's innocence, at her genuine misunderstanding that makes Catherine wonder how the brilliant woman could not see the real issue here.

"The other way around, Sar."

Sara's eyes remain confused. "What?"

Catherine waits her out, knowing she'll get what she means. Sure enough, about a minute passes before Sara understands.

"You've got to be kidding me," she says. "You honestly think that woman thought _you_ were the surprising member of this relationship?"

"I was," Catherine affirms honestly, tone completely sober. "It was clear as day on her face."

"I think you misread-"

"I didn't."

Sara shakes her head, "Fine. Even if she thought that, who cares?"

"I do, Sara," Catherine voices, digging deep to get this out. "You think she's the first person to throw a curious glance our way when we're out together? You think she's the only one who assumes I'm probably your mom and not your partner before they see us kiss?"

Sara laughs. She can't help it, as much as she tries to swallow it down before it can escape. This is all simply too ludicrous, too ridiculous for her to take in.

"Never in a million _years_ would they think that, Catherine. You're insane."

"I'm eleven years older than you, Sara. And I look it. They're not the insane ones."

Eyes searching Catherine's, Sara's expression grows serious as she sees the genuine emotion in the other woman's eyes. "Where is this all coming from Catherine? Never has our ages been a problem for you before."

"It was always a problem for me," Catherine confesses, eyes closing at the admission. "I pretend like I don't care, that I don't mind, but of course I do. No one wants to be the older one in a relationship, Sara, especially not when the age gap is as wide as ours."

"Catherine…"

"No, you don't need to say anything," Catherine states honestly. "I'm not fishing for compliments or reassurances. I'm just telling you it bothers me, it makes me doubt why you're with me sometimes. And, when I see other people doubt it too, it only makes it that much harder."

"Cath, I-"

"Seriously, Sara," Catherine interrupts. "I don't want you to say anything or try to convince me why I shouldn't feel the way I do. Honestly, I just want to go inside, go to bed, and forget this ever happened. Please."

Sara's jaw tightens, desperately working against all the words that she's dying to say. All the thoughts she's desperate to convey to the woman she loves. Especially when Catherine just confessed what she did. But, Sara respects the other woman's requests, at least for now.

Wordlessly, Sara exits the car, both women making their way to the front door in heavy silence.

* * *

All night, it's all Sara can think about. Catherine's revelation was not only unexpected, but it was also completely mind boggling. Never, in a million years, would she think that Catherine Willows, of all people, would have doubts regarding her attractiveness or age. To Sara, Catherine's always been the pinnacle of beauty, of the way most women would dream of looking and being. Ever since she moved to Vegas, Catherine's taken her breath away more times than she could ever count - still holding true even now, over a year from when they first started dating.

Pulling the covers down gently as to not wake the other woman, Sara carefully makes her way from their bedroom, stepping out into their kitchen to make herself a cup of coffee. It's clear she's not going to be getting any more sleep this morning, her thoughts much too loud to allow her the required peace to do so.

As she waits for the cup to brew, Sara can't help but feel guilty for what Catherine confessed. Guilty for never noticing the other woman's insecurities, for assuming she'd never have those types of fears in the first place. All her life, Sara had doubted her own place, her relationships, her intellect. The list of her insecurities is miles long. But, she'd never stepped out of her own head long enough to figure out that the woman she's with was fighting with her own.

Grabbing the steaming brew when it finishes, Sara steps outside the side door to make her way to the backyard. Sitting along the outdoor patio table they have set up, she hunches over against the cool breeze making itself known, the barest morning sunrays not nearly strong enough yet to hold back the chill.

* * *

She's not sure how long she's lost alone in thought before she hears the metal chair beside her pulled back.

"Thought for a minute you'd gotten called into work."

"No, sorry," Sara answers, eyes following the other woman as Catherine sits.

"Couldn't sleep?"

Sara shrugs noncommittally, holding out her coffee. "You want some?"

Taking the cup gratefully, Catherine takes a few swallows before handing it back.

"It's freezing out here," the blonde offers. "How long have you been sitting here?"

Again, Sara shrugs, but this time honestly not knowing the answer. "A bit I guess."

"You okay?" Catherine probes, knowing something's up as much as Sara's trying to appear casual about it. She has a very good idea what's bothering the other woman, but she isn't going to be the one to bring it up.

"Yeah," Sara sends her a gentle smile. "Sorry, I'm fine."

"Sara."

Finally, some of Sara's facade drops, the other woman instead letting out a tired breath.

"I can't stop thinking about what you said, Cath," Sara confesses, confirming the blonde's suspicions. "I know you said you didn't want to talk about it anymore, but I can't just ignore it either."

"I know," Catherine sighs, understanding it's not fair to drop what she did on the other woman and then forbid her from talking about it. "I'm just embarrassed to have shared that, and the last thing I want to do is discuss it even further."

"I just…" Sara trails off, trying to figure out how to say all the thoughts that are weighing heavy in her mind. "I can't believe you think those things about yourself. I just assumed…"

Catherine raises a brow, "You assumed I didn't own a mirror or a calendar?"

Sara sends her a look, "I assumed you knew how drop dead stunning you are. How I'm always questioning why the hell you're with _me_ , and how you're practically the envy of every breathing woman on planet Earth."

"Sara…"

"No, Cath," Sara shakes her head. "I feel horrible that you've thought those things, all this time. And you never said a word to me."

"Insecurity isn't exactly an attractive quality," Catherine offers. "I didn't want to appear any more pathetic than I already felt."

"You could never be pathetic, Catherine," Sara counters. "Not to me. And not about things that bother you. That's what relationships, partners, are for."

"Look," Catherine gets out, "it's not a big deal. Okay? I shouldn't have even said anything."

Sara rolls her eyes, "Yeah, that was exactly the point I just made."

Putting down her coffee to take Catherine's hands in hers, Sara turns to fully face her.

"Don't hide yourself from me, Catherine. Whatever bothers you, worries you. You've kept this inside for years, and I had no idea. I should've picked up on it before now, and I'm so sorry I didn't. But you have to talk to me, honey. Not let these things eat at you in silence."

Sara lets out a breath, trying to get the rest of this out. "You're always there for me when I need it. Please, let me be there for you as well. You don't always have to be the strong one."

Catherine lets out a tight laugh, "Between the two of us, you're calling _me_ the strong one, Sidle?"

Sara's expression doesn't change, simply nodding. "Of course I am, Catherine. Because you are."

Seeing the serious look in Sara's eyes, any further laughing from Catherine dies in her chest.

Sara's eyes search hers, the taller woman shaking her head. "I wish to God you could see yourself the way I see you, the way the vast majority of the world sees you. I never in a million years would've guessed you have no clue just how breathtakingly beautiful you are."

"Please…Sara..."

Sara's hands tighten their grip on the other woman's to silence her protests before they can truly start. "Do you know what you do to me when you walk into a room? Do you know just how fast my heart beats when you kiss me? Do you know just how often I question whether this is all a dream?" Sara swallows tightly. "Do you know that I had Greg read my text messages from you for _months_ just to have someone else confirm that you actually wanted to go out with me, that someone like you actually was interested in me?"

Catherine's expression is now the one searching the younger woman's.

"My friends back in California still ask me every month how much I pay you to have you pretend to be my girlfriend. People at the lab routinely ask me if we're still together, pretty much biting at my ankles to be the first to get a chance to ask you out the second we're no longer together. I probably have half the Vegas criminology community currently plotting my death just to have a chance with you."

Sara shakes her head, cutting off Catherine's coming words one last time before she can speak them.

"I know you said you didn't want reassurances or contradictions to what you said, but Cath, I wish to hell you could see yourself the way everyone else does. The fears you have, the insecurities, they're valid and you have the right to feel them and voice them. But, hon, I wish like hell you could see through them to the truth underneath. To the beautiful, stunning, and awe inspiring woman that you are. And, not just on the outside, but also in the ways it matters most. All of which could never, ever change with age. All of which are the true reasons I love you, the external stuff is just a bonus."

Sara's eyes lower slightly before rising back up. "I'm sorry I never told you that enough."

"Sara," Catherine breaths out, taking in all of what Sara's just said, mind trying to work through the words, the sentiments. Trying to form and voice her own response. But, when the words don't come, she leans forward to place a gentle kiss on Sara's lips instead.

"I know this isn't a magic fix," Sara breathes out when they separate. "I know your insecurities aren't something that can just be reasoned away or quickly overcome. But, I sure as hell can do a better job of showing you the evidence to the contrary so you at least have accurate information upon which to base your conclusions."

Catherine smiles softly, "Did you just CSI 101 me?"

Sara laughs lightly, "Evidence is important, Ms. Willows, and shouldn't be ignored in any facet of our lives."

Shaking her head, Catherine places another kiss on Sara's lips. "I love you."

Sara kisses her back, "You too, Cath. Always."

They both know this issue isn't resolved, that the insecurities that manifest in our minds and souls take a much deeper, much longer process to be purged. But, they finally have this particular one out in the open. Catherine's no longer biting it back in silence and solitude. They can acknowledge it, work on it, and maybe even someday surpass it. But for now, acknowledging it is enough.

For the first time, voicing the words aloud and seeing Sara's genuine confusion and contradictions, has helped the older woman realize at least these thoughts aren't something Sara's been harboring herself. That, at least the woman she loves doesn't feel them. And, in the end, between Sara and the rest of the world, Sara's really the only one whose opinion matters to her anyway.

Kissing Sara one last time, Catherine pulls back.

"Now," the blonde narrows her eyes. "Tell me more about how you let Greg read our private text messages."

Sara laughs, cheeks reddening. "Don't worry, hon, I didn't let him read the...more graphic ones. Wouldn't have wanted the poor guy to short circuit."

Catherine laughs as well, tightening the grip of their hands, feeling for the first time just a bit lighter, and just a bit more content. Inside and out.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	17. Chapter 17

**AN: Hope everyone is doing well. Love that you guys seem to be enjoying these stories and have been/are submitting so many wonderful prompts. Excited to get to them all, and so appreciative of your continued patience as I work through them to get to everyone's. Your kind words never fail to brighten my day.**

 **Take care and enjoy :)**

* * *

Prompt: "Established Sara/Catherine. Catherine's ex comes back to town and starts hitting on her repeatedly and a little aggressively. He threatens Sara so Cath doesn't mention it to her. Sara sees him kiss her, getting the wrong impression. Cath finally does something about him when he hits her, when she tries to speak with Sara, Sara is very withdrawn and angry- though incredibly sad and apologetic when she learns the truth. Happy ending, hurt/comfort all the way through!"

-Submitted by: AllyKat

* * *

Prompt 17

The third time Catherine is convinced.

One time can be a mistake. Two could be coincidence. Three?

That's neither wrong nor chance. Three times is a certainty.

"Shit," she mutters, watching Sara turn to her in confusion.

"Cath?" she asks, watching Catherine get up from their table, the two of them enjoying a nice dinner out for what feels like the first time all year. "You okay?"

"Be right back," Catherine mutters, placing her napkin on the table and heading towards the back where the bathrooms are, feeling Sara's worried eyes following her the entire way.

The moment she's out of sight, she waits, knowing exactly what will happen.

Sure enough, not a minute passes before he rounds the corner, spotting her easily despite the dim mood lighting Catherine's always loved, but now finds a bit nerve wracking.

"What are you doing here?" she hisses out, trying to keep their conversation private from the other people ambling about the crowded restaurant. "Are you following me?"

The man smiles, and it's anything but pleasant. In fact, it looks more like a sadistic grin than anything else. "Why would I do something like that?" he poses with a smug smirk.

"Because I've seen you three times this month, so it's a pretty damn weird coincidence that we keep running into each other," she gives him a knowing look, eyes narrowing angrily. "Leave me alone, Hunter."

"Is that any way to greet an old flame?" he presses a hand dramatically to his chest. "Why so cold?"

"You know why," Catherine responds tightly, anger seeping into each word. Her time with Hunter was great, until it wasn't. And, when it went bad, it went _very_ bad. She was one step from putting a restraining order out on him. Now, she's wondering if she should have. "Leave me alone."

"Why?" he laughs. "You afraid I'm going to ruin your date with the foxy brunette?"

"It's not a date," Catherine counters tightly. "We've been together for a year."

"Oh," Hunter laughs. "So you decided to play for the other team, huh? Interesting."

Catherine scoffs, heart still racing nervously as much as she tries to maintain control over it. "Apparently you've never heard of team bisexual."

Hunter only smirks, "Is that what they're calling it these days?"

Catherine knows he's just trying to get a rise out of her, and she refuses to give him that pleasure.

"I'm going back to my table, and you're going to leave me the hell alone," she tells him, eyes narrowing threateningly.

"Or?" he smiles darkly.

"You don't want to find out."

Laughing, Hunter shakes his head. "You always did have a good sense of humor. About the only thing I miss about you."

"Apparently not," Catherine counters. "You don't stalk people you don't miss."

"I'm not stalking you," Hunter rolls his eyes. "Don't flatter yourself, sweetheart. I'm here on a date, same as you."

Catherine refuses to correct him a second time, knowing he does these things for the sole purpose of frustrating her. He's a champion at manipulation, Catherine only wishes she'd caught onto it earlier in their relationship. Two years was a very long time to spend with a man as vile as Hunter Davis.

She'd thought she'd seen the last of him when she broke it off years ago. Apparently she was wrong. Very wrong.

"I hope you and your date have a great evening," Catherine bites darkly, wishing anything but. In fact, she wants nothing more than to warn his date about the trap she's about to fall into. "If you'll excuse me…"

She feels his hand grab her before she can complete her retreat.

"I hope you and your date also have a good time," he states, tone low and threatening. "You never know when life can take a turn."

Glaring at him over her shoulder, Catherine tries to wrench her arm free. "What the hell is that supposed to mean? Are you threatening me?"

"Never," Hunter laughs before his expression sobers. "I was talking about your date."

Immediately, Catherine's insides are tense with rage. It's one thing for him to torment her, but to involve Sara in this? That's more than one step too far.

"You leave her alone!" she hisses, gripping his wrist and pulling his hand from her arm with force.

Hunter shrugs, his nonchalant attitude only furthering the rage and fear battling inside her. "We'll see. Depends on how nice you are to me. Hate to see her get hurt because you're acting like a cold bitch. Or because you're trying to tattle on me to the cops again."

"You touch her and you're dead," Catherine gives a threat of her own. "Understood?"

"Feisty," Hunter's grin is sickening. "I like this side of you."

"Do you fucking understand me?" Catherine repeats, voice shaking with anger.

Hunter only grins further, "See you around, Catherine. Give Sara my regards."

As he saunters off, Catherine's heart drops in her chest. She'd never used Sara's name. As if she didn't know before, she's now certain he's been stalking her. Maybe even both of them.

"God dammit," she raises a trembling hand through her hair, knowing she needs to collect herself before she goes back to their table. Sara's a CSI, and a damn good one at that. She'll know something's up. She needs time to figure this out. His threats were clear, this stays between them or Sara's in danger.

She needs a permanent solution, but in the meantime she needs to be careful. She knows enough about Hunter Davis to know that his threats are never empty.

* * *

"You alright?" Sara asks nervously as soon as Catherine sits back down. "You feeling okay?"

"Yeah," Catherine states, trying to reassure Sara with a smile that even she can tell doesn't look anywhere near genuine. "My stomach's just a little unsettled is all."

Sara nods, already reaching for the check and filling it out for the server.

"Let's get you home," she says gently, reaching out to take Catherine's hand softly as she takes care of the bill.

As they walk out, her eyes meet Hunter's, watching him give her a wink as he flirts with his date. Her insides churn with disgust, making her lie to Sara not so much of a lie afterall. She feels like she's going to vomit everything she just ate.

Feeling Sara squeeze her hand reassuringly, she hates keeping this from the woman she loves, but knows she has no other choice right now.

* * *

"What's going on Catherine?"

The question is gentle, concerned. And, it nearly shatters Catherine's remaining resolve.

"You've been distant for days," Sara continues, watching Catherine with worried eyes. "Please talk to me."

Catherine knows she's shutting Sara out, trying desperately to keep herself together as she figures out what to do about Hunter. Sara doesn't deserve the way she's been treating her these past days, but it's taking everything in her to deal with Hunter - leaving nothing left for anyone else.

"I'm sorry," she offers instead. "I've just had a lot on my mind. The case I'm on has been a nightmare, and I'm so behind on my other cases it's had me a bit distracted."

Sara's eyes narrow, able to read the lies within Catherine's excuses.

"Right," she mutters, expression going from concerned to hurt. "Work."

Taking a deep breath, Sara stands from her place at the table, pushing her untouched plate next to Catherine's also untouched food.

"I'll be here when you decide you want to give me the truth."

Sara disappears further into the house, and Catherine knows she'll likely head into work or find other ways of avoiding the blonde the rest of the day.

"Fuck you, Hunter," Catherine get out between clenched teeth, watching Hunter start to succeed in destroying her relationship with Sara without even having to lay a hand on the brunette.

* * *

The fourth time she sees him she's so unprepared for it that it genuinely steals her breath from her chest. She's walking through CSI's halls, acknowledging Judy as she tells her there's a visitor waiting for her in her office.

Expecting one of the various people involved in her current cases, she draws up short when she finds Hunter sitting behind her desk.

Immediately, she shuts her door, keeping her tone low to avoid being overheard.

"What the hell are you doing here?" she growls. "This is my place of work."

"Yeah," Hunter laughs, tossing an amused look to the nameplate on her desk. "I think I got that."

During their relationship, Hunter had never once been to her workplace, the blonde always trying to keep her work and private lives separate. She's aware of the irony that she's now with Sara, one of her coworkers.

"What do you want?" she gets out, trying to get Hunter out of here as quickly as possible.

"Just thought I'd say hello, see how your day's going."

"Leave me the hell alone," Catherine warns for now the second time. "This building has dozens of cops in it, don't make me report you."

"I think it's in Sara's best interest that you don't," Hunter shrugs, not the least bit concerned with Catherine's threat, not when he has the love of her life in his crosshairs.

Getting up from Catherine's desk chair, he slowly approaches her, smiling as she tenses more with every step closer.

When he's mere inches from her, he leans down, placing his lips on hers before she can react.

The kiss is vile, Catherine's skin all but burning and revolting. Before she can react, it's over, Hunter pulling back with a smile on his face.

"See you around, Cat."

As her door shuts behind him, Catherine's legs are already failing her, grasping desperately to the nearest chair for support. She's dangerously close to vomiting, features paling as she puts her head between her knees.

She's shaking, tears falling in ragged lines across her face.

* * *

When she makes her way to the Tahoe at the end of shift, she stops in surprise when she sees Sara standing near the back of the SUV and making no move to get inside.

"Hey," Catherine greets. "You ready to go home?"

Turning, Sara meets Catherine's eyes with the most guarded expression Catherine's ever seen the younger woman wear. Even when Sara first started as a CSI, when their relationship was at its worst, she never looked at her like this. In fact, she'd thought the brunette wasn't capable of such a hateful glare before that same glare is now directly squarely at her.

"No," Sara answers, voice hard. "I just wanted to tell you I'll be at Nick's for a few days. I'll be by to pick up my stuff this weekend."

Catherine's body feels like all the blood has rushed out of her. "What…?"

Sara pushes herself to her full height, already starting to walk away.

"When you kiss someone other than the woman you're in a monogamous relationship with, you should perhaps consider shutting the blinds."

With anger dripping off every word, Sara sends one last pointed glance over her shoulder before disappearing further into the parking garage to get into her own SUV.

This time, Catherine's legs do fail her, sinking down to the cement ground, back scraping against the tailgate of the Tahoe. She knew there'd be trouble as soon as she saw Hunter re-enter her life. But, she didn't expect to have a front row seat to everything she cherishes burning to cinders around her. She needs to put an end to this.

If only she could figure out how.

* * *

Making sure her gun is loaded and concealed at the back of her jeans, she locks all the doors to the house, feeling more alone than she's felt in years, the house empty without Sara in it.

Sara's been avoiding her at work, barely even looking at her anytime they're in the same room. She doesn't speak to her, even when Catherine's paired with her on a case. It's been nearly a week of complete silence from the other woman, and each day that passes carves out more and more of her insides until the point she feels completely hollow.

She knows she needs to explain what's happening to Sara, but she can't do that until she's certain the brunette is safe from Hunter's reach. She won't sacrifice Sara's safety for the sake of their relationship. She'd rather have Sara safe and alive above all else - even if it means their separation.

She's hoping that now that Hunter has succeeded in separating her and Sara, that he'll get bored and leave her alone. The larger part of her knows that's nothing but a fairy tale, that Hunter isn't finished.

And, she's proven right the very next day.

* * *

She's processing a scene, a shooting outside a convenience store, when she feels the hairs raise on the back of her neck. It's a crowded scene, many bystanders on tip toes trying to see as much as they can above the cops and yellow crime scene tape separating them from the carnage.

One bystander, however, isn't looking at the blood spatters across the pavement or the body under the black tarp. They're looking straight at Catherine.

The one place she never expected him to show up, surrounded by half a dozen oblivious cops, is Hunter Davis.

Heart stuttering in her chest, Catherine pushes herself to a stand, feeling lightheaded as she numbly makes her way towards him.

"Sir," she states as to not raise alarm with the cops hovering nearby, including Brass. "Did you see anything?"

Hunter nods, smirk covering his face. "I saw everything."

Raising the tape, she watches him duck under. Taking him to the side of the store, the only remote place void of prying eyes, she immediately distances herself from him the moment they're out of sight.

"What the hell, Hunter?" she curses. "What is it going to take for you to fucking leave me alone?"

He smiles sweetly, eyes alight with perverse joy. "I think you already are alone, sweetheart."

"Fuck you," Catherine gets out, hating how right he is. How he's successfully alienated Catherine in nearly all places in her life, including Sara. "I'm going to fucking end you."

"If you had the guts to do that, you'd have done it by now," Hunter smirks, eyes looking pointedly at the gun on Catherine's hip.

As much as she'd like to, she can't just shoot him in the face, and he's more than aware of that.

"Don't worry," Hunter gives her a sickening smile. "My girlfriend and I might leave Vegas in a few years. By then Sara and everyone else in your life will want nothing more to do with you, but at least you'll be rid of me."

Few years? Catherine's barely survived one month of this, there's no way she'll tolerate two or more years. She knows Hunter is good for his threat, as long as he's in Vegas, he'll make sure Catherine's life is hell.

"Why are you doing this?" she questions tightly, the words feeling like they're choking her. Not getting why, of all her exes, Hunter Davis can't seem to let this drop. She's pretty sure he hated her by the end of their relationship, wanting nothing more to do with her.

But, apparently his hatred is what's driving him. Forcing Catherine's life into the nightmare it's become.

"Because it's fun," Hunter shrugs, as if this is nothing more than a casual game for him. As if Catherine is nothing more than a play toy for his amusement.

She's not sure when it happens, but she steps forward to do something, anything, when Hunter's smile drops and he reverses their positions. Immediately, Catherine is pressed into the brick side of the store, breath knocked from her lungs.

"Nice try," Hunter laughs. "You'd never lay a hand on me. You're much too just and righteous to follow through. Thankfully," he sneers, "I don't have the same problem."

Before she can react, her head explodes in fire as his fist makes contact with her temple. She's nearly dropped to her knees, Hunter's death grip on her throat the only thing keeping her upright.

"Let's use this as a teaching moment," Hunter growls. "You get any other thoughts about laying a hand on me, and I'll make sure your life gets worse than it already is. Things can always get worse, Catherine. Remember that."

Pushing her back into the wall, he lets go, watching her fall to her knees. Scuffing dirt at her, he turns, walking away as if nothing happened.

Kneeling there, in the dirt, face throbbing, Catherine makes a decision. She'd spent years with an abusive ex before, and she refuses to go back to that. This ends, and it ends now.

Hunter made a huge mistake by turning this physical. And, she's going to make him pay for it.

* * *

"Are you sure you don't need to get that checked out?" Brass asks, grimacing at the discoloration marring Catherine's face.

Catherine nods, "It's fine, hurts like hell but nothing serious."

Brass looks less than convinced, sending another angry glance at her bruised face.

"I could kill that bastard," he growls.

"You and me both," Catherine smiles slightly for the first time in weeks. "You sure the dash cam caught everything?"

Brass nods, glancing over at the screen. "More than enough to get him arrested and behind bars."

Catherine nods, "And we're sure he doesn't have any contacts on the outside that could make good on his threats towards Sara?"

Brass shakes his head, "Looked into them all. He's an asshole, and apparently most of his supposed friends and colleagues agree. They keep him at a distance at best."

It's amazing how quickly Brass has moved on this, ever since she confided in him about what happened at their scene that morning. She's never seen Brass so angry, and she's pretty sure he was one step from ending Hunter himself. Luck was on her side when they realized one of the squad cars at the scene was parked with its dash cam aimed at the alley along the side of the convenience store, just what Catherine finally needed to prove her case against him. Everything before this had been hearsay, her word against his. Making her feel isolated and alone, leaving both her and Sara vulnerable if she tried to report him.

Once he turned things physical, in a public place with watching mechanical eyes, he left a trail of evidence that Catherine could finally use. Black and white proof of what type of man Hunter Davis is.

"Our guys are picking him up now, Catherine," Brass assures her, placing a gentle hand on her shoulder. "It's over."

Letting out a breath it feels like she's been holding for weeks, Catherine doesn't even try to wipe the relieved moisture from her weary eyes.

* * *

As part of her discussion with Brass, she'd made him agree not to tell Sara anything until Catherine has a chance to talk to the brunette herself. But, Sara's making that difficult, avoiding Catherine so well that the blonde honestly has no idea where she is. She's not in the lab, and her SUV isn't in the parking lot.

Knowing she's been staying with Nick until she can get a place of her own, Catherine decides to try there.

In a stroke of luck, she spots Sara's car parked along the curb. Moving towards the door, she knocks, hoping like hell Sara's here alone. When no one answers, Catherine pulls out her phone.

 _Willows (7:17pm): Open the door. It's me._

 _Willows (7:23pm): Sara, I know you're pissed at me, but I really need to talk to you. It's important._

 _Willows (7:29pm): Please. I need you._

Finally, a minute or so later, the door opens. Sara's expression is hard, her arms crossing defensively over her chest. When Catherine looks up, she notes the moment Sara sees the bruise on her face.

"Cath?" Sara asks, arms lowering as her expression becomes colored with concern. Anger is still there as well, but so is the worry. "What happened?"

"Can I…?" Catherine gestures to the doorway.

"Yeah," Sara steps back, giving Catherine room to enter. "Sorry."

"Are we alone?" Catherine questions, loving Nick like a brother but not wanting him to overhear this particular conversation.

"Yes," Sara answers, eyes still taking in the dark discoloration covering nearly half of Catherine's face. "Catherine, what happened?"

Catherine sees the worry there, feeling Sara's concern bleeding into her anger to create an unlikely mix.

"I need to tell you what's been going on these past weeks. But, I think we should sit down."

Sara doesn't move, eying Catherine, "I'm fine here."

Deciding to settle for what she's been offered, Catherine tries to figure out the best place to start.

"One of my exes came back. That night we were at the restaurant, that was the first time I saw him."

Sara's jaw tightens, trying to figure out if this is heading where she thinks it is.

"That's the guy you were kissing in your office?" Sara asks, tone dark. "That ex? Or another one?"

Catherine feels the sting from Sara's words, knowing she'd likely handle this the same way if she were Sara, but the words cutting through her all the same.

"That ex," Catherine swallows. "But I wasn't kissing him."

"Please," Sara's jaw tightens. "I saw you, Catherine, clear as day."

"He was kissing me," Catherine supplies, " but I was sure as hell not kissing him back."

Just as Sara's about to interject further, Catherine holds up her hand to stop her.

"He's been threatening me, Sara. You as well. For weeks he's been tormenting me. At work, home, everywhere."

Sara's eyes narrow, her prior words sinking back down into her throat, anger overshadowing all else, and this time not fully directed at Catherine. "Did he…? Is he the one…?" Sara gestures to her face.

"Yes," Catherine answers quietly. "He told me if I told anyone he would hurt you. But once things got physical I found a way to end it. Brass is picking him up as we speak."

Sara takes this in, her expression moving through a myriad of emotions, multiple thoughts making their way across Sara's eyes.

"He…" Sara struggles to voice it a second time. "He hit you?"

Catherine nods, "I'm so sorry I didn't tell you sooner. That you thought I'd ever cheat on you. Sara, there's nothing in the world that would make me unfaithful to you."

"I…" Sara swallows tightly, her features going pale as the reality of the situation fully hits her. The secrets Catherine's actually been keeping, and the reason she's been keeping them.

She's disgusted, but this time with herself.

"I'm so sorry," she forces out, hand shaking as she lifts it to gently run along the bruise on Catherine's face. "God, what have I done."

"You didn't know," Catherine takes Sara's hand from her face. "You thought I cheated on you and I did nothing to inform you otherwise."

"But I should've known," Sara shakes her head darkly. "I should've cared enough to ask, to figure out what was really going on."

"Sara," Catherine breathes out tiredly. "You can't read minds. You were hurt and you retreated, nothing more."

Swallowing tightly, Sara's eyes can't stop looking at the bruise on Catherine's face.

"I could kill him," she forces out. "Had he...before…"

"No," Catherine shakes her head. "He was emotionally abusive while we were together, but things never got physical. Not like with Eddie."

"Abuse is abuse, doesn't matter if it's emotional or physical," Sara chokes out, eyes closing under the weight of Catherine's words. What the woman she loves has been going through all this time, while Sara herself ran away like an angry child.

Catherine deserved better from her. She at least deserved a chance to explain herself, if nothing else. Sara had instead left her to face these demons alone.

"I'm so sorry," she repeats yet again, the words inadequate and bitter in her throat.

Reaching forward, she takes Catherine's hand in hers. Gently, she leads her towards Nick's kitchen, pulling open the freezer to find the nearest bag of frozen vegetables. Grabbing the towel from the stove, Sara carefully wraps it inside.

Then, gently, she places it along Catherine's cheek.

Hissing with the combination of pain and relief, Catherine closes her eyes. Carefully guiding Catherine to the couch, Sara sits them down, a protective arm around her.

"You said Brass is picking him up," Sara gets out. "For good?"

"For a long time," Catherine answers, eyes watching the thoughts crossing Sara's expression. "He's not going to bother us again."

Sara swallows tightly, eyes heavy with rage, with her desire to find this ex and make him regret ever laying a hand on the woman she loves. Make him choke on every awful thing he ever said to the most cherished person in Sara's life.

"There's nothing more to be done," Catherine calls gently, knowing Sara enough to know the types of thoughts crossing the younger woman's mind. Sara's always been the protective type, viciously defending and guarding those in her inner circle, Catherine especially. This time, however, when Catherine needed protection the most, the brunette wasn't there to provide it, and she knows that's eating the woman she loves from the inside out.

"Sara," she calls gently, taking Sara's free hand in hers. "This isn't your fault. You didn't do this to me."

"But I may as well have," the words are quiet, barely audible, but they hold the weight of a thousand regrets.

"Stop," Catherine breathes out. "I refuse to let that man ruin a moment more of my relationship with you. You have to figure out a way to let this go."

Sara swallows, trying like hell to not make this about her, after everything Catherine's been through the last thing she wants is the blonde to feel like she needs to comfort _her_. That isn't her intention at all, so she works to censor her expression to hide the angry bile churning through her insides.

"I'm sorry," she gets out one last time, knowing she'll never be able to apologize enough, never be able to set the scales back to balanced. She let Catherine down, in the worst way possible, and she'll spend the rest of their life together making sure that it never happens again.

"I know," Catherine breathes out, feeling the tension of the last weeks finally starting to leave her weary body, leaning down to rest her head exhaustedly against Sara's shoulder, Sara readjusting their position to keep the cold towel gently against the bruising on the other side of her face while she places gentle kisses into Catherine's hair.

They stay there, silently, neither one moving until the moon slowly starts to be replaced by the earliest light of dawn.

* * *

"You don't have to keep doing this," Catherine says warmly, appreciating the gesture but knowing Sara's likely still trying to pay off some sort of debt to her, still feeling guilty about everything that transpired.

"I want to," Sara answers simply, placing the warm coffee on the nightstand on Catherine's side of their bed. She's been up for hours, sitting in quiet thought in the kitchen until she heard Catherine's alarm wake the other woman.

Sitting back on her own side of the bed, Sara tries not to look at the fading bruise on the side of Catherine's face. She promised the other woman she'd find a way to let her guilt go, but she's finding that much harder to achieve in practice than in theory. The last couple days, it's been all she can think about, her insides awash in anger, guilt, and about a thousand other emotions. Every time she sees the mark marring the skin of the other woman, she's reminded of what she almost lost, and because of her own stupidity.

"What time do we have to leave?" Sara asks, clearing her throat and trying desperately to sound normal, not drowning from the inside out.

"Hmm," Catherine hums, glancing at the clock as she takes sips of the warm coffee. "Not for about another hour. I set the alarm early so I would have time to shower before shift."

Sara nods, hoping work will serve as a good distraction, for both of them. Just as much as she's been watching over Catherine, she can feel the other woman watching over her. They're both still a bit stilted, awkward in their attempts to get back to normal. To the way they were before everything threatened to tumble to pieces around them.

They desperately want to move on, to put that darkness behind them. But, ignoring the shadows doesn't mean they're not there. Stepping over them doesn't prevent them from touching you.

"Sar."

Catherine's voice pulling her from her thoughts, Sara glances up, giving what she hopes is a convincing smile. "Yeah?"

Watching the other woman, Catherine seems just as lost for words in this moment, instead letting out a breath and taking Sara's free hand in hers. Fingers lacing together in their familiar pattern, the fit as perfect as ever, they both let out a tense breath, feeling just a bit of the heaviness in the room leaving with it.

As Catherine finishes her coffee, the silence between them for the first time doesn't feel as awkward, as uncomfortable. She knows they're working to get their rhythm back, and that it's going to take time. They both have a lot to sort through, and that can't be expected to happen in the few days they've had. But, looking over at Sara's dark features that are studying the patterns of sunlight glimmering against their bedsheets, she can't help but want to pull them both out of their heads and their emotions. To finally be able to breathe again, to finally be _together_ again, both mentally and physically.

She has no control over their mentalities, but she does have some control over the physical.

"Sar," she calls again, this time finding other words to follow. "You want to join me?"

It takes Sara a few moments to play back their conversation far enough to figure out just where Catherine's inviting her. When she connects the pieces, her cheeks blush lightly. "For your shower?"

Catherine's mouth pulls into a gentle smile at Sara's pink tinged skin, "Yes, Sara."

Sara's eyes search hers, then, finally, she gives a nod.

* * *

The spray of the water is hot, bathroom already filling with steam, but Sara barely feels it against her back as she steps in to join the blonde that's facing her. Catherine's hair is already wet, water running down her bare skin. For the first time in days, Sara doesn't stare at the pale greens and yellows of the fading bruise, eyes instead fixed solely on Catherine's. On the woman she loves more than anything in this life.

Reaching forward, she gently moves Catherine's wet hair from her shoulders, placing it behind her neck as she leans in. The kiss is gentle, reverent, like they're both getting reacquainted with the once familiar action. Meeting each other all over again, on the other side of events that changed them both.

Sara's kisses trail from Catherine's mouth down her neck and shoulders.

"I love you," she whispers into her skin, the words a proclamation and a promise all in one.

This beautiful woman for some reason fell in love with her, and Sara pledges to not waste another minute of it. The events that happened can't be taken back, but she refuses to let them take their future from them. That belongs to them, and them only. Not Hunter Davis, not their guilt, not their regrets, not their fears.

It belongs to them and the love they share, the rest merely held it hostage for awhile. Today, they're taking it back.

Hands gently taking Catherine's hips, Sara moves her lips back up to Catherine's, their breathing quickening before their mouths meet, this time unbridled, unreserved. The water pounds against their bodies as they step together, removing all space between them. Sara feels Catherine's hands grip tightly against her back, and the brunette holds on to the other woman just as firmly.

This time, they're not letting go, breathing hard as their mouths separate. They're never letting go, not for anything or anyone. They belong together, their souls already intertwined even closer than their bodies, and have been for what feels like all their lives.

This feels like seeing your best friend again after a long separation, liking coming home after years away, like finally reaching safety when you'd thought there was none to be found.

They aren't sure which of the moisture trailing down their faces is water versus tears, heads bowed together, fingers clutching to bare skin. All they know is they finally feel the dark spaces between them receding, falling away with the water to leave only them, only their love, in its absence.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	18. Chapter 18

**AN: Thanks for reading, reviewing, and all your kind words. Your guys' support always means the world. I feel horrible that I never have the time to respond to each of you individually - someday I hope to. But, in the meantime, please know how much each of your comments and words of encouragement genuinely mean to me.**

 **Hope everyone is doing well.**

 **Take care and enjoy :)**

* * *

 _Prompt: "I would like to read about Sara and her new family, about family love._

 _Lindsey, Cath, the boys (Greg, Nick, Jim)_

 _The new feeling of knowing how it feels to have and belong to a real family_

 _where the important thing is love and acceptance_

 _Obviously focused on Sara and Cath and on how Cath recognizes that everything is new to Sara and how the tenderly tender blonde teaches the brunette how a family should be."_

 _-Submitted by: SammieSGC_

* * *

PROMPT 18

It's a hug, a gesture shared amongst millions and billions of people daily, one that's been around for centuries upon centuries. It's something Sara herself has grown to accept as part of everyday life ever since she started dating one of the most dedicated huggers upon this very planet.

At first, it was hard to get used to. People embracing one another, in a manner that's part vulnerable and part intimate. Two things that Sara's struggled with deeply since childhood, and continues to do so. But, Catherine, never one to be deterred, was dedicated in introducing and maintaining the gesture amongst their relationship. Sara, finally losing some of her rigidity, and eventually even reciprocating the gesture.

But, when Catherine's daughter engages in the practice, Sara's body jerks ramrod straight. It's not that they've never hugged before, Sara having been dating Catherine for just under a year now, but this time it feels different. This isn't a quick hug of thanks for help with homework or a quick hello or goodbye greeting. This is a hug accompanied by the three words that still drop Sara's heart to her knees.

"I love you, too, Linds," Sara answers honestly, even though her voice is strained as she says it. The teenage girl doesn't seem to notice any of Sara's distress, or maybe she just elects not to comment, simply squeezing extra tight before letting go and heading off towards the displays designed for the older kids who appreciate more than bright fish swimming in circles to entertain them.

"You alright?"

Sara's so lost in thought that she jumps, embarrassingly so. They're in a crowded aquarium, surrounded by people, including multitudes of screaming children, yet the sound of Catherine's quiet voice near her shoulder has her startling like one of the sugar high toddlers running past them.

"I think that answers my question," Catherine raises her brows, expression half amused and half concerned.

"Sorry," Sara mutters, embarrassed by her involuntary reaction.

"Don't be," Catherine counters, reaching down to take Sara's hand gently in hers. Feeling Sara's tension, the older woman places a gentle kiss along Sara's knuckles, but doesn't crowd her. She has a guess regarding what's affecting Sara right now, and she wants to give her the space to work through it as needed.

But, it doesn't mean she has any intentions of making Sara work through it alone. Quite the contrary.

"I love you," Catherine states, not knowing she's just mirrored the exact words still swimming through Sara's mind.

Smiling slightly at the irony, Sara laces her fingers through Catherine's lovingly.

* * *

"Okay, hon, I'm sorry, but I can't keep doing this anymore."

Sara's eyes widen, immediately shooting to the blonde's.

Seeing Sara's expression, Catherine wants to smack herself in the face.

"No, God, not like that," she shakes her head. "Really, Sara? I can't believe your mind even went there!"

Sara's expression is still pale, shaking her own head. "What did you expect me to think?"

"Not that we're breaking up out of nowhere!" Catherine argues. "We're both over the moon happy with one another the last time I checked, so why would you even think such a thing?"

Sara shrugs, taking a long sip of the wine in her hands. "I don't know...I guess...just a knee jerk reaction…"

Reminded too much of the true reason for Catherine's comment, the blonde moves closer, a comforting hand reaching out to place itself along Sara's back.

"You need to stop thinking the worst about things in life. Everything good isn't going to come crashing in around you." Catherine's words are warm, gentle, knowing the reason Sara's reactions are the way they are. And, every time they happen it makes the older woman want to strangle every single part of Sara's past that made her this way. "Not anymore."

Sara's breaths come deep, slow, all attempts to steady herself.

"I know, I just…"

Catherine's hold on the other woman tightens. "I know," she states herself, letting Sara know she doesn't need to explain. Not something like this.

"Are you and Lindsey okay?" Catherine asks the true concern that's been racing through her mind all day, the one that elicited her initial comment, no longer able to keep silent about it. The teenager in question off at a friend's house, the two of them are now alone, enjoying a nice dinner together at a small cafe they've both been too busy to try until now.

But, Sara's barely touched her food, and Catherine knows it has absolutely nothing to do with the taste. Everything's been delicious.

"Of course," Sara answers, reassuring the other woman with her sincerity. "We're great."

Sara and Lindsey have gotten along remarkably well ever since the two CSIs started dating. Lindsey's at a tough age, between her teenage rebellions, mood swings, and overall independent streaks, but the one thing her daughter's never given her trouble with is Sara. In fact, Catherine started to worry that her daughter enjoyed spending time with Sara more than she did with her own mother. But, Sara's interests overlap with a lot of Lindsey's, and the two of them have found an unexpectedly kindred spirit in one another. Both of them embracing the new person in their life, and all those parts of themselves they now have someone to enjoy with. And, Catherine would never wish for anything less.

"It just seemed like you were upset by something she said earlier today at the aquarium?" Catherine pushes gently, trying to get the private woman to open up just a little bit.

Sara doesn't try to be evasive or secretive, that's just how she tends to deal with things. And, every time it happens Catherine tries to give her space to come to her if and when she's ready to. But, when it involves her own daughter, the older woman is finding it infinitely harder to take that hands off approach.

"No," Sara shakes her head, letting out a long breath that dispels just the slightest bit of the tension pulling at her tonight. "She's great. We're great. It's not that." Sara swallows tightly, drinking more wine. "Well, it actually is that, I guess."

Catherine's eyes narrow, confusion more prevalent than ever. "Sara, sweetheart, you're going to have to help me out here a bit."

Sara's eyes lower, watching the dark wine she's swirling in her glass.

"She said she loved me."

Immediately, it all makes sense, Catherine's eyes closing at how she could have possibly missed this. Failed to prepare for this.

She'd watched Sara struggle throughout their own relationship, battling with those very words for months before they got past the barriers and complications surrounding them. It was a challenge, for both of them, and Catherine learned more about Sara and her personal demons with those words than she'd ever previously known. Of course it would make sense that those struggles would extend to other people in her life besides the blonde.

"You knew she did before she said it, though, right?" Catherine assesses, trying to get to the core of the situation.

Sara nods, "I assumed she felt the same about me as I did about her. So, by default, yes."

"But hearing it aloud made it real?" Catherine presses gently.

Sara's eyes darken, and Catherine knows she's missing something.

"Hearing it aloud made it…" Sara struggles to find the right wording. "Dangerous."

Never in a million years would this have been the word Catherine would've predicted.

"Dangerous?" she questions. "From Lindsey?"

"From anyone," Sara mutters, clearly hating this conversation, this rifling through feelings and thoughts she keeps buried for a reason.

"But not me?"

"With you it's different," Sara tries to explain. "You're not only someone I love, you're someone I'm _in love_ with. Lindsey, she's…"

Starting to catch on, Catherine lets out a sad breath.

"She's family."

Sara nods, "Not that you aren't. It's just...love without the _in love_ , it's a different feeling for me."

"You've been in love before," Catherine figures aloud. "There were people before me, I'm sure. But, there hasn't been another...family...not since…"

"Not since mine," Sara affirms, jaw tight. "Not since them…and everything they..."

Catherine reaches out, placing her hand gently atop Sara's free one, hating to watch Sara struggle through even alluding to what her family was to her. What they did to her. The ways they corrupted love and turned it into something used to abuse, control, and manipulate. Turned it into something to fear instead of something to cherish.

"I know Lindsey isn't them, I know no one is them. But I just hear those words and…" Sara swallows tightly, downing the rest of her wine with her other hand, remaining portion of that sentence not needing to be spoken aloud.

"If they weren't already dead…" Catherine herself trails off, the dark thoughts impossible to keep completely at bay.

Sara was a child when everything started, continuing on into her young adulthood until she was placed in foster care, then moved away to attend Harvard. But, though she's no longer that younger version of herself, those experiences, those years of torture and violence maintain their tight and dark grip on her all the same. How could they not?

Sara's a champion at working around them, at putting her past solidly behind her and tucked deep within her. But, the deepest of those scars, the most vile of those lessons, still permeate into these parts of her adulthood. And, it devastates Catherine each and every time it happens.

"You know she really does love you though, right?" Catherine asks, needing to parcel out which part of the sentiment Sara is currently struggling with. "She isn't lying to you. Nor is she using it to manipulate or hurt you."

"She's a teenager," Sara smiles just the slightest. "Of course she isn't. I'm the adult in this situation, I'm the least vulnerable of the both of us."

"But you aren't, Sara," Catherine counters gently, supportively. "You should be, but you aren't. Not with a past like yours, honey. Love is always going to feel vulnerable to you, for a myriad of reasons. But especially love from those who have come to consider you family. Unfortunately family to you doesn't mean what it does to most. Never did."

"I want it to," Sara confesses. "I want this to be easier, for everyone involved. I hate being this person that's a struggle or challenge to love."

"It's not a challenge to love you," Catherine counters with a chuckle. "That's never been an issue for me nor any of the people that know you, Sara. The challenge has always been getting you to _let_ us love you."

Sara's eyes lower, knowing the truths woven through Catherine's statements, at where exactly the hesitations and barriers lie. They're solely within herself, and always have been.

Which means the only person with the ability to overcome them is also the exact same person.

* * *

It's the first time they're hosting a holiday at their place, and neither of them can help the anxious glances they keep throwing around the house in the silence as they wait for the first guests to arrive. They're certain they've forgotten something, and have checked multiple times that they did indeed get a turkey, and a tofurkey, both currently cooking in the oven, along with the plethora of other dishes simmering on the stove.

"Wine?"

Sara nods, "Red and white, both already chilled."

"Potatoes?"

"Just need seasoning and they're done."

"Veggies?"

Sara sends her a look, "We've been through this same list four times."

"I know," Catherine groans, "I just feel like there's something we're missing."

"The guests," Sara offers. "Maybe we forgot to invite them."

Catherine swats the brunette's sweater clad shoulder, "Don't even joke about something like that." Then a pause. "We did actually invite them though, right?"

The doorbell ringing gives them both their answer.

Sharing a look, Sara gives Catherine a quick kiss on the cheek before sending her a smile and heading over to answer the door.

* * *

Most of their closest guests linger long after dinner is finished, and Catherine smiles as she takes in Greg, Nick, and Sara lounging together on the couch, laughing as they jokingly kick someone's socked feet off the coffee table every so often as they share stories. If Catherine didn't know any better, she'd think the three of them were siblings, gently picking on each other as their conversation devolves into more and more laughter.

Shaking her head, she turns to find her mother watching her from her place at the sink, she and Lindsey finishing off the last of the dishes from dessert.

"She looks happy," her mother offers when Lindsey heads out to join the others.

Following her mother's gaze, she sees with surprise that the person she's watching is Sara. Somewhat caught off guard by her mother's observation, Catherine nods.

"She is."

"We may not have had the best start," her mother continues thoughtfully. "But it's nice to see her happy like this."

Catherine remembers well the rocky start between her mother and Sara when she'd first started dating the brunette. Her mother's never been particularly fond of any of the people Catherine's dated in the past, but she'd seemed to take particular issue with the younger CSI. Whether it was because Sara's a woman, or because Sara was _Sara_ , Catherine will never be completely sure. Their earliest interactions were mostly Catherine trying to facilitate some sort of dialogue, let alone relationship, between the two.

Sara was always polite, but could more than sense Catherine's mother's discomfort, typically giving the woman a wide breadth and limiting their interactions as much as possible. When they did interact it was often stilted, awkward, and just the barest hint of chilly.

But, watching her mother's expression, this time she sees nothing but contentment gracing her features as she watches Sara roll her eyes and groan at something Greg's laughing about.

"She doesn't strike me as the type who lets go like this very often. Or with very many people."

Catherine's a bit thrown by her mother's ability to accurately assess something rather personal about Sara from their limited interactions, not realizing her mother was perhaps paying much more attention to the tall brunette over the months than she'd realized.

"Sara's pretty reserved," Catherine agrees. "Always has been."

"But right now she seems to feel quite at home."

Catherine knows her mother's words extend beyond the literal, after all Sara _is_ at home, having moved in with her and Lindsey months ago. No, she knows exactly what her mother means, and it's the same realization that has Catherine's eyes moistening without her permission. Ever since her conversation with the other woman after the aquarium incident with Lindsey, she's watched Sara struggle to let go of her reservations and let this family in. To trust Catherine's assessments and her own instincts and let this family love her, let them be the people in her life that she deserves them to be. But, it hasn't been easy, Sara's defenses holding strong and stubborn.

But, looking at her now, laughing with the guys, she realizes that sometime when she didn't notice, it happened. It finally happened. This Sara is different. This Sara isn't holding herself behind walls, isn't keeping a part of herself inside or hidden. This Sara is laughing with an open expression that's unguarded, her eyes alight and free, finally letting go.

Her mother seems to sense the change in the woman beside her, looking over at her daughter in concern.

"Cathy?"

"I'm okay," Catherine assures her, still watching Sara with tear filled eyes. "Sorry."

Perhaps realizing the reason behind Catherine's reaction, her mother turns, returning her gaze to Sara as well.

"I know you've mentioned Sara really doesn't have any family around any more," her mother says, voice gentle. "And I've always suspected some of the reasons why. But, my love, I think it's clear that isn't true any more."

Reaching out, her mother squeezes her daughter's shoulder before speaking her final thought.

"Sara's family is right here."

* * *

"Good God," Sara lets out an exhausted sigh as she drops herself down onto the chair next to Catherine's after their last guest finally leaves. "What time is it?"

"About three hours past our usual bedtime," Catherine groans.

"Sounds about right," Sara mutters, eyes closing as she leans her head back. "Remind me again why we agreed to host this year?"

"We were deluded?" Catherine offers. "Or possessed?"

"Definitely possessed," Sara agrees with a huff.

Laughing, Catherine reaches over towards Sara, aiming for her hand but ending up somewhere near her elbow. "I'm too tired to get to our bed."

"Same," Sara agrees, cracking an eye open to meet Catherine's eyes a moment later. "But I'm not too tired to reach the couch."

"Are you serious?" Catherine asks, reminded of their early relationship when they weren't ready yet to reveal to Lindsey that they were more than just friends. When Sara'd spend the night, she'd sleep respectfully on the couch. But, sometimes, Catherine would sneak downstairs and join her, returning to her bed before Lindsey got up for school.

If she's honest, though the couch is much less comfortable, those simple, innocent nights being held in one another's arms were some of her fondest memories of their early relationship. It was the first time she started to see some of Sara's defenses come down, the guarded woman letting Catherine into her personal space, allowing her to see her and be with her during one of the most vulnerable positions a person can be in. Sara finally relaxing enough in her presence to close her eyes and drift off into sleep, the sign Catherine was desperate to see that the private woman was finally starting to open up to her. Finally starting to trust her.

Realizing she never actually accepted Sara's idea, Catherine smiles, holding out her hand as they both rise from the table to make the short few steps to the couch. Laying herself down first along the back, Sara opens her arms for Catherine to lay herself along the front, the blonde feeling Sara's arms wrap protectively around her not a moment later. The position is familiar, safe, the same exact one they adopted when she'd crawl in to join Sara during the middle of the night all those months ago.

Feeling Sara's thumb running soothingly up and down her bare arm, the blonde smiles, knowing there's nothing in the world that could bring her more contentment than this. Pressing her head back into Sara's shoulder, she breathes in the comforting scent that is the other woman, glancing up briefly to see Sara's own eyes watching the ceiling thoughtfully.

Kissing Sara's jawline, Catherine settles back down against the tall woman's shoulder, marveling at the safety she's always felt while being held in the brunette's arms. For someone as slightly built as Sara, infinitely more willowy than brawny, Catherine couldn't imagine a stronger person to be keeping her close. It's definitely something about Sara herself, Catherine always feeling calmer, safer whenever she's close.

"This is the first holiday I've ever had."

The confessed words break into Catherine's thoughts, her eyes quickly opening. Sara so rarely reveals personal details voluntarily, especially details about her past, and Catherine immediately feels infinitely more awake. She'd noticed the changes in Sara during the party, the way she interacted with the guys, but she'd elected not to comment. To not draw attention to anything until the time came when Sara was ready to discuss it herself. So, if Sara's willing to open up right now, Catherine's more than eager to listen.

"What?" she asks, brain catching up to Sara's statement, not believing the words she's hearing. "But, your parents...?"

"They saw holidays as the perfect opportunity to get away, the two of them, go on a bender for days with no responsibilities holding them back."

"No responsibilities?" Catherine's eyes are wide. "They had a kid."

Sara lets out a rueful sigh.

"How old were you?" Catherine asks, afraid to hear the answer. "The first time?"

"Six," Sara answers, completing the sinking feeling in Catherine's stomach. "I was six the first time they felt I was old enough to leave me alone like that."

"You were _not_ old enough," Catherine growls out, knowing Sara already knows this, but needing to say it all the same. "You were barely in elementary school. Fucking hell."

Sara shrugs slightly, "I appreciated the break from them. Even though I was young, holidays were my one escape from them and...their parenting."

 _Their abuse_ , Catherine's mind corrects the true meaning of Sara's words, her hand reaching to place itself protectively on Sara's hip.

"I'd climb onto the cupboards to get to the cereal they kept hidden above the fridge. Then I'd get one of the books I'd hidden under my mattress and spend the next days reading, relaxing. Just being a kid."

Catherine's heart breaks that this, being left alone in a house with no parents and having to find hidden food supplies, is Sara's idea of what being a kid meant. Being a kid should be a loving family, playful adventures, school activities, and lots and lots of laughter. Not the hell she was subjected to both emotionally and physically.

"Today, though," Sara gets out, words heavy. "Today was what a holiday was supposed to be. Apparently what everyone else always talked about."

Grip tight on Sara's hipbone, Catherine places gentle kisses into Sara's shoulder. She's tried, one by one during their time dating, to introduce Sara to the loving aspects of life, of family. When she realizes there's a blank place in her past or a negative experience, Catherine tries to replace it with one of love.

But, she'd never expected something as widely practiced as holidays to be something her love would've never had the opportunity to experience. She only wishes she'd known sooner. All those holidays when they weren't dating yet after Sara started in Vegas? She hates to think of the brunette having spent them alone, just like she did all those years ago as a child. Heart clenching, Catherine vows to do better, to notice more, to ask more. Sara isn't going to volunteer the information herself, knowing most revelations about her abusive past only make Catherine upset, so she needs to be a hell of a better CSI than this and figure these things out quicker in the future.

"Jim told me something tonight when he arrived that made me realize some things," Sara gets out, speaking the remainder of her thoughts aloud. "When we stepped outside for a drink together before dinner, I told him I was sorry he wasn't able to spend the holiday with his daughter. He just looked at me like I'd grown another head, and told me that he was."

The meaning of Jim's words, the vocalized truth of what the rest of the team's already come to see themselves, makes Catherine's eyes moisten anew at what that revelation means to the two people it involves. Sara and Brass both endured a lot of hurt, either physical or emotional, at the hands of their blood families, and it warms Catherine's heart to see them finding the gentle, respectful, and kind type of love that everyone deserves within one another.

Catherine realizes that this, this confession from someone as close to Sara as Brass, was perhaps what finally pushed the last of Sara's walls down tonight. Brass shares the same struggles with family, and the same struggles with letting people in. So, perhaps hearing him reveal his version of family and who it includes, gave Sara the unspoken permission to allow herself to finally do the same.

"He's serious, Sara," Catherine affirms. "He's always seen you as a daughter to him."

Sara nods, own voice tight with emotion. "And he's always been special to me as well," Sara gets out. "All of you have. I've been fighting it for so long, worried about what you'd all think, what pitying looks I'd have to endure if you all realized what you've all come to mean to me. The role in my life you've all come to represent."

"It isn't a one sided thing, you realize?" Catherine asks gently. "The boys considered you family ages ago, Sara. Lindsey and Brass the same. Even if they haven't said it until recently, those feelings have always been there. I think they didn't say anything sooner so they wouldn't spook you."

Sara's quiet, fingers continuing to absently run gentle lines up and down Catherine's arm.

"You're an easy person to love, Sara," Catherine repeats her words spoken a week before. "But you're a hard person to read, to get close to."

"I know," Sara acknowledges. "I keep myself at a distance. For many reasons. But, a lot of it's because I'm afraid of this. As much as I've always wanted a family, now that I'm realizing I have one…" Sara lets out a tight, shaky breath that Catherine can hear from her place along Sara's shoulder. "It terrifies me knowing that I could lose it."

"You've never had a family worth losing before," Catherine affirms. "Part of letting love in is leaving that door open to loss as well. It's a deal you have to make within yourself."

Catherine places her hand gently along Sara's chest. "But the difference this time, sweetheart, is these people aren't going to leave you intentionally. Aside from death or global disaster, these people are in your life for the long haul. There's nothing you could ever do or say to change that, this is real and this is permanent."

Sara's quiet, letting the older woman know how well she's hit the source of some of Sara's concerns. "You know how you can tell apart the love of a true family from those that aren't?"

When silence greets her, Catherine takes that as her cue to continue. "It's unconditional, Sar. There's nothing you could ever do to make those people stop loving you, stop accepting you. You know that, right?"

The silence stretches on, but eventually Sara lets out a tight breath. "I hope so," she confesses. "I can be an absolute idiot sometimes."

Catherine laughs, shaking her head, "Yeah, maybe. But have you met the guys? Pretty sure they should be the ones worrying about idiocy in this family, not you."

Sara laughs lightly in response, arms holding Catherine close. "I don't know what I did to deserve you all, but I'm so damn grateful."

"You've always deserved this," Catherine corrects gently, placing a kiss along Sara's temple. "It crushes me that it's taken over thirty years for you to finally get it. I can only hope our little family of misfits is enough to make up for lost time, and that you continue to let us inside that beautiful heart of yours."

Sara smiles, eyes finally closing and body losing enough tension to start to succumb to the exhaustion pulling at both of them.

"I don't think I have a choice any more," she confesses with a quiet laugh. "My heart rebelled against me the moment it met you. For someone who's spent a lifetime as a master of keeping people out, you all made your way inside at some point without my consent. But, my heart's always had good taste, and I'm so grateful it forced some reason into me."

Catherine laughs, tapping her fingers gently over the heart in question. "Good taste indeed," Catherine smiles, placing a gentle kiss there. "Perhaps you shouldn't keep fighting against it so much."

"Yeah," Sara smiles back, placing her own gentle kiss into Catherine's hair. "I'm starting to realize that."

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	19. Chapter 19

**AN: Hope everyone is doing okay. Thanks so much for the reviews and feedback - they're always deeply appreciated.**

 **Take care and enjoy :)**

* * *

 _Prompt: I have a prompt for you if that's okay (it's a little similar to chapter 3 but kinda the opposite): Cath is gonna to propose so is being all secretive and Sara thinks she's cheating. I would love some angst with a happy ending!_

 _-Submitted by: Jayden_

* * *

PROMPT 19

"Hey, Cath, have you seen th-"

Sara stops immediately, noting Catherine's phone in her hand, the blonde quickly pulling it from her ear and hanging up as Sara enters.

"Sorry," Sara offers, "I didn't mean to interrupt."

"You didn't."

The answer is quick, defensive. Suspect.

"Right," Sara responds tightly, raising a brow at her partner, nothing about this situation seeming forthright. But, clearly Catherine isn't going to elaborate, so Sara decides to let it go. For now. After all, they have a case to work and that needs to take priority over whatever personal drama's been going on between them lately.

"I was going to ask if you've seen the mixed metals drill? The new one Nick insisted on buying with our remaining budget?" Sara asks.

She's been working on breaking down the car involved in their hit and run for the better part of two hours. The old Mercedes is a tangled mess, and the the last parts of the crushed back frame are proving to be particularly stubborn. Sara's hot, tired, sore, and eager to get this part done, as much as she enjoys ripping these vehicles apart. They have a suspect to catch, and every moment wasted is another moment their case gets harder to solve.

"Nope," Catherine offers, turning around to make a fresh pot of coffee. "Sorry."

Sara watches her, wondering for the thousandth time this month if there's something she's done to upset the blonde. Or, if she's truly interrupted something by walking in here.

"Alright," she eventually mutters, realizing the woman she's speaking to is the only thing more stubborn than the rusted old car frame. "I better get back to work then."

"I'll check in with you in an hour or so," Catherine agrees, sending her a nod before turning her attention back to the coffee brewing into the glass carafe.

"Sure," Sara gets out with an eye roll, an exhausted sigh left in her wake.

* * *

By the time Catherine checks in, it's more like two hours. But, thankfully, Sara's at least gotten the last of the frame opened up by then, giving her access to the back section of the crushed car.

"Thought this was a front end hit and run," Catherine poses, looking over Sara's progress, pieces of the car laid out in neat piles along the cement floor. They're working the same case, but Catherine's been taxed with the victim while Sara's taken the suspect's vehicle. Or, what they think is the suspect's vehicle, having found it crashed along a ravine, smoldering in what may have been an attempt to hide the vehicle and the evidence it holds.

"It was."

"So, we're tearing apart the back of the car why?" Catherine continues, eyeing over the amount of work and effort Sara's put into this already. She hates to critique the younger woman's work, Sara being beyond brilliant and instincts that rival the best in the field, but she's the lead on this case. She needs to be sure their moves are the correct ones.

"How many hit and runs have you worked where the suspect ditched the vehicle?" Sara asks. "Not tried to get it fixed on the hush, not replaced the damaged parts only. Ditched the entire thing?"

Catherine shrugs, moving just a bit closer into the room. "A handful."

"How many of those handful tossed the car down a ravine, then followed it down the cliff to light it on fire?"

Catherine knows where Sara is going with this, "You think they had more to hide than the hit and run."

"I think this vehicle is the key to more than that crime, yes."

"And this hunch is based on…?"

This time, Sara bristles at Catherine's questions, no longer collaborative in their tone. Now, they've moved on to something much more accusatory. "Based on my instincts, Cath."

"And nothing more?" Catherine pushes. "We have a victim currently fighting for her life in the hospital, and we're going to tell her family that we haven't caught this guy yet because we've been off chasing our instincts?"

Jaw tightening, Sara stands, dirt and soot marring her already stormy expression. "We tell them we're doing what needs to be done to figure out not only how this happened, but why. Not to mention getting enough evidence to figure out who this person is so we can catch them."

"I just don't want to be spinning our wheels on this, Sara," Catherine offers, trying to explain her sharper than usual tone. "I'm already under a lot of pressure with the sheriff to get this wrapped up."

Sara snorts at this, "Since when does that matter more than the case?"

"Don't," Catherine warns, tone now dropping degrees lower in temperature. "Don't act like I don't care about this case or the victim."

"Then don't act like I don't either," Sara counters, matching Catherine's tone. "Act like I'm tearing this car apart for my own entertainment. You know me better than that."

"And I hope you know me better than that as well," Catherine responds. "But here we are."

Tossing down her tool with a loud metal clang, Sara lets out an exhausted breath, smearing more dirt along her face as she rubs her temples. "What's going on, Catherine?" she asks. "We've been at each other's throats for weeks now. Been bickering about things that never bothered us before. Why won't you just talk to me?"

"Like I've said, there's nothing to talk about, Sara." Catherine bites. "Just because I'm questioning you about something doesn't mean there's some larger scandal underneath it. Maybe I just have issue with your work on this case, is that so hard to believe?"

"It seems like lately you have issue with a lot more than just my work," Sara mutters.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Catherine questions.

"You're hiding something, Catherine," Sara gets out, tone now more dejected than anything. "You've been lying to me for nearly a month now, thinking I don't notice. Neither one of us having had the courage to say something directly, instead fighting over these stupid idiotic things that don't matter."

"You think I'm hiding something from you?" Catherine poses, eyebrows raised. "I've told you over and over again that there's nothing going on, nothing there that you keep digging for."

"Right," Sara swallows, turning her back on Catherine, on this conversation that's going nowhere. "Apparently my instincts are just a waste of time on more than just this case then, so I better get back to work. Don't want you losing any more points with the sheriff."

"Sara…" Catherine breathes out, not knowing how they always get to this point so quickly. They fight like they love, passionate and heartfelt. But, lately they've been doing a lot more fighting then loving it feels.

Sara doesn't turn back around, lowering herself back under the car's remaining mangled frame, disappearing from sight. Any further attempts at conversation are cut off by the loud clanging noises that drown out everything else in the room.

"Fuck," Catherine mutters, running her hand through her hair as she gives the car one last look before exiting.

* * *

"Our guy was a drug mule," Sara states, moving quickly into the room and dropping bags of evidence heavily on Catherine's desk with a thud. "Found about five of these hidden in the frame of the tailgate. Thought you might want to know."

Sara's already turning to exit just as quickly when Catherine calls her back.

When she does, Sara's expression is dark, tired. Distrusting.

"Good work, Sara," Catherine offers sincerely, wanting more than anything to put this latest tiff behind them. To get back to their normal loving relationship, not this disaster they've devolved into lately that reminds her much too closely to how things were between them when Sara first moved to Vegas.

"Sure," Sara shakes her head, letting Catherine know her sentiments are more than too little too late.

"Sara."

Holding up in the doorway, Sara glances over her shoulder.

"You heading home?" she questions, hating how awkward things between them have become.

"No," Sara answers. "We have a suspect to catch."

With a pointed look in her direction, Sara completes her exit, leaving an equally exhausted Catherine behind.

* * *

Turns out, the drugs were just what they needed to identify their suspect. There aren't many dealers in the game that have the ability to move that amount of product, and the trail wasn't hard to follow once they had a place to start. Once they found the distributer, he was eager to cut a deal revealing the name of the driver of the Mercedes rather than face time himself.

Now, they just need to track him down and this case will be closed.

"Any luck?" Catherine asks, entering the AV room where Sara's been reviewing hours of surveillance tapes near the scene of the hit and run now that they know the face they're looking for.

"Not yet," Sara mumbles, rubbing her temples as she reaches for what's likely her fifth cup of coffee this endless shift.

"You should take a break," Catherine poses, moving further into the room. "Between the car and now this, you've got to be running on fumes."

Sara shrugs, not commenting and she switches from one dead end camera to start analyzing the feed of another.

"Sara, I'm serious."

"Is that an order?" Sara questions, eyes still not leaving the screen. "Because if not I'd much prefer to stay here and catch this guy."

"I didn't mean what I said before," Catherine breathes out. "I know you'd never do anything to delay a case, Sara. You don't have to prove anything to me."

Sara snorts, "The fact you think I'm doing this just to prove a point means that I apparently do, Catherine."

Sara's right, always the one working overtime and never quitting until a case is closed. Driving herself to exhaustion and the limits of her mind and body on each and every case that demands it.

"I'm sorry," Catherine's shoulders sag. "I know this isn't about me. About proving a point. This insanely focused and obsessive person is just who you are. And always have been on all your cases."

Sara raises a brow, finally glancing at Catherine's direction before returning her attention to the screens around them.

"I want to stop fighting with you, Sara," Catherine states quietly, sincerely. "These past weeks…"

Reaching out, she places a hand on Sara's shoulder, hating the way Sara flinches at the unexpected action.

"I've missed you."

Sara doesn't comment for a while, eventually shaking her head. "I've missed you too, but I'm not the one who's been pulling away."

As much as Catherine hates to admit it, Sara's right. But, it has nothing to do with the reasons Sara's fearing. The younger CSI has no idea what's really been going on, and the fact that she doesn't trust Catherine enough to believe that everything's okay when she says it is hurts the older woman as much as she wishes it didn't.

"I thought you trusted me more than this," Catherine gets the words out, deciding to say them aloud this time, the sadness in her tone hard to mask as much as she tries.

"I thought you trusted me more as well," Sara agrees, jaw tight. "Yet you don't tell me anything. You just keep hanging up the phone when I walk into rooms. Keep disappearing on cases I know don't exist. Keep brushing me off when I try to talk to you about it." Sara pauses the cameras to turn towards the woman standing at her shoulder. "How else am I supposed to feel or react, Catherine?"

Catherine respects Sara's point, knowing she'd likely feel the same way were the situations reversed, but she can't help but feel her own frustrations. "You're supposed to trust me when I ask you to."

"So you can continue to lie to me?" Sara's eyes narrow. "How is that fair?"

"Relationships are built on trust, Sara," the blonde challenges. "If we don't have that…"

Sara scoffs, "Right, I'm the one jeopardizing this relationship. My fault for being distrustful of a person that's been lying to me."

"Jeopardizing this relationship?" Catherine's eyes widen at the words Sara's chosen. "Are you honestly questioning our relationship over this? We've been together for _three years_ , Sara."

"You won't talk to me, Catherine," Sara poses, voice serious. "You keep hiding things from me. What else am I supposed to think?"

Catherine's tone lowers, daring to ask the question that's hanging between them. "Do you think I'm cheating on you, Sara? Is that what this is about?"

Sara's chin stays raised, refusing to back down. "What else am I supposed to think?" she repeats.

"Wow," Catherine breathes out, the air feeling like it's been stolen from her chest. "I can't...just wow…"

"Don't," Sara gets out through clenched teeth. "Don't act like I'm offending you by finally saying this out loud. Maybe if you just talked to me my mind wouldn't be going where it is."

"I'm not cheating on you!" Catherine bites out. "For fucks sake, Sara."

"Then what's going on with you?" Sara pushes, challenging the other woman.

"I can't…" Catherine trails off, swallowing tightly against the situation, against what the best option here is. "I need you to trust me, Sara. Can't you find it within the years of our relationship to have enough trust in me to do that for me?"

While they've indeed had years of their relationship during which Catherine has never once betrayed or threatened that trust, never given Sara anything to doubt, the brunette has had many more years in relationships that did. Whether it be her family, her past loves, many of them instilled years of betrayals and lies, coloring her world against the best case scenarios and replacing it with the worst.

"I'm not sure I can," Sara admits, voice close to a whisper as her eyes finally lower.

Catherine's eyes close in hurt, her hand leaving Sara's shoulder immediately.

"Then I think we have bigger problems than we thought, Sara."

* * *

It's two days, two long days before they finally track down the driver in the hit and run. And, in all that time, Catherine and Sara have barely spoken. And, when they have, it's solely been case related.

Now, watching Brass cuff the suspect to remove him from the interrogation room, both women let out an exhausted breath as they gather up their files from the metal table.

"It's finally over," Catherine states tiredly, wishing she could already be at home and in their bed.

Sara nods, letting out just the barest hint of a relieved smile.

Moving to leave, Catherine gently catches her arm before she can. "Sara, can we talk?"

Sara's eyes close, knowing this was coming, knowing they can't keep avoiding this conversation. They mean too much to one another, their relationship and their friendship both too valuable to throw away like this.

"Yes," Sara agrees. "When?"

"Now?" Catherine questions. "We've essentially just worked a non stop triple, we're off the clock until next shift, whether we want to be or not."

"Where?" Sara agrees, knowing if they put this off any longer it makes it all the easier to avoid.

Catherine shrugs, gesturing to the table next to them.

"Seriously?" Sara questions, eyebrows raised.

Seeing Catherine is indeed serious, she eventually shrugs herself, figuring they might as well get this out before they get home. That way, maybe when they get home they can finally work towards getting back to the way things were between them. But, that's only if they can actually sort this all out.

Glancing up to make sure the cameras have already been shut off, Sara gestures towards the table as she steps out from under Catherine's hold.

"I'll take the naughty side," she states, folding her long frame into the chair along the suspect's side of the table.

Catherine smiles, snorting slightly at Sara's wording as she resumes her former place she sat while interrogating the suspect.

"How's the view from over there?" Catherine asks, recognizing how weird it feels to be staring at Sara sitting in the place where the most vile of suspects are typically sitting.

"Strange," Sara mirrors her own thoughts. "Very strange."

Getting serious, they both hesitate regarding where exactly to start.

"I promise you that nothing going on was anything bad," Catherine picks her words carefully when she finally voices them. "It was actually involving something I'd been planning to do. For you. For us. A surprise."

Sara's eyes narrow, trying not to feel like this is all too convenient of an excuse. Hiding things because she was planning a nice surprise for the two of them? What better excuse and alibi.

Letting out a breath, Sara rubs at her face, trying to wipe away her exhaustion, both physical and emotional, to give this conversation the fair chance it deserves. Not to mention giving the woman across from her that same chance as well.

"I don't trust people," Sara confesses into the metal room, seeing Catherine's confusion at the apparently random statement. "Friends, family, past relationships. I've had a lot of reasons not to trust people in the past. But you…" Sara steadies herself. "You became my safe space, Catherine. You've reached places in me I've never let anyone into before. When I felt that starting to slip away, that trust starting to falter, I panicked."

Sara lays her arms on the cold table, anxiously tapping at the hard metal ring welded there to secure the most violent of suspects.

"I began to wonder if it'd all just been a game to you, some sort of trick. That I'd let this person inside who was just going to hurt me like all the others. But, this person had reached places in me so deep that I'd be ripped apart if that was the case. I began to regret letting my guard down, letting you reach all those places. All my old defense mechanisms told me I'd been a fool, that I deserved what I was getting for being weak enough to let you in."

Catherine listens to the words, to the revelations that remind her that she's not in any ordinary relationship. That the way she's handled things in the past aren't going to work when it comes to Sara Sidle. Sara's been abused throughout her life, in more ways than one, and she should've known that the other woman would react to apparent deceptions much more strongly than other people may have. That her defenses are spring loaded and always ready to snap shut at any moment. Sara'd been so good about letting her in, about making progress in her trust of the other woman, that Catherine had over time forgotten those aspects of Sara's past that are always going to permeate through to their future.

"You've never given me reason to doubt you before, Catherine," Sara gets out into the silence. "I'm sorry my reaction was to accuse first and ask questions later."

"You asked plenty of questions," Catherine counters, not letting the other woman take the sole blame for this. "I was the one who kept avoiding them and pushing you away. I ignored what type of reaction that would cause for someone like you."

Sara stiffens at the wording, Catherine's hands immediately coming to place themselves atop hers at the sight.

"I don't mean that in a bad way, Sar," she clarifies. "I just mean that I should've realized the dangerous game I was playing with the trust we've so carefully built over the years. The trust that I know you don't give easily."

Catherine runs her thumbs along the other woman's skin, head shaking.

"Sometimes you're so good at moving beyond your past that I don't realize when I'm pushing you too far."

"I try not to let it affect me, or us," Sara says quietly. "You don't deserve to be lumped in with any of that. You're so far from those things, those people."

"But I played right in to your biggest fears," Catherine says supportively. "I get that now. And I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Sara admits. "You've more than earned the right for me to have given you the benefit of the doubt when you asked me to, Catherine. I'm sorry I didn't. You deserved better from me."

"Lessons learned, I guess," Catherine breathes out. "For both of us."

Sara nods, head lowering as she lets the feelings and emotions of the past weeks wash over her. The deep reactions they pulled up from within her, the reasons behind those reactions.

"I don't want to lose you," Sara confesses. "Not now, not ever."

"God, me neither, Sara," the older woman echoes. "I hope you know that. When I heard you say those words...'jeopardizing this relationship'...I wanted to die, Sara. That you'd think I'd ever cheat on you or do anything else to lose this. Lose you."

Sara nods, knowing in her heart she knew Catherine would never cheat on her, especially not with everything Catherine had been through with Eddie doing that very thing to her.

"I know," Sara breaths out, "I think somewhere I knew it the whole time."

Kissing the younger woman's knuckles, Catherine wants nothing more than to just hold the other woman close. To bridge the separation that's been between them this past month, erase it all to resume their former places in each other's lives. But, she also wants more than their former places. Has for a while.

Which, is the very thing that got them into this mess in the first place.

"I have something to show you."

Looking up at the words, Sara's eyes are curious. "What?"

"The thing I've been hiding," Catherine reveals. "I want to show you what it was. What it is."

Sara's eyes search hers. "You sure?" she poses. "You don't have to…I don't want you to feel pressured if you're not ready."

"I'm ready," Catherine cuts her off with a smile. "I've been ready. For a long time now."

Just getting more curious, and nervous for a whole other set of reasons, Sara eventually nods. "Okay."

* * *

When they pull into the lot of the observatory, Sara's curiosity is only piqued even further.

"All this time, you've been avoiding me to go stargazing?" Sara questions, a smile pulling at her lips.

"I've given my love to Jupiter, actually," Catherine shrugs. "Sorry you had to find out about the two of us this way."

Sara laughs, gazing up at the large dome spread out before them on the top of the desert cliff.

"Pretty sure they're closed, Cath," she states, noting the absence of cars in the space around them.

"Nope," she counters, showing Sara a key in her hand. "Not for us."

"Is this going to get me sent back to the naughty side of the table?" Sara questions with wary eyes, but at the same time debating whether she really cares when it comes to a place as amazing as this. "As I'm charged with breaking and entering?"

Poking Sara gently in the shoulder, Catherine makes her way to the door. "Just shush and follow me, weirdo."

As they enter, the place is indeed deserted, Sara's eyes taking in the plethora of computer lights glistening like their own interior stars in the darkness.

"This place is incredible," her wide eyes try to take everything in, only having read about this place in articles. And, countless articles she's indeed read. Always fascinated by astronomy, Sara'd enjoyed moving to the desert, a place where some of the best stargazing can be found. But, places like this observatory were at a whole other league, and she'd never dreamed of getting this close to it, let alone actually inside it.

"It is," Catherine agrees, having had the same exact thoughts the first time she stepped in here those months ago. "Luckily I have a friend on the inside."

"So we're not going to get arrested?" Sara asks, wide eyes not leaving the computer monitors in front of her. "Not that I mind, honestly. This would totally be worth it."

"Good to know," Catherine chuckles, "But no, getting a criminal record is not in the plans for either of us tonight."

Moving forward, Catherine turns on the large telescope, careful to follow her friend's instructions to the letter. He was doing her a huge favor even agreeing to this plan, and she's going to respect that.

"So this is what you were planning?" Sara asks, eyes finally glancing to Catherine. "The surprise you mentioned?"

"Sort of," Catherine smiles, expression still somewhat vague.

"Okay," Sara lets further questioning drop this time, eyes moving to the telescope that's coming to life. "This is incredible, Cath. I don't know how to thank you enough."

"Hmm," Catherine shrugs off the thanks, already moving to place her eyes into the viewer, then pressing some commands into the computer next to her. "Tell me something you want to see."

Sara's brows raise. "Seriously?"

"Seriously."

"Wow, okay," Sara hesitates, thinking. The nerd inside of her overwhelmed already at this experience, at this opportunity before her she's only dreamed about. "Well, in our hemisphere this time of year...we'd have visible…" calculating through the options in her mind, Sara smiles. "Saturn."

"Saturn it is," Catherine accepts, directing the computer as she'd been taught so that it can fulfill their request. Sure enough, the dome jerks to life, humming loudly as the large metal contraption starts to rotate, taking the telescope with it as it aims it towards a section of the sky previously behind them.

"Take a look," Catherine gestures when everything again goes quiet. Smiling, she watches Sara's hesitance. "You're not going to break it, honey."

"I just…" Sara breathes out, moving towards the viewer. "This is just…"

Words not adequate, Sara gives up, pacing her eyes into the viewer instead. The moment she sees it, she's in absolute awe.

Ever since she was a kid, the stars had been her escape, starting simply as the glow in the dark ones she hid under her bed, charging them with a flashlight and watching them glow as she hid under there to escape the hell around her. Then, in college, infinitely fascinated by the ways of the universe, the secrets it held and the treasures it revealed. As an adult, that passion never went away, using her physics degree to continue to learn as much as she could in her free time. Each revelation just as exciting as the first.

"This is insane," Sara gets out, not quite able to comprehend that she's seeing Saturn, always her favorite planet. Not in a picture, not in a model. In real life.

Pulling away, she's embarrassed by the moisture in her eyes, by how much this gesture and this moment means to her.

"Thank you, Catherine. This means so much more to me than you can ever know."

"Thought you might like it," Catherine smiles, moisture in her own eyes at seeing how moved her stoic lover is. Never the emotional one between the two of them, seeing Sara this touched reaches deep places within her own self. Leaning in, she places a gentle kiss along the taller woman's lips as she wraps an arm around her hips.

"I love you so much," she tells her.

"Same," Sara responds, returning the kiss and the sentiment. "You have no idea just how much."

When the tears threaten to fall, Catherine swallows, smiling as she gestures back to the computer with her free hand while she taps Sara playfully on her hip with the other. "Come on, you have a sky full of other things to explore. Where to next?"

Sara smiles, and the two of them spend the next two hours looking at all the treasures they can think of in the glittering universe above them.

As Sara steps back, eyes still alight with wonder, Catherine turns to type one final command into the computer. "Just one last thing I have for you to see."

Sara looks over, wondering how in the hell there could be anything else. But, before she can question it, Catherine's gesturing again to the viewer.

Raising a brow, Sara complies, looking through to see a field of stars spread out like glittering lights before her. It's beautiful, and she studies it with appreciation.

"You see it?" Catherine questions with a knowing smile.

"It's beautiful."

"Maybe you need some help finding exactly what I wanted you to see."

Sara pulls her face away, looking at Catherine curiously as she watches the blonde type into the computer.

"Try again."

Sara does as asked, placing her gaze back into the telescope. It's the same stars as before, making her furrow her brows in confusion at what's she's missing.

Then, before she can comment, slowly, some of the stars go out of focus, darkening as they all but disappear. It leaves a smaller field of stars visible, now standing out even brighter amongst the darkened background.

Then, she realizes the remaining starts can be formed into the shapes of letters. Quickly, her mind moves to connect the dots, filling in the gaps to figure out what exact letters they're spelling, and what words it makes.

Then, the moment she gets it, her heart slams to a near stop in her chest, her breath stolen.

 _WILL YOU MARRY ME SARA?_

Jerking her head back from the eyepiece, Sara's gaze jumps to Catherine's, eyes wide. Catherine's own eyes are filled with tears, expression nervous and searching.

"This is what you were doing, what you were planning in secret all this time…"

"Sara."

Lowering her eyes, Sara's breathing comes shallow. "I'm an idiot...such a fucking idiot…"

"Sara."

"I'm so sorry, Catherine…"

"Sara!"

Gaze shooting back up, Sara sees the nervous smile on Catherine's face. "We've already gone over all that, all's forgiven. On both sides. But, hon, please answer the question before I have an aneurysm?"

Sara's confusion reads in her expression, then she snaps out of it, cheeks blushing in embarrassment as she realizes she's never actually given an answer to the other woman's proposal. Stepping forward, she takes Catherine's face in her hands, then kisses her deeply.

"Does that answer your question?" she poses. But, just in case there's any ambiguity, knowing their communication with one another of late has been less than exemplary, Sara smiles. "Yes, Catherine. A thousand times over, the answer is yes."

"Good," the older woman lets out a nervous breath. "At least we were on the same page about this part."

Sara laughs, shaking her head at their idiocy the last few weeks. Well, mostly her own.

"I love you, Cath," the brunette offers, eyes taking one last circle of the room, of this perfect night. The perfect person she's sharing it with. "Forever isn't enough to spend with you," she concludes.

Smiling through misty eyes, Catherine puts her arms around Sara, holding her close as they look up through the opening in the dome to the stars above them.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


	20. Chapter 20

**AN: Hope you all are well, happy, and healthy. Something a little lighter to get us back into the swing of things.**

 **Take care and enjoy.**

* * *

 _Prompt: "I WOULD LIKE TO READ A STORY IN WHICH SARAH AND CATHERINE HATE each other. THEN AFTER one INCIDENT THEY PASS THROUGH AN INTIMATE AND SENSUAL SITUATION THEY Will found out THAT love each other. HATE WAS SEXUAL TENSION"_

 _Submitted by: Guest_

* * *

Prompt 20

Sara couldn't imagine a more awkward start to the day than this. In fact, she pinches her leg a few times to be sure this is really happening, and not some nightmare that she's trapped in. There's no other way this situation could be happening.

But, alas, the pinches succeed in nothing but a sore thigh.

"I'm sorry, you want me to what?" Sara questions, both eyebrows raised and face paling.

"I want you to step over here, and try to see if you could kiss Catherine."

Sara's wide eyes remain fixed on DB. Surely, this is a joke. A prank.

"For the sake of science, Sara," DB states, own eyebrows raising at Sara's lack of movement into the room, maintaining her defensive posture in the doorway ever since she got DB's page.

"Science, right," Sara mutters, eyes barely able to glance at Catherine, who looks more amused than anything.

The two of them have been fighting now for what feels like months. Their relationship has always been tumultuous, but recently it's hit new levels as Catherine's frustrations with her demotion and treatment at CSI mounted. Sara wasn't about to idly let Catherine take her anger out on her, so the two have been clashing tooth and nail about almost everything lately. Even now, Sara catches Catherine's smirk before the blonde turns away, the action giving Sara the final push into the room.

If Catherine's amused at Sara's discomfort, the brunette will do everything in her power to exude a confidence she doesn't feel. She's not going to let Catherine, or this situation, get to her.

"Sure," Sara forces out, moving up towards where Catherine is standing near a makeshift metal railing that's supposed to represent a multi story bridge rail atop one of Vegas's most scenic hiking trails overlooking the desert valley.

"Alright," DB snaps his fingers eagerly now that his experiment is finally going to take place, oblivious to the tension between the other two occupants of the room. "Catherine, you're the height of our vic, so hop on up on the railing."

Catherine does as asked, the amused smirk still on her lips as she now faces the room, thighs situated along the railing as she sits atop it.

"Good," DB moves closer, showing Sara where she needs to be. "Now, Sara, step up between Catherine's legs so you're facing her."

Sara's jaw tightens, but she refuses to let the other woman see her discomfort, moving to stand where DB is pointing.

"Closer, Sara," DB shakes his head. "You two were in a relationship, so act like it. Pretty sure Catherine doesn't have rabies."

"Hey," Catherine calls. "I most _definitely_ don't have rabies, or anything of the sort."

"Noted," DB laughs, watching as Sara takes a minute step closer, ending up near Catherine's outstretched knees.

With an exasperated sigh, DB pushes Sara even closer from behind until the younger woman is even with Catherine's thighs, standing near the railing between the older woman's legs.

"Alright, Sara," he steps away to get a new vantage point from beside them. "You're the height of our suspect, so I need you to lean forward as if you and Catherine are kissing, and see if it's possible that this was a consensual accident or if our honeymooning newlyweds perhaps weren't so happy in paradise."

Sara swallows tightly, not meeting Catherine's eyes as she leans up and forward, matching their heights when she reaches her tiptoes. She can feel Catherine's continued cocky smirking, and she refuses to let the older woman see her rattled. In fact, not only does she not want the other woman to see her rattled, she also wants nothing more than for Catherine's own confident smirk to be wiped from her face.

Reaching out, Sara braces her hands along Catherine's thighs, using the added leverage to lift herself even higher, her body now within mere inches of Catherine's.

Immediately, Catherine's smirk is gone, the other woman's expression faltering at the contact of Sara's hands, breath hitching. Now the one smirking, Sara chances a glance at the blonde, seeing just how much she's managed to throw Catherine off balance.

"I can reach," Sara gets out, voice somewhat low and strained, the tone seeming to only further discomfort Catherine. "Easily."

"Okay, good," DB states, thinking through the next moves in the suspect's story. "Catherine, I want you to fall backwards, reaching out to grab onto Sara for leverage and stop your fall."

When Catherine doesn't move, DB sends her a look, breaking the blonde from her spell.

"Uh, sure," she gets out, working like hell to get her earlier confidence back. "No problem."

Doing as asked, Catherine leans her weight backwards until she's about to slip off the railing, then reaching out and grabbing onto Sara's shoulders and back to stop her fall. Sara is immediately pulled forward by the added weight, hips slamming into the railing between Catherine's legs, their lower bodies flush with one another. Catherine's fall is halted, her grip tight on the other woman.

"I can stop my fall," Catherine states aloud, her left leg instinctively wrapping itself around Sara's backside, creating another point of support to keep her on the railing. DB notes the placement and positioning of their bodies, before finally asking them to go back to their original positions.

"Alright," he calls, oblivious to the way both women now refuse to look at the other, cheeks flushed and breathing tight. "Seemed pretty easy to prevent your fall. But, if you were pushed…"

Catherine nods through the haze in her mind, understanding what DB wants them to do. Sara resumes her original position between Catherine's legs, matching their heights.

"Ready?" Sara asks, wanting to be sure Catherine is ready for her shove so she doesn't hurt the other woman. As much as she's fantasized about that very thing during the worst of their arguments lately...

"Ready," Catherine confirms, appreciating the considerate heads up even though she hates admitting it.

Sara reaches out, pushing Catherine swiftly backwards by her shoulders, the blonde instinctively reaching out to the only part of Sara she can reach, nails scraping down Sara's forearms as she grasps desperately at them to stop her fall. Sara instinctively grabs at Catherine's wrists before the other woman can fall completely backwards to the ground.

Holding Catherine's weight in her grip, Sara pulls the other woman upright and back into a sitting position atop the railing.

DB has a thoughtful expression on his face as he moves towards them.

"Sara," he calls, "let me see your arms."

Sara's frozen, her hands still around Catherine's wrists as the two breathe heavily, not exactly sure why they're so out of breath. Cheeks again flushing with matching shades of pink, their eyes immediately break their intense gaze, looking at anything but each other.

Sara feels DB's hand on her shoulder, gently pulling her back and away from the older woman.

Sara immediately releases Catherine's wrists, clearing her tight throat as she remembers DB's request. Holding out her arms for inspection, she watches DB take in the red scratch marks that stand out against her pale skin.

DB grimaces slightly at the sight, giving an apology to his test subject before documenting the marks with his camera.

Sara doesn't comment, barely feeling the scratches as her brain is filled with what feels like thick cotton, her thoughts heavy and slow as she tries to make sense of everything she's feeling.

"One last time," DB requests when he finishes his pictures. "This time, Sara, I want you to let Catherine fall. Act like that's your intention."

Making sure the protective mats are still safely located on the floor behind Catherine, DB gives them the go ahead.

Taking a steadying breath, Sara moves to between Catherine's legs, feeling the other woman's breathing catch as her hips graze Catherine's thighs when she steps between them. Now averting her eyes for entirely different reasons, Sara leans up and towards Catherine, placing their bodies near where they would be if they were kissing.

Then, she shoves forward at Catherine's chest. Immediately, Catherine again grabs at Sara's forearms, the only part of Sara's body the falling woman can reach. But, this time, Sara pulls her arms up and back, and out of Catherine's tight grip. With nothing left as leverage, Catherine falls backwards off the railing into the padded mats below.

Moving around, DB helps Catherine up as he notes the positioning of her fall.

"Arms," he requests of Sara, lifting his camera as he documents the newest scratch marks, these ones much deeper than the others and angled vertically instead of horizontally due to Sara's pulling them out of Catherine's grip.

This time, Catherine's the one to apologize quietly when she notes the deep red maring Sara's skin.

"It's fine," Sara mumbles, not sure why she's still unable to look Catherine in the eye. But, it appears the other woman is having the same issue as her gaze is locked on Sara's arms rather than her face.

"Thanks for your help, Sara," DB offers when he finishes, again oblivious to the tension around him. "Sorry about your arms, be sure to put some disinfectant on them."

Sara nods, stepping back, needing personal space more than she's ever needed it before.

"Thought you said Catherine didn't have rabies," she raises a brow, trying to take deep breaths to steady herself and not appear as off kilter as she is.

DB laughs, but Sara is already retreating from the room, needing to get out of there and break the heavy tension pulling at her insides.

"I think we can conclusively say our vic was pushed from the bridge, this wasn't a romantic kiss accidentally gone wrong," she hears DB discuss with Catherine as the brunette quickly makes her way from the room and down the hall.

Turning a sharp left, Sara takes the first exit out of the lab and steps into the refreshingly cool night air.

Reaching into her back pocket, Sara pulls out her cigarettes and lighter, kept there more for comfort than actual use these past months as she's worked hard to cut back and ultimately quit, trying desperately to ignore the way her hands are trembling as she pulls one from the box and lights it.

"What the fuck…" Sara mutters out, eyes clenching shut as she takes in a deep breath of smoke, hoping desperately it calms her racing heart.

* * *

Shift is close to ending, and every minute that ticks by is driving Sara further and further into the grips of insanity. There's a low, deep tension humming through her, and she can't shake it no matter how many different ways she tries to distract herself. It's driving her crazy, her still shaking hands desperately trying to occupy themselves by working the evidence from her open cases, but each time her mind drags itself back to DB's experiment. And, each time, it steals more and more of her composure.

"I give up," Sara mutters to herself, quickly packaging up the evidence and storing it safely back on its shelf. This case, these victims, deserve more from her. They deserve her undivided attention, something which Sara seems incapable of giving right now.

Deciding she's worked enough overtime in her life to allow her this opportunity to leave early, Sara beelines for the locker room, ready to head home before the end of shift for the first time in her career.

Pushing through the heavy door, Sara immediately dumps her gun and badge into her locker, pulling her shirt over her head as she reaches in to grab a clean t-shirt free of the dirt and grime of the potential murder weapons she was dismantling earlier, planning to make a few stops on her way home to refocus herself.

As she turns around, however, fresh shirt in hand, she's met with a pair of blue eyes that have been the source of her distraction all shift. She closes her locker behind her, trying to steady herself and pretend that she isn't affected by the blonde's presence. But, her hands falter, taking her at least two attempts to reach behind her before she's able to close the metal door with a bang.

Catherine appears to be struggling with the same, eyes boring into Sara's as she stands there, breathing rapid.

Then, before either of them can make sense of it, Sara's back is pushed into the metal behind her, Catherine's lips finding hers.

The kiss is searing, aggressive, both of them trying to purge the tension that's been smoldering between them for hours. Never, in a million years, would Sara have predicted that the tension between them was _sexual_ tension, but as her and Catherine's mouths engage in a heated release of wills, she realizes it was.

Oh god, it was.

Sara's shoulders are shoved back harshly into the metal lockers with a loud bang, Catherine's body pushing itself flush with hers. Every point of contact, their hips, their chests, their lips, are set ablaze. Reaching forward, Sara's trembling hands wrap themselves in the material of Catherine's blouse, pulling them impossibly closer. Catherine's hands have a similar idea, but instead of finding clothing, they find Sara's bare torso, causing both women to gasp into the kiss at the contact of their bare skin.

Hands splaying themselves across Sara's bare abdomen, Catherine pushes hard, once again pinning Sara against her locker as she feels the younger woman start to try to reverse their positions.

"Not today, Sidle," Catherine breathes out into their kiss as they both take desperate breaths in, trying to stop the spinning in their heads.

The break doesn't last long, their fevered kiss resuming mere seconds later, but it was enough of a separation for both women's brains to slowly catch up to what's happening. How unexpectedly needed, necessary, and desperate it is. It's like the missing key to their relationship has been revealed, slammed into both their bodies and searing its way into their bones.

When they pull back, this time it lasts longer, breathing shaky as they take in desperate gasps, heads bowed together. "I've been wanting to do that all shift...ever since…"

"I know," Sara breathes out, and she does. "Me too."

"This is…" Catherine trails off, breathing slowing just enough to get the words out. "Unexpected."

Sara smiles at the understatement, nodding her head where her forehead rests against Catherine's.

Pulling back slightly a few moments and deep breaths later, Catherine's hands remain on Sara's torso, the sight of Sara without her shirt on threatening to send the blonde's lips crashing into the younger woman's all over again now that she has enough focus to take the sight in. Sara's fit, clearly in impeccable shape, Catherine's hands aching to run down the lean lines of her abdomen. Swallowing, Catherine forces her eyes away from Sara's body, moving them to the other woman's hazel gaze instead.

"Consider this an apology?" Catherine poses, breathing still shallow. "For scratching the shit out of your arms?"

Sara nods, knowing they both need to make sense of this moment, this feeling simmering between them. And, there's no easy way to define what's just happened. They both need an excuse, a stopgap until they can figure out what this means.

"Apology accepted," Sara breathes out, both of them aware that the excuse won't last forever. That eventually they'll need to figure out what this actually represents. And how to handle it.

But, for now, this excuse will work.

"I, uh, should…" Sara gestures to her t-shirt that's now splayed on the floor, a casualty of their activities.

"Right," Catherine clears her throat, finally stepping back and removing her hands from Sara's body. "Of course."

"Thanks," Sara mumbles, though if she's honest she misses the other woman's touch already. Shaking off the material and pulling it swiftly over her head, Sara hesitates as she pulls her keys from her pocket. "Uh, have a good night?"

Catherine nods, cheeks still flushed and breathing shallow.

"You too," she offers.

Sara hesitates, then finally moves away, putting some much needed space between them as she makes her way to the door.

She has no idea what the hell just transpired between them, all the ways it forever changes their dynamic. But, it's definitely better than their typical fighting, Sara thinks to herself with a small smile as she heads towards her car.

Infinitely better.

THE END

* * *

 **AN: Thanks for reading.**


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